by KB Winters
He released the man and pushed him toward the door. “If I see you again, in Glitz or Vegas or Mayhem, that paper cut will be the least of your worries. Got me?”
The guy stood tall, one hand to his neck to stem the bleeding, eyes wide with fear and disgust.
“You fucking people are crazy!” With a shake of his head, the asshole stumbled out of the bathroom, and slowly, my shoulders relaxed, and my heartrate returned to normal.
Jasper’s deep green eyes landed on me, examining me closely with a frown on his beautiful face. “You all right?”
All right wasn’t a phrase I could wrap my head around at the moment, so I nodded and slammed my eyes shut, feeling like that scared little girl all over again. I didn’t want to see pity in Jasper’s eyes. I never wanted him to look at me and see that scared and weak little girl, too afraid to fight back against the monsters.
“Yeah.” Slowly my eyes opened and settled on the emotions written all over his face.
“Say it, Mo. Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re all right,” he insisted, his voice filled with anger. The gold flecks in his green eyes sparkled with intensity, and I couldn’t look away, not from this moment when it looked like Jasper gave a shit about me. Fear and anger mingled like the green and gold, and for just a second, I let myself believe the lie. The myth. The fairytale that one day Jasper would be mine.
“Mo,” he barked loud enough that his voice echoed in the empty bathroom.
His outburst startled a gasp out of me, and I put a hand to my chest to stop my racing heart, still on high alert again even though this was Jasper.
“I’m fine, okay?” I was so far from fine that instead of soaking up his attention, I brushed past him and into a stall, where I emptied what little there was left in my stomach. Again. “Just fucking fine.”
Chapter Nine
Jasper
Standing outside of my hospital, I sucked in a lungful of crisp, unseasonably cool, desert air. It was midday and cloudy, the perfect fucking scene for this day. Sadie was inside, still in the ICU, eyes still closed, mouth still silent.
I wasn’t a man given over to his emotions, but goddammit, this was my mother. It was Sadie, the strongest, bravest person I knew. She wasn’t just my mother; she was my mentor.
And she was still in a goddamn coma.
I stamped out the cigarette I’d smoked down to the filter even though I hated the fucking things. Then I pulled out the leather and brass studded flask that Mo had given me as a joke gift last Christmas and took a long fucking drink before going inside. The antiseptic smell of this fucking place didn’t make any of this easier, but one foot in front of the other, down the hall and into the elevator, out of the elevator and to the right, and I was at the doorway to Sadie’s room.
No change.
Kat sat on one side of the bed, one hand on top of Sadie’s as she stared at Virgil on the other side of the bed. Tears swam in Kat’s eyes, but she was tough and never let them fall.
The automatic sliding door hissed as it opened, drawing attention away from Sadie and over to me. Virgil looked over his shoulder and nodded before his gaze went back to Sadie’s still form. So many thoughts and emotions swam in his eyes, but Virgil was the strong, silent type. Emphasis on silent.
“Nice of you to stop by, big brother.” Kat’s snarling welcome pissed me off. She had no idea what the fuck I had on my plate, namely the whole Ashby Organization, and it was none of her fucking business.
I took a step inside the room and waited until the door slid shut behind me. “I don’t have time for your shit, Kat.”
She stood and folded her arms, blue eyes staring daggers at me. “There’s a lot you don’t seem to have time for, especially now that you’re forced to take charge of everything without Ma’s help.”
Kat’s brows arched upward, her lips tipped into a sneering smile, the same expression she wore as a kid when she managed to get away with everything.
“Yeah, Kat, this is exactly how I wanted to finally control everything. With Sadie in a fucking coma. Go back to work and actually earn your salary for once.”
She winced as if my words were fists, gasping in shock at my words.
“Fuck you, Jas. You may be in charge, but we both know that without me, you’d have no place to clean all that cash.” Kat put a hand to her chest and looked at Virgil and then back to me. “Unless, I’m sorry, did Lucky Lopez suddenly become a business pulling in hundreds of millions a year?”
