“I don’t know. I guess I don’t want to be just be the go-to guy in my family or the sports agent who lost his client to a brain tumor. I want a life beyond sports and family.”
“Derrick was more than that. He was a great player. They’ll put him in the hall of fame,” she said. “What do you want? When you picture your life? What do you see?”
A little girl with big brown eyes like Hayley’s and the Wright sass sitting on my shoulders at a baseball game. Hayley standing beside me yelling at the umpire for a bad call. Maybe a couple of underdog clients who wouldn’t normally get the chance, like Derrick.
I never told Derrick, but when Summer was born, I was jealous. It made me crazy how disinterested he seemed at first. But then he started to act like a real dad, and I grew even more envious.
Our entire friendship flooded my memories. There was so much he’d done for me and with me. I was a better person for knowing him. Was he better for knowing me? I didn’t even pick up on the fact that something was wrong. Maybe if I’d been a better friend…
Six years ago…
Derrick and I were driving to the airport. “You’re telling me your best friend is a chick? What am I?”
“You’re my best guy friend.”
“Are you hot for this chick?”
“Dude, no. We grew up together. She’s about to move to Mexico so she’s coming out to visit me for a few days. We’re going to go to ball games and talk about sports and movies and shit.”
“Sounds like when you hang out with me. Dude, does she have boobs?”
I gave him a look. “Don’t be a cliché, Derrick. She’s awesome. You’ll love her.”
“Can I do her?”
I sighed, irritated he’d ask me a question like that. “You can do whatever you want with her as long as she’s a willing participant.”
“They’re all willing,” he said, like the true asshole he was.
We pulled up to the airline arrivals area and there she was, hauling her suitcase behind her. She was in a pair of shorts that barely covered the tops of her thighs. Her hair was longer then, nearly down to the middle of her back. She had on a tank top. I could see her black lacy bra peeking out and all it did was accent her ample cleavage.
“Dude, she’s fucking hot,” Derrick said. “If your friend looked like that, you wouldn’t be friends.”
I chuckled. “Dude, that is my friend.” I got out of my car and headed around.
“Holy shit! Matthew!” Hayley charged into my arms and jumped up.
I caught her and held her to me and spun her around once. “Hayles, you look good.”
“Well, that’s a miracle considering the hell I’ve been through. Can we get the hell out of here? I hate airports.”
I grabbed her bag and threw it in the back seat next to Derrick, who had graciously moved so she could sit up front with me. I opened the door and Hayley jumped in.
I climbed in behind the wheel and got us moving again.
“You must be Derrick, Matthew’s best friend and hotshot baseball player client.” Hayley stuck her hand back at him.
I glanced at Derrick in my rearview mirror. He was smirking. Dick.
“You must be Matty-boy’s hot-as-hell best friend and firecracker, Hayley.” He shook her hand.
“Meeting of the best friends,” Hayley said ominously. “It’s like clash of the titans. You know, technically ‘best’ means better than all the rest. You can’t have two actual best friends.”
“He really has a thing for me,” Derrick teased.
“That explains it. I’m the best friend, he’s the object of your affection.” Hayley grinned and then she ruffled my hair.
It was a good trip. Derrick hung out with us and he didn’t make a move on Hayley. Instead, he treated her like a little sister, and she treated him like she would an annoying little brother.
At the time, I figured they didn’t have any real attraction for each other or maybe out of respect for me they didn’t want to go down that way. But now I wondered if he knew I had a thing for her even then. He knew he was my friend and she was something more than just a friend.
Is that why he pushed me toward her?
I would never know.
“Earth to Matthew.”
I glanced over at her. “I’m here. I was remembering the time you and Derrick met.”
Hayley smiled. “I remember that. He was such a dick, but in a loveable way.”
“He wondered why you were single,” I replied.
Hayley laughed. “He should’ve had tea with my mother. She wonders the same thing. Of course, she didn’t have her as a mother, so she doesn’t understand I don’t want to be anything like her.”
“Is that why you’re single? Because she can’t stop getting divorced and remarried?”
She glanced over at me. “I’m single because I haven’t found a guy that makes me want to get married. And maybe I’m a little hesitant to date a man I might want to marry because my mother wants me to get married. She claims she wants grandchildren. Frankly, I think she just wants my ass to get fat and to be as miserable as she is.”
I let out a long sigh. “You and your mother have a complicated relationship. And you shouldn’t take your mother’s misery so personally.”
“Really? Because she blames me for her misery.” Hayley’s voice cracked. The conversation was getting to her. “What did Derrick say to you? Why are you so bent out of shape?”
“Because he died. He lied to me. He played the best ballgame of his life. And he fucking died. He told me…he told me…and then he fucking died!”
Hayley waited for a beat before she said, “What did he tell you?”
“He—he told me to get my head out of my ass and live my life. To not make my life about my job. To not have regrets.”
Another beat. “And why is that messing you up so badly?”
“Because I didn’t realize I wasn’t living my life the way I wanted to until he said it that day. And then I watched my friend get a grand slam in the fourth game of the World Series to not only win the game but the series. Only to pass out at home plate, get ushered into an ambulance, and hours later, die in a hospital room. He told me he wished he was a better father and he wished he’d done things right with Holly, a woman he was sure he could love. I didn’t know any of that. I was his best friend and I didn’t know he was sick. The man knew he was dying, and he told me I wasn’t living my life. And if I’m not living my life, then what’s the fucking point?”
