by Elsa Kurt
Suffice to say it involved the backseat of Long Hair’s Chevy Malibu, a knock on a steamy window, a very distraught No Name, a confused Long Hair, and a mortified Keira. Oh, and a wandering jolly black Labrador who somehow ended up locking himself in No Name’s Truck, forcing him to accept a ride from Long Hair to the gas station eight miles away. The three of them— Long Hair, Keira, and No Name— sat in the front seat. Not. Awkward. At. All. Right? Keira could only allow herself to think about what a great laugh Molly would have when she told her the story.
Don’t forget the dog, now. His owner came upon the abandoned truck, busted the window and freed his dog. Then he called the police. It was a very bad night for No Name.
So, it was a fiasco. Yet, somehow, instead of telling Keira he hated her and never wanted to see her again, No Name suddenly became hyper-interested in her family, her friends and her kids and wanted to go everywhere with her, which she initially obliged for lack of knowing how else to handle him. His sudden, drastic change weirded everyone out. Especially Keira, and most vocally Molly. It was time for him to go, and he didn’t take it well at all. All proven because months later, he still found a way to be around.
Keira opened her car door, not looking across the street, but rather at only the front of her home. Now in its second summer, the morning glories, trumpet vines, fuchsias, and petunias beckoned a wide variety of nature’s creatures. Birdhouses and hummingbird feeders hung cheerily from hooks, and a small bubbling water fountain gave them shelter, food and respite from the summer heat. Violet and Lola had watched several baby birds hatching, monarch butterflies in full transformation, hummingbirds feeding, and hand fed chipmunks, and even rescued an orphaned squirrel. They dug in the dirt, expanding their garden to twice its original size and grew traditional and exotic vegetables. They brought home stray animals regularly and were giving a chicken coop serious consideration.
It was just as she’d grown up, wild and free and part of nature, and she was so happy to give them the same experience. At first, they resisted, having been so indoctrinated by Darren to ‘not get dirty’ and behave ‘lady-like,’ but Keira persevered, and soon enough they were in the yard barefoot and getting dirt under their fingernails. Darren’s rules forgotten, four months of No Name’s weirdness shrugged off (after several, ‘we told you he was weird’ from both girls and Molly, as well), Long Hair faded away like a potential storm cloud, and life carried on.
Keira took in the sweet, happy sight of her home. She may have a failed marriage under her belt, and she sucked at finding normal men to date, but she’d done some serious self-reflection since and swallowing a big dose of Grow the Fuck Up, and she also had this. And right now, this was enough. So why was she on some dating site meeting strange men? (Because that’s the only kind you meet, buh-dum-bump, said Molly’s voice in her head)
For a second time, she realized this would be a short-lived adventure. It didn’t suit her at all, though she would allow that it served its purpose—she’d gotten out of her bubble, met new people, and strayed from her comfort zone. Mission accomplished, but she was ready to be done. Time to end her membership even if it meant she didn’t get her money back.
Later that night, with her mind made up, settled in bed, and laptop on lap, Keira headed straight to MateMatch to delete her profile. Right away, the “We Found You a MateMatch.” window popped open with the photo of the latest match. She took the proverbial double take when she saw the face. It was Mr. Interesting Eyes.
Okay. So, I’ll delete my profile after I look at him this one last time. For the third time, Keira studied BLUE4606’s pictures and re-read his bio. I keep going back to this guy, and now MateMatch thinks we’re a good fit. She, at last, decided that she’d keep her account open for one more week. Possibly even show him to Molly and get her opinion. Obviously, she couldn’t fully trust her own.
Oh, dear, tangled web indeed. What you must think of our girl. Believe me, I’ve tried narrating her a better way, but she’ll have none, I assure you. I inject a pause, a moment to rethink her choices, she breezes by as if it weren’t even there. I fill the air with foreboding music, she ignores it. Tsk, tsk. Surely this will come to a head, won’t it? I mean, you can’t be juggling people and stringing them along without some sort of consequence, can you? Cue suspenseful music... and fade.
