by TJ Klune
“Yeah, I think you did. And it’s not like you’re wrong.”
She bit her bottom lip. “Maybe. But… look, Robbie. We’ll figure it out, okay? You just need to give yourself and us time to readjust. You’re here, but it’s like you’re not here, you know? Not completely. I can see you standing in front of me, but I can’t feel you. Not like I could before. Not like I can with the other wolves.”
I was confused. “But you’re human. How can you feel anything with the wolves? It doesn’t work like that.”
She nodded slowly. “Not many humans in Maine, huh?”
“Only witches. Alpha Hughes says humans are a liability.”
“I bet she does.” Jessie sighed. “We’re not like other packs.”
“You don’t say.”
She punched me in the arm. It hurt more than I expected. “Don’t be a bitch, Fontaine. It’s different. With us. Maybe it’s having two Alphas. Maybe it’s because of Ox and who he was before everything went to hell. But we’re pack, just as much as any of the wolves. And the bonds that tie us all together are strong.” She hesitated. Then, “Can you feel any of us? Any of the wolves? Anything?”
I started to shake my head but stopped. “There’s… when I was in Caswell, I kept seeing things. Hearing things. Wolves that weren’t there. Voices.”
She didn’t react. Her face was carefully blank. “And since you’ve gotten here?”
“Ox. Loud and clear. But not really anyone else. At least not that I can differentiate.”
“Not Kelly?”
My throat closed. I didn’t say anything.
She let it go. “Rico and I can’t read the wolves as well as they can read us, but it’s enough. Chris and Tanner were the same before they….”
The skin around her eyes tightened.
Right. Chris and Tanner. Chris, who Kelly said had actually died. Chris, who was her brother.
The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I’m sorry.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Are you? Do you even remember what you’re apologizing for?”
“No.”
“And yet you said it anyway. Why?”
“Because I’m not a monster. If I did what Kelly said—”
“You did.”
“Then….”
She stepped away. “Hall bathroom, Fontaine. You’ve got five minutes. There are some clothes in there for you. They’re yours from before. They might not fit as well, seeing as how you’ve finally gained some muscle. I’m told they smell like pack. Try not to rip them. If I don’t see you in five minutes, I’m breaking down the door and shoving my crowbar down your throat.”
I believed her.
* * *
The clothes were sitting on the counter.
A plaid button-down shirt.
A pair of jeans.
Boxer briefs.
There was pack scent there, heavy and warm, as if they’d all worn my clothes at one point or another.
But it was one scent I chased after more than all the others.
It was grass.
And lake water.
And sunshine.
I lifted the shirt and brought it to my nose, inhaling deeply.
My chest ached. It was there. Faint, but mixed in with all the other scents.
And it fit. It mingled. It complemented.
Somehow, it—and I—fit with all of them.
I thought I was spinning out of control.
* * *
Jessie wasn’t outside the door when I came out.
I heard her laughing in the kitchen at something Elizabeth had said. I pulled at my shirt. Jessie was right. I was bigger. The shirt was too tight in my chest and arms. The buttons were straining.
I looked out the window to the front of the house. There were multiple cars parked in the driveway. The blue house sat behind them, the windows open. Rico and Tanner stood near the porch. Tanner said my name, and Rico turned to look at me through the window.
He frowned before shaking his head. Tanner put an arm on his shoulder, but he brushed it off.
I didn’t want to give Rico a reason to shoot me, so I turned away from the window and walked toward the kitchen.
I was cautious. Careful. I stood in the doorway. Elizabeth had to know I was there, even though her back was to me. Jessie too, probably. She wasn’t like any other human I’d met. She moved like a wolf.
Elizabeth stood at the sink, peeling potatoes.
A radio sat on the windowsill above the sink. It was old-fashioned, the dial lit up in a bright yellow light. Tammy Wynette was crooning about how she was going to stand by her man. Elizabeth was singing along, her voice quiet and melodic.
Jessie stood in front of the large stove. There were four pots on four different burners, and they were bubbling. It smelled wonderful. I was ravenous.
I didn’t know what to do.
I waited.
Tammy sang, aching and sweet.
Elizabeth swayed back and forth, her summer dress billowing around her legs.
It struck me then just how much I wanted this. It was sudden and fierce. I wanted this. Here. With them. In this place so very far from all I thought I knew.
I didn’t deserve it.
My heart hurt.
“You know,” Elizabeth said suddenly, “my mother told me once that a watched pot never boils. I always found that fascinating, because it does, eventually, whether you’re looking at it or not. Robbie, if you please.”
I swallowed thickly.
She took a step to the left, motioning me to join her in front of the sink. She didn’t look at me.
I thought she was giving me a choice.
There was no hose in sight.
I took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen.
She said, “There. That’s better. Can you help me?”
“I’m not a very good cook,” I muttered as I came to stand next to her. “I burn things. Ezra always did the….”
Except he wasn’t Ezra.
I wondered how long that would go on.
I thought it might be forever.
She said, “Strange.”
“What?”
She handed me a peeler and a potato. “How for everything that’s different, some things are always the same. You tried to cook Kelly breakfast once.”
