by Daniel Defoe
It was easie to put that into her Head, and she of course hinted to the Captain’s Lady, that she found me so very ill, that she was afraid I wou’d miscarry; and then, to be sure, I cou’d not think of going.
She went, and she manag’d that Part very dexterously, as I knew she wou’d, tho’ she knew not a word of the grand Reason of my Indisposition; but I was all sunk, and dead-hearted again, when she told me, She cou’d not understand the Meaning of one thing in her Visit, namely, That the young Woman, as she call’d her, that was with the Captain’s Lady, and who she call’d Sister, was most impertinently inquisitive into things; as who I was? How long I had been in England? Where I had liv’d? and the like; and that, above all the rest, she enquir’d if I did not live once at the other end of the Town.
I thought her Enquiries so out of the way, says the honest QUAKER, that I gave her not the least Satisfaction; but as I saw by thy Answers on-board the Ship, when she talk’d of thee, that thou did’st not incline to let her be acquainted with thee, so I was resolv’d that she shou’d not be much the wiser for me; and when she ask’d me if thou ever liv’d’st here or there, I always said No; but that thou wast a Dutch Lady, and was going home again to thy Family, and liv’d Abroad.
I thank’d her very heartily for that Part, and indeed, she serv’d me in it, more than I let her know she did; in a word, she thwarted the Girl so cleverly, that if she had known the whole Affair, she cou’d not have done it better.
But I must acknowledge, all this put me upon the Rack again, and I was quite discourag’d, not at-all doubting but that the Jade had a right Scent of things, and that she knew and remember’d my Face, but had artfully conceal’d her Knowledge of me, till she might perhaps, do it more to my Disadvantage: I told all this to Amy, for she was all the Relief I had: The poor Soul (Amy) was ready to hang herself, that, as she said, she had been the Occasion of it all; and that if I was ruin’d, (which was the word I always us’d to her) she had ruin’d me; and she tormented herself about it so much, that I was sometimes fain to comfort her and myself too.
What Amy vex’d herself at, was chiefly, that she shou’d be surpriz’d so by the Girl, as she call’d her, I mean surpriz’d into a Discovery of herself to the Girl; which indeed, was a false step of Amy’s, and so I had often told her; but ’twas to no Purpose to talk of that now; the Business was, how to get clear of the Girl’s Suspicions, and of the Girl too, for it look’d more threatning every Day, than other; and if I was uneasie at what Amy had told me of her rambling and rattling to her, (Amy) I had a thousand times as much reason to be uneasie now, when she had chopp’d upon me so unhappily as this; and not only had seen my Face, but knew too where I liv’d; what Name I went by, and the like.
And I am not come to the worst of it yet neither; for a few Days after my Friend the QUAKER had made her Visit, and excus’d me on the account of Indisposition; as if they had done it in over and above315 Kindness, because they had been been told I was not well, they comes both directly to my Lodgings, to visit me; the Captain’s Wife, and my Daughter, (who she call’d Sister) and the Captain to show them the Place; the Captain only brought them to the Door, put them in, and went away upon some Business.
Had not the kind QUAKER, in a lucky Moment, come running in before them, they had not only clapp’d in316 upon me, in the Parlour, as it had been a Surprize; but which wou’d have been a thousand times worse, had seen Amy with me; I think if that had happen’d, I had had no Remedy, but to take the Girl by herself, and have made myself known to her, which wou’d have been all Distraction.
But the Quaker, a lucky Creature to me, happen’d to see them come to the Door, before they rung the Bell, and instead of going to let them in, came running in, with some Confusion in her Countenance, and told me who was a-coming; at which, Amy run first, and I after her, and bid the Quaker come up as soon as she had let them in.
I was going to bid her deny me, but it came into my Thoughts, that having been represented so much out of Order, it wou’d have look’d very odd; besides, I knew the honest Quaker, tho’ she wou’d do any-thing else for me, wou’d not LYE for me, and it wou’d have been hard to have desir’d it of her.
After she had let them in, and brought them into the Parlour, she came up to Amy and I, who were hardly out of the Fright, and yet were congratulating one another, that Amy was not surpriz’d again.