She rolled her eyes and let out a huff of disgust.
“You think you can do a better fucking job, Kat? Be my guest. You wouldn’t last one fucking day in my shoes, guaran-fucking-teed.”
Everyone thought it was so easy to be the head of the snake, but along with the benefit of making all the decisions came the risk, not just to myself but to every employee and family member.
“Just stick to what you do best and leave the real work to me.”
She sucked in another breath, blue eyes blazing with fire. Before she could come at me again with that viper tongue of hers, I moved up close to her face, sick of everyone getting on my ass.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m busting my ass for this family, for all of you, and all I get is grief. What more do you want?”
Her eyes blazing, she spat back at me. “How about finding the fucks who did this to Ma instead of shitting all over the rest of us. Or drinking yourself into a coma day in or day out.”
I growled, “Oh, you think I have an attitude problem, sugarplum? You with that acid tongue of yours? Or Cal, who can’t get his head out of his ass to pay attention to any of us? There isn’t one of you pulling the load I have since Ma’s been in the hospital.”
With one final shake of her head and a kiss for Sadie, she snarled, “Fuck you, Jasper. Asshole.” And walked out of the room, leaving just me and Virgil.
“Real smooth,” Virgil laughed and shook his head.
I shrugged. “Fuck her. She was out of line, and I’m sick of her shit. You think I don’t want to be here, checking on Sadie every damn day? I do, but somebody has to make sure the machine keeps churning.”
Virgil stood and wandered to the other side of the room, just staring out the window for a minute, nodding thoughtfully.
Kat was the master of spouting her mouth off and then playing the victim when her feelings were hurt. If anyone outside the family hurt her, I would make them hurt ten times worse, but it was my job as her older brother, her boss, to toughen her up.
My thoughts ran along that line for a long minute and then I had a picture of our family. How we were before Sadie’s shooting and how we were now.
Yeah, we were a contentious bunch, but not like now. These days I worried we were coming apart at the seams. Without Sadie at the helm, we might not hold it together. Instead of uniting in our grief and our fear, we were eating each other alive. These fucks had better get it together, I said to myself, meaning my family. I needed a shot of Velvet Fire to cool down my own fever pitch of anxiety, but then I caught Virgil giving me an all-knowing look.
“Kat was out of line, but she also isn’t wrong. You know, no one would think you were anything but the ruthless asshole your reputation indicates if you were also nice to your super smart kid sister.”
I rolled my shoulders in disgust. “I would if she didn’t always act like such a pain in the ass. What does she want me to do, manufacture Sadie’s shooter out of thin air?” Was he on Kat’s side now?
“Forget Kat for now. We need to talk about our Beck problem.”
Virgil turned at my words, brows raised. “Did you try to pay her off?”
“Of course. She turned me down. Easily.”
A ghost of a smile played around his lips, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. “Have you considered increasing the amount? She lives in a hovel back East and a shitty hotel here in town. That bitch definitely has a number.”
I growled at his smiling face, “I’m not done trying.” That got his attention. “B
ut I thought she would be easier to buy off.” If shit wasn’t so serious, I might actually admire her integrity.
Virgil stroked his chin. “Bitch has to have a number.”
“She does. The question becomes, is her number going to be worth the payoff, or would it be cheaper to bury her in the desert.”
Virgil’s broad shoulders squared, and he stood a little taller, damn near giddy at the idea of getting rid of Agent Beck.
I was thinking the same thing, unfortunately, and shook my head.
“We have to try everything else before we put that option on the table. The heat hasn’t faded over Bonnie and Mueller or those goddamn priests.”
Beck’s evidence might be unusable, but that didn’t mean she was ready to give up.
“You could always try to dick her down to get a price cut to get rid of her.” He laughed, the sound rich and deep, at odds with the somber tone of our surroundings. “If you even have the game to pull it off.”
I thought of the heat in Addison’s eyes when we were at the bar, the way she leaned in, so damn close to throwing caution to the wind. I grinned at Virgil.
