by Daniel Defoe
two of the seamen's chests:but the wind blowing from the shore, nothing came to land that day butpieces of timber, and a hogshead, which had some Brazil pork in it; butthe salt-water and the sand had spoiled it. I continued this work everyday to the 15th of June, except the time necessary to get food; which Ialways appointed, during this part of my employment, to be when the tidewas up, that I might be ready when it was ebbed out: and by this time Ihad gotten timber, and plank, and iron-work, enough to have built agood boat, if I had known how: and I also got, at several times, and inseveral pieces, near one hundred weight of the sheet-lead.
_June 16._ Going down to the sea-side, I found a large tortoise, orturtle. This was the first I had seen; which, it seems, was only mymisfortune, not any defect of the place, or scarcity: for had I happenedto be on the other side of the island, I might have had hundreds of themevery day, as I found afterwards; but perhaps had paid dear enoughfor them.
_June 17._ I spent in cooking the turtle. I found in her threescoreeggs: and her flesh was to me, at that time, the most savoury andpleasant that I ever tasted in my life; having had no flesh, but ofgoats and fowls, since I landed in this horrid place.
_June 18._ Rained all that day, and I staid within. I thought, at thistime, the rain felt cold, and I was somewhat chilly; which I knew wasnot usual in that latitude.
_June 19._ Very ill, and shivering, as if the weather had been cold.
_June 20._ No rest all night; violent pains in my head, and feverish.
_June 21._ Very ill; frightened almost to death with the apprehensionsof my sad condition, to be sick, and no help: prayed to God, for thefirst time since the storm off Hull; but scarce knew what I said, orwhy, my thoughts being all confused.
_June 22._ A little better; but under dreadful apprehensions ofsickness.
_June 23._ Very bad again; cold and shivering, and then a violenthead-ache.
_June 24._ Much better.
_June 25._ An ague very violent: the fit held me seven hours; cold fit,and hot, with faint sweats after it.
_June 26._ Better; and having no victuals to eat, took my gun, but foundmyself very weak: however, I killed a she-goat, and with much difficultygot it home, and broiled some of it, and ate. I would fain have stewedit, and made some broth, but had no pot.
_June 27._ The ague again so violent that I lay a-bed all day, andneither ate nor drank. I was ready to perish for thirst; but so weak, Ihad not strength to stand up, or to get myself any water to drink.Prayed to God again, but was light-headed: and when I was not, I was soignorant that I knew not what to say; only lay and cried, "Lord, lookupon me! Lord, pity me! Lord, have mercy upon me!" I suppose I didnothing else for two or three hours; till the fit wearing off, I fellasleep, and did not wake till far in the night. When I awoke, I foundmyself much refreshed, but weak, and exceeding thirsty: however, as Ihad no water in my whole habitation, I was forced to lie till morning,and went to sleep again. In this second sleep I had this terrible dream:I thought that I was sitting on the ground, on the outside of my wall,where I sat when the storm blew after the earthquake, and that I saw aman descend from a great black cloud, in a bright flame of fire, andlight upon the ground: he was all over as bright as a flame, so that Icould but just bear to look towards him: his countenance was mostinexpressibly dreadful, impossible for words to describe: when hestepped upon the ground with his feet, I thought the earth trembled,just as it had done before in the earthquake; and all the air looked, tomy apprehension, as if it had been filled with flashes of fire. He hadno sooner landed upon the earth, but he moved forward towards me, with along spear or weapon in his hand, to kill me; and when he came to arising ground, at some distance, he spoke to me, or I heard a voice soterrible that it is impossible to express the terror of it: all that Ican say I understood, was this: "Seeing all these things have notbrought thee to repentance, now thou shalt die;" at which words Ithought he lifted up the spear that was in his hand, to kill me.
No one that shall ever read this account, will expect that I should beable to describe the horrors of my soul at this terrible vision; I mean,that even while it was a dream, I even dreamed of those horrors; nor isit any more possible to describe the impression that remained upon mymind when I awaked, and found it was but a dream.
