Just as I’m emerging from the trailer toilets that have been installed behind the barn, I bump into Nathan.
‘You’ve done a great job,’ he says.
‘It’s been fun. Hard work, but worth it seeing everyone celebrate so joyously.’
‘Those boys know how to party,’ he says.
‘And those girls.’
‘You’ve done a great job,’ he says again, unexpectedly. ‘The wine tastes fantastic and you’re a wedding planner extraordinaire.’
‘A wedding planner who seems to have lost her own husband somewhere in transit in the vineyards of Europe.’
‘Right. Where is he now?’
‘Italy, when I last spoke to him. He’s making his way to Champagne for the harvest next month.’
‘And then home?’
‘Home?’
‘Wherever home is?’
‘Wherever home is.’
‘With you?’
I don’t have a chance to answer this question, though I’ve spent every spare moment thinking about it over the last few weeks. Ruby is here shouting at us to come inside.
‘Quick,’ she orders. ‘They’re about to open Granddad Des’s present.’
We rush inside, both knowing what the surprise is and excited to see Melina’s face when she opens it.
Inside the barn there is a rare moment of quiet and calm. Des stands by something tall that’s covered in a big sheet. The wedding guests are gathered around, some standing on chairs so they can see.
‘Take a corner each,’ Des tells Melina and Tomasz. ‘After three... one, two, three!’
They yank the sheet to unveil what’s underneath.
And underneath is a wonderful portrait of a woman Des has brought to life with miraculous colour and energetic brushstrokes.
Babcia.
Melina hugs Des so hard he stumbles sideways a bit – though that could be the vodka the Polish boys have been giving him at regular intervals. Then she hugs her husband and he kisses the tears from her cheeks and looks at her in a way that speaks volumes of his love for her. A love that I believe will last for way more than a hundred years and into eternity, forever and ever.
A love I know I’ve never quite had, and maybe now this is something I should want, instead of settling for second best.
LATER, I NEED some fresh air so I head up the hill to the top of the vineyard and sit down between two rows of vines heavy with grapes. I’ve brought a bottle of wine with me. I should be sitting here sharing this with someone. But I don’t even know if that someone is Rob, because he hasn’t been here all year. It’s been me and the girls. My parents. My friends. Even Nathan’s played his part. A much bigger part than I would ever have anticipated.
On cue, as if I’ve conjured up his presence, Nathan appears.
‘I’ve been searching everywhere for you,’ he says. ‘What are you doing out here?’
‘Looking at the stars, wondering what they look like from Italy.’
‘Starlike, I expect.’
And for once, Nathan fails to annoy me and I laugh. I really, really laugh at his very naff attempt at a joke and he sits on the ground next to me, grabbing the bottle of wine out of my hand to have a slug, which he nearly shoots out of his mouth when he too starts laughing, that boom bouncing across the valley, the pair of us sixteen and carefree once again. Until something shifts and he spoils it by getting all serious.
‘Are you staying?’ he asks.
When I don’t say anything he carries on.
‘Because I’ve got used to having you next door. I love seeing Ruby. And Scarlet. Your two girls are growing into two amazing young women.’
‘I know. They are amazing.’ I take the bottle back off him. Gulp. Wipe my mouth with my sleeve. ‘Though they do have their moments.’
And oh, what moments.
‘I’ve got used to seeing you too,’ he says. ‘You don’t seem to hate me quite so much now.’
‘I’m not sure I ever managed to hate you. Despised, maybe. Loathed. Really, really didn’t like.’
‘All right. I take your point. Your very well-made point.’
And then, to shut him up, I kiss him. A full-blown snog, and I try to let it feel nice. I try to go with it. But it just feels wrong. He knows it too. We lie back, side by side, hand in hand, as the sun slips down behind the hill.
Autumn
THE DOG DAYS of summer are moving into the next season. The blackthorn blossom has been replaced with sloes. And the grapes are almost ready to be picked. We’ve been nearly a year at Home Farm.
Rob was supposed to be back by now so that we could have a family meeting. Decide on our future. But things don’t always turn out the way you plan. Sometimes you have to throw your life up in the air and see which way the wind blows.
When I get low, I think of Melina’s words to me as she left with Tomasz to go on their honeymoon. ‘Don’t be sad, Chrissie. Remember to enjoy each day and every moment.’ Then she smiled a smile that lit up her face in a way I’d never seen, and I so wanted to smile like that.
And now, as I wait in the vineyard, looking down the valley towards the sea, I wait for Rob to come back. And I don’t quite know how I will feel until I see him in the flesh. And that’s all right. I don’t have to know everything. I can go with the flow. I’ve finally learnt to stop worrying about the destination and to enjoy the journey.
As long as I have a good glass of wine to hand and my family and friends around me, all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
The West Country Winery Page 25
