by R. J. Lewis
That placated him for a little while. He finally slid his hand up and then down, stroking my pussy in that masterful way he knew. He found my clit and added the perfect pressure to it, rubbing circles around it. His other arm came up around my waist, holding me against him now, keeping me supported. My breaths were wild as he continued, running his fingers down my folds and teasing my entrance before going back up again.
“Has anyone touched my pussy while I was away?” he asked, tightly.
I pressed my ass further into him, feeling the hard ridge of his cock against me. I was lost to the sensations, unable to answer him.
“Charlotte,” he hissed in my ear.
I shook my head, feeling the crest of pleasure approaching. “No.”
He ran his finger into me, pumping me a few times as he circled my clit faster. “You swear it?”
I shook, groaning as it began to hit me.
“Charlotte, answer.”
“I swear it,” I gasped out just as the orgasm slammed full force into me. I collapsed in his arms, and he held me tight, kissing my neck as I rode it out. He didn’t let go until my senses returned, until I really stopped to go over his words.
But then I felt his cock between my legs, heard his heavy breaths behind me as he kicked my legs apart, driving himself into me suddenly. I gasped, a pained groan leaving my lips as he slid in all the way. Fuck, he was so big. And fuck, he stretched me unbearably, not bothering like most other times to wait for me to get used to his size. It was so fucking hot to be broken in by him.
His hand ran up my spine, gathering at a handful of my hair, keeping me positioned against the bookshelf as he thrust in and out of me. Sharp strokes that hurt, and sharp strokes that made me dizzy with pleasure. My scalp stung under his grip, tears sprang to my eyes, and yet I found myself rubbing my ass against him, begging him to keep going.
And he did.
He let go of my hair and gripped my hip and fucked me quickly, harshly, zero gentleness in his movements. His other hand was still buried in my underwear, still rubbing at my tender spot, forcing another wave of pleasure out of me. He groaned deep in his throat as I shook, coming apart under him, and he stilled right after, spilling himself into me, dropping his head against the back of mine as he rode the pleasure out.
I was sweating and hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt. I felt deliciously used, though conflicted by his words earlier. It was bittersweet, to finally get fucked after two days, but not in a manner I would have expected. In fact, it was never in a manner that I craved. Conor hadn’t dropped those final walls yet. I missed how doting he used to be, staring me in the eyes as he took me. I craved that connection more than the orgasms he unleashed in me.
I didn’t like when he pulled himself out of me. I wanted him buried in me longer, wanted him to fuck me ruthlessly. He slid his hand out of my panties and pulled my skirt back down. His breaths were still heavy, his dick semi-hard against my back.
My hand went behind me, touching at his hip, but he was quick to take it and gently place it back against my side. A moment of panic on his part, maybe he thought I was going to touch his cock.
I turned around to look at him, surprised that, although his face had a sheen of sweat to it from our session, his expression was utterly flat. Not a single emotion shone in his eyes as he met my gaze.
“Why did you do that?” I whispered.
“Why did I do what?” he replied coolly. “Fuck you?”
“Ask me those things,” I corrected.
His jaw tightened. He looked all wrong to me then. All dark and scary. “Because I wanted to know,” he answered simply. “Because I should know, shouldn’t I?”
“We went over this.”
“You said no one fucked you. I wanted to know if anyone got to touch you.”
I didn’t answer straight away. Too busy studying him, trying to gauge his mood, I saw the darkness surrounding him, swallowing him whole, turning him…cold. I knew what this was. Self-preservation. He was protecting himself from emotional injury, turning into stone to lessen the blow of what he might be scared to discover.
There was also something else too.
Something…worse.
“Has anyone touched you?” The words fled my mouth before I could stop them.
The reaction in him was immediate. His eyes flickered to mine so quickly, the shock in them apparent. Shock and…yes, pain. He turned away, hiding from me as he walked to the window facing the backyard. My eyes trekked the fading bruises on his back, and I shut my eyes so I wouldn’t see them. I fought the tears brimming on the surface, horribly aware of what he might have endured.
I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have asked it. Maybe that was the real reason he was reserved. He was out, but he was still imprisoned in a way. And what right did I have to pry so soon after he’d been freed in the physical sense? My lips parted, the apology at the tip of my tongue when he spoke.
“Sometimes, in order to survive, you’ve got to become darker than darkness itself.” He turned his head slightly, so his profile was visible to me now. He looked sad and…ashamed. “No one could touch me in there, Charlotte. I made sure of that from the start, but…if they tried, I made them do the very thing they tried to force me to do. I punished them and set the precedent.” His tone turned sour as he added, “Figure out what I mean and then tell me you still want me.”
“I still want you,” I blurted out, desperately. I didn’t give it any thought. I didn’t know the specifics of what he made anyone endure. I didn’t know what it meant to be darker than darkness itself, but none of that eclipsed the way I felt.
He turned his head entirely to me now, his eyes rimmed red. “Then you haven’t figured it out.”
“I don’t care,” I scoffed, shaking my head as the tears fell down my face. “I don’t care, Conor, because I love you, and I waited for you, and your heart could be as black as night, it wouldn’t make a difference. Because you’re still you underneath it all.”
