by Kiersten Fay
“You thought to make me jealous,” he murmured in her ear.
“Mmm. Did it work?”
“More than I’d have liked.” His tone was thick with a mixture of smooth desire and amused irritation.
“Oh?”
“I never believed I could be quick to jealousy. You have proven otherwise.”
“Honestly, Lex. I only danced with him for a few seconds. It couldn’t have made you that jealous.”
“No?” His tone lowered several octaves. “I wanted to rip the poor man’s throat out just for touching you.”
She froze, blinked, and flipped around, eyeing him from under her lashes. “No you didn’t. Don’t exaggerate.”
“Would that I were.”
Such a declaration should read insane, psychotic, dangerous, and part of her was alarmed by it, but another darker, more primitive, hidden part of her reveled in the strength of his response.
Before she could say anything more, Kenzi and her possibly still-endangered dance partner sidled close to them. “Naia’s getting ready to sing.” She turned to Kasima. “Have you heard her voice? She sings like angels giving birth to baby unicorns.”
As she walked across the stage to claim the mic, Naia’s dress sparkled like a billion tiny suns. She cleared her throat. “First I want to thank everyone for coming, and everyone who helped make this day so magical for me and...my…uh…well, my husband.” She smiled so brightly at that, like she couldn’t believe the words.
The crowd’s cheer was deafening. She was a simple human, married to a powerful vampire, and she had thoroughly been accepted by these people.
Naia continued. “I’d like to sing a song now that I wrote for my husband, to express just how much I love him.” As if on cue, the band started up, and Naia started her ballad. The beautiful sounds that left Naia’s lips made Kasima’s heart swell.
Gently, Lex tugged her back around to face him, and they resumed their dance, albeit a bit slower now. Her arms slipped around his neck and she rested her head on his shoulder, letting Naia’s beautiful song wash over her. She sang of destiny and love and losing oneself so entirely in another. Kasima had never heard a more beautiful voice. It vibrated in her bones, each note deeper than the last.
“I hope I didn’t scare you just then,” he said. “You looked startled. I realize now that was a very vampiric thing for me to say.”
“It’s fine,” she sighed, feeling a bit dizzy and hot. “I kind of liked it.” As if she hadn’t touched him in ages, almost reverently, she ran her hands along his chest. She went slowly, memorizing every hard plain and valley.
He chuckled. “I should threaten more lives for you, then?”
She ignored that, knowing he was teasing. As the music toiled, fiery lust kindled in her veins. “I wish it could be like this forever.”
He sighed. “I know how you feel.”
She pulled back. “Do you?” Could he truly feel the same? If so, why should they not scream it from the rafters? Love was not something to avoid. To run from.
His eyes were intense, lit by some emotion she couldn’t decipher, and she knew she was right about him. He loved her, just as she did him. Maybe she just needed to be the first to admit it. Why ever had she feared this?
His head dipped, and he took her lips in a soft, slow kiss. Her heart went into overdrive, beating so fast it was almost painful. Was this his way of saying it? To show her just how he felt without words? She tilted her head to deepen the contact, darting her tongue out to taste him. He groaned and kissed her with more urgency. Her heart brimmed with so much emotion, she was sure it would burst at any moment.
Lex broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. “How do you make me want you this much?”
The simple statement set off a cache of fireworks in her chest. Little bursts that seemed perfectly synchronized with Naia’s heartfelt music.
Kasima peered deep into Lex’s eyes. “I love you.”
19
Several things happened at once.
Lex’s eyes went shockingly wide. Naia’s song cut off. And Kasima wanted to kill herself.
Like a lever had been pulled, all the happy feelings from a moment ago flushed away, leaving behind dark emptiness.
Somehow, she’d recklessly misjudged the situation.
“Oops,” Naia muttered. She was cringing, looking over at Cortez, who stood by the stage holding the severed microphone cord. Tiny sparks shot from then ends. Why would he…?