7 IT’S DATING, NOT RELATION-SHIPPING
Chapter Six in The Smart Woman’s Guide To Dating . Ladies, I know you’re used tIo being in a relationship, but slow down. Enjoy this time of freedom in your life. If you think you’ve just met Mr. Right so soon after divorcing, chances are he’s only Mr. Right Now. Slow and steady, please.
“All right,” said Keira to Violet. “You’re going to text or call me the minute you land, right? And when you get to your Dad’s house?” To Darren, “Don’t forget sunblock, please. Violet will burn to a crisp in that—”
“Keir? I’ve got this, okay? Relax. I’ll have the girls call when we land. You can call anytime you want if it makes you feel better. They’ll be fine. Give me some credit, will ya?”
He flashed her his thousand-watt smile, the one that used to make her swoon, and gave her a playful chuck on the shoulder. This was his dashing Darren routine, and as usual, it caught her off guard.
“Sorry. It’s just, I’ve never… they’ve never—”
Keira’s voice shook, the tears stinging her eyes. Two weeks, that’s—
“— all it is. Two weeks and they’ll be back, and you’ll wish you had a break again before you know it. Girls, hug your crybaby mother and let’s hit the road.”
Another thousand-watt smile, wink.
“Aww, don’t cry, Mom. We’ll bring you back some seashells— the flat ones you like. We’ll call every night, too. Want me to call you in the morning, too? You should stay over Oma’s while we’re gone. Or have her stay with you.” stated Violet.
“Yeah, Mom, don’t cry,” Lola turned to Darren, “and Daddy, don’t tease Mommy. She’s sensitive.”
“Vi, your ole Mom’s going to be perfectly fine. Puh-lease don’t worry about me and have fun, okay? No worries. And thank you, Lola— that’s right, no teasing Mom.”
Everyone laughed at that, and Keira held back her tears as Darren’s car backed out of her driveway, then rounded the corner, and then she let them spill unchecked from her eyes. Her babies— fourteen and ten, but still her babies— were going on their first trip without their Mom. She was over-reacting, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. She decided a little time in the garden would help take her mind off her sadness, so she changed into her gardening clothes and ran out back.
As she weeded and transplanted errant fledgling bee balm and black-eyed Susan plants to new locations, Keira let her mind wander. She thought about her last date with Jason— a strange and surprising time she didn’t quite know what to do with now, in the light of day and retrospection.
Oh, goody. A flashback.
She let him pick her up at her house, against Molly’s admonishments and elicited promise to not invite him in at any cost, which she adhered to. The moment he pulled into her driveway, Keira ran out and jumped in his car.
“Let me guess— Molly’s MateMatch Rule 306. Never Let the Strange Man Enter Your House. Am I right?”
“Ah, yes, indeed, you are.”
“I’m going to want to meet this Molly at some point.”
“That could happen, sure. I’m not sure if you’re ready for that kind of scrutiny, though. Mols is a tough cookie.”
“So I gather, Keira.” Jason chuckled and continued, “Okay so, slight change of plans, if you’re game?”
“Oh? What’s the change?”
“Well… my mother and step-father have invited us over for drinks and hors d'oeuvres at their place. I, uh, kinda told them all about you and they’re dying to meet you. Too weird?”
“What? No, no, uh, not weird. I mean, a little unexpected, but not weird at all.”
Totally weird. What the f—
&nbs
p; “Fun. Sounds so fun.”
“You’ll love them. Mother’s retired, but she volunteers at the Weston Art Gallery every Sunday. Frank, my stepfather, owns a real estate company. Ask him about his wine cellar, it’s his favorite subject. Oh, and my mother’s gardens, wait till you see them. She’s so excited to show you.”
Keira’s head was spinning. Meet the parents on the second date? Based on how he spoke of them—mother, art gallery, owns a real estate company— they were wealthy, and he obviously wanted to show off.
Okay, Keira, roll with it. What do you care, anyway?
