by KB Winters
I crept to the door and looked out into the hallway, left and then right, to make sure there’d be no intruders for the next few minutes. I closed the door and set up my bag full of luxury skin care products on the rolling table beside the bed. I took a seat and got busy getting Sadie fixed up so she—at the very least—looked like herself.
After a quick cleansing and two-step moisturizing, I settled into a chair close enough to allow me to lean over and pamper her face. I talked while I worked.
“Sorry I didn’t come sooner, or more often, but I couldn’t, ya know? Seeing you like this is hard. Probably not as hard as it’s been for you, but I couldn’t do it.” I let out a sigh and smiled at the way the makeup put some color back in her skin. “You’re like a mother to me, Sadie. You showed me how to be strong, and I should have been here more often. But I’ve also been helping out at Lucky Lopez to make sure your eye candy is trained properly.”
I added a pop of blush pink color to her lips that almost gave the illusion that she was merely asleep, taking a quick break from being a badass for a nap.
If only that’s all this was.
“I know you never want to hear stuff like this, but you haven’t woken up yet, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. Thank you, Sadie Ashby. Thank you for saving me, for helping me find myself and my strength. Thank you for teaching me that I was worth so much more than I ever realized.”
Sadie hadn’t just saved me from that would-be rapist that night so long ago, she’d given me purpose. A real job that took advantage of my bubbly personality and a second job that allowed me to live like a boss bitch. She taught me all about designer brands and fashion, and how to work what I was blessed with to get paid.
The life I had, it was nothing like the lives of Kat or Maisie, but my life was amazing. No, it was more than amazing; it was exceptional. I loved the way I lived, and I owed all of it to the woman who lay here unmoving, her hair now shiny and curled the way she liked it.
“The only thing missing is Chanel.”
It was strange to see Sadie without her trademark Chanel suits, but somehow the woman radiated what Chanel meant. A strong but feminine woman who could do exactly what the men did, only she did it better.
So petite in her designer wardrobe, she now showed signs of being the woman I admired more than any woman in the world, the woman who commanded an army of men who did her bidding. Big, bad, tough guys who would take a bullet for her without being asked, including Jasper.
Especially Jasper. For all his coldness, hardness, his ruthlessness, he was still a guy who loved his mother and would do anything to protect her.
Jasper was a walking contradiction that way. He was a bad boy to the bone, but he was also a decent man. Looking after employees and business interests on both sides of the law required a certain level of steel and ice in his veins, an unflappable demeanor, and a merciless nature that told the world that he didn’t take shit from anyone. It made him hard-hearted, but he wasn’t a man incapable of love. No, Jasper was a man who didn’t want love, not in the traditional sense anyway.
But he would be a good father if that was what he wanted, what he chose to do with this baby. Our baby. And if fatherhood was something he wanted to be part of, I was fine with that.
I wanted more for my child, and I would do whatever I could to make sure he or she had more. Had better.
“What a mess I’ve gotten myself into, Sadie.” I continued to talk while I painted her nails, a deep burgundy shade that I always thought so at odds with her love of light, feminine colors. “You always told me to be careful with my heart, and it feels like it was the one piece of advice I didn’t pay attention to but should have.”
I didn’t know if Sadie had any idea how I felt about Jasper, and I wouldn’t be the one to tell her, but I needed to talk to someone, and the coma made her the best listener.
“I should have been more careful, should have guarded my heart against him as much as I did everyone else.”
I didn’t let people in, didn’t let anyone get close. I had what I would call a friendly acquaintanceship with Kat and Maisie and even Madison, but I didn’t have anyone I considered a friend. I shot the shit with Hulu and Terry and even the Ashby men, but whatever I once thought we were, I knew better now.
“I should have been stronger.”
Now that I was about to be a mother, I had to be even stronger. I wouldn’t struggle, that much was true—at least not financially. But I barely remember my own mother, and I didn’t know shit about being maternal and nurturing. I would have to learn like most women did, on the job. With the resources at my disposal, I knew I’d crush being a mother the same way I’d crushed waitressing and hooking. It was all about learning what the customer—the baby in this case—needed and anticipating those needs before shit got too crazy.
Sounds easy enough, right?
I sat back and admired my handiwork for a moment, smiling as I realized just how far I’d come in this world and how much I owed to the woman in front of me. I was just a kid in cut-off jeans and a halter top, and now I was a woman who knew the difference between real silk and discount silk blends. I had an eye for the finer things, and most important of all, I could afford them.
“Thank you, Sadie.” The words came out, unbidden, and a few tears accompanied them.
With one of her delicate hands sandwiched between mine, I gave Sadie a squeeze.
“I hope you know that I think you are the coolest, toughest woman alive, Sadie Ashby. I hope they find the asshole who did this to you and make him pay with his life. I know they will.” It was only a matter of time before they found him and made sure no one else ever would try something like this again. “I hope you wake up soon.”
I stood and left the resting woman with a silent prayer that she would soon wake up. I needed to tell her about the baby.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jasper
A knock sounded on my office door early Sunday morning, and I reached for the forty caliber I kept in my desk drawer.