Why would I…?
Kasima glanced back at Lex, who had taken a step away from her.
A pall of dread sank over her. “I mean...well…what I meant—” she cleared her throat. “—is that I love dancing, is what I meant to say. The dancing, with you, is what I love.” Her stomach clenched.
Lex scratched the back of his neck, seemingly searching for a response. Which obviously wasn’t going to be “I love you too, baby.”
A stabbing pain shredded her chest, the sensation so sharp, it was a wonder she remained so still. No one else had noticed her inner destruction. Except Cortez was now studying her. She had to get out of here.
Yet she managed a laugh, fanning herself. “Whew, I think I had too much to drink. I’m not making any sense. Excuse me, I need to go find the little girl’s room.”
Amazed that her voice hadn’t quaked, she scurried away. Each breath into her lungs sent a new set of knives through her heart, flaying it with fresh cuts. Her eyes burned. Yet she held it together, at least until she locked the bathroom door behind her.
Then a devastated sob gurgled up through her esophagus. Palms planted on the countertop, she polished the sink with her tears.
What the hell had she been thinking? What had possibly compelled her to admit something so...so...destructive? His expression couldn’t lie. He’d been horrified. Recalling it thrashed her once more.
He doesn’t feel the same about me as I feel about him. She’d been a fool to think she could keep herself detached. While she’d been falling for him, he’d only been having fun with her. He wanted her in his bed, but that was it. She realized now that, stupidly, she’d been holding out hope for more. And that would never happen.
Her half-hearted cover up on the dance floor hadn’t fooled him. If he hadn’t been before, he was now probably contemplating the best way to break things off.
Another gouge formed in her chest.
She hadn’t reacted this strongly when things ended with Brian. Why did Lex have to go and be so goddamned wonderful?
Through a watery gaze, she looked at her reflection. The outward version of her wasn’t as much of a mess as she felt on the inside. Her hair was still in place, ringlets curling down. Though her eyes were red-rimmed and her cheeks were damp, she’d had the foresight to tint her lashes with waterproof mascara in light of tonight’s event.
She dabbed at her face with a paper towel as she worked to pull herself together. She couldn’t hide in here forever. And now that this was likely her last night with Lex, she was desperate not to waste another moment away from him. She felt as though a timer had been set, counting down.
If things must end, at least she could keep her chin high, dignity intact, when they did. No need for him to know how broken she’d be once he was gone.
Eyes dried, she straightened, took in a fortifying breath, and smoothed out her hair before exiting the restroom. Lex was seated at their table with Kenzi and two others who must have just arrived in mid conversation: Goldie and Donovan. Goldie was the other bridesmaid. Donovan had officiated the wedding, and sometime between then and now, had changed his clothes.
Kasima pasted a smile on her face and scooted into her seat.
Lex leaned in. “The music was so loud before, I thought I heard you say something about drinking too much. Are you feeling alright?”
She offered him a smile and nodded, but her lips felt too tight. Was that how they were going to play this? Would they pretend nothing had happened?
“I ordered you
some water.” He gestured to the frosty glass in front of her.
“Thank you.”
Kenzi craned her neck around. “Did I just hear the phrase drink and too much in the same sentence on the night of my girl’s wedding? Blasphemy! I can see I’m going to have to teach you the sacred meaning of the word party, young grasshopper.” She turned to the other two. “You two still haven’t told us where you’ve been. You missed Naia’s bang-worthy music. I almost lost my mind with my new bald-headed pervy friend over there.”
Donovan and Lex both cleared their throats at the same time, and Kasima got the sense that she’d missed something.
Goldie huffed out a breath. “I had to go straighten something out at The Pit. Donovan was nice enough to drive me.”
“Boomer’s still being a dick?”
“Oh, only on the days that end in Y.”
“Well, never fear, Kenzi is here. Shots all around! Then when we’re good and toasted we’ll discuss ways to dispose of his body.”
