by KB Winters
Cal went over to the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, not the fresh bottle of Velvet Fire, and dropped down in the nearest seat.
“Because, dear brother, my mother killed my wife, leaving me a widow and a single father, and I’m fucking coping. Is that all right with you, or are you the only fucking person in this family allowed to drink from sunup to sundown?”
“This isn’t about me, Cal. I’m doing what the fuck I’m supposed to do. This is about Sadie and how the Ashby Organization will change if she doesn’t pull through. Is that something you give a fuck about? If not, get gone. Now.”
I pointed toward the door because I was tired of his shit. He could leave right now, and I wouldn’t give a fuck. If Sadie woke up, she would bring him back into the fold. If not, then there would be one less member of the family. Two less if you counted Ava Rose.
Cal smacked the table as hard as he could, fury turning his skin red.
“She killed my fucking wife! Why should I give a shit what happens to her?”
“Because she’s your goddamn mother!” Terry’s words came out on a roar that reverberated around the room. He glared hard at Cal. “She’s the reason we’re all here. The reason we all have what we have.” He shook his head. “Grow the fuck up, man.”
“Fuck you, Terry.” Cal was at the brave stage of drunkenness, with his chest puffed out and shoulders broad like a peacock. “You don’t know the half of it.”
Terry smirked and shook his head, dismissing Cal’s words.
But Virgil sat up tall and leaned in. “If we don’t know, tell us, Cal. Tell us what you know.”
Cal shook his head, taking another long pull of the whiskey bottle. “You don’t want to know. Not really.”
“And I thought Kat had a flair for the dramatic.” I shook my head, knowing Cal was enjoying this little bit of theater, his moment in the spotlight. “Just fucking tell us what you think you know.”
Cal kept on shaking his fucking head like some shitty little school kid who had a bit of grown-up gossip to share.
“Open your goddamn mouth and speak, Cal!”
“I did it!” His words echoed in the now silent room; his chest heaved as each breath rushed out of him.
“I fucking did it! I shot her. My own fucking mother. I wanted to kill her!”
Instead of tears to match the anguish etched on Cal’s face, bittersweet laughter spilled out of him, more bitter than sweet.
“Yeah, that’s right,” he sneered. “It was me. Poor little nerdy Calvin Ashby sitting behind his little rat wheel, only good when you need someone smart—which you aren’t!”
I was on my feet in an instant, gun in my hand, aimed right at my baby brother. I didn’t give a fuck. All I saw was red as the words spilled from his mouth, naming him as Sadie’s would-be murderer.
“I’ll fucking kill you myself.”
Virgil beat me to the punch as he barreled toward Cal, armed with nothing but the muscles and skills he’d honed over the decades, the fury he’d built up.
“You did what?” Virgil pulled his arm back and let it snap forward like it was tethered to a fucking band. Landing a hit square on Cal’s nose.
“You fucking shot her?” Another hit in the same exact place, like a robot doing what he was programmed to do.
“How could you,” Virgil roared and hit him again. “She’s our fucking mother!”
Calvin fucking laughed. No, that sound was no fucking laugh. It was a keening howl, a fucked blend of laughter and tears.
“She killed Bonnie. I loved her. I brought her back from the brink of fucking death, and Sadie killed her. What if it was Maisie?”
Cal laughed again, the sound resonating deep as it bounced off the walls. “Yeah, that’s right. Imagine it was Maisie’s head with a bullet hole right through it. Imagine those big blue eyes, dead and vacant, having to identify her pale, lifeless face, no longer full of color and laughter.”
Virgil punched him again, splitting Cal’s lip open while the crazy fuck laughed and laughed. “Don’t talk about Maisie, and don’t change the fucking subject. You tried to kill my mother.”
He flashed a bitter smile. “She’s my mother too,” he said with a drunken sneer. “The same mother who let you get fucked by grown men,” he said, slurring. He looked at me too. “Yeah, you too, Jas. I know all about it.”