They paid their Visit in Form, and I receiv’d them as formally; but took Occasion two or three times to hint, that I was so ill that I was afraid I shou’d not be able to go to Holland, at least, not so soon as the Captain must go off; and made my Compliment, how sorry I was to be disappointed of the Advantage of their Company and Assistance in the Voyage; and sometimes I talk’d as if I thought I might stay till the Captain return’d, and wou’d be ready to go again; then the QUAKER put in, That then I might be too far gone, meaning with-Child, that I shou’d not venture at-all; and then (as if she shou’d be pleas’d with it) added, She hop’d I wou’d stay and Lye-in at her House; so as this carried its own Face317 with it, ’twas well enough.
But it was now high-time to talk of this to my Husband, which however, was not the greatest Difficulty before me: For after this and other Chat had taken up some time, the young Fool began her Tattle again; and two or three times she brought it in, That I was so like a Lady that she had the Honour to know at the other end of the Town, that she cou’d not put that Lady out of her Mind, when I was by; and once or twice I fancy’d the Girl was ready to cry; by-and-by she was at it again; and at last, I plainly saw Tears in her Eyes; upon which, I ask’d her if the Lady was dead, because she seem’d to be in some Concern for her, she made me much easier by her Answer, than ever she did before: She said, She did not really know, but she believ’d she was dead.
This, I say, a little reliev’d my Thoughts, but I was soon down again; for after some time, the Jade began to grow Talkative; and as it was plain, that she had told all that her Head cou’d retain of Roxana, and the Days of Joy which I had spent at that Part of the Town, another Accident had like to have blown us all up again.
I was in a kind of Dishabille when they came, having on a loose Robe, like a Morning-Gown, but much after the Italian Way;318 and I had not alter’d it when I went up, only dress’d my Head319 a little; and as I had been represented as having been lately very ill, so the Dress was becoming enough for a Chamber.
This Morning-Vest, or Robe, call it as you please, was more shap’d to the Body, than we wear them since,320 showing the Body in its true Shape, and perhaps, a little too plainly, if it had been to be worn where any Men were to come; but among ourselves it was well enough, especially for hot Weather; the Colour was green, figur’d; and the Stuff a French Damask, very rich.
This Gown, or Vest, put the Girl’s Tongue a-running again, and her Sister, as she call’d her, prompted it; for as they both admir’d my Vest, and were taken up much about the Beauty of the Dress; the charming Damask; the noble Trimming, and the like; my Girl puts in a Word to the Sister, (Captain’s Wife) This is just such a Thing as I told you, says she, the Lady danc’d in: What, says the Captain’s Wife, the Lady Roxana that you told me of? O! that’s a charming Story, says she; tell it my Lady ;I cou’d not avoid saying so too, tho’ from my Soul I wish’d her in Heaven for but naming it; nay, I won’t say but if she had been carried t’other Way, it had been much at one321 to me, if I cou’d but have been rid of her, and her Story too; for when she came to describe the Turkish Dress, it was impossible but the QUAKER, who was a sharp penetrating Creature, shou’d receive the Impression in a more dangerous Manner, than the Girl; only that indeed, she was not so dangerous322 a Person; for if she had known it all, I cou’d more freely have trusted her, than I cou’d the Girl, by a great-deal; nay, I shou’d have been perfectly easie in her.
However, as I have said, her Talk made me dreadfully uneasie, and the more when the Captain’s Wife mention’d but the Name of Roxana; what my Face might do towards betraying me, I know not, because I cou’d
not see myself, but my Heart beat as if it wou’d have jump’d out at my Mouth; and my Passion was so great, that for want of Vent, I thought I shou’d have burst: In a word, I was in a kind of a silent Rage; for the Force I was under of restraining my Passion, was such, as I never felt the like of: I had no Vent; no-body to open myself to, or to make a Complaint to for my Relief; I durst not leave the Room by any means, for then she wou’d have told all the Story in my Absence, and I shou’d have been perpetually uneasie to know what she had said, or had not said; so that, in a word, I was oblig’d to sit and hear her tell all the Story of Roxana, that is to say, of myself, and not know at the same time, whether she was in earnest or in jest; whether she knew me or no; or, in short, whether I was to be expos’d, or not expos’d.
