She leaned her head against his arm. “I don’t want to do it that quick anyway. I want it to be nice. And I want what we have to do next to be over and done with.” She frowned. “Do you realize you’ve never even seen me done up nice and wearing a pretty dress?”
He grinned, patting the hand she rested on his arm. “When this is over, I want you to buy the prettiest dress in town for getting married in. In fact, I want you to buy a whole new wardrobe.”
“I don’t want you to spend too much money.”
He grinned. “Money is not an issue. Don’t worry about it. In fact, I’ve figured out what we’re going to do when we settle in Rawlins.”
Callie turned in her seat to face him. “What?”
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “We’ll sell your ranch, and I intend to build you the biggest, prettiest house in Rawlins. Then I will build a school and start teaching.”
“You will? Chris, that’s wonderful! But it will take more than what I’d get from that run-down farm to do all that.”
He squeezed her hand, laughing lightly. “Callie, I have money, more than enough, so quit worrying about it.”
“Well, I’m used to worrying about money.”
“And now you can stop. And by the way, there is something else I want to do before we do any of that. Once we’re married, I want to take you to Illinois to meet my family.”
She gasped. “You do? Oh, Chris, I’d be so nervous! What if they don’t like me?”
“They can’t help but like you.”
“But I won’t know how to act around people like that.”
“What kind of people do you think they are?”
Callie waited while a conductor came by to take their tickets. The train whistle blew, and she heard the hiss of steam being released from the huge locomotive pulling them.
“They’re rich,” she finished.
He rested his head against the back of the seat. “Not that rich.”
“Rich is rich, and it’s something I’ve never been.”
“Well, when you marry me, you’ll be rich then, so you won’t be any different from them.”
“Christian Mercy, you know what I mean!”
He squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry about it. I will have married you. That certainly makes you good enough for my family, who, I might add, are just like me. They don’t look down on people, so relax. And let me finish what I was telling you.”
“Yes, sir. What else is there?”
He sobered, giving her no reply right away. Then he let go of her hand and took a cigarette from his vest pocket, along with a match. He struck the match and lit the cigarette, throwing the match out the window. He leaned back and smoked quietly as the train got under way.
Callie looked out the window as they left the station, again feeling sad at leaving Medicine Bow…and that hotel room where she’d found so much happiness. She turned to Chris then, concerned at his change of mood. “What’s wrong, Chris?”
“There is one last thing I want to do after we visit my family. We’ll make a honeymoon out of the whole trip, by the way, stop in Chicago. We’ll go on a shopping spree for furniture for the house and clothes for you. And I’ll show you around the city, take you to fine restaurants, the theater. You’ll see a lot of things you’ve never seen before. I can’t wait to watch how you react, hear what you have to say. I have no doubt you will keep me laughing through the whole trip.”
“Well, I hope I do keep you laughing. I love your laugh, and I’m glad I’ve been able to make you happy again.”
Chris turned to face her. “There’s something more though, Callie.”
There came that look again, the one of deep tragedy.
“I want to take you to New England…to Val’s and Patty’s graves,” he finished.
Callie lost her own smile. “Oh, my! Do you think you should go there?”
“I have to. I’ve never been back since they were buried. I owe it to them. And it will be like…I don’t know…introducing you to them…a way of telling them I’m okay.” His eyes misted. “A last good-bye, I guess. Leaving the past, coming back here with you to start a new future, something like that.”
She kissed his cheek. “If you’re sure you need to do it. Actually, I think it would be good for me too. Help me understand you even better.”
He put the cigarette between his lips and leaned down to open the carpetbag, fishing for something inside. He retrieved a lacy-looking metal picture frame. “When we were packing this bag for our overnight stays, I stuck this in it. I’ve never gone anywhere without it.” He handed her the picture, and Callie drew in her breath when she looked at it. There, in a fading, brownish-hued photograph, was a handsome family…Chris, wearing a very expensive-looking suit…a woman sitting beside him, dressed in the finest dress Callie had ever seen…and the prettiest little girl…
“Oh, Chris,” she said softly. “Your wife…she’s beautiful! And your little girl…” The hair on the child in the picture was a mass of blond curls, and joy shone in her eyes. Her smile showed two deep dimples. The picture radiated a happy family. To imagine finding the woman and child in the picture raped and beaten and murdered…no wonder Chris had gone on a rampage of hunting down murderers and rapists. “Dear Lord,” she muttered.
Chris drew deeply on his cigarette. “Yeah. I guess I should have shown that to you sooner.”
“I’ve never seen a prettier woman, or child.” Tears came to Callie’s eyes. “It isn’t fair what happened to them.”
He sighed, quickly wiping at his own eyes. “Yeah, well, a lot of things in life aren’t fair. It isn’t fair what happened to your mother either.” He took the picture, rubbing a thumb over it gently before putting it back. “I’d like to keep it on a mantel in the house we build if you don’t mind.”
“Of course I don’t mind.”
“Well, we’ll have pictures taken of us too, and our children.”
She smiled through tears. “I hope I can give you a whole bunch of kids,” she answered. “I certainly won’t mind the trying.”
