Never.
Not even when I know my end will come soon.
22
Ventidue
TAP OUT
“You are not all evil, and I am not all good. Things are not that simple.” – Mary Margaret
ANDREA
I knocked him out ten minutes ago and he is still unconscious on the cage’s floor. I got scared for a minute there, I thought I had killed him, but thankfully he's waking up now.
Shit, I wanted to prove a point not to cause him severe damage but oh well, he brought it upon himself.
He’s groaning now while trying to get up from the floor. He manages to stand up and face me, but his eyes are unfocused.
Oh...fuck...
Well, now I feel bad. That's a first for me.
“Look, I’m sorry but you kind of had it coming. If you would just” — I don't have time to finish the sentence before he grabs my head and puts me in a headlock.
What a sore fucking loser.
I try to fight him off but he's too strong. I try to knee him in the balls again because it's the only thing that works with this beast, but it is futile. I can feel my throat closing, my eyes watering. I can't breathe.
“Give up and tap out, principessa, I don't feel like going to a funeral.”, he laughs.
If I tap out, then he has the pleasure of holding this against me for life. Fuck, my stubbornness will get me killed.
“Tap... the... fuck...out…
I’m almost to the point where I'll lose consciousness, but I manage to tap his arm twice.
He slowly turns me around to face him without letting go. I'm sure if he does, I will fall flat on the floor. However, he carries me out of the fighting cage with all the gentleness in the world. I’m too disoriented to pay attention to what he's doing but I feel his breath and the soft brush of his lips on my temple.
I must be hallucinating.
He puts me on my feet and brushes my hair out my face when he says: “Good girl, now get ready to go on a date with me tonight.”
Huh? What the hell just happened? I fucking won.
“You did not win, Lucan. I knocked your ass out first.” I remind him in case he has brain damage.
“Nah, principessa, you might have knocked me out, but the fight was far from over and I wasn't the one who tapped out.” He must sense my confusion because he continues. “Now, go doll yourself up. I'm taking you somewhere classy tonight.” He turns to leave but not before saying. “You made a deal Andrea, fucking honor it.” With a grin on his face, he leaves with the last word. Great, I guess I have a date tonight, but I’ll make him regret it.
23
Ventitre
THIS IS NO FAIRYTALE
“I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.” - Morticia Addams
LUCAN
It’s been a couple of hours since the hot as fuck fighting session between Andrea and me. She would have never agreed to train with me or even be in the same room as me if I hadn't forced her hand. I don’t even feel bad for the measures I had to take to make Rian, Benedetto’s personal guard, not show up this morning at the gym to train Andrea.
I wouldn't have had to resort to roughing him up a bit and locking him in the guard’s bathroom. He could have avoided all of it if he had just agreed to get lost for the day. So, if you think about it, it’s actually his fault.
Goddamn it.
What the hell is it about this girl?
I mean, this girl is way too stubborn. Her smart mouth is somewhat annoying but, if I’m honest. that smart mouth and bratty attitude makes me rock hard.
I am Lucan Volpe, and the world will be mine for the taking, whether I want it or not. So, why does this girl have me coming back for more?
I steal a glance at her, she’s slumped in the passenger seat looking at everything except me. Why do I want those hypnotizing brown eyes on me?
I am so fucked.
I pull up in front of Museum of Art of Detroit. This is my favorite place to be when the walls feel like they are closing in on me. This place means something to me; it's where my ma and I used to have our “special dates” like she used to call them. We would come here, and she would tell me all about the paintings, sculptures, and their meaning. She would also tell me what the artist was feeling when he or she created the piece. I found it truly fascinating, how someone with their two hands could create such beauty. There was this one piece made of glass that stuck with me. It was a little girl on her knees covering her ears, while terrifying creatures surrounded her.
I asked my mom that day what the artist was feeling while he made that piece. She said: “She’s trying to silence the world, my love.” My young self couldn’t comprehend the meaning of her words but somehow, I could feel my ma’s pain.
I wanted that.
I wanted to silence all the voices in my head.
The voices at home.
At that precise moment, I told my mother what I wanted to do with my life and asked her to buy me everything I needed because I too was going to create art. Art that would silence all the terrifying creatures that could one day hurt me. I won't ever forget the look in her eyes, not of disappointment but of sorrow.
She knew that would never be in the cards for me but still she bought me everything I thought I needed and even signed me up for art classes with my very own personal teacher. One day when I was six years old, my father came home early and found out about my new hobby. He showed me what he thought about it by breaking my hand and giving my mother a busted lip. That's when I learnt what my true purpose in this fucked up life was.
I shake the bad memories away because there's no use thinking about the past. I can't change it so why give it another thought? I stop the car and hand my keys to the valet guy, then jog over to the passenger door and offer my hand to Andrea.
She looks exquisite tonight. She’s wearing a tight as fuck dress the color of her skin, it looks like it was painted on or some shit. All I know is she looks good enough to eat and I'm starving.