She began only in general, with telling where she liv’d; what a Place she had of it;323 how gallant a Company her Lady had always had in the House; how they us’d to sit up all-Night in the House, gaming and dancing; what a fine Lady her Mistress was; and what a vast deal of Money the upper Servants got; as for her, she said, her whole Business was in the next House, so that she got but little; except one Night, that there was twenty Guineas given to be divided among the Servants, when, she said, she got two Guineas and a half for her Share.
She went on, and told them how many Servants there was, and how they were order’d; but, she said, there was one Mrs. Amy, who was over them all; and that she being the Lady’s Favourite, got a great-deal; she did not know, she said, whether Amy was her Christian Name, or her Sir-Name, but she suppos’d it was her Sir-Name; that they were told, she got threescore Pieces of Gold324 at one time, being the same Night that the rest of the Servants had the twenty Guineas divided among them.
I put in at that Word, and said, ’twas a vast deal to give away; why, says I, ’twas a Portion for a Servant: O Madam! says she, it was nothing to what she got afterwards; we that were Servants, hated her heartily for it, that is to say, we wish’d it had been our Lott, in her stead: Then I said again, Why, it was enough to get her a good Husband, and settle her for the World, if she had Sence to manage it: So it might, to be sure, Madam, says she; for we were told, she laid up above 500 l. But, I suppose, Mrs. Amy was too sensible that her Character wou’d require a good Portion to put her off.325
O, said I, if that was the Case, ’twas another thing.
Nay, says she, I don’t know, but they talk’d very much of a young Lord that was very great326 with her.
And pray what came of her at last? said I; for I was willing to hear a little (seeing she wou’d talk of it) what she had to say, as well of Amy, as of myself.
I don’t know, Madam, said she, I never heard of her for several Years, till t’other Day I happen’d to see her.
Did you indeed! says I; (and made mighty strange of it) what, and in Rags, it may be, said I, that’s often the End of such Creatures.
Just the contrary, Madam, says she, She came to visit an Acquaintance of mine, little thinking, I suppose, to see me, and, I assure you, she came in her Coach.
In her Coach! said I; upon my word she had made her Market then; I suppose she made Hay while the Sun shone; was she marry’d, pray?
I believe she had been marry’d, Madam, says she, but it seems she had been at the East-Indies, and if she was marry’d, it was there, to be sure; I think she said she had good luck in the Indies.
That is, I suppose, said I, had buried her Husband there.
I understand it so, Madam, says she, and that she had got his Estate.
Was that her good Luck? said I; it might be good to her, as to the Money indeed, but it was but the Part of a Jade, to call it good Luck.
Thus far our Discourse of Mrs. Amy went, and no farther, for she knew no more of her; but then the QUAKER unhappily, tho’ undesignedly, put in a Question, which the honest goodhumour’d Creature wou’d have been far from doing, if she had known that I had carry’d on the Discourse of Amy, on purpose to drop Roxana out of the Conversation.
But I was not to be made easie too soon: The QUAKER put in, But I think thou said’st, something was behind of327 thy Mistress; what did’st thou call her, Roxana, was it not? Pray what became of her?
Ay, ay, Roxana, says the Captain’s Wife; pray Sister let’s hear the Story of Roxana; it will divert my Lady, I’m sure.
That’s a damn’d Lye, said I to myself; if you knew how little ’twould divert me, you wou’d have too much Advantage over me: Well, I saw no Remedy, but the Story must come on, so I prepar’d to hear the worst of it.
Roxana! says she; I know not what to say of her; she was so much above us, and so seldom seen, that we cou’d know little of her, but by Report, but we did sometimes see her too; she was a charming Woman indeed; and the Footmen us’d to say, that she was to be sent for to Court.
To Court, said I, why she was at Court, wa’n’t she? the Pallmall is not far from Whitehall.328
Yes, Madam, says she, but I mean another way.
I understand thee, says the QUAKER; Thou mean’st, I suppose, to be Mistress to the KING; yes, Madam, says she.
I cannot help confessing what a Reserve of Pride still was left in me; and tho’ I dreaded the Sequel of the Story, yet when she talk’d how handsome and how fine a Lady this Roxana was, I cou’d not help being pleas’d and tickl’d with it; and put in Questions two or three times, of how handsome she was? and was she really so fine a Woman as they talk’d of? and the like, on purpose to hear her repeat what the People’s Opinion of me was, and how I had behav’d.