Something inside of me snapped, and it wasn’t just because Calvin had tried to kill Sadie. It was the arrogant fucking sneer on his face as he taunted me with his supposed knowledge, the way he reveled in throwing it in my face and Virgil’s.
“You motherfucker!”
I pressed the barrel of my gun against the forehead of my baby brother, the one I held in my arms and promised to protect the day Sadie brought him home from the hospital.
“You have no fucking clue what the rest of us have been through, Sadie included.”
“I know she let it happen.”
I pressed the gun harder to his forehead, leaving Cal trapped between the wall and my gun.
“You don’t know shit because we all protected you. We shielded you from the horrors of growing up in this fucking house. She didn’t let shit happen. She was as much a victim of Colm’s greed and ineptitude and cruelty as the rest of us.”
I shook my head and released the safety, pressing the gun a little harder into his forehead.
“Bullshit. You’re so blinded by your loyalty; you have no clue.”
Virgil stood tall and wide beside me, growling angrily. “You’re the clueless one, little brother. He pimped us out to perverts to pay off his debts, and each time Ma tried to say something or worse, do something, he beat the fuck out of her.”
“Yeah, well, she wasn’t the only one. While you two were out, who got fists to the chest and the stomach for not being manly enough? Who was constantly beat and berated and told he was a pansy-ass little boy? Me. Not you or Sadie, or you Virgil.”
“You think that makes you special? Fuck that,” I roared and raised the gun just above his head, bringing it down on Cal’s cheek.
He smiled as blood poured down his face, not bothering to wipe it as he struggled to stand.
“Maybe not, but I have a right to my fucking anger. Just because you two are willing to sit by and lick her boots, no matter how much hell she put you through, I’m not. I wasn’t.”
Cal had lost some of his steam which was too bad for him because I was still mad.
Mad as fuck. “She avenged us, you asshole.”
Cal stood and stared me right in the face as if we were on equal fucking footing and produced his own gun, matted silver, and pressed it to my temple. “I don’t give a shit. You deal with your trauma, however the fuck you want, and I’ll do the same, big brother.”
I glanced at Terry, who stood just behind Virgil, ready to do whatever he thought I needed. I said to Virgil, “Does this motherfucker actually have a gun to my head?”
Outrage and disbelief were more prominent in my mind than actual fear. “This fucking pussy who only picked up a gun to shoot our fucking mother thinks he can shoot me?”
Before Cal could respond, I turned quickly and landed an uppercut just under his chin, sending his head snapping back and buckling his legs. The gun tumbled to the ground. “Next time you do something that fucking stupid, be prepared to pull the trigger.”
Cal smiled and stood, that wild, crazed look back on his face, turning his green eyes an odd shade of pale jade. “I pulled it once. I can do it again.”
I felt a smile cross my face, but there was no amusement or joy behind it. Instead, it was the kind of smile that came when you were about to brawl.
“Except I’m not some little old lady. You want to shoot me, Calvin, you’ll have to look me in the eyes. Not hide away like a fucking pussy.”
My knuckles landed on the open split already on his cheek.
Cal stumbled, but he recovered quickly. “Ask and ye shall receive, Jasper.” He took a step forward and twisted his upper body to land a jab s
traight to my chest before he landed another on my side.
“You want to fight, Calvin?” I laughed. “Guess all we needed for your balls to drop was to kill your crackhead wife.”
That pissed him off good. Fury, or maybe it was rage, exploded within Cal, and he barreled forward, landing two jabs to my side, a hook to the jaw, and then the chest. When he advanced on the cross, I ducked and sent two quick hits to his midsection. “You piece of shit!”
“From the asshole who shot his mother all because he couldn’t control his bitch.”
I spit out the words, angry as fuck every time I had to say them.
“That’s right. Let’s talk about the truth, little brother.”
I stepped forward and went in for a combo, two jabs to the nose and a cross to the jaw.
“You tried to kill Sadie to ease your own fucking guilt. You saw how Bonnie was acting, suspicious and shady as fuck. A new mother leaving at all hours of the night. A real man would have at least suspected she was getting dicked down by another man. A man in our line of work, well, he would have followed her and done something about it, but you didn’t do any of that, did you, Cal?”