“Just once?” I started to peel the potato in slow, even strokes.
“Notice how I used the word tried. I woke up and thought the house was on fire.”
Jessie snorted but didn’t speak.
“I came downstairs,” Elizabeth continued. “It was barely light out. You were panicking. There was a black mess in a pan on the stove that you said had once been the beginnings of an omelet. There was egg on the ceiling. You had cheese in your hair.”
The potato burst in my hand as I squeezed it too tight.
Elizabeth took the remains from me. “Interesting way to go about it. Good thing it was going to be mashed anyway.”
She handed me another.
I started again.
“Your eyes were wide,” she continued, “and you told me you didn’t know what had happened. Everything had been going well, but then you got distracted by the trees outside the window.” She smiled. “You always did love trees. I think you got that from your mother. She could spend hours out in the woods, just walking around.”
“You knew her.”
She nodded. “Not as well as I would have liked. But yes. I knew her.”
“Did… you tell me this? Before?”
“I did.”
“Oh.” I nearly nicked my hand. I gripped the peeler tighter.
“So there you were, burning the meal you’d woken up early to make. You said that you’d always wanted to bring someone breakfast in bed. You’d never had someone before to do that with, and you were so mad that it didn’t work out.”
“What did I do?”
She bumped her shoulder against mine. “You started over. And that’s how I knew that there
would be no one else for Kelly but you. Because even though it was hard and turned out rather terrible, you didn’t give up. You asked for my help, but when I started cracking eggs, you said you wanted to do it. You told me you wanted me as more of a supervisor than to be hands-on.”
“If I had help, it wouldn’t be from me.”
She looked startled before she laughed. “Yes. That’s what you said. So I watched over you, and you started from scratch. It wasn’t perfect, and I believe Kelly found an eggshell or two, but you did it. You get frustrated easily, but you learned patience. Don’t forget that.”
I nodded as she wiped her hands on a dishtowel and sashayed away, Tammy ending and the Shirelles taking over, asking if you’d still love me tomorrow.
I looked out the window.
In the backyard, a large table had been set up, a dark green tablecloth set on top of it. Chris and Gordo and Mark were putting chairs around the table. In the center, weighted down, was a bunch of balloons.
Carter stood with Kelly next to a grill. They were close together. As I watched, Kelly laid his head on Carter’s shoulder. The timber wolf sat on Carter’s other side, stretching his nose toward the meat on the grill. Carter tapped the tip of his nose with pair of tongs. The wolf growled but didn’t try again.
“It’s Ox’s birthday,” I said.
“It is,” Elizabeth agreed. “A big one. He turns thirty tomorrow. We’re celebrating today because it seemed right. Tradition, you know.”
“I don’t have a present for him.”
“I think you’ll find that you being here is more precious than any gift he could hope to receive.”
“And besides,” Jessie said easily, “you can just put your name on what I got for him. Say it’s from the both of us.”
“What did you get him?”
She grinned. “A shirt I found online. Three wolves howling at the moon. It’s awful. I can’t wait to see the look on his face.”
How easy they made it sound. “Last year.”
Elizabeth and Jessie exchanged a look. “What about last year?” Jessie asked.
I put my hands on the edge of the sink. “Did you celebrate then too?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” Of course they would have. I’d only been gone a few months, if what they’d told me was correct. And then, they wouldn’t have been looking for me. They still would have thought me a traitor.
Elizabeth was behind me. I hadn’t even heard her move. Her chin was on my shoulder, her lips near my ear. She said, “It wasn’t the same. Nothing was the same. No matter what happened, no matter everything that came before and everything that followed, it wasn’t the same. For any of us.”
I looked down at the sink. “I don’t know if it’ll ever be the same again.”
“Maybe not. But we start again. Because even if everything is burnt to a crisp, we can always try again and again. Jessie, I think the carrots are done.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Jessie said.
I closed my eyes.
* * *
Joe and Ox came walking down the road, hand in hand. I was standing on the front porch, my nails digging into the railing.
“All right?” Joe asked as they stopped near the stairs.
I shrugged. “Happy birthday, Ox.”
“Thanks, Robbie. I—”
“The people in Green Creek don’t know what I did, do they.”
Ox tilted his head. He didn’t act surprised or like he didn’t know what I was talking about. “No. Why do you ask?”
“They weren’t scared of me. When I went there. They all seemed happy to see me.”
Joe nodded slowly. “We thought it was better that way. In case you ever came back.”
I laughed bitterly. “Why? You thought I was a monster. A murderer. And I guess that wasn’t too far from the truth. Who was he? The Omega I killed.”
Joe said, “Maybe we could do this later—”
“His name was Alan,” Ox said, and Joe sighed. “He’d been infected by another Omega in Kansas. His pack was small. He left them because he didn’t want to hurt them.”
I nodded but didn’t look at them. “And he came here looking for help. Because of who—what—you are.”
“He was one of them, yes.”
“There’s been a lot? Omegas, I mean.”
“Yes.”
“And you help them.”
“Yes.”
“And I killed him.”
