‘You look a bit peaky,’ Jake says, frowning. ‘Are you okay?’
I nod and give him an automatic smile. But I really don’t think I am.
Six
The kids are tucked up in bed and the four of us are seated around the kitchen table while Tom pours four measures of brandy into cheap glass tumblers.
‘When did you get that?’ Lainy nods her head at the bottle.
‘This evening. I was inspired by the smugglers,’ he explains with a grin, doling them out to each of us and then raising his glass. ‘Happy birthday, Jake.’
We raise our glasses in a birthday toast. ‘Happy birthday, Jake.’
‘Cheers, guys.’ Jake takes a healthy gulp. ‘Mm, this is good.’
‘So…’ Tom says, drumming his fingers on the table, ‘are we all having a shit time, or what?’
Lainy chokes on her drink, and I manage a small laugh at Tom’s outspokenness.
Jake shakes his head and grins at his brother-in-law. ‘Tell it like it is, why don’t you? I thought we were too British for that. Surely we’re supposed to smile and pretend everything’s great.’
‘Yeah, I don’t think you’ve quite got the hang of the smiling part.’ Tom cocks his head. ‘So everything isn’t great, then?’
Jake shrugs and knocks back the rest of his brandy.
Lainy places a warning hand on Tom’s arm, but he misconstrues her meaning, taking her hand and kissing it.
I know Tom is trying to break the uncomfortable atmosphere, but I really wish he wouldn’t. He doesn’t know what he’ll unleash. And I’m too tired, my emotions too on the edge to cope with a soul-baring session. It’s taken me weeks to organise this trip. And that on top of finishing off an illustration commission and getting Jake’s bookkeeping up to date. Plus managing Dylan’s school life, his crazy amount of homework and end-of-year school projects and shows. For a seven-year old, his diary is fuller than most adults’.
‘So, what’s up with you two?’ Tom ploughs on, looking from Jake to Lainy. ‘Not happy to be back in your childhood home, is that it? Did Faye and I make a mistake booking this holiday? Should we all pack up and go home?’
‘Go home?’ I splutter. ‘It’s not that bad, is it?’
‘Personally, I think it’s great here,’ Tom replies. ‘But it’s not just up to me. This was supposed to be a nice surprise, a chilled holiday, but it’s not panning out that way, so…’
‘I’m happy to do whatever everyone else wants.’ Jake reaches across the table for the brandy bottle and pours himself a large measure.
This conversation is in danger of getting out of control fast, and I don’t want to contribute to it. I know Tom means well, but we’re all tired and becoming a little drunk.
‘Lainy?’ Tom prompts.
‘What?’
‘You haven’t been yourself since we got here.’
‘Haven’t I?’
‘You know you haven’t.’
Lainy stares into her barely touched drink, running her finger around the rim. ‘It’s just strange… being back in Swanage. It feels different, but exactly the same, if that makes sense. And random memories keep popping into my head without any warning. It’s just a bit unsettling, that’s all.’
‘Yeah.’ Jake nods. ‘Like Lainy says, it’s unsettling.’
‘So, are we staying, or shall we call it a day? Go back to London?’ Tom asks.
No one answers so I break the awkward silence. ‘Really? We only just got here. It’s the only holiday we’ve had in three years. We won’t get a refund, you know.’
‘Sorry, Faye,’ Jake says, not catching my eye. ‘But I’d rather go home, if that’s okay with everyone else. And you have to admit, the weather’s pretty bad.’
‘But…’ I exhale, thinking about everything I have planned.
‘I know you meant well, and I’m grateful, but—’
‘Fine. Okay. If that’s what everyone wants, we’ll pack up and go home,’ I say. ‘But can you at least take Dylan dolphin watching tomorrow? He’s so excited about it.’
‘Of course,’ Jake says, his face relaxing. ‘It’s already arranged so I’m not about to disappoint him. Gonna get up early and head up there with the binoculars and bacon butties. I take it you’re not coming with us?’
‘I will if you want, but it would be nice for the two of you to have some time on your own.’
‘Yeah. Okay.’ He takes a large swig of brandy.