“Fuck. You.”
I hit his nose two more times until I heard the crack of a bone breaking, maybe shattering in pieces.
“Don’t try to be a man now. The time for that has come and gone. It won’t save Bonnie now, and it sure as shit won’t save you.”
Cal crouched down low and ran at me until his shoulder landed in my stomach and sent me flying to the floor. He sat tall on top of me and wailed on me with his fists. Hand after hand landed on my sides until I bucked him off me and climbed on top of him.
I smiled down at Cal’s busted and bloody face. “Family is family, asshole.”
My fists rained down wherever they fell, face, chin, jaw, chest, stomach, it didn’t matter to me. I didn’t give a fuck in that moment that this was my little brother, the one Virgil and I protected from the worst shit humanity had to offer. “We don’t turn our backs on family.” Another crushing blow to the jaw. “We sure as shit don’t try to kill family.” Another hit to his nose.
“Son of a bitch!”
Blood rushed down either side of his face, and Cal tried to sit up because I was sure he couldn’t breathe.
“Stop.”
I should have stopped. Hell, I told myself to stop, but I couldn’t. My eyes didn’t see my brother with the same eyes, damn near the same face as me. All I could see was rage. Blind rage that it was Cal, my own fucking kin, responsible for the stress and the hell of the past few months, the enhanced security for family and employees. All of it. And it was his fucking fault.
My fists had a mind of their fucking own, refusing to stop until I felt hands on me, tugging at my shoulders and my shirt, pulling me until my fists could no longer touch Cal anywhere.
“Let me the fuck go!”
Virgil got between me and Cal, so I knew it was Terry’s arms that yanked me to my feet and spun me around.
“Man, I know you’re pissed, rightfully so, but you can’t kill him.”
“Yeah?” I spit blood from my mouth. “Just watch me.”
I wrestled away from Terry and turned back to Cal to find Virgil a barrier between us. “Move,” I barked at Virgil.
“No. I want to beat the fuck out of him too, Jasper.” Virgil turned to look at Cal. “More than any fucking thing right now.”
Terry’s hand landed on my shoulder, and he stood beside me, the way he always had. Good or bad or ugly as fuck, Terry had been at my side for all of it since before we had hair on our nuts.
“He’s your dumb as fuck kid brother, and he did a fucked-up thing that’ll he will have to pay for, but above all else, he’s your goddamn brother.”
My shoulders fell, the last of my steam gone at Terry’s words. I couldn’t kill my brother for trying to kill my mother. That was some fucked up Shakespearean type of shit. We were Ashbys, Irish and angry and drunk and deadly, but not Shakespearean.
“Fine,” I growled and shrugged Terry’s arm off me. “He’s right,” I told Cal, fire still burning up inside of me. “You owe Terry your fucking life, and I never, ever want you to forget that shit.”
Cal nodded but stayed silent
“But I want you to think about one thing. Think about how you’ll feel if Sadie doesn’t wake up again.”
His eyes flashed with surprise. “She woke up?”
He didn’t deserve an answer, and even if he did, no updates would come from me. Not for him.
“How will you feel if you accomplish your goal and Sadie dies. Is that what Ava Rose deserves? Is that what Kat and Maisie and the kids they’ll have deserve?”
“She’s not gonna fuckin’ die,” Virgil growled, his beefy hands curled into fists.
Cal dropped his head. “She’s not going to die.” He whispered those words to himself over and over again, like a mantra, maybe a fucking prayer he thought could save his life if she did die.
“Sit the fuck down. Everybody,” I growled. It was too goddamn early in the morning for this shit.
Twenty minutes later, we all sat around the large table as it began to fill up with scrambled eggs, toast and croissants, bacon, and even fruit. The staff said nothing about Cal’s bloody face, my swollen knuckles, or the state of the dining room when they arrived with breakfast.
“Thank you,” I told them. “That will be all.”