I had, alas! no divine knowledge: what I had received by the goodinstruction of my father was then worn out, by an uninterrupted series,for eight years, of seafaring wickedness, and a constant conversationwith none but such as were, like myself, wicked and profane to the lastdegree. I do not remember that I had, in all that time, one thought thatso much as tended either to looking upward towards God, or inwardtowards a reflection upon my own ways: but a certain stupidity of soul,without desire of good, or consciousness of evil, had entirelyoverwhelmed me; and I was all that the most hardened, unthinking, wickedcreature among our common sailors, can be supposed to be; not havingthe least sense, either of the fear of God, in danger, or ofthankfulness to him, in deliverances.
In the relating what is already past of my story, this will be the moreeasily believed, when I shall add, that through all the variety ofmiseries that had to this day befallen me, I never had so much as onethought of its being the hand of God, or that it was a just punishmentfor my sin; either my rebellious behaviour against my father, or mypresent sins, which were great; or even as a punishment for the generalcourse of my wicked life. When I was on the desperate expedition on thedesert shores of Africa, I never had so much as one thought of whatwould become of me; or one wish to God to direct me whither I should go,or to keep me from the danger which apparently surrounded me, as wellfrom voracious creatures as cruel savages: but I was quite thoughtlessof a God or a Providence; acted like a mere brute, from the principlesof nature, and by the dictates of common sense only; and indeed hardlythat. When I was delivered and taken up at sea by the Portuguesecaptain, well used, and dealt with justly and honourably, as well ascharitably, I had not the least thankfulness in my thoughts. When,again, I was shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning, on thisisland, I was as far from remorse, or looking on it as a judgment: Ionly said to myself often, that I was an unfortunate dog, and born to bealways miserable.
It is true, when I first got on shore here, and found all my ship's crewdrowned, and myself spared, I was surprised with a kind of ecstasy, andsome transports of soul, which, had the grace of God assisted, mighthave come up to true thankfulness; but it ended where it began, in amere common flight of joy; or, as I may say, being glad I was alive,without the least reflection upon the distinguished goodness of the handwhich had preserved me, and had singled me out to be preserved when allthe rest were destroyed, or an inquiry why Providence had been thusmerciful to me: just the same common sort of joy which seamen generallyhave, after they are got safe ashore from a shipwreck; which they drownall in the next bowl of punch, and forget almost as soon as it is over:and all the rest of my life was like it. Even when I was, afterwards, ondue consideration, made sensible of my condition,--how I was cast onthis dreadful place, out of the reach of human kind, out of all hope ofrelief, or prospect of redemption,--as soon as I saw but a prospect ofliving, and that I should not starve and perish for hunger, all thesense of my affliction wore off, and I began to be very easy, appliedmyself to the works proper for my preservation and supply, and was farenough from being afflicted at my condition, as a judgment from Heaven,or as the hand of God against me: these were thoughts which very seldomentered into my head.
The growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my Journal, had, at first,some little influence upon me, and began to affect me with seriousness,as long as I thought it had something miraculous in it; but as soon asthat part of the thought was removed, all the impression which wasraised from it wore off also, as I have noted already. Even theearthquake, though nothing could be more terrible in its nature, ormore immediately directing to the invisible Power which alone directssuch things, yet no sooner was the fright over, but the impression ithad made went off also. I had no more sense of God, or his judgments,much le
ss of the present affliction of my circumstances being from hishand, than if I had been in the most prosperous condition of life. Butnow, when I began to be sick, and a leisure view of the miseries ofdeath came to place itself before me; when my spirits began to sinkunder the burden of a strong distemper, and nature was exhausted withthe violence of the fever; conscience, that had slept so long, began toawake; and I reproached myself with my past life, in which I had soevidently, by uncommon wickedness, provoked the justice of God to lay meunder uncommon strokes, and to deal with me in so vindictive a manner.These reflections oppressed me for the second or third day of mydistemper; and in the violence, as well of the fever as of the dreadfulreproaches of my conscience, extorted from me some words like praying toGod: though I cannot say it was a prayer attended either with desires orwith hopes; it was rather the voice of mere fright and distress. Mythoughts were confused; the convictions great upon my mind; and thehorror of dying in such a miserable