“It wasn’t you,” Joe said hotly. I looked up, and his eyes were filling with red. He crossed his arms over his chest. “You had no control. You weren’t you. This is on Livingstone, Robbie. He took away your free will. He made you do this.”
“It was still my hands,” I mumbled. “Still my teeth. And Chris and Tanner—”
Ox was up on the porch and next to me before I could finish. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. I didn’t hug him back, my arms dangling at my sides. He squeezed me hard like he was trying to force me into his chest.
“I don’t want to remember,” I said against his neck. “Because if I do, I’ll remember what it felt like. I’ll know what it’s like to kill an innocent person. How can I come back from that, Ox? How can you even stand to look at me?”
“Because you’re mine,” he said simply. “And that will never change.”
“You let me go,” I choked out. “You let me go because you all thought I….”
“Fuck,” Joe muttered.
“We did,” Ox said, and it hurt more than I thought it would. “We were scared. Confused. And we were wrong. It took us longer than I like to think to realize just how wrong we were.”
“Maybe it’d be easier if I just—”
“Nope,” Joe said. “Get that out of your head right now. You’re not going anywhere. I don’t care if we have to shove a tracker up your ass, you’re staying right here where you belong. We got you back, Robbie. Do you really think we’d let you go?”
“What if it happens again?”
Joe had no response to that.
Ox did, though. He said, “They won’t touch you again,” and his voice was deep and strong. “I won’t allow it. Let them come. We’ll show them what happens when you fuck with the Bennett pack.”
* * *
I tried to pull away from them, but they wouldn’t let me. Joe stood on one side of me, Ox on the other. They held my hands. We walked through the house toward the kitchen. Jessie had gone to the backyard. Elizabeth looked up at us, first at Joe. Then Ox. Then me. She nodded. “Good.”
And that was it.
She said, “Joe, if you please, the cutlery. Ox, don’t lift a finger. It’s your birthday and you don’t get to do a single thing. In fact, why don’t you take Robbie out back? I’m sure the others want to see him.”
I didn’t know about that, but Ox wouldn’t let me go.
He pulled me toward the back door. I could hear the others laughing and talking loudly. The timber wolf growled at something Carter was saying, and Kelly was teasing them both.
Rico saw us first. His expression hardened, but he didn’t say a word.
Chris and Tanner were next. “Birthday boy!” Chris shouted. He grinned at the both of us. “And look what the wolf dragged in.”
Tanner said, “You’re so old now, Ox. You realize that, right? It’s all downhill from here. Unless you’re lucky like me.” He flexed, kissing each of his biceps. “Yeah, that’s the good stuff.”
Chris shoved him. “No one wants to see that, man. Put those away before you hurt yourself.”
Tanner flashed orange eyes at him in challenge.
Apparently Chris couldn’t resist. He tackled Tanner to the ground, and they started wrestling as they shouted at each other.
Jessie looked down at them, grimacing. “Men are so stupid. I’m so glad I’m into women these days.” She smiled wickedly. “No offense, Ox. You were good for a little while.”
My eyes bulged.
“As your Alpha,” Joe said as he stepped aro
und us, “I am ordering you never to bring up your history with my mate ever again.”
“Oh sure,” Jessie said. “I’ll get right on that.” She paused, considering. Then, “Which is something I said to Ox.”
She laughed as Joe growled at her.
“Where’s Dominique?” Tanner asked, panting on the ground next to Chris. They’d apparently called a truce.
“Coming with Bambi. Should be here in a little bit.”
Ox squeezed my hand before letting go. He pushed me toward the table. He pulled out a chair near the end and motioned for me to sit down.
It went like this:
Ox sat at one end of the table, Joe at the other.
To Ox’s right was Mark, a position reserved for the second to the Alpha.
To Joe’s right was Carter, the timber wolf lying behind his chair.
I was to Ox’s left.
Elizabeth was to Joe’s left.
It wasn’t lost on me what this meant.
The right was for the second.
The left was a position of trust.
Ox was showing he trusted me.
Rico wasn’t happy as he sat on the other side of the table. Chris and Tanner sat next to him.
Kelly pulled out the chair next to me. He sat down. I thought he was going to reach out and take my hand, but he didn’t. He kept his hands in his own lap.
He said, “Hello, Robbie.”
I was suddenly nervous. I wondered what he’d thought of the breakfast I’d made for him. I muttered, “Hey.”
Jessie sat down next to him. On her other side, between her and Elizabeth, was an empty chair. Rico also had an empty chair next to him. It wasn’t long before they were filled.
The woman from the truck walked in, keys jangling as she flipped them back and forth. Behind her was the Omega from the diner.
I tried not to stare when Rico got a dopey look on his face as Bambi bent over and kissed him sweetly. Then she pushed him away, ruffling his hair. He didn’t seem to mind.
The Omega eyed me warily but was distracted when Jessie pulled her down into the last chair, smiling widely.
And then it was quiet.
The only sounds came from the forest.
It was like we were waiting. For what, I didn’t know.
Ox put his hands on the table. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. His chest expanded, and he held his breath for a beat, then two, then three before letting it out slowly. He opened his eyes.