He smiled through tears, wiping his eyes once more. “See what I mean about you? You have a way of lifting me out of sorrow, Callie Hobbs.” He leaned over and kissed her lightly. “I swear, with one remark you could pull me right out of the pits of hell if you had to.” He leaned back again. “And I agree. The trying is the best part.”
Callie felt a surge of desire, wondering how she was going to stand not being able to make love for the next two or three days while they traveled. She rested her head on his shoulder again, noticing that in the seat ahead of them on the left side of the aisle, little Amanda peeked around the edge of her seat, smiling at Chris again. Chris smiled and winked, and she giggled and ducked back. Then she peeked around again, this time waving. Chris waved back, and she broke into another giggle.
“Amanda!” Callie heard the girl’s mother scold. “Sit still and quit bothering people.”
“She’s no bother, ma’am,” Chris said. “If she gets to be a handful, she can come sit with us awhile. I had a little girl of my own once. I know how full of energy they can be.”
The little girl peeked around again. “Where is your little girl, mister?”
Callie glanced at Chris, who reached across her to put out his cigarette in an ashtray built into the side of the train car.
“Is she with you?” Amanda asked.
Chris cleared his throat. “No, honey, she’s not. She went to heaven to become an angel.”
“An angel?” The child’s eyes widened, and her mother looked back over her seat then, embarrassment on her face.
“I’m so sorry. She doesn’t know any better.”
“It’s all right,” Chris told her. “It’s a natural question.”
“Can I be an angel, Mommy?” the girl asked.
“You are already an angel,” her mother answered. “Some angels live here on earth, and others live in heaven.”
“Oh.” Amanda turned to look at Ch
ris again. “What’s your little girl’s name?”
“Patty.”
Callie knew this had to be painful for Chris, but he continued to oblige the little girl’s curiosity.
“Do you get to see her sometimes?”
Chris closed his eyes and sighed. “I see her in a picture. You want to see it?”
The girl whirled around. “Can I, Mommy?”
The woman looked back at Chris again. “I’m really sorry for this. My daughter fears no one, loves everybody, and is always asking questions.”
Chris pushed his hat back a little. “I really don’t mind. I miss my own daughter. She can come back here for a minute if it’s all right with you.”
The woman sighed. “All right, I guess.” She leaned down to the child. “You be a good girl, and don’t be bothering those nice people too much.”
“I won’t!” Amanda jumped up and hurried over to Chris, nearly falling when the train car lurched sideways. Chris caught her, and the child giggled again when he whisked her up onto his lap. He leaned over to get the picture out of the carpetbag, and the little girl kissed his cheek.
“Well!” Chris exclaimed. “What a nice treat!”
The little girl laughed. “You’re a nice man, and you’re silly.”
“I’m silly? Why do you say that?”
She just giggled more. “I don’t know. You’re just silly, silly, silly!”
“And you are a little clown,” Chris answered, tickling her belly. She screamed and laughed again, then Chris held up the picture for her. “There. That’s my little girl.”
The child took on a serious look, puckering her lips as she studied the picture. “Is that lady her mommy?”
“Yes, she is.”
“Is she an angel too?”
“She is. She went to heaven to be with our little girl.”
“Why don’t you go there?”
Chris laughed lightly. “Well, honey, when God is ready for me to go, then I’ll go. Until then, I can’t get in.”
“Oh. I hope you get to go someday.”
“Well, so do I.”
Amanda turned to Callie. “And you too. Then you can all see each other again. I’ll go there too, and I’ll call you silly.” She smiled, showing a row of tiny white teeth and deep dimples.
Chris laughed lightly, touching one of her blond curls. “You want to ride here on my lap for a while?”
“Can I?”
“If your mother doesn’t mind.”
She jumped down to go ask her mother, then ran back to climb onto his lap. “Mommy says it’s okay as long as I’m good.”
“Well, now, I can’t believe you’ve ever been bad,” Chris answered. “And your mommy is right. You are a little angel.”
The child giggled again and gave Chris another kiss on the cheek. Callie’s heart ached for him, and already it was easy to see what a great father he’d be…and surely once was.
After the train rumbled along the tracks for about an hour, the rocking of the car caused little Amanda to fall asleep, curled up against Chris’s chest. Chris leaned his head back and closed his eyes, and Callie gently took the picture he still held in his hand and placed it back in the bag. When she looked back at Chris, a tear slipped out of one of his closed eyes. She laid her head on his arm and took hold of his hand. He gripped hers tightly.
Chapter Thirty-seven
Callie wanted to suggest that she and Chris just get off the train in Rawlins and stay there; but Christian Mercy was on a mission. She knew without asking that holding little Amanda on his lap that first couple of hours only made Chris more determined. He’d sat stroking the child’s soft little cheek while she slept; and when Amanda woke up and went to sit with her mother again, Chris just sat with his head back and his eyes closed, hardly speaking.
Mother and child rose to disembark at Bitter Creek, and Amanda ran back to Chris first to give him a kiss good-bye. Chris held her an extra few seconds, telling her to be a good girl. She turned to wave and smile again before getting off with her mother. Chris stayed inside while Callie left the train to use a privy behind the station. When she returned, she found Chris sitting with his head in his hands.
