“Well, if a man deserves to die, he ought to die,” Ben answered. “Out here it’s still each man for himself, and landowners are kind of masters of their domain. You do what you have to do to protect your own.”
Chris nodded, swallowing the ham.
“There is still a great need for one thing out here,” Clara spoke up. “It’s just as important as having law and order.”
Chris glanced at her. “What’s that?”
“Teachers,” she answered, a look of wise suggestion in her eyes. “More people to come here and educate our children so we don’t have to send them far away for such things.”
Ben waved her off, and Chris glanced at Callie, looking slightly irritated. Clara had made it apparent that Callie had told her Chris once taught school.
“Mother, you put too much emphasis on education,” Ben was telling his wife. “Our sons can read and write and know enough arithmetic to figure how many cattle we have and how much we should get for them. Only reason you sent Susan off to that school in Denver is so she can learn how to dress fancy and do things she’ll never need to know out here.”
“I want her to have a good life, maybe meet and marry someone in Denver and live real nice,” Clara answered. “And I think the boys should have a better education, regular schooling. And so should their children. Whether we like it or not, the whole West will slowly get more and more populated and settled, and the time will come when our grandchildren will need a good education to understand how to manage their ranches and do their banking and such. Isn’t that right, Mr. Mercy?”
Chris leaned back in his chair with a sigh. “Yes, ma’am, I don’t doubt you’re right.”
“Well, you think about that. Educated men like you could do wonders making the West more civilized. Surely you don’t intend to spend the rest of your life hunting killers. It’s a waste of a good mind. Someday you’ll have to settle and go back to what you’re meant to do. That’s my advice, son, for what it’s worth.”
Chris grinned patiently. “Well, ma’am, I thank you, but right now I’m not ready for a settled life. I had that once, and I lost it.”
“Mother, you’ve got to stop puttin’ your nose in where it don’t belong,” Ben told Clara. He shook his head. “Women. Always wantin’ things like schools and churches and all that.”
Chris just smiled obligingly, but Callie knew damn well Clara was right, and that Chris knew she was right. A man like him could be of great benefit out here.
Ben changed the subject back to horses, and Callie could tell Chris was relieved. They finished eating, and Ben invited Chris outside for a smoke. The men walked out, but Chris took a minute to finish his coffee, then excused himself from the table, thanking Clara for the good breakfast.
“Callie cooked some of it herself,” the woman answered. “She’s a right good cook, that girl.” She smiled and winked, then turned away to clean up some pans. Chris turned to Callie before going out.
“We have to talk,” he told her.
“Yes, sir, we sure do,” she answered.
“Come on outside after you help Mrs. Bailey clean up.”
Callie nodded, her heart pounding. What the heck was he going to tell her? She couldn’t tell if he was still angry with her for coming out to the barn last night or not. He was so damned unpredictable.
She helped with the dishes while Clara babbled on about making jelly and how much she enjoyed her twice-a-year trips to Medicine Bow.
“Only chance I get to wear a nice hat and see what the latest fashions are,” she told Callie. “My, I sure would like to see you all gussied up. You sure would make one pretty bit of temptation for Mr. Mercy.”
Callie wondered what she would think if she knew Chris had already seen her naked. “I don’t know,” she answered. “Do you really think I’m pretty?”
Clara glanced at her and chuckled. “My goodness, girl, don’t you own a mirror? You’re as pretty as a daisy wakin’ up to greet the sun. And don’t you think your Mr. Mercy doesn’t know it.”
Callie put away the last plate. “He’s not my Mr. Mercy,” she answered. “He might never be.”
“Well, you have to think more positive than that, child. Go on out there and find him now. I heard him say he wanted to talk to you.”
Callie removed the apron Clara had given her to wear, then straightened herself and took a deep breath, walking to the screen door to see Chris standing at the corral fence, looking over some horses. She wished her heart wouldn’t pound so hard that it almost hurt.