“What is it?” It wasn’t even noon yet, which meant there shouldn’t be anyone else inside Midnight Mass.
The door opened slowly, and where I half expected to find Mo, Agent Beck was there instead.
“Is this a good time?”
I smiled and leaned back in my plush leather chair before kicking my feet up on the desk just to fuck with a fed.
“That depends. Are you here because you used all your federal government resources to find even a thread on where Jack might be?”
I didn’t need her to answer, but if I did, the guilty look she wore before she glanced away told me everything.
“Maybe.”
“Oh, come on now, Addison. Let’s start with a little honesty.”
She folded her arms and snorted. “Honesty? That’s rich coming from a man whose entire life is about a distinct lack of honesty.”
“How so?” It was a cop’s point of view, I knew, but still, her words had me curious. “What do I do that’s dishonest?”
“You sell drugs.”
“I don’t sell anything but the best damn shepherd’s pie in all of Nevada and loads of booze. But if people didn’t want drugs, dealers wouldn’t have a thriving business, now would they? Maybe it’s time the government stopped trying to regulate what people did with their bodies.”
“I’m not arguing U.S. drug policy with you, Jasper.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “Because there is no argument to make. It’s an overreach. Nothing more than a way to keep the private prison industry in business, but you’re not here to talk about that.” No, she was too itchy, too nervous to be here for anything but business. “You have an answer for me.”
Addison nodded reluctantly. Her drooping shoulders and hangdog expression told me the answer before she did. “I do. I want to find my father.”
“And the money?”
“I’ll take the money just in case you decide to fuck me over, but what I want, what I
need, is my father.”
“That’s bullshit, but I’ll let it slide since we have a deal.”
Thank fucking Jesus. It was about goddamn time I started to clean some shit off my plate. I stood and rounded the desk, ignoring the way Beck’s blue eyes went round and wide as if I would push her up against the wall and fuck her like she wanted me to. Instead, I held a hand out to her.
“Right?”
Another reluctant nod passed in a moment of silence before Beck put her smaller hand in mine.
“Yes, Jasper, we have a deal. I’ve already put in for a transfer, effective after some personal time off.”
“Excellent. That’s exactly what I want to hear.”
“I’m sure it is,” she shot back with a smile. “We both know if I stuck around any longer, your family would be in a lot of trouble.”
I let out a deep laugh and shook my head. “We both know that if you stuck around any longer, there wouldn’t be much longer for you to be around.”
Sadie didn’t want Agent Beck killed, not after the shit show with Father Dietrich, but if she stuck around, that would have been the most expedient option.
Her blue eyes widened for a fraction of a moment before she regained her composure and lifted her chin in a defiant tilt. “That sounds an awful lot like a threat to a federal agent.”
“I don’t make threats, Beck. I make promises.” I took a step back and reached for my backup phone. “Speaking of promises, I have another to keep. Did you get the Bitcoin wallet like I said?”
Beck nodded. “I did.”
“Good.” I sent the two million we agreed on and tucked the phone away. “It was nice doing business with you, Agent Beck.”
She flipped me off just as her phone chimed with a notification. “Fuck you, Jasper.”
I laughed. “I guess you should have negotiated a fuck before leaving town if you wanted one so bad.”
She rolled her eyes and let out a huff of disappointment. “Right, because your dick is coated in gold and fat-free chocolate.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Addison. You made the smart decision.”
She shook her head and looked away and for the first time. I could see how hard this was for her. But it was the best thing for the Ashby Organization. “That doesn’t make this choice any easier.”
“Nobody said it would be easy. Nothing worth having ever is.” Running this family, keeping everyone safe. It was the hardest, scariest thing I’d ever done in my entire fucking life. But I didn’t want to be or to do anything else.
Beck didn’t move from her spot in the middle of my office, her blue stare trying to see through me. “Well?”
“You want the fuck, convince me with a blow job.”
She let out a low, frustrated growl. “My father’s location, Ashby. Where the fuck is he?”
I smiled. “Text me when you’re out of Nevada, and I’ll send you his coordinates.”
“I don’t trust you.” Arms folded, lips pushed into a small pout, she looked like a bratty fucking kid.
“I don’t trust you either, but I have the information you want, which puts me in the power position.”
She wanted to argue, I could see the fire in her eyes, and I waited. “If you don’t send me those coordinates, I will be back, Jasper. And I will make you and your family pay.”
I gave a short nod. “I have no doubt you’ll try. Just remember, I have a recording of you shouting to my waitress about how you rode my cock to kingdom come.”
Beck sucked in a breath, nostrils flaring. Her skin turned an angry shade of red, and she let the breath out slowly. “Fuck. You. Ashby.”
“No thanks. Have a nice life, Addison. Hope to never see you again. Or else.”
She stormed out like the angry little tornado she was, and I was happy to see the back of her for the last time.
With the problem of Agent Beck behind me, it was time to focus on another problem. The envelope on my desk staring up at me from Greater Las Vegas Diagnostics. Inside were the results of the test that would change my life forever.
If Mo was pregnant with my baby…shit, it wasn’t even something I had even given proper consideration. I knew she was pregnant, but the thought that the baby might actually be mine hadn’t seemed like a real probability. Hadn’t seemed like it was in the fucking realm of reality, so I pushed it off to the side while we waited for the DNA test to come back.