“You okay?”
“Sure,” he answered, getting up to let her sit down. “I’m going to go check on the horses.”
Callie saw the agony in his eyes when he looked at her, and she ached to do something to take away the painful memories. She realized all she could do was love him, and maybe be the bright star in the dark recesses of his mind.
Once the train was under way again, they stayed on it all the way to Salt Lake City, riding through the night and into the next day. Callie’s legs ached when they finally got off to stay in Salt Lake City the second night. Horses and supplies were unloaded and put up for the night at the depot, and the train went on without them. They would catch yet another train the following day for Green River, and then they would begin their ride to Hanksville.
The thought brought a sick feeling to Callie’s stomach, and she decided to make the best of this one night of comfort she would enjoy with Chris before things got rough and dangerous again. Chris at least made that part easy, ordering a carriage to take them to the loveliest hotel Callie had ever seen. Their room was large and carpeted, the window tall and dressed with velvet curtains, “just a hint” of the kind of places where they would stay in Chicago, Chris told her. He ordered a bathtub be brought up and filled for Callie, then grabbed some clothes from their carpetbag and left without explanation, telling her to relax and bathe and just wait for him.
Curiosity consumed Callie, but she did as she was told, and sliding into hot, soapy water never felt so good. She washed her hair, and caressed her body with sweet-smelling soap, eager to share her newfound womanliness all over again with Chris. The thought of where they were going suddenly made lovemaking something more important than just desire and sexual fulfillment. Tonight it would be mating of the souls, after his sharing that picture with her, and knowing the dangers they would soon risk.
She toweled herself off and splashed on some lilac water, then pulled on her robe and ran a comb through her tangled hair until it hung smooth and wet. The hot air would dry it soon enough.
She walked to the window to watch and wait. So far Salt Lake City was the biggest town she’d ever visited, and by the pale light of dusk she watched carriages and wagons move up and down the bricked street. She’d heard stories about this place. Everyone had certainly been friendly enough, and supposedly Mormon men took several wives.
“That’s sure not for me,” she murmured, just then spotting a man in a black hat herding four women and several children across the street. “I’m not sharing Christian Mercy with any woman! He ever tries anything like that, I’ll give him and her both what for, and drag my husband home by the ear!”
She decided that her handsome future husband would take some watching. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him. It was other women she didn’t trust. And if some of the fancy women back East who maybe knew him pretty good ever tried flirting with him, she’d clobber them, even if that wasn’t good etiquette! Considering Chris had slept with that Lisa woman, and probably with others like her…and since Mormon men proved that some men just weren’t happy with just one woman…
Lordy, Chris would never do something like that, would he? He loved her dearly. He’d told her so. But where the heck was he? She waited and watched for nearly an hour. Dusk was falling when she finally spotted him stepping across the street carrying a basket as well as a large package wrapped in brown paper. She could see that he had changed clothes. She smiled with relief that he was finally returning, and with a package! Was it something for her? She hurried to the door and waited, flinging it open when he knocked.
“Where did you go?” she asked. “I was getting worried.”
He grinned, walking over to the bed and telling her to close the door. “I picked up some food so we could eat right here. Now we don’t have to leave the room fo
r the rest of the night.” He set the basket on a nightstand and threw the package on the bed.
“Oh, Chris, what a good idea!” Callie hurried over to the bed. “What else did you bring?” She looked him over, clean-shaven, wearing a new blue shirt that matched his eyes, his hair trimmed. He wore a new cowhide vest over the shirt as well. “You look wonderful!”
He leaned over and kissed her. “And you look and smell wonderful.” He began unwrapping the package. “I bought you a couple of dresses to wear home after this is over, and new lace-up boots. Have you ever worn shoes or boots with a higher heel?”
“No!” Callie lifted the dresses. “Chris, they’re beautiful! I feel like it’s Christmas!” She stood up and held one in front of her. “Chris, it’s a Dolly Varden dress!”
He laughed. “There, see? You do know fashion.”
“Not really, but the few times I’d go to town I would look through a catalogue at our only clothing store and just dream. It’s kind of like a Polonaise dress, but prettier. Oh, my gosh!”
She ran to look at the dress in a full-length mirror attached to a stand near the room’s dresser. “How did you know what size to get?”
“I’ve seen you naked, remember? I had a pretty good idea. But you still should try them on to be sure before we leave here. It isn’t easy finding such small sizes.”
Callie blushed, holding out the chintz skirt and imagining herself wearing it. It was a beautiful mint-green color, the bodice and overskirt made of white silk, with the same mint-green color in the bordering ruffle and velvet appliquéd flowers that decorated the bodice, which was short in front and gathered into a cluster of ruffles at the back.
“Chris, you have such good taste!”
He smiled rather sadly then. “I had a good teacher. My wife was the one with good taste. She loved the best and wore the best, but there wasn’t an uppity bone in her body. Val was a very generous and loving person.”
Callie lost her smile, thinking how she couldn’t compare to the woman she’d seen in the picture. “I guess I have a lot to learn about how to dress and all.”
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