Chris glanced back when the screen door slammed as Callie came out onto the porch. Callie saw him light a cigarette. Was he nervous too? He remained turned away and said nothing at first when she reached him. She climbed up onto the fence railing, facing the inside of the corral. Instead of meeting her gaze, Chris braced his arms on the top railing and watched the horses as he spoke.
“If we buy two horses from this bunch, which ones would you pick?” he asked her.
Callie watched the horses for a few quiet seconds. “Maybe that there buckskin with the black mane and tail and black feet. He looks strong and proud.” Like you, she thought. She watched them a moment longer. “And the paint. She’s kind of small, but she looks spirited.”
He smoked quietly for a moment. “Like you?” he commented.
She smiled, not quite sure if she should take that as a compliment or not. “If you think so.”
He inhaled, releasing the smoke as he spoke. “Well, for someone so small, you do pack quite a punch. No one would argue that you’re spirited.”
“I didn’t mean to set a bruise on you. I just meant to let you know I’m not like that Lisa woman.”
He grinned and chuckled softly. “Lord forbid I should think that.”
Callie felt a little better but still wasn’t sure what to expect from him. “You mad at me?”
He shook his head. “No.” He still had not faced her.
“Does it hurt?”
“The bruise?”
“What the heck else do you think I’m talking about?”
He chuckled again. “Never mind.”
Callie took a deep breath for courage. “Did you mean everything you said last night?”
He studied the cigarette he held between his fingers for several tense seconds. “You’re the one who told me your pa said whiskey makes a man speak the truth.”
Callie wanted to jump down from the fence and hug him. She fought an urge to cry from sheer joy, but she warned herself to choose her words carefully. “Well then, what do we do now?”
He turned around, this time leaning backward against the fence and looking toward the house. He still had not met her gaze. He smoked for a few more quiet seconds, then stepped out the cigarette.
“We’ll be leaving here tomorrow with a crew of men who are taking cattle down to Medicine Bow, so we don’t have to worry about traveling alone together.”
Callie swung around so she’d face the same direction as he. “Why is that a worry?”
He rubbed his eyes, then ran a hand through his thick hair. “You know damn well why. What’s been going on is most likely the result of two lonely people who don’t really know what the hell they want, and traveling together makes you begin to depend on each other and have feelings you can’t really be sure of. We can’t act on those feelings until this thing is over and we get back to a normal life.”
Callie’s joy began to dwindle. “It just so happens I am sure of my feelings. If you’re doubting yours, it’s because you don’t want to admit to them. You’re just scared to love again, Chris Mercy, and I can’t really blame you for that. And if you really aren’t sure how you feel, you just ask yourself if, when this is over, you’ll be able to drop me off in Rawlins and ride out of my life, never to see me again. Maybe you think I’m too young, but I’m not. I know one girl only fifteen years old who married a forty-year-old man, and they’re happy as lovebirds. Got two kids now. So I don’t want to hear age as an excuse. And I know I�
�m uneducated, but you said yourself that I’m smart, so you could teach me anything you think I should know. And if you want to know the truth, that last kiss you gave me last night…the nice one…it made my toes curl. So there. No sense beating around the bush about any of it. I’ve laid it flat-out, and I’m not ashamed to admit that if you’d been nicer to me last night and not so mean…well then…might be we’d have been out in that barn all night. I just won’t tolerate meanness.”
Chris burst into a solid chuckle and walked a few feet away, putting his hands on his hips and shaking his head, laughing some more before finally turning to face her. “I’ve never known a woman who could speak her mind the way you do,” he told her, still grinning the handsome grin that woke the woman in her.
He walked closer then, bracing both hands against the railing on either side of her and looking up at her, his grin fading as he spoke. “Callie Hobbs, you are beautiful and sweet and innocent, and a prize catch for any man, and that’s why I don’t intend to touch you again until I know, down deep in my guts, that I’m ready to let go of the hellfire that rages down inside me, the memories that make me drink like I did last night and do stupid things like I did last night. I called you out here to apologize for that, and to ask you not to force the issue of you and me. We have three more men to find and bring in…or kill…whichever way it happens. Until then, that hellfire is going to keep burning. After that…” He sighed. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I even have a right to be happy again.” He turned around, leaning against the fence again. “I’ll never forgive myself for being gone that night. If I had been there, I might have been able to stop it.”