Indeed, says she at last, she was a most beautiful Creature, as ever I saw in my Life: But then, said I, you never had the Opportunity to see her, but when she was set-out to the best Advantage.
Yes, yes, Madam, says she, I have seen her several times in her Dishabille, and I can assure you, she was a very fine Woman; and that which was more still, everybody said she did not paint.329
This was still agreeable to me one way; but there was a devilish Sting in the Tail of it all, and this last Article was one; wherein she said, she had seen me several times in my Dishabille: This put me in Mind, that then she must certainly know me, and it wou’d come out at last; which was Death to me but to think of.
Well, but Sister, says the Captain’s wife, tell my Lady about the Ball, that’s the best of all the Story; and of Roxana’s dancing in a fine Outlandish330 Dress.
That’s one of the brightest Parts of her Story indeed, says the Girl; the Case was this: We had Balls and Meetings in her Ladyship’s Apartments, every Week almost; but one time my Lady invited all the Nobles to come such a time, and she wou’d give them a Ball; and there was a vast Crowd indeed, says she.
I think you said, the KING was there, Sister, didn’t you?
No, Madam, says she, that was the second time, when they said the KING had heard how finely the Turkish Lady danc’d, and that he was there to see her; but the KING, if His Majesty was there, came disguis’d.
That is what they call Incog. says my Friend the QUAKER; thou can’st not think the KING wou’d disguise himself; yes, says the Girl, it was so, he did not come in Publick, with his Guards, but we all knew which was the KING, well enough; that is to say, which they said was the KING.
Well, says the Captain’s Wife, about the Turkish Dress; pray let us hear that: Why, says she, my Lady sat in a fine little Drawing-Room, which open’d into the Great Room, and where she receiv’d the Compliments of the Company; and when the Dancing began, a great Lord, says she, I forget who they call’d him, (but he was a very great Lord or Duke, I don’t know which) took her out, and danc’d with her; but after a-while, my Lady on a sudden shut the Drawing-Room, and run up-stairs with her Woman, Mrs. Amy, and tho’ she did not stay long, (for I suppose she had contriv’d it all before-hand) she came down dress’d in the strangest Figure that ever I saw in my Life; but it was exceeding fine.
Here she went on to describe the Dress, as I have done already; but did it so exactly, that I was surpriz’d at the Manner of her telling it; there was no
t a Circumstance of it left out.
I was now under a new Perplexity; for this young Slut gave so compleat an Account of every-thing in the Dress, that my Friend the QUAKER colour’d at it, and look’d two or three times at me, to see if I did not do so too; for (as she told me afterwards) she immediately perceiv’d it was the same Dress that she had seen me have on, as I have said before: However, as she saw I took no Notice of it, she kept her Thoughts private to herself; and I did so too, as well as I cou’d.
I put in two or three times, that she had a good Memory, that cou’d be so particular in every Part of such a thing.
O Madam! says she, we that were Servants, stood by ourselves in a Corner, but so, as we cou’d see more than some Strangers; besides, says she, it was all our Conversation for several Days in the Family, and what one did not observe, another did: Why, says I to her, this was no Persian Dress; only, I suppose, your Lady was some French Comedian,331 that is to say, a Stage Amazon,332 that put on a counterfeit Dress to please the Company, such as they us’d in the Play of Tamerlane,333 at Paris, or some such.
No indeed, Madam, says she, I assure you, my Lady was no Actress; she was a fine modest Lady, fit to be a Princess; every-body said, If she was a Mistress, she was fit to be a Mistress to none but the KING; and they talk’d her up for the KING, as if it had really been so: Besides, Madam, says she, my Lady danc’d a Turkish Dance, all the Lords and Gentry said it was so; and one of them swore, he had seen it danc’d in Turkey himself, so that it cou’d not come from the Theatre at Paris; and then the Name Roxana, says she, was a Turkish Name.
Well, said I, but that was not your Lady’s Name, I suppose.
No, no, Madam, said she, I know that; I know my Lady’s Name and Family very well; Roxana was not her name, that’s, true indeed.
Here she run me a-ground again; for I durst not ask her what was Roxana’s real Name, lest she had really dealt with the Devil, and had boldly given my own Name in for Answer: So that I was still more and more afraid that the Girl had really gotten the Secret somewhere or other; tho’ I cou’d not imagine neither, how that cou’d be.