“Don’t worry about me, little brother. I got the game.”
“But you don’t know if your dick is good enough to get the job done?” Virgil shrugged and laughed. “Maybe give her the worst fuck of her life, and she’ll run away free of charge?” He chuckled. “Just make sure you get video evidence.”
“I’m not going to be on camera fucking anybody.” I flipped off my brother and turned my focus to Sadie, lying in bed like a fucking corpse.
“I wish she would just fucking wake up,” I growled, angry and worried as hell.
Virgil nodded. “Sleep is the best way to heal, or so Maisie keeps telling me.” He laid a hand on top of Sadie’s and gave it a small pat. “She’s the toughest person I ever met, and I know some mean sons of bitches. She’s gonna pull through. She has to.”
“I know she will,” I told him and pulled out my flask. “In the meantime, we all need to step up. Take care of the business she dedicated her life to, and when she finally wakes up, we won’t all get our asses kicked to kingdom come.”
Virgil shook off my offer of a drink. “Doesn’t mean you’ll get your ass kicked to kingdom come. You are the boss, after all.”
I took a swig.. “I may be in charge, but we all have our roles to play in this family, like it or not.”
“The roles aren’t the problem, Jas. It’s you.”
My brows dipped into a frown. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that the last thing anyone needs right now is you acting like the kid put in charge while the parents are at dinner. Act like the leader you want everyone to see.”
Virgil stared at me for a long time, studying me, assessing me. There was no judgment in his gaze, just facts as he saw them. “It’s just a suggestion, Jas, don’t go getting all pissed. I know seeing her like this is toughest on you, but remember we didn’t shoot her.”
“I know that.”
Virgil nodded. “Then act like it.” He dropped a kiss on Sadie’s forehead and left us alone. I inched my chair closer to Sadie and held her hand.
“It’s just you and me, kid. Remember you said those words to me the day after Colm died. And even though there was still Virgil and Kat and Cal to worry about, it felt like it was just you and me. We were a team, and we’re still a team, at least, we will be if you wake the fuck up.”
I wasn’t sure if I believed the doctors and nurses who said she could hear me, but since I couldn’t shake her the fuck awake, I kept talking to her. “You’ll be happy to know you were right about Lucky Lopez. The place is always packed, and other than you getting shot and a few catfights, there’s been no drama.”
I sat there for hours on Saturday afternoon, just chatting with Sadie. It wasn’t something we ever did before, but right now, it felt right.
“Everything is taken care of, and I promise you, I’ll protect everything you’ve built up over the years with my life if I have to.”
She went through too much for me and everyone else to let it all fall apart while she was healing.
“All I need you to do, hell, all any of us needs you to do, is get better and wake up. I can do it without you, Sadie, you taught me well enough that I’m confident I can do it without you. But, goddammit, I don’t want to.”
She was my mother, sure, but she was also my favorite sparring partner. “Who else will drink too much with me while we discuss business? Who else is gonna piss me off just for shits and giggles?”
As Maisie was fond of saying, fighting was our love language.
I didn’t know what the fuck that meant, but it sounded right to me.
“If you don’t wake up in the next week, I’m turning Lucky Lopez into a country and western bar with live music.”
I laughed to myself, thinking of all the fights we’d had during the planning stage for Bullets & Beer. “I’m not talking about hipsters buying thirty-dollar cocktails either. I’m talking hay on the floor mixed with peanut shells and line dancing. Fucking line dancing, Sadie.”
I held her hand in mine for a long time, willing her to wake up before I pressed a kiss to the back of her hand and left the hospital.
There was still work to be done. And a shooter to find and make him regret the day his sorry ass was born.
Chapter Ten
Mo
“Am I dying? I’m totally fucking dying.” The words came out rough and creaky. My throat was dry, and my head was spinning like someone stuck me in the dryer while I was sleeping. I felt like shit. Every little move, even blinking, had me fighting the urge to puke.