‘And the girls want to go to the beach for a sandcastle building competition,’ Lainy adds. ‘I checked the forecast, and it’s supposed to be sunny tomorrow. Although who knows with the British weather.’
‘Okay. So… how about we aim to head home late afternoon?’ I say.
Jake frowns. ‘Lunchtime would be better. Otherwise we’ll be driving all evening.’
‘That’s cutting it a bit fine. We’ll need to pack up,’ I reply, feeling like everything is unravelling. ‘And if the girls want to go to the beach in the morning…’
‘Fine.’ Jake says with a scowl. ‘We’ll head back in the afternoon then.’
I pick up my drink and down it. The burn in my throat makes my eyes water. Or at least, I think that’s why they’re watering. I was going to ask Jake what he was talking to Yasmin about earlier at the gallery, but I don’t want him to take my question the wrong way, so I bite back the urge.
We all look up as the kitchen door opens and Dylan shuffles in clutching his threadbare rabbit. ‘Mummy, I can’t sleep. I keep thinking of horrible things.’
I open my arms wide and he comes and sits on my lap, his small body warm, his dark hair all messed up. ‘Are your cousins awake too?’
‘No. I tried to wake them up, but they kept on sleeping.’
‘Well, you need to go to sleep or you’ll be too tired to go dolphin watching tomorrow.’
‘But it’s scary in that room. It’s not like at home.’
‘You slept okay last night,’ I say.
He doesn’t reply. Just leans into me and bows his head.
‘Do you want me to come up with you?’
Dylan nods and yawns. He slides off my lap and I take his hand. Everyone wishes him good night as we leave the kitchen.
I hope he’ll be okay. I kiss the top of his head and we head up the creaky stairs. I’ll lie with him until he falls asleep. Perhaps I’ll fall asleep too. That way, I won’t have to talk to Jake.
Seven
Then
‘No,’ Lainy’s dad says, putting another dandelion plant in the bucket. ‘Absolutely not. You’re too young.’
‘But Jen’s going.’ Lainy lays her trowel on the grass and wipes her hands on her jeans. She’s been helping her dad weed the front garden of their small terraced house for the past half hour, trying to judge the best time to ask him if she can go to the leavers’ beach party next weekend.
‘Jennifer’s going?’ Her dad turns to look at her. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Mmhm.’ Lainy nods, knowing she’s hit the bullseye. Her parents adore her best friend Jennifer Walton. Jen’s parents are both doctors and they live in a posh house further up the hill. Jennifer always gets good grades and she’s always super-polite to Lainy’s parents, knowing just what to say to get them relaxed and laughing. It’s like she has this magical power over them.
‘I can’t imagine Dr Walton allowing his daughter to go to an unsupervised party.’
‘It’s not really a party, Dad, and anyway, you know everyone who’ll be there. It’s just the usual lot from Jake’s year and a few friends from my year.’ This is a slight stretching of the truth. It’s a leavers’ party for Jake’s year and the event is all round school and beyond. Everyone who’s anyone will be going. Not that Lainy’s bothered about everyone else. There’s only one person she’s interested in.
A black car cruises past their front garden, spraying windscreen wash as it passes by, wipers swishing across its dusty windscreen.
‘Bloody idiot,’ Lainy’s dad mutters. ‘They’ll ha
ve sprayed detergent all over the roses.’
‘It’s that girl who lives at the top of the cliff. She comes back from her posh school every summer.’ Lainy stares after the car, wondering what it must be like to be super-rich and be driven around by a chauffeur. Not that she’s bothered by all that stuff. She’d be happy to be poor all her life, as long as she can be with the person she loves. That’s all she asks for. And that’s why it’s so important that she’s allowed to go to this party. He is going to be there. Owen Pearson. Her pulse races even thinking about him. And she has this excited but nervous feeling in her throat and stomach.
Jake said he didn’t mind her tagging along with him if their parents said it was all right. So she got Jen to get the okay from her parents first. That part was easy. Jen’s mum and dad let her do pretty much anything she wants.
