“I can’t,” she said in a strangled voice.
The numbness she had been forcing on herself evaporated, and anger surged through her. She was angry with herself, and Rowan. She met his eyes and he felt her wave of rage hit him, real and palpable as it had been in the ballroom. He took a stumbling step back as if she’d physically pushed him.
“We should get back inside,” Juliet said urgently. She was looking at the sky.
Lily tilted her head and saw dark shapes starting to circle above. Even from a distance, she could feel the air shivering with the hum of their wings. The Hive was coming in response to Lily’s anger.
Rowan took a protective step toward her and pulled up short, remembering he wasn’t to touch her. “Go,” he said, motioning to the trapdoor. “And try to calm yourself.”
Lily scrambled down it after Juliet, and rushed across the empty room. She felt Rowan only a few steps behind her as she threaded her way back through the dusty attic and down the stuffy corridor.
They made it back to their rooms without anyone in the villa spotting them. Lily wondered whether it mattered that the Hive had seen them on the roof or not. Was getting angry on a rooftop in the middle of the night enough to get them detained somehow? Lily couldn’t imagine that was true. The Hive would constantly be overreacting to normal things like toddler tantrums if that were the case.
Who decided what was normal around here?
Back in their rooms, Rowan and Juliet showed the rest of the coven what they had seen, but no one had any new thoughts on the speaking stones.
We’ll see what we can learn tomorrow when we go looking around, Caleb said. Lily, can you ask Toshi if he knows anything about them?
I can try, she replied. But he may not be able to tell me the truth. Toshi is as trapped here as we are.
As everyone is in Bower City, Rowan added. Do you think Toshi would let you claim him?
They were shocked by Rowan’s question, Lily most of all. It’s illegal here, she said needlessly.
Rowan huffed with impatience. Toshi wants to be a part of this coven, and he’s powerful. If something goes wrong and they don’t let us leave, we’re going to need a lot more mechanics than just the six of us to have any chance of fighting our way out of here.
Caleb and Una agreed with him.
I didn’t think you’d want me to claim him, Lily said.
Why? My first responsibility is to protect you. That’s all I’ve ever tried to do.
Lily didn’t have a response. A part of her wanted him to be jealous.
There wasn’t much of the night left, but the coven decided to go back to bed for the rest of it. As Lily approached her door she heard Rowan behind her. Again, he stopped a few paces away from her, and now that they were alone, only addressed her aloud.
“Have you asked her what she’s going to do?” Rowan didn’t have to say Lillian’s name. Lily knew whom he meant.
“She’s blocking me right now,” Lily replied quietly. “But I will. It was stupid of me to not ask before.”
“How often do you mindspeak with her?” he asked gently.
“I don’t know,” Lily replied. She sighed, suddenly feeling bone tired. “I don’t notice I’m doing it most of the time. I just start talking.”
That seemed to bother Rowan even more. He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it again.
“What do you talk about with her that you can’t with your coven?” he asked. “And I don’t mean me. I mean Juliet. Una. Tristan.”
Lily shook her head. He didn’t understand. “It’s not what I tell her, it’s what she already knows. What she and I share.”
“Like what?”
“What it feels like to be the one who decides which of the people you love dies.”
Rowan stared at her for a long time. “This is about your Tristan. That’s why you’re so angry with me. It’s not about the cage anymore, is it?”
“I made Tristan my head mechanic when the Hive came for us. He wasn’t ready,” she said, her eyes dry and staring. “He wasn’t you.”
“I should have been there,” Rowan whispered.
“Yes,” Lily said, the anger returning swiftly and filling her to the brim. “You should have.” Lily forced herself back to being numb so the Hive wouldn’t be alerted. “Why didn’t you just come with us?”
Rowan’s lips pressed together. He either couldn’t, or wouldn’t, answer her. Her heart sinking, Lily went into her room and shut the door in Rowan’s face, both of them finally realizing what it was that Lily couldn’t forgive. His absence.