He swallowed hard, choking out, “I don’t feel like me, dove.”
I went to him, grasping his arm tightly as I looked up into his broken eyes. “You’re still you,” I assured him. “I feel him when you look at me. We just need to work a little harder to bring him out, so you can feel him too.”
He gave me a sad smile. “You’ve always believed in me.”
“What’s the alternative?”
“To stop.”
“I can’t do that. I’m not wired to stop when it comes to you.”
He frowned. “I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you again. I’ll disappoint Penny.”
“How can you disappoint us? You’re out, and you’re never going back there again. We’re stable here, Conor. We have time to figure it all out.”
Heavy in thought, he shook his head, looking weighed down suddenly. “It’s not that simple, dove.”
“Why?” I demanded.
He was holding back, pressing his lips together to keep from telling me. What wasn’t he saying? I bit my tongue, waiting, though I was imploring him to open up to me.
He wasn’t going to.
I sighed and pressed my head against his arm, shutting my eyes briefly. “The other night you talked about what our world would have been like if you hadn’t gone to prison. I spent a lot of time doing that too. When you went away, I was devastated and broken, and I started seeing Billy everywhere.” Conor stiffened at Billy’s name, but I didn’t stop. “I see him when my emotions are high, when things feel fucked up. I know it’s all in my head, and he doesn’t scare me, but when you were gone and it was all still so fresh, I kept getting hung up on Billy, thinking someone sent him to me that day. It really messed with my head, and I started losing touch with myself. I felt like a stranger in my body, and I was drowning in what-ifs.”
I paused, hoping he was listening carefully, and I sensed he was.
“Jem pulled me back from my darkness, and he didn’t do anything special, either. He was just…present. He was t
here for me. Even Locke was there for me in his own fucked up way. The guys you grew up with pulled me out of a dark hole, and I didn’t think I’d ever find the light, until I did.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is…we don’t just walk out of darkness. The light hits us slowly, and we adjust to it little by little, until we’re ready to take our first step.” I rested a hand against his cheek and stared into his vulnerable blue eyes. “I’m here for you, Conor. Present no matter what. I’m never leaving you. I’ll hold your hand through your darkness, and I’ll be there when you’re ready to step into the light again.”
His thoughts were weighing him down, I could see that there were things he wasn’t telling me. Things that were going to prevent him from adjusting to freedom.
He didn’t respond to me straightaway, but I didn’t expect a response either. I needed him to know, despite the obstacles standing in our way, I would be there for him.
Maybe my words helped. Maybe they did nothing. But they were out there, in the open for him to know, and I was going to stand by them. No matter what.
Finally, he dropped his head and kissed me softly. “I love you, Charlotte. You’re part of my soul, dove, and you’re so feisty now. I like it.”
I kissed him back, savouring the feel of his soft lips before saying, “You’re the only man I’ve loved, the only man I’ll ever love. You own my soul, Conor, and that’ll never change.”
And there, for a fleeting moment, I saw a little bit of light in his eyes.
THE HOLE
Max descended the steps, eyes wide, staring around the dark room. Faintly, in the distance, he could hear Conor’s voice.
43… 44… 45… 46.
He paused, wavering on the final step.
A cold chill ran down his spine. He felt his stomach tighten and his heart squeeze. Something about this felt all wrong.
There are moments.
Moments you know you should turn back.
His mother always told him to listen to his gut.
She explained to him his fear was never unfounded.
“You say you’re scared of everything,” she said, “but maybe you’re more in tune with danger than everyone else, Max. You have the gift of fear. Every day our brain catalogues our surroundings. When something is out of the ordinary, we sense it. You sense it more than most. Listen to it, Max. Always listen to your senses.”
He was sensing it now.
This suddenly didn’t seem like a good idea anymore.
His skin came alive, tingling. His heart caught in his throat, because he felt the weight of something dark settle over him.
He had to leave.
He had to leave now.
He turned around and looked up at the light flooding in, catching the briefest sight of a figure.
Of a face.
“Hey –” Max began to say just as the steel doors above him closed.
Chapter Fifteen
Thames
“Daddy,” Penny whispered, leaning into his side.
“Yeah, baby?” he said.
She darted her eyes over his head and then around them, like she was keeping a look out. They were on the living room floor, colouring books open. Charlotte had forced Penny off her Minecart/craft/crane(?) game and forced her to do something more “constructive.” Penny argued she was showing Thames her world and the little jail she’d made for him. She’d set him free days ago, and now Daddy Thames in this world was farming and mining for diamonds and shit. It was all very fucking weird.
Anyway, she’d hardly given two shits about colouring in her princess colouring book. She was constantly glancing around them before finding the courage to lean into his side.
“I want a dog,” she whispered to him. “Mom said I can have all the dogs in the world…so long as they’re in Minecraft.” She rolled her eyes the way Charlotte did when she was annoyed about something. Thames’ lips twitched, but he fought to be serious because Penny was deadly serious about this.