But now, with the envelope staring at me, the green letters of the laboratory almost seemed to mock me because what the hell did I know about being a father? I had a shitty father who didn’t give a damn about anyone—not even himself—only about the money in his pocket. The only thing I could learn from Colm Ashby about being a father is what not to do. And Grandpa Cillian, rest his weary soul, had been a good granddad, but he indulged his own son and nearly ruined the family business in the process.
I wasn’t ready for fatherhood, but life didn’t give a shit if you were ready for things or not. Life just kind of threw obstacles in your way, and you could either overcome them or let them defeat you.
I didn’t let anything defeat me.
Nothing at all, certainly not a baby.
I knew exactly what I had to do and I picked up the phone to call my best friend first. “Terry. Family dinner tonight, Sadie’s room. Tell Kat.”
There was a beat of silence before Terry answered. “Uh, okay. Everything all right?”
“I’m not sure. The Beck problem is solved, but we’ll talk about it tonight. Over dinner.”
“Got it. See you tonight.”
I nodded; eyes still glued to that damned envelope. “See you.”
“If you need to talk, Jas, I’m here.”
“I know. Thanks.” After ending the call with Terry, I called Virgil to make sure he and Maisie were at dinner tonight. My last call, my hardest call was to my youngest brother. “Calvin.”
“Jasper.” His tone was short and bland, not angry or sullen, which was a big fucking step up. “What’s up?”
“We’re doing Sunday dinner tonight. At the hospital with Sadie.”
A long silence passed, and I was sure Cal was looking for an excuse not to show up, but that was bullshit. “Sunday dinner?”
“Yep. Bring Ava Rose. We don’t need a sitter tonight.” The little girl was the first in the next generation of Ashby’s, and for now, she would take her place in the spotlight.
“You sure?”
“I am. We’re moving forward. Right?”
“Yeah, we are,” he sighed, and I could almost picture Cal running a hand over his face. “Thanks, Jas.”
“See you tonight.” The envelope stared back at me, mocking me. I snatched the damn thing off my desk, shoved it in a pocket, and headed out to check on the businesses.
“Look who finally showed up.” Kat smiled up at me the moment I entered Sadie’s hospital room. “Calls for dinner, sends all this amazing food, and shows up late. Typical Jasper.”
“Business never sleeps,” I reminded her and shrugged off my jacket, envelope still in my pocket. Still taunting me as a fucking coward for not tearing it open to find out the truth.
You already know the truth, asshole. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Nothing was certain until I opened that envelope.
Terry stood. “Everything all right?”
Nothing was all right, not even a little fucking bit, but I nodded and took a seat beside Cal. “Yeah. Nothing to worry about, anyway.” It was the usual business bullshit, and I had taken care of it, so there was no point in bringing it up. “Let’s eat.”
“Best thing you’ve said all day,” Maisie growled and reached for the large platter of fried chicken.
Note to self. Put an end to this family backbiting. Time for us to start having each other’s backs.
She bit into it with a growl before she realized everyone was watching her. “What?”
Kat laughed. “Anything you want to tell us, Maisie?”
She pulled back, lips greasy from the
big bite of chicken. “No. Why?”
Kat opened her mouth to say something, and Terry stuck a biscuit in her mouth to shut her up.
“No reason,” she mumbled around the biscuit.
“Don’t tell Ma,” Virgil began as he piled three thighs on his plate, along with a mountain of mashed potatoes and green beans, not to mention two biscuits, “but this is the best Sunday dinner we’ve had in a long damn time.”
I knew what he meant. The food was always delicious, but Sadie tended to prefer dishes with a distinctly Irish flair. We ate a lot of the same foods on the Midnight Mass menu, but it didn’t feel right to eat our normal menu while Sadie couldn’t sit at the head of the table as we ate.
“Can’t go wrong with fried chicken,” was my only response.
“Damn straight.” Terry flashed a smile as he shoved a drumstick in his mouth.
It was nice, this unorthodox family dinner. It was strange, all of us sitting around a plastic table inside a private hospital room, talking and laughing. It was almost like old times. Almost.
Cal stood abruptly, Ava Rose dangling from his hands, aimed right in my direction. “Here. Take her.”
I frowned. “Take her where?”
Cal rolled his eyes with a groan and shoved the kicking little girl on my lap. “Take her and hold her so I can go to the bathroom.”
I blinked and stared at the cute redhead with big green eyes and a dimple in her chin. “Hold her?”
“She’s fine how she is,” he insisted and pushed his chair back. “Just don’t let her take too big a bite and help her drink.”
My brows dipped into a frown. “How long is it gonna take you to piss?” I looked around the table, at all the eyes staring at me, and then to Cal’s now abandoned spot. “Where is her food?”
“She can eat off your plate, Jas. She doesn’t have cooties.”
Shit. I didn’t know shit about babies. Ava was my niece. I loved her, would do anything to protect her, even let Cal live after what he did, but hold her? Feed her? Those were not skills I possessed. “Just hurry the fuck up.”