“This is how it ends,” I told myself in a slightly overly dramatic fashion.
Seriously, I felt like death warmed over, so sick to my stomach that I was stuck lying in my own sweat, which was fucking gross. My left arm shot out and patted the empty side of the bed for my phone. When I found it, my hand wrapped around it, and I commanded my arm to move as slowly as humanly possible until it was straight over my head. A quick swipe of my thumb revealed that my shift started in about two hours.
Or my shift would have started in two hours if I was well enough to make it to Midnight Mass today. Which I wasn’t. That meant I needed to call Jasper to let him know I wouldn’t be coming in today. He was the last person I wanted to talk to, not only because he always had a way of changing my mind when I tried to take a day off work, but the last time I saw him, he was flirting with Addison fucking Beck.
“Big girl panties, Mo.”
My eyes closed, and I nodded. If I wanted the day off, I had to call Jasper. He was my boss, not my friend or my lover. At best, he was an associate, and I owed him the courtesy of calling in sick with enough time for him to replace me.
He already replaced you, the snarky bitch inside my head told me all too happily. An image of Jasper cozying up to Addison Beck at Lucky Lopez flashed before my eyes.
Whatever. I willed my body to sit up, and when it did, the triumph I felt was a little over the top. My legs shook as I made my way to the bathroom, to the toilet where I’d spent too much of the past few days and once more emptied my already empty stomach. But the cool blue tile floor felt good against my overheated skin, so damn cool that I curled up beside the toilet and dozed off.
My phone buzzing in the bedroom pulled me from what only turned out to be a ten-minute nap, and I hauled myself off the floor with a grunt and staggered back to my bed. It was time to call Jasper.
“You can do this, Mo. You’ve done a hell of a lot more than making a simple call.”
With that thought, I saw Jasper’s scowling face and listened with anticipation as the phone rang and rang. And rang.
“Hello,” I managed to grunt when I hit the answer icon.
“What is it, Mo?”
I sighed and rolled my eyes because I knew he couldn’t see me. “I can’t come in today. Not feeling well.”
The line was silent for
a solid minute before Jasper’s deep voice sounded. “What’s wrong?”
“I told you, I’m not feeling well.”
“What the fuck does that mean, Maureen? Did one of your johns get rough with you? Do I need to crush someone’s skull?”
My lips curled into a reluctant smile at his words, gruff but caring. That was pretty much Jasper in a nutshell, and I hated that his words had the ability to affect me so much.
“Thank you, but no. I’m literally not feeling well. Sick.”
“Did you drink too much last night, or are you just looking for time off?”
I rolled my eyes. “Did I drink too much while I was working? In an Ashby company. I don’t think so. I’m sick to my stomach, Jasper, I’ve been puking and shitting all day if you want all the dirty details.”
“I don’t,” he growled. “What time are you coming in today?”
“I’m not.”
“Then I guess I’ll have to look for your replacement.” His gravelly voice didn’t scare me because this was the game we always played when I needed a day or two off work.
Today though, I wasn’t in the mood. “You do what you have to do, Jasper, but I’m not coming in today. You and Midnight Mass will be just fine without me.”
I ended the call before I said more on topics that were best left unsaid.
I knew Jasper cared about his businesses, all of them, hell he even cared about me in his own way, but when I was sick like this, his ruthlessness, his aloofness, only seemed like dickish behavior.
The things love will let you ignore.
With my entire day free, I curled up on the sofa with sparkling water, lemon, and salted potato chips, just in case the stomach sickness thought of returning. For hours I remained on my super plush sofa, under a blanket, sleeping on and off. As long as I didn’t move, I felt great. Wonderful.
The sun slowly sank behind the horizon, bathing my space in streaks of orange and pink before drenching it in perfect darkness. Other than a few trips to the bathroom, I stayed stock still on the sofa, listening to episode after episode of some cooking competition. It wasn’t how I would have normally wasted a day off work, especially a Saturday, but my body was in charge today, and I was just her bitch.