“Ha! I wish,” Goldie said.
A waiter brought over the shots. Three for each of them. One green, one blue and the last one deep orange. “Cortez calls this Oblivion’s Descent.” Her grin was laughably wide.
Following Kenzi’s lead, Kasima went for the green one first.
“Is that wise?” Lex asked.
She downed the shot with the others. “We’re here to have fun, right?”
Eyeing Kasima, Lex took his shot. What must be running through his head?
Kenzi raised her second shot. “To Kasima, who finally got our little Lexington out on the dance floor. Girl, you must be magic.”
Her smile felt like plastic wrap stretched too thin. “For my next trick, watch me make this shot disappear.” The alcohol burned on the way down.
Laughing, Donovan shook his head and pinned Lex with a look. “You danced? The devil must be freezing with all that new ice down there.”
Once again Naia joined them. “You guys are taking shots without me?”
“Plenty to go around,” Kenzi said. As if on cue, a waiter appeared with more rainbow-colored shots.
Cortez sidled up to his bride, and a small crowd gathered around.
“We should make toasts,” Goldie said, giggling like a lightweight.
Cheers erupted as everyone clamored for their turn to toast to the happy couple.
Kenzi stood, raising her glass to Naia and Cortez. “Here’s to you, here’s to me, the best of friends we’ll always be. But if we ever disagree...then fuck you, and here’s to me!” Laughter rang out.
A man with a Russian accent chimed in, “To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things.” More laughter rang out.
The toasts only degraded from there, but Kasima was starting to have fun again.
“May all your ups and downs be between the sheets,” someone called from behind. The crowd hooted and hollered.
Then Donovan stood and took on a more serious tone. “Cortez, I have always admired you like no one else, but never once have I been jealous of you. Not until tonight. Naia, you’ve found the luckiest man in the world, because he has you.”
Emotions grew thick in Kasima’s throat. She glanced at Lex. His eyes were on the table as though his mind was elsewhere.
Naia dabbed at her eyes, and Cortez kissed her on the cheek.
The whole room had gone silent with approval.
Donovan raised his glass. “So, may you love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching….and screw like it’s being filmed.”
Once more the crowd turned rowdy.
“No problems in that department,” Cortez boasted. Naia lightly slapped him on the chest with the back of her hand.
After another round of drinks and toasts, Cortez and Naia said their last goodbyes before heading out to wherever they planned to spend their honeymoon. Lex offered to take Kasima home. The car ride was awkward and layered in silence. She wasn’t sure what to say; sorry I said the L-word? It won’t happen again? Don’t leave me?
That just sounded too pathetic. She said nothing.
He pulled up to her curb, and she debated trying for one last kiss.
“So, listen,” he started, and immediately her heart sank at his tone. “With Cortez gone, I’m going to be a little busy over the next few weeks. With work and all. So I might not see you for a bit.”
“Yeah, no, me too. Work’s going to take up a lot of my time. There’s this banquet I’m helping to plan, so I won’t be very available.” This was it. This was how they were going to say goodbye.
“Okay, good. So, we’re okay then,” he peered at her through the darkness. Was he worried she’d start blubbering? Begging?
“Yeah, we’re great.”
Silence stretched for a minute.
“Okay. Good.” Then he leaned close to place a kiss on her lips. She blinked, a little surprised, but then she leaned into it, allowing herself to enjoy this final, warm moment. The perfect way to end it: with his drugging scent in her head and his soft lips molding to hers. A memory to cherish.
He pulled away too soon. “I’ll call you, yeah?”
She nodded and scurried out of the car, not trusting her voice. Once inside, she closed her door, sank to the ground, and surrendered to heartache.