But, strangely, now that Lainy’s on the verge of getting permission, part of her wants her dad to forbid it. To stop her from going, because, really, she’s more nervous than excited. Nervous about boys and parties and all that stuff. The other girls in her year seem far more experienced. They talk about boys all the time. About who’s kissed who, and who’s gone further. And there are a couple of girls who are supposed to have gone all the way. She and Jennifer are both virgins. Neither of them has even kissed a boy, although they both say they want to. And Lainy wants to. At least, she thinks she does. She’s not sure. So if her dad says no, she’ll be upset and she’ll probably sulk, but maybe she’ll also be a little relieved.
‘What does your mother have to say about it?’ her dad asks, getting to his feet and picking up the almost-full bucket of weeds.
‘She said to ask you.’
He sighs and scratches his cheek.
Lainy takes the bucket from him. ‘I’ll empty it, Dad. And then I’ll put the kettle on. Make you a cup of tea.’
‘You wouldn’t be trying to get round me would you, Lainy Townsend?’
She feels her cheeks redden. ‘No, Dad. Course not.’
‘Because if I do let you go to this shindig, it won’t be because you’ve made me tea or helped with the chores, love. It’ll be because I think you’re old enough and responsible enough to attend, all right?’
She presses her lips together and nods. Waiting for him to give her an answer. Not quite sure what she wants that answer to be.
Eight
Now
My eyes fly open. The night terrors cling to me in the shape of cold sweat and a racing heart. That unnamed fear constricting my breathing, making me gasp and claw at my throat. The white glare of morning doesn’t comfort or calm me. Where am I?
I pull the sticky sheets from my slick body and realise I’m still wearing yesterday’s clothes. I’m in the kids’ bedroom. In Dylan’s bed. I must have fallen asleep while trying to soothe him. But Dylan’s not here. And then I remember. Jake has taken him dolphin spotting this morning. They must have left already. Jake said they would walk up to the clifftop rather than drive. I sit up in bed, the bunk above bearing down oppressively, hemming me in.
My nieces aren’t in here either. I hear the distant chatter of their voices downstairs, easing me into the day, away from the darkness of my nightmare. But still remnants of it cling to me, an anxious twisting in my belly and an itching on my skin. A heaviness in my head that has nothing to do with last night’s brandy.
I need a drink of water and a shower.
* * *
A couple of hours later, we bustle out of the local supermarket with carrier bags containing far too much food for our picnic lunch. It was one of those situations where we had no shopping list, so were all piling things into the basket. As we’re supposed to be leaving Swanage later, Tom thought it wouldn’t hurt to have extra foodie treats for lunch to make up for cutting our holiday short.
After enjoying the cool air of the store’s chiller cabinets, the heat outside feels thick and heavy. The rain has gone, but the air is still hazy. Everything looks slightly surreal, with a muffled texture, like I’m still trapped inside my dreams.
‘What time will Jake and Dylan be back?’ Tom asks.
‘Not sure,’ I reply, pressing myself flat against a shop front while a woman with a double buggy manoeuvres past.
‘Shall we head straight down to the beach?’ he asks. ‘I’m dying to get in the sea and cool down. We can text Jake. Let him know whereabouts we are. Then they can join us once they’re back.’
‘Good idea,’ Lainy replies. ‘Keep hold of your sister’s hand, Poppy! It’s busy and I don’t want either of you getting lost.’
‘Lainy? Lainy Townsend?’
I turn to see a petite, dark-haired woman striding down the road towards us. Her face a dark cloud of anger.
‘Shit,’ Lainy murmurs under her breath.
‘Who’s that?’ Tom asks.
‘Hi, Kayla,’ Lainy says quietly, ignoring Tom for the moment.
‘What are you doing back in Swanage?’ Kayla snaps, her eyes darting from Lainy to me and Tom. She makes no attempt at friendliness.
‘We’re just here on holiday, that’s all.’ Lainy’s face is colourless and her voice doesn’t sound like her own.
‘I can’t believe you came back,’ Kayla hisses. ‘Are you an idiot, or what?’
‘Keep your voice down, my children are—’
‘You brought your kids with you? I hope you’re not here to do anything stupid, because—’
‘Kayla, calm down.’