Sure, she could play the role of charming date meeting the fancy parents in their lavish home. She had successfully played pretend before, both with Rock Band and Long Hair, so she was confident in her ability to pull it off again. It was easy when she didn’t really care. Fortunately, she got all the dirt out from under her fingernails and dressed appropriately— demure, simple black dress, mid-height heel and understated jewelry. Her honey blonde hair was loose, the long waves cascading down her tan bareback. She looked good. Thus, she was not clumsy, awkward Keira, she was classy, delightful Keira. Or at least playing the role of.
Jason turned his white BMW— license plate, YACHT1— between two lion statue-topped stone pillars. A long, a curved cobblestone driveway led them up to a champagne-blond bricked mini-mansion. It sat atop a grassy hill with imperious elegance. Jason pulled up to the third door of the four-bay garage nestled underneath a pair of large windows.
Oh, my.
“We’re here. Two drinks tops, and we’ll hit the next round of fun. Sound fair?”
“Of course. This will be great, I’m sure.”
Keira put her hand reassuringly on Jason’s arm and smiled. Whatever, she thought. This’ll be a great story to tell Molly tomorrow, at the very least.
“Keira?” Jason put his warm, too-soft-for-a-man hand over hers, “I really like you. I just want you to know that.”
Before she answered, Jason leaned in to kiss her. Much like the kiss on their first date, it was pleasant. She liked it well enough but again no flicker of desire sparked inside her. It was for the best, she didn’t want sparks or passion. She wanted nice, easy. Uncomplicated. Uncommitted. After almost fifteen years, Keira resolved to explore freedom for more than a few months.
“I like you, too, Jason. But let’s take things nice and slow, right?”
You mean like, ‘meet the parents on the second date’ kind of slow?
“Yeah, yeah, of course. I know you’re just getting your wings, so to speak, I get it. Just, uh, keep me in the running, okay?”
Oh, boy. Is Jason getting attached? Already?
Let’s see. He’s having you meet the parents. I’d say all signs point to… yes, he’s attached. Like—like a barnacle. Run, Forrest, Run.
Keira blinked several times, then gave a bright smile. She drew a deep breath and resolved to put on a great performance.
“Deal. Now, let’s get in there so I can meet your parents.”
“Great. Mother’s set us up on the patio. They’re already out there waiting. Frank’s probably feelin’ good already, just to warn you.”
The image Keira had developed in her mind was almost entirely accurate. An elegant, austere-looking woman greeted her as warmly as her stern face would allow. Her pale blue eyes appraised Keira from head to toe in a matter of seconds. Her smile, while faint, never left her lips. It also never reached her eyes. Keira’s imaginings of the husband missed the mark. Where she’d anticipated a pale, benign man, he was tan, mostly bald but for a trim ring of white hair, and his blue eyes twinkled like Santa Claus. He greeted Keira with gregarious mirth, hugging her with warmth and kissing her cheek rather than the handshake she’d reached her hand out for. Frank smelled like sage, cedarwood, scotch and pipe tobacco—and carried himself with a charming mix of teasing and directness. It resulted in an instant but innocent crush on Frank. Suddenly, she looked forward to the evening.
“Come, young lady and sit beside me. You don’t mind, do you, Jason?”
“Not at all. I’ll help Mother with the drinks while you two chat.”
Since she was playing the role of Charming and Confident Keira, she said,
“That sounds lovely, Frank. I hear you have an amazing wine cellar, tell me all about it.”
And he did. Keira understood nothing about wine, other than that she liked it. Frank knew quite a bit more. When Jason and Christina—AKA Mother— joined them, their conversations shifted and flowed around places they’ve been and people they knew, sparing Keira the interrogation she’d expected. Their world was undoubtedly beautiful— manicured lawns and in-ground pool and Jacuzzi, high-end furnishings and expensive stemware— but it wasn’t one she’d want to live in, as she much preferred the disorderly wildness of her own gardens.