“And I’ll never forgive myself for staying in that wood box,” Callie told him. “Some things in life just…are…and there’s no trying to figure it out, and no going back. You just have to accept them and tell yourself God had some kind of plan for those He took from us…and that He has plans for us too. Maybe He’s the one who brought you to Rawlins so I could hire you…and so we’d come to love each other…on account of maybe each of us is what the other one needs. Does that make sense?”
He nodded slowly. “Some.”
Callie climbed down from the fence. “Then you think on it.” She faced him, looking up into his blue eyes. “I won’t embarrass myself or you by carrying on like some lovestruck cow the next few weeks. I’ll try to give you room to think, Chris Mercy, so’s if and when you know what it is you really want, you can tell me in your own good time. If you decide to go your own way when we get back to Rawlins, it’ll hurt like somebody pulling my belly right out of me bare-handed, but I’ll just watch you go.” She couldn’t stop the tears that filled her eyes then. “Because I love you enough to let you go.”
She turned away and walked toward the house, refusing to break down and cry in front of him. She could only pray she’d said the right things. Maybe he expected her to throw herself at him and beg him to never leave her. Damned if she’d make a fool of herself like that. She’d said her piece, and that was that. And she’d gone out to that barn last night of her own accord. The next move was up to Chris Mercy.
Chapter Thirty-three
Chris wondered just how long he could keep the promise to himself not to touch Callie Hobbs until after finding those last three men. He could not forget the feel of her breasts, the fetching innocence of her kiss, the smell of her hair, the firm roundness of her bottom. Every part of him wanted her. He hadn’t ached this way for a woman since…
Val had also been an innocent, so beautiful, so trusting. It was that realization that always brought his temptation to claim Callie for himself to a grinding halt. Val had trusted him, and in his mind he’d failed that trust. His little Patty had trusted her daddy, but he wasn’t there for her when she needed him most.
What if he failed Callie that way? He’d have to turn his pistol on himself if that happened. He’d been tempted more than once after burying Val and Patty. How many times had he gotten drunk those first few months? How many times had he stuck the barrel of a handgun into his mouth, or pressed it against his temple? But always something had stopped him…that little tiny thread of hope that lingered down deep inside…the hope that somehow, something would happen to make him want to live again.
Maybe that something was Callie Hobbs. For some reason, that scared him, let alone the fact that he felt guilty for daring to believe he could be happy again while Val and Patty lay in their graves. They were the ones who deserved to live and be happy, not him. And if he let himself love Callie, he just might end up destroying another innocent life.
He was glad as hell for the fact that they now traveled to Medicine Bow with seven men and Ben Bailey himself. That made it easier not to think about Callie, and it prevented him from doing things he’d promised her and himself he wouldn’t do until this was over.
They’d been on the trail nearly five weeks now. The days were spent herding cattle and eating dust, and they were long days that left a man too weary at night to think romantic thoughts.
Tonight it was Callie who’d offered to take a turn keeping the cattle calm after dark. He lay on his bedroll, listening to her sweet voice as she sang softly, the most common way to assure steers that everything was all right. For some reason, soft singing by the cowboys at night kept cattle from spooking.
Damn her. That was part of what he loved about her. The kid was so able at things most women either didn’t know a thing about or felt they were too feminine or too “proper” to take part in. For the past week, Callie Hobbs had shown she could manage cattle as well as any cowhand. She could cook over an open fire, sleep on the hard ground without complaining, and wasn’t too bad with a firearm. She was brave and cocky, and he smiled every time he thought about the way she had of speaking her mind. She was honest and good-hearted, a good cook and damn pretty. He wanted to own every part of her, kiss every part of her, taste every part of her, claim every part of her.