Carrick stood on the roof of the Governor’s Villa in front of the towering crystal his half brother had called a speaking stone. Warrior Sisters landed on the roof around him, cocking their bulbous heads. Carrick paid them no mind. Act calm, and they were calm. But that was the problem with insect Woven like them. No matter how many times people had heard to stay still and not swat at them, most couldn’t seem to help themselves when they heard the sound of those wings and saw the yellow and black of their bodies. Carrick wasn’t like most people, though.
The Sisters kept their distance and watched him while he looked at the speaking stone. He put a hand out and touched its surface. It felt warm.
Lillian, he called in mindspeak.
Carrick, she answered. He could feel her confusion. It had been many weeks since they had been able to reach each other in mindspeak. Where are you?
It’s been a long journey. So tiring, he said leadingly. Can you use the speaking stone to fuel me so I may give you a full report?
I’ve never heard of that being done before. I thought the speaking stones were just used for mindspeak.
Seems like an awful waste. Try it, he urged. Carrick thought that in some ways it was good that he hadn’t been trained at the Citadel. He didn’t know what was impossible. He smiled as he felt her feeding his willstone with strength and started his story with his abduction by the Hive.
CHAPTER
5
“You seem distracted.”
“Sorry,” Lily said. She brought herself back to the here and now with Toshi, which was a delightful brunch at a fancy restaurant by the ocean. She forced a smile, pretending to enjoy herself. “My coven is feeling very chatty today.”
Toshi was momentarily puzzled before understanding dawned on him. His brows drew together as he looked down at the pounding surf below them. “You can hear them mindspeaking right now?” he asked. Lily nodded. “How far away are they?”
“Scattered all over, enjoying the day,” Lily replied, lying with a shrug. No one in her coven was enjoying themselves. “Juliet and Tristan are near that scent bar you took me to. Caleb and Rowan are all the way east by the wall, and Una and Breakfast are having brunch at the villa.”
Toshi smiled. “Does that ever get annoying? Hearing their thoughts?”
“Oh, it’s annoying most of the time,” she said, making Toshi laugh. “But we’ve learned to give one another space when we need it.”
Reel him in, girl, Una said in mindspeak.
Didn’t you just hear me talking about space? I could use a little of that right about now, Lily replied.
Her coven was in her head, but they weren’t out enjoying another sun-soaked day in Bower City. They were watching the Hive while Lily was trying to woo Toshi into joining them.
This is hopeless, Lily said.
He wants to be claimed, Juliet coached. Keep at it.
Lily felt backed against a wall. For a moment she blocked everyone out but Juliet—the only person she felt safe enough to tell this to. What if I don’t want to claim him? What if I can’t do this anymore? I don’t want to be a leader anymore.
Lily saw possibilities racing through Juliet’s mind. Without more claimed, they were stuck in Bower City with no hope of escape. Juliet tried to picture what that would be like. She pictured the pretty gowns and the endless galas. It was the spitting image of a fairy ball where all the revelers were forced to dance until their
feet bled. Juliet tried to imagine what it was like to never again be allowed to feel anger.
And without anger, Juliet said, how can anyone truly grieve? We’re all frozen inside, pretending we’re okay because none of us can get angry, so none of us can get over Tristan’s death. Least of all you. I know you doubt yourself and I know you’re hurting. I’ll give you ten seconds to wallow, and then you fight like hell to claim Toshi. I’m not living the rest of my life in a prison, and I’ll be damned if I let you do that, either.
Lily smiled to herself, some of the pressure she felt lifting off her as her sister took the weight. Okay, Juliet. Consider my butt properly kicked.
You’re welcome.
“Can you see what they’re seeing right now?” Toshi asked as he watched Lily’s broadening smile with curiosity. “Are you everywhere they are?”
“I could be, but I try to go one at a time or it gets confusing. When more than one person is sharing memories or images with me there’s a strange reverb effect.”
Lily remembered Rowan teaching her how to make a mind mosaic. The stereovision had been overwhelming, exhilarating, and in Lily’s opinion, morally wrong when done without her claimed knowing she was doing it.