20
Over the next couple of weeks, Kasima threw herself into work as never before. Like a carnivore on the hunt, busy work was her meat. When a file needed attention, it was handled with swift accord. If Mr. Dixon asked her to read over an article, she scoured each word three times for good measure. Emails didn’t have a chance to pile up before she ripped through them. She didn’t go out to lunch much. Just nibbled at her desk on whatever she could find in the break room’s lone vending machine while she worked. Yet there never seemed to be enough tasks to keep her mind off the fact that Lex still hadn’t called.
It wasn’t the least bit surprising. He’d warned her not to get attached. It was her own damn fault. In a way, she appreciated his prudence, using his bosses’ honeymoon as an excuse to create this distance between them.
She’d reached out a few times, calling his number. After the third time ringing through to his voicemail, she began to feel foolish. So she stopped.
It was for the best.
Falling for a vampire was the very last thing she needed right now. It was the very last thing she needed ever. There was no future with Lex. Even if they were still FWBs, their relationship had always been destined to end. Sooner was better than later. Less messy that way.
Didn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
Assisting Tanya turned out to be a much-needed distraction. This year’s awards ceremony was panning out to be bigger than ever. Poor girl was overwhelmed trying to accommodate all the different news outlets wishing to attend. Meat.
Kasima took over production of the program booklets that were to be mailed out. On the centerfold, she’d listed all the names of the awards to be handed out and nominees in each category, Brian’s name among them.
After printing, folding, and stapling each one methodically, she slipped them into envelopes and piled them in the plastic bin on her desk labeled outbound.
When that was finished, she took it upon herself to organize her computer files, but it was so menial, her mind wandered once more.
What in the world had gotten into her that night for her to blurt out something so stupid? The atmosphere? Or the romance in the air? The alcohol?
Of course she wasn’t really in love with Lex. The idea was borderline ridiculous. Laughable.
A delivery man entered the office, his arm wrapped around a delicate red vase with a gorgeous arrangement of tropical flowers.
Heart snapping into her throat, Kasima shot to her feet. The rusted wheels of her chair along the floor screeched in protest, catching the man’s attention. He smiled and approached. “Are you Betsy Finkle,” he asked kindly.
Kasima blinked. “Huh?”
He checked his notepad
. “I’m looking for a Betsy Finkle.”
“No. Uh. Betsy’s right over there.” Kasima pointed toward the cubicles that divided up the room where Betsy’s nameplate was on display. But there was no need. Betsy had heard her name and poked her head out curiously. Seeing the bouquet, she visibly brightened and rushed over to accept the flowers.
“Oh! He shouldn’t have done this.” She giggled, claiming her prize.
“Sign here,” the delivery man said indifferently, then he left without another word—as if the misunderstanding hadn’t just sliced Kasima straight through, flaying the tender bullseye of her heart.
When Betsy’s voice drifted in as if from a great distance, Kasima realized she was still standing, staring after the delivery man.
“...my favorite…so beautiful...don’t you think?” Betsy beamed as the bleeding wound in Kasima’s chest quaked.
She nodded, her throat too tight to speak. A couple of people had gathered around to admire Betsy’s arrangement. Brian stood in his office doorway, keen eyes on Kasima.
Had any of them deciphered her assumption that the flowers were for her? Were her thoughts written plainly on her face? Was the useless hope that had sprung into her soul exposed?
Fire entered her cheeks.
“...he’s such a sweetheart,” Betsy continued, then seemed to notice Kasima’s expression. “Though it’s nothing compared to that marvelous bouquet you got the other day, Kasima.”
The wilting display that still sat in her foyer? The one that she really should throw away, but hadn’t been able to bring herself to do it yet?
“Albert must have been paying attention when I told him about it,” Betsy added. “I went on and on about it. Must have given him a little incentive to step up his game. Yesterday, for the first time, he told me he loves me.”
“That’s great!” Kasima blurted a little too loudly. She cleared her throat. “So great, Betsy. They really are beautiful. Albert did good. I’ve got to...” Sitting back down, she grabbed the stapler and some nearby sheets of paper, stapling them together. “Sorry, I have to get back to work now. I’m swamped.”