Over and over again he argued with himself how wrong that would be. He couldn’t trust his own emotions yet, and she was right about one thing—they couldn’t be more different as far as background and education. Those things didn’t really have to matter though. He doubted he would ever go back to where he came from and live that life again. He was attached to this land, no matter what he decided to do with his life; and Callie was this land, different, exciting, rugged, bold, daring, tough, challenging—none of the things he once thought he’d want or love about a woman. And there was still a soft side to her, just waiting to be taught how to please a man…and he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else doing the teaching.
Damned if he wouldn’t have to give in to his need of her just to be able to get a decent night’s sleep. He could see that his promise to stay away from her as much as possible until they found Terrence Stowers and the other two men was not going to be easy to keep. After an hour or so of staring at the stars, he finally felt truly sleepy. He closed his eyes, listening to the peaceful sound of cattle lowing and the stirring sound of Callie singing. He thought how nice and cool the night had become, a northeast wind relieving the men from the day’s blazing heat. He worried a little about Callie. The heat had been hard on all of them, and now she had to stay awake half the night…
All thoughts left him as he allowed weariness to take over, but sometime later he was jarred awake by a crack of thunder. He had no idea how long he’d dozed when he awoke to mass confusion…more thunder…a rumbling sound.
He bolted upright, grabbing his six-gun from its holster, which he’d left lying beside him. A lightning bolt split the sky, and the earth literally shook with another boom of thunder, that sound mixed with the rumble of stampeding cattle. At the same time, the sky opened up with a torrent of rain.
Callie!
“Stampede!” someone yelled.
Now everyone was up and heading for the area where their horses were tethered. There was no time to saddle up. Chris joined the other men in jumping onto the bare backs of the first horses
they could grab that still had bridles on them. The sky lit up with lightning again, and Chris could see the cattle were thundering off to his right. He and the other men rode after them, firing guns and shouting, trying to slow the stampede and doing what they could to keep some of the cattle together. The pouring rain and vibrating thunder made the job even more difficult, and thoughts of Callie lying somewhere under the deathly crush of cattle hooves ripped through Chris’s heart.
“Callie!” he shouted.
He heard a scream and headed in that direction, yelling Callie’s name again at the top of his lungs. The sky lit up again, and he spotted the paint Callie had been riding that night, one of the horses they’d bought from Ben. Just then the horse slipped in mud created instantly by the downpour. Chris saw it go down, and Callie fell off with a scream. He charged his horse to the site as part of the herd thundered closer. Callie was desperately trying to get her foot out from under her horse, who lay kicking in the mud.
Chris jumped down from his own horse and grabbed Callie under the arms, kicking at the calico mare until he was able to yank Callie’s foot out from under it. By then there was no time to run, and his own horse had bolted away. Without hesitation, he shot the calico in the head to stop its kicking, then shoved Callie down against the horse’s belly and threw himself on top of her.
“We’re gonna die!” Callie screamed.
“Just stay down,” Chris yelled in her ear as he hovered over her. “The horse might protect us. They’ll jump over it!”
He covered her as best he could as the terrifying sound of thundering hooves almost instantly beat the earth all around them. Chris grunted when a hoof crashed into his back.
“Chris! Oh, God!”
“Stay still!” Chris ordered, pressing closer against the calico’s belly and literally pressing Callie farther into the mud. Another hoof slammed into his right calf, and he dug his fingers into Callie’s shoulder.
Finally the thundering vanished into the distance, and they lay there together in the mud, more rain soaking both of them. Chris clung tightly to Callie for a moment, almost afraid to move for fear he’d discover something was broken. When he finally relaxed a little, he moved his leg to discover it was sore as hell, but as far as he could tell, it was intact. He rose slightly on his elbows, wincing with the pain in his lower back, glad the clobbering hoof had landed on the right side and not on the wound in his left side. He looked down at Callie, noticing when lightning glared again that her hair was wet and stuck to her freckled face. She was looking up at him, her big brown eyes full of questions and terror.
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