“Re-what?” Toshi asked.
“Reverb. Short for reverberation?” It was a word from her world. Lily cringed inwardly and tried to cover for her slip. “You don’t use that word out west?”
Toshi shook his head. “But I think I can picture what you’re saying.” He looked down at the glass of champagne in front of him. “But what do I know? It could be something completely different from what I’m imagining. I’ve never been in anyone else’s head. The way I see blue might not even be the way you see blue.”
“It is,” Lily said. “Blue is blue and red is red for all of us. I’ve claimed thousands and it’s the same.” She rethought that. “Except for the color-blind.”
“Thousands,” he breathed. “You’ve claimed that many?”
The smallest smile tilted her lips while she held Toshi’s eyes. “Yes,” she replied.
“That’s an army.”
“An army I left behind.” Lily tugged her lower lip through her teeth and took a chance. “Unfortunately,” she whispered.
Toshi looked fearfully at the flowers on the table. “Is there a limit to how many you can claim?”
“If there is, I haven’t reached mine.”
Toshi swallowed. “Claiming must be boring for you at this point.”
“Boring?” Lily shook her head slowly. “Never.”
Toshi was leaning into the table. His willstone slipped free of his collar and swung toward Lily as if beckoned. She did want to claim him, no matter what the cost. It was a craving she would never be free of, no matter how many she lost, or how deeply she felt the loss of one in particular. This was her sickness. A never-ending hunger to claim the whole world.
A squad of Warrior Sisters is leaving the watchtowers, heading east over the wall, Rowan reported.
If we could get higher, we could see where they’re going, Caleb added. He shared what he was seeing.
Lily saw Rowan trying to mount one of the few switchback staircases built into the perimeter wall. A Warrior Sister flew down and prevented him. Hovering, she flicked her whip and buzzed her wings. Her bulbous eyes shimmered rainbow-over-black—unreadable.
We’ll have to try something else, but there aren’t that many vantage points in the city that overtop the wall, Rowan said.
Roof of the Governor’s Villa, Lily suggested. Una and Breakfast, hurry.
Toshi leaned back and motioned to the server for the check. “You’re with them again,” he said, irritated.
“I can block them out—” She could feel Una and Breakfast racing through the villa, silent and swift.
“No, don’t bother.” He pursed his lips. “It’s better if we drop the subject, anyway.”
Lily waited a few seconds before asking, “Is it?”
Toshi let loose a tense laugh. “For me? Definitely.”
She and Toshi left the restaurant and started to stroll back toward the trolley line.
I see something, Una said from the top of the villa. She used her willstone to still the air around her and strengthen the tiny muscles that shaped the lenses in her eyes, improving her vision. I think the Warrior Sisters are heading toward a forest beyond the fields of flowers.
Show me, Rowan said. Una relayed what she was seeing to Rowan at the wall.
It’s hard to tell, but I think Una’s right, Rowan said. They’re headed toward that stand of enormous trees.
Let me see, Lily said, and immediately saw what Una was looking at. Those are redwoods. That’s the redwood forest. Lily passed a memory of a map of the California coast to her coven. In her world, there were several places where the ocean and the redwood forest nearly touched, as it seemed to be here in Bower City.
Ask if we can get out to see the redwoods, Caleb said.
“Do people ever go outside the wall?” Lily asked Toshi as they walked along.
“Of course. Lots of people even live outside the wall,” Toshi replied. “There are farms, vineyards, small towns.”
“I’d love to see that. Maybe you can take me to a farm, or out into nature.”
“Maybe,” Toshi said vaguely. “I’d have thought you’d had enough of nature on your journey.”
“I guess I lived in the open for so long I miss it now.”
“We’ll see,” was all Toshi would say.
Toshi knows Grace won’t let you go, Tristan said.
I bet no one with a willstone is allowed outside the walls, Juliet said. That’s what I’d do if I were in charge and trying to guard how they were made.
Then we have to sneak out. Tonight, Lily said.