If I were any other type of man, I would tell her how stunning she looks tonight and if I had my sketchbook with me, I would love to translate such beauty onto paper.
But this is no fairytale and I'm no prince.
24
Ventiquattro
JUST PRETEND
“Money makes me romantic.” – Audrey Hepburn
ANDREA
Out of all the places I could imagine this Neanderthal taking me for our date, I would've never expected it to be an art museum.
I’ve been on all kinds of dates before - roller skating, movies, restaurants, but this is new for me.
Lucan rented the entire museum for the night.
There’s no one here but the two of us.
This is too intimate.
I can’t hide here.
The museum of Art of Detroit is beautiful. I mean, it’s no Louvre but the paintings and sculptures on display here are truly magnificent.
For some reason Lucan is quiet here and acting strange. Not that he acts normal by any means but here he is almost vulnerable. It’s no fun kicking someone when they're down. I was planning to give him hell on this date but how can I when he looks like someone just murdered his puppy?
Yeah, weird. I know.
He arranged a private tour of the museum and the guide told us all about the art pieces that are displayed here. There’s one piece in particular that catches my eye and I near it to get a closer look. My heart shrinks in my chest because of what I'm seeing before me.
It's a sculpture of a tiny girl covering her ears while there are monsters hovering over her. I get a closer look at the label, it reads. “Nascondersi dai mostri.'' - I’m sure I butchered the name.
“Hiding from monsters.” Lucan whispers in my ear. I didn't even notice him joining my side.
I’m still staring in awe at the sculpture before me. “It’s so tragically beautiful.” I feel so connected to this piece. It's like someon
e crawled into the deepest part of my soul and discovered my biggest fear.
The little girl seems so scared and lonely.
“Indeed, it is.”, he murmurs so softly that I almost miss it.
Almost.
I turn my head in his direction expecting to see him admiring the beauty before us but, instead, I find him gazing at me. His eyes tell me one thing, but his actions say otherwise.
Ugh! One day with him and I'm already so confused and starting to lower my guard.
This is bad.
This is really bad.
I can't afford to do that.
At least not now.
Especially not with him.
“The terrified girl symbolizes the artist and the ugly beasts hovering above her represent the world.”, he pauses, admiring the piece. “Well, that’s one of many interpretations.”
I am curious now. “There’s more than one?”, I ask.
“Yes, some say the sculptor suffered from schizophrenia and the girl is him and the beasts are the monsters from his past. He committed suicide right after he finished this piece. He didn’t even get to see it being displayed.”
Lucan’s tone is eerily calm and sad.
“How do you know this?”, I ask him while still looking at that sculpture of the hunted girl.
He shrugs “I know art.”
Yeah, there’s more to it than that.
“Come, the night is not over yet.”, he says before holding his hand for me to take.
We don't have to be enemies, at least not tonight.
So, I take his hand, and just for tonight I pretend.
I pretend that I'm not an orphan.
I pretend that I'm just a normal girl with a normal boy on a beautiful date.
Just pretend.
The night is almost over, and I haven't felt this at peace in a year. I wish every night could be like this.
I wish this feeling would never end, but it will.
It always does.
I don’t know how Lucan pulled it off but, inside the constellation exhibit he had someone prepare us dinner. It looks like the inside of a beautiful Italian restaurant.
We are literally dining under the stars.
He has been quiet all throughout dinner and surprisingly I enjoy the silence. I don’t mind his presence as much as I thought I would. I might be losing it, maybe that explains why I ask what’s been on my mind since the moment Fallon told me. How does he deal with her lost?
“How did it feel like?” I ask. “Losing her, I mean?”, I ask but I know I won’t get an answer. There’s no way Lucan will confide in me.
A stranger.
An enemy.
A couple of uncomfortable seconds pass before he surprises the hell out of me with his answer.
“It felt like every goodbye ever said to me all at once.” That’s it. That’s all he offers me before he continues eating like this moment never happened.
Huh.
We carry on in silence, but I keep replaying his answer in my head. How could a mother leave her kids and never look back? My mom would’ve never done such a thing, only death tore us apart. She had no choice, but Lucan’s mother chose her freedom over her kids.
I’m almost done with my plate when Lucan asks: “If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?” I didn't expect small talk from him but alright.
If I had one wish, I would choose to be wherever my mom is, but I'm not telling him that.
“New York is where my heart is.”, I tell him truthfully.
Lucan drops his fork but keeps a hold on his knife which he is holding with so much force that, although it is scientifically impossible, he could break it. He just might.
“I wasn't aware you had a special someone at home.”, his tone is that of a jealous man.
“Why would you be aware of that Lucan? You don't know me.” It’s the truth.
Nobody here knows me except for Fallon. Everyone made their minds up about me according to what they see on gossip sites or just from what their parents tell them. No one has taken the time to ask me what I want or how I feel. So, yeah, they don’t know shit about me. They just assume.