Nonetheless, the time flew by. Christina, after several dirty martinis, loosened up. She brought Keira for a tour of her gardens where they bonded over imported ferns and exotic flora. Before she knew it, Jason was making their departure announcement. Keira suddenly realized, with great surprise, that she had enjoyed herself. Either she was fantastic at playing the role, or she was buzzed from two glasses of wine. It was most likely the latter.
She did shockingly well. No one saw her drop a bacon wrapped scallop in the pool. Jason discretely helped her disengage her hair from the back of the wrought-iron chair. And everyone laughed when she accidentally called Jason Yacht Boy. A perfect night in the Book of Keira.
“Mother, Frank, thank you for having us, but I would like to steal Keira away and have her to myself for a little while.”
Keira blushed and swatted his arm gently, adding her own thank you’s to his.
“It was so nice meeting both of you, I enjoyed this very much.”
“Oh, my dear, I hope you won’t be a stranger. Next Saturday we’re having a small soiree. Say you’ll join your Yacht Boy and us, yes?”
“Oh. I—”
“Mother, please, don’t bombard her.” Keira’s gratitude at being saved from answering quickly dissipated when he added, “but say you’ll come, Keira.”
“I’d be delighted to, I’ll have to check my calendar, of course. Thank you for the invitation.”
“Now you’ve got both coming at you, poor girl. Run while you can.”
Frank winked at her and made a show of throwing a protective arm around her and pulling her away from Jason and his mother.
“Oh now, stop that, Frank. You’ll scare her away, and we like her. Don’t listen to him, dear.”
Keira laughed, slightly overwhelmed by all three of them and unsure how to respond. It was all so, so…
“Much better than you-know-who, right Christina?”
“Frank.” both Christina and Jason admonished.
Frank shrugged at Keira and said, “I call it like I see it. Anyway. Come again, dear.”
With that, they were finally off and away from that increasingly awkward moment. Unfortunately, the uncomfortable-ness wasn’t quick to end.
“So that went great, right? I mean, they loved you. Mother told me in the kitchen she liked you on sight. Obviously, Frank adored you. Next Saturday will be a lot of fun, I really hope you’ll come.”
“I— well… they were so nice. I’ll have to let you know about next week, though. So, where are we headed to now?”
“There’s an acoustic trio playing at my favorite place. I thought we could have drinks and dinner and listen to music. Sound okay? If not, we could—”
“That sounds perfect, Jason.”
He was so eager to please and impress her, but Keira couldn’t decide if she found it sweet or needy. Regardless, she had a nice buzz already from Frank’s wine and didn’t care much either way. This was a new adventure, and she was determined to enjoy every moment. They spent the car ride talking about their favorite bands, concerts they’d been to and ones they’d put on their bucket list.
“Fleetwood Mac, number one on the bucket list. I especial
ly love Lindsey Buckingham. I mean, the man is a genius.”
“Favorite song from the Mac is…?”
Keira thought for a moment and said, “Never Going Back Again, Lindsey’s acoustic live version. It is electrifying. I mean, I get actual chills when I hear it.”
“Get out. Okay, are you ready for this? You’re gonna die…”
Jason fiddled around with his car stereo system for a few moments, then suddenly the familiar guitar intro to the exact version of Never Going Back Again came through the speakers. Keira’s eyes widened, and a huge smile spread across her face as she watched his profile in surprise. Hmm. He is cute in his own way.
“No, you get out. You have this song? This version? What. That’s so, I mean, that’s kind of obscure, and yet…”
“It’s kismet, Keira. A sign, don’t you think?”
What Keira thought was, ‘There goes my buzz,’ but said only,
“Well, it’s something, isn’t it?”
Steering the conversation back to safe territory, Keira got through the ride with no more talk about fate and destiny, something that had to be off limits on a second date by a matter of course. He drove her past his house, which was under construction, and through the boatyard where he sold yachts, promising to take her onboard the ‘next time they went out.’ She dodged answering that, too. At last, they arrived at the restaurant/bar.