We have to sneak out—Caleb, Tristan, and me, Rowan said, correcting her. You’re staying behind with Una, Breakfast, and Juliet to defend you.
Like fun I am. Lily—
“So, tell me the truth,” Toshi said. “We’re not really alone, are we? Your coven has been hearing everything I’ve been saying all morning.”
Lily had the decency to be embarrassed. “They’re very protective of me.”
“I understand,” he said. “I would be, too.”
Lily smiled. “If you were mine.”
He made a strangled sound. “Can I have half an hour alone with you?” he pleaded. “Really alone?”
Absolutely not, Rowan said.
Hey, this was your idea. He’s not going to let me claim him if he can’t trust me, and if he doesn’t trust me I don’t want him. I tried it with you, and look what happened.
Lily blocked her coven out. “Done,” she said to Toshi. “You have my full attention.”
“This way,” he said. A mischievous mood overtook him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into a run alongside a passing trolley. Toshi boosted Lily aboard and then swung up beside her with a wide grin on his face.
“Where are we going?” Lily asked, pink cheeked and breathless from the quick dash.
Toshi kept his eyes trained out the window, one hand on the rail and the other on the small of Lily’s back as they swayed back and forth with the rocking car. “Home.”
They traveled south along the water to where the trolley line ended at the far side of the wharf. The wall loomed close. The trolley came to a full stop inside a station and they had to go through a turnstile that was watched by hovering Warrior Sisters. There were no charming little restaurants by the sea here.
“What is this place?” Lily asked.
“It’s a checkpoint. Technically, we’re leaving the city although we’re still inside the wall, and entering the restricted zone,” Toshi answered. “Whatever happens, just hold still.”
A Warrior Sister flew in close to Lily, her head twitching. She got near enough so that Lily could see the pincers in her mouth dart out and swipe over her face to clean it. The Sister’s human hands played with the barbs at the end of her whip while her eyes seeme
d to zero in on Lily’s willstone. The Sister’s head suddenly jerked down to where Lily had her other two willstones stashed inside the bodice of her kimono. She landed on the ground almost close enough to touch. Several Workers flew from the Warrior Sister’s shoulders and landed on Lily. They started to crawl over her, trying to get inside her clothes.
“Toshi,” Lily said tremulously.
“Hold still,” he repeated, his tone both understanding and urgent.
Lily could feel them tasting her with their tiny tongues as if they were sipping nectar off her skin. She prickled with goose bumps and forced herself not to slap at them. The Warrior Sister seemed to get what she wanted, reared back, and flew away, taking all but one of the Workers with her. The final Worker stayed on Lily’s throat.
“That one will remain with you the entire time you’re outside the city,” Toshi told her. She noticed that he had a Worker on his neck as well.
“And it stays right here?” she said, gesturing to its perch just over her jugular.
“Yes,” Toshi answered. “Don’t do anything to disturb it.”
Lily looked at the other people in the checkpoint. No one but her and Toshi had willstones, but they all had Workers attached to their throats, the poisonous barbs of their stingers poised right about the jugular.
“It’s like walking around with a knife at your throat,” Lily said. She felt the Worker’s prickling feet and shivered with the knowledge that a bug was crawling on her. “Worse.”
Toshi looked at her. “It’s what you have to do so your children or grandchildren can have any chance of being chosen by the Hive one day. If any of them are lucky enough to be born with magical talent, that is.”
“And if they aren’t?”
“They wait.”
Toshi and Lily emerged from the relatively empty station to join the throngs of people jostling up and down the streets of the restricted zone. The buildings were giant concrete blocks, bare and unadorned. The streets were scrubbed, but there was a gray oppressiveness to the place, and the lingering scent of harsh cleaning chemicals was almost as disheartening as filth. Every block a sentry tower rose up from the pavement, and the platforms on top buzzed with Warrior Sisters. The Workers did not fly around pollinating flowers in their cheerful, bumbling way. There were no flowers. Here, the Workers stayed anchored to an individual, constantly threatening to take the life that hosted them.
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