I waited until the dining room was empty except for my brothers and me. The door shut behind the main housekeeper, and we all piled our plates with food, glasses full of orange juice for some and whiskey for others.
“All right, now that shit is all done, are we all ready to talk like fucking adults? There are too many goddamn secrets in this family for too goddamn long. It’s time to lay it all out so we can move forward as a cohesive fucking unit.”
“Sure,” Cal growled and shoved three strips of bacon in his mouth.
“You remember the beatings? Remember me and Virgil sending you to your room and telling you those games worked better with headphones?”
He nodded and let out a long sigh. “Yeah. I thought you guys were just trying to have fun without me.”
“That’s what we wanted you to think,” Virgil growled.
“But I was too curious, and I snuck up to the door, so I heard some of the fights, but I was too young to understand.” His eyes took on a faraway look as if he was searching his memory for details his kid brain hadn’t understood or was unable to process. Cal had plenty of book smarts, but we crippled him by not letting him earn some street smarts.
It was a choice Virgil and I made together, still kids ourselves, but we knew enough about the world to keep Calvin safe.
“By the time you were old enough to start playing sports or other activities, Colm was fat and happy. His debts were paid, thanks to us, so he wasn’t angry as often. The beatings slowed.”
Cal shook his head. “But they didn’t stop.”
“I know you’re angry, Cal, but we tried to keep you safe. I didn’t know about the beatings, but I should have.” I should have known that a bully like Colm wouldn’t just be satisfied to be rolling in dough, debts paid, and more power in the underworld than he deserved.
“You should have told me.”
“We didn’t fucking tell each other,” Virgil boomed. “We just decided, without fucking talking about it, that you needed to be protected. We found that fucking computer club and dug into the teacher with the squeaky clean record and encouraged you to do that instead of sports.”
“You had no right,” he insisted weakly.
“We didn’t,” I agreed. “But we were kids too, Cal. We did what we thought was best to protect you. Be pissed off all you want, but it’s done. You don’t have the nightmares or the anger. You got to be as normal as it’s possible to be in this life, so you’re fucking welcome.”
Cal opened his mouth to speak, and I held up a hand to stop him.
“I’m not done, godd
ammit. All of this with Agent Beck and the priest murders? Sadie did that for us, you dumb fuck.”
“What?” Virgil barked in shock.
“Seriously?” Cal asked with an exhausted sigh. “Shit.” He dropped his head in shame. “I had no idea, Jas.” He looked around the table and apologized to each of us. “I’m sorry.”
I nodded my acceptance of his apology. “We were all impacted by our childhood in different ways, Calvin. We are who we are now because of that shitty ass, warped childhood. But make no mistake, we came through it alive because of Sadie.”
Cal shook his head. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. I don’t belong. I never have.”
“Bullshit,” Terry grunted.
“Terry’s right. I’m smart, even though Colm refused to let me go to college. It made me ruthless and full of vengeance. Virgil is a silent assassin, ruthless as fuck, with no problem taking a life. Just like Terry.” I sighed, thinking of how lucky we all were that Sadie was around to guide our particular talents.
“And you, Cal, you’re emotional and nerdy and scary fucking smart. You think you don’t belong, but you do. You’ve done plenty to secure your spot in this beautiful, fucked up family of ours.”
Cal flashed a bittersweet smile and shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I know I’m not worthy.”
Virgil smacked the table, making everything on top rattle. “Then work like hell to become worthy, goddammit. When Sadie wakes up, you better be right there at her side, kissing her ass twenty-four-seven. If you don’t, there will be hell to pay, and Terry won’t always be around to save you.”
Cal nodded and refilled his glass with whiskey. Damn, how much could this guy drink? “I already scrubbed all the footage of me from the night of the shooting, every second of it from the moment I left the house until I returned.”
I wanted to be mad—again—but it was what I would have told him to do. “Then we need a body. Someone to blame for the shooting.”
Virgil stood with a wicked smile on his face and cracked his neck and shoulders. Then his knuckles. “You still have any pieces of the asshole who went after Mo?”