‘You don’t know what it’s been like, trying not to think about what—’
‘Kayla, please!’ Lainy turns away from us, puts her hand on Kayla’s back and tries to usher her away. But Kayla isn’t budging.
I take hold of Poppy and Annabel’s hands and lead them a little way down the road, away from the altercation. I keep glancing back, my ears flapping trying to catch the rest of the conversation.
‘Don’t worry. We’re leaving today,’ Lainy says.
‘Good. Because I don’t want any trouble.’
‘You won’t get any from me.’ Lainy raises her hands in a gesture of surrender.
Seconds later, the angry woman shoulders her way past me and marches off down the road.
‘That lady was rude,’ Annabel says. ‘She shouted at Mummy and bashed into you, Aunty Faye.’
‘Yes, she was rude,’ I reply, unsure whether to go back to my sister-in-law or keep walking to give her some space. I dither for a moment, and then we turn back towards her and Tom.
‘Who was that?’ Tom asks, his hand on Lainy’s shoulder.
‘No one.’
‘Lainy…’
‘Just someone I fell out with at school… over a boy. It was nothing. I think she must have become a bit unhinged.’ Lainy gives a short, unconvincing laugh.
‘Are you okay?’ Tom sets down the shopping and tries to give Lainy a hug, but she steps back, bumping into a young woman who swears at her.
‘Being back here… makes me feel like a teenager again,’ Lainy says, her facade dropping, ‘and not in a good way.’
Tom tries to hug her once again, but she extricates herself and takes a step back. ‘Don’t be nice to me, Tom. I can’t take anyone being nice to me.’ Her voice breaks.
‘Lainy…’ he says with a stricken expression.
‘I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just memories, that’s all.’
‘Do you want to—’
‘Just leave it, Tom, please.’
While Tom and Lainy continue talking, I take the girls across the busy road to peer into the window of an old-fashioned sweet shop. ‘Wow, look at all these different types of fudge!’
‘Can we get some of that pink and white one, Aunty Faye?’ Annabel asks. ‘I’ve got my birthday money.’
‘I think that one’s coconut ice,’ I say, looking across at Lainy and Tom, who are still whispering furiously together.
‘I don’t like coconut,’ Annabel says, her shoulders slumping.
‘I’m saving my money,’ Poppy says, ‘for so
mething better than sweets.’
‘Good idea,’ I reply.
‘Who was that lady, and why is Mummy cross with Daddy?’ Poppy asks.
‘She’s not cross, darling. She’s just explaining something.’
‘I want to go home,’ Annabel says, her voice wobbling. ‘I mean our proper home, not that smelly one.’
At this precise moment, I want to go home too, but I can’t let my nieces see how disconcerted I am by everything.
Annabel’s face is growing redder, a sure-fire sign of an impending meltdown.
‘Tell you what –’ I crouch down so I’m at their level – ‘why don’t we go to the beach for our picnic?’
‘Can we swim in the sea?’ Poppy asks.
‘Absolutely!’ I reply. ‘And we can have a sandcastle-building competition.’
Annabel’s eyes light up at this prospect. ‘Can I use the red bucket and spade?’
‘Of course.’
‘Can Dylan come too?’ Poppy asks.
I check my watch. It’s almost eleven. ‘Yes. He and Uncle Jake should be back soon. I’ll message them to meet us there.’
‘Yippee, a picnic!’ Poppy says, taking her younger sister’s hand and jumping up and down. Thankfully, Annabel joins in with her sister’s excitement and the two of them squeal together with glee. Phew. Tantrum averted. Poppy gives me a complicit look over the top of Annabel’s head, and I wipe my brow in exaggerated relief. She grins and then gets back to the business of keeping her sister happy.
I throw a worried glance over my shoulder at my sister-in-law. Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be as straightforward to fix the grown-ups.
Nine
He enters the trailer with Scout at his heels, quickly showers, washes his hair and changes into his running gear. He hardly ever runs – not unless he needs to – but people tend not to pay attention to joggers and runners, especially in the early morning.
The Marriage Betrayal Page 4