“I tried to tell her I don’t have a dog, I have a wolf and a llama, but the llama is going to get killed because it keeps following Kane around and not me and that’s not exceptable.” He was pretty sure she meant acceptable. “I’m also trying to tame a bear but it’s not really working out for me. So, but anyway, I was wondering if you can get me a dog and we can tame it together and stuff.”
Fucking hell, she was batting her eyelashes at him and everything. Her giant eyes drank him in with this hopeful expression. If it were up to him, Thames would have gone to a pet shop right that second and gotten her a dog and a wolf and a llama and anything else she wanted.
“I never had a dog,” he murmured in thought, considering this for a moment.
“Kane has one,” she responded. “And Lily has one too.”
“What kind of dog do you think you’d want?”
He mentally pictured Penny with a tiny Pomeranian or even a cute Chihuahua.
“I want a Pitbull,” she stated as a matter of fact. “I’m going to call her Dozer.”
A…Pitbull. Thames blinked, and then blinked some more, and then he didn’t know how many blinks had lapsed before he finally said, “I’ll talk to your mom about it.”
“But you can’t say I brought it up,” she urgently responded. “It has to come from you. She’ll do anything for you, Daddy. She waited forever for you.”
His heart thudded hard in his chest. “She did, didn’t she?”
Penny nodded. “She loves you, Daddy. Kane said so many times he wishes his mom and dad loved each other the way Mom loves you.”
“How does Kane know how much she loves me?”
“I always talk about it.” She shrugged before her lips bunched to one side. “He also said his dad talks about her sometimes when he’s with Aunty Ember.”
What in the hell?
Just as he opened his mouth to prod her about it, the doorbell rang. Charlotte, who had been doing work in her office, went to answer.
“Why didn’t you give me a heads up?” she asked a moment later in disapproval.
“I couldn’t help myself. I gotta see the big guy.”
Thames whipped his head to the side at Jem’s voice.
“It’s Uncle Jem again,” Penny whispered excitedly just as footsteps approached.
Jem poked his head in, smiling brightly from the threshold of the living room. “Hey, buddy.”
A surge of excitement shot through Thames as he stood up from the floor and greeted him with a bear hug.
“Hi Uncle Jem,” Penny exclaimed from the floor.
“Hello Penny, my little unicorn.”
“Dad’s been awesome!”
“Yeah, he’s sort of great, isn’t he?” Jem redirected his gaze to Thames, looking suddenly sheepish. “Sorry for dropping in like this. I decided to take the night off work and couldn’t get you outta my head, man.”
“No, it’s alright, it’s good,” Thames assured him.
“Have you eaten?” Jem asked before looking over his shoulder at Charlotte. She was standing not far from him, smiling softly. “I can order something from my pub. They’ll deliver, no problem, and free of charge too.”
Charlotte beat Thames with a response. “Wings, Jem. Lots of wings.”
Jem was already pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Alright, wings. Anything else?”
“Fries.”
“Okay, any beer? Or you guys already have that in the house?”
“Mom doesn’t drink beer,” Penny said, wrinkling her nose.
Jem chuckled, glancing briefly at Thames. “You know, Penny, your dad was big on beer once upon a time.”
“I’ll pass,” Thames replied lightly.
Jem shook his head. “You two have gone soft. Don’t think I’ve forgotten what you can down in that little belly of yours, Char.”
Charlotte laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t mind some beer then.”
“Now we’re talking.”
“Just while I finish up some work.”
Jem feigned a groan, looking disapprovingly at her. “Work? At this hour?”
“I haven’t been at the firm –”
“Locke will live,” he cut in, though his tone was far more serious than expected. “He’ll understand.”
“I can’t neglect my work.”
“It can wait, just for tonight.”
Thames watched the two of them as they interacted, sensing the level of comfort between them. It made him feel good Charlotte had had Jem by her side. There was nobody he trusted more, aside from Megan. He also felt a knot in his chest. It wasn’t jealousy, per say, but more the desire to have witnessed their friendship blossom, to have been present over the years.
He shelved the emotions aside and plastered a content smile on his face.
“I hope I’m not intruding,” Jem went on to say.
“We were just colouring,” Penny said. “Nothing else. Right, Daddy?”
Her eyes widened in warning as she looked at Thames, and he suppressed a laugh. “That’s right,” he agreed. “Just colouring.”
He would not betray Penny’s trust.
Certainly not over Dozer the Pitbull.
The food arrived fairly quickly. They sat at the table and ate. Conversation flowed easily, like it always had with Jem. He’d always been easy to get along with, and he was always such a storyteller.
Thames ate and listened more than he spoke, smiling on cue, even feeling a bubble of laughter at the pit of his chest as Jem recounted hilarious bar tales of Blackwater’s finest.
At some point, Thames found himself retreating into the background, neglecting his food, watching from the head of the table as Penny dived into her food, as Charlotte took small sips of her beer, laughing along with Jem, as Jem animatedly raised his hands up and spoke in vivid detail of who did this and, oh my fuck, who did that.
As the laughter erupted, as Penny nearly choked from laughing too hard, Thames felt a sudden panic strike his chest. There were so many opportunities for him to open his mouth and say something, anything. Jem had even looked directly at him, waiting for some sort of response, but Thames couldn’t move his lips.