He abruptly stands up from his chair and says: “You’re right, I don’t.”
Date over. It was nice while it lasted.
25
Venticinque
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
“You know, I’m getting pretty damn tired of everybody.” – Lip Gallagher
ANDREA
The Past
“Sunshine, did I ever tell you how I met your father?” Mom says while sowing my costume for my school’s winter recital. I don’t like dancing, but the look on mama’s face when I dance is pure happiness.
It makes me happy.
My mommy should smile more, she only ever does it for me.
“Is it like Cinderella when she met her prince?” My innocent question makes her laugh. Her laugh is my favorite sound, when I hear it, I know all is right in my world.
“No, my love. It was even more magical,” she tells me, and a grin takes over her pretty face.
“But, mom, what can be more magical than a fairytale?” I ask.
“Life. It was real life, sunshine, and that makes it even better than any fairytale”, she beams. “You see, Andrea, princesses don’t write their own happily ever after and they don’t get to choose their prince. The author does and once the book is done, it’s over. In real life though, you can write your own story, choose your prince and the book keeps going as long as your heart beats.” I look up and meet my mother’s gaze. It’s filled with so much emotion and love. Why does she still feel love for my daddy? He broke her heart when he abandoned us.
“I met your father one cold winter night in New York city. I had two jobs, you see, so I worked late shifts. I was in a hurry back home before your grandparents started getting worried. Back then it was dangerous for a young girl to walk alone at night. I lived in a really bad area in Brooklyn.”
“I was two blocks away from my house when I heard a man’s painful grunts from behind a dumpster. My gut was telling me it was not safe to stop and help a stranger. I didn't know what he did to be in that position or if it was just a ruse to get me to stop and hurt me in any way, but my heart, the fool, made me stop and help the strange man. I walked closer to him and was left speechless.”
I've heard of love at first sight, but I never believed in it, until that very moment. This handsome man with beautiful indigo eyes and hair as black as the dead sky was staring at me with pain and wonder in his gaze. Don’t ask me how I knew that he was the one for me, maybe it was my naive heart, but at that moment I knew he was my person.”
“Mommy, what happened next?” I’m eager to know more about their first encounter, more about my daddy.
She goes on to tell me the rest of the story, how he told her his name was Charles Nolan and he was mugged on his way back to his apartment. Her tone changes when she tells me this part of their story.
It hurt her; my daddy hurt her heart.
“I spent a week nursing him back to health and hiding him in my family’s attic. We talked about our childhoods and our dreams. I should've known that something was not right when he refused to talk about his family. I just thought it was a sore subject and I wanted to respect his wishes. I fell in love with that man with every word and every gesture of love he gave me. - Mommy stops and takes a deep breath - “Nunca nadie me había demostrado amor como el lo hizo, mi niña.” No one had ever shown me love like he did, my girl.
“Did he really love you, mommy?” It’s barely a whisper.
I don’t want to hurt her. I just want to understand.
“Very much so, my girl, of that I have no doubt.”, she smiles while touching a gold chain with the letters VAL. My mother had plenty of designer jewelry but that necklace, which looked so inexpensive and like it could break at any given moment, was her favorite. Her most prized possession after me, she used to say.
&nb
sp; I finally feel brave enough to ask. “Why did he leave us? “Didn’t he want me?”
“Oh, my sweet Andrea, he loved you with his entire heart and soul.'' Mommy hugs me tightly to her chest. “Andrea, he did it to protect us, all of us. He—"
Present
Bang!
A loud noise wakes me from the most pleasant sleep I have had since I lost mom. I look at my alarm clock and it reads 3:34 am. What was that? I thought about ignoring the loud noises coming from downstairs and going back to sleep, but the shouts of two angry men have me rising from my bed as quickly as possible and heading downstairs. I should stay in bed, I know, but my curiosity wins over my good judgment.
After the long day I had yesterday with almost being choked to death and being wined and dined by the same guy who did said choking. You might say all I want is to fall into a deep slumber and not wake up for days. However, the ruckus downstairs won’t let me.
I walk down the long stairs and follow the loud shouts. It seems to be coming from Benedetto’s home office. The door is not all the way closed and I can clearly see two men facing off.
Benedetto and Uncle Cassius.
“You promised!” — Uncle Cassius shouts. “Don’t do this to her.”
“Keep your voice down.”, Benedetto hisses. “Andrea can’t know. Nobody, for that matter, can find out of your betrayal to this family. - Il tuo tradimento a tuo fratello.”, he gets up from his chair and heads to the window, giving Cassius his back.
“You know damn well why I got rid of him”, he sounds angry now. “They were mi—” Benedetto rudely interrupted him. “Shut your goddamn mouth! Not only did you betray this family, but you also killed my son!”, he screams. Not caring at all if he wakes everyone in this house or if I overhear the devastating secret. “You killed my boy.” Benedetto silently sobs.
Andrea The Beginning (Holy Trinity, #1) Page 11