I took a deep breath.
“But he loved Summer and he was a great father. He spent the last year making up to her the first four years of her life. And he was making it up to Holly too. Derrick wasn’t the guy he thought he was. He was a great guy. And I think he was right about me. I don’t need to be matched up to be happy, but I’ve always wanted a family and for some reason, I keep putting it off.”
“Matthew, why did you come here? Why didn’t you go to Aspen and talk to your parents about this?”
“I honestly don’t know.” That was a lie. I was annoyed she asked the question. She was going to pretend nothing happened between us, wasn’t she? “Are you sorry I came?”
Hayley reached over and took my hand in hers. “Matthew, I’m always glad to see you. You just don’t usually reach out to me when you have something this big going on. I usually hear about it when you’re done processing and you want to talk about it.”
“I tell you more than you tell me,” I snapped. I hadn’t meant for it to come out so harsh, but she always did keep me at arm’s length. Why? If we were best friends…
She glanced away from the road again, meeting my gaze briefly. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“How many times have you been proposed to? I never know when you’re seeing someone. I never know what’s going on with you. You tell me funny little anecdotes about whatever is going on in your life. You tell me how miserable your mom and dad make you, but you never told me about being proposed to
. Or that you were seriously dating in the first place. Are we really best friends? Or are we just people who like to hang out with each other every five years?”
“What the hell are you talking about? You don’t tell me about any of the women you see.”
“I’ve never been serious about anyone. I’ve never even thought about getting serious. If I were serious about someone, you’d know about it.”
“And why have you never been serious about anyone?” she asked. Her voice got smaller, like the answer mattered to her.
“What the hell does that matter?”
“You’re not a forgetful guy, Matthew. In fact, you plan your life. That’s how you got to be a successful sports agent with your own agency. You’re a great brother. You make sure you know what’s going on with your family and you’re always there for them. You remember the birthday of a girl you see every five years and talk to once a month, and you send macaroons from her favorite bakery. Even if it means you have to pay someone to get them from Los Angeles. But somehow, you forget to look for someone to start your life with?”
“What’s your point?”
“I don’t know, Matt. I don’t know what’s going through your head. But there has to be a reason.”
Was it because I’d always known who I wanted to be with? She pulled over for gas and it seemed to be enough to warrant a subject matter change. I was grateful for it.
We made it to Coba in silence.
There were other tourists, but traffic was fairly light. We rented bikes and started our trek through the terrain. We raced through the dirt roads when no one was around. The tension we’d built up in the car slowly dissipated as we gazed at magnificent Mayan ruins.
We were just having fun.
We arrived at Nohoch Mul Pyramid. We parked our bikes and started the 137-foot climb to the top. I was in good shape, but this was a steep climb. Hayley and I both slowed halfway up but we kept moving.
Once we reached the top, we caught our breath only to have it stolen again by the view.
“Wow,” she breathed.
“Yeah.”
The three other people at the top started their descent, leaving Hayley and me alone.
“This is incredible,” I said. “Do you ever wonder what the ancients were thinking? They built these great big things. When our cities fade, they won’t look this amazing.”
Hayley glanced back at me. “I suppose they won’t but the people that come after us might think they do. Greatness is different for everyone.”
I blinked at her. She was right about that. And Hayley was all the greatness in the world. She was everything I wanted in a woman. But I didn’t think I could have her. I definitely didn’t think she wanted me. Maybe it’d been a mistake to come. Maybe I should’ve left our one-night stand in the rear view with the rest of my mistakes.
But I wasn’t so ready to give up.
In the moment, standing at the top of the ancient world, I took Hayley’s hand and pulled her to me. Her dark eyes questioned me as she willingly came into my arms. I leaned down and lightly pressed my lips to hers.
It was a tender kiss at first, a test. I wanted to see how she would react. Unless she shoved me away, I had every intention of kissing the hell out of her.
Hayley didn’t move away. She didn’t push me away. Her mouth moved against mine and I deepened the kiss, sliding my tongue into her mouth. Her arms slid up and wound around my neck.
See, the thing was, I was pretty sure Hayley thought I was perfect for her too, but we were both stuck in the defense we were just friends.
Apparently, I was going to have to ruin our friendship, but it would be an archeological miracle like Coba. The new city we built around us would be something to marvel at.
13
Hayley
Matt was kissing me again.
Instead of pushing away and slapping him across the face, I kissed him back. In fact, I wanted to keep on kissing him.
But there were so many consequences. It wasn’t just kissing. We’d been friends over half our lives. If we ruined our friendship now, what would happen? I didn’t want to lose my ties to Matt and the rest of the Wrights. I didn’t see them or talk to them often, but when I did, it made me ache for something in life. I felt the absence of family.
Hanging out with the Wrights was the only time I felt having a family would nice. They supported each other, listened to each other, and overall knew what was happening in each other’s lives. None of that was true about my own family.
Matt’s tongue did devilish things and made my body wake up in all sorts of ways I’d never felt. I wondered if maybe the reason I’d always been so bored by the men in my life was because Matt had given me my first unscripted kiss and it shook my world even then.
When I moaned and pressed into him, I heard shoes scuffing on stone.
Right, we were in the middle of a tourist attraction.
I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away, just enough to break the kiss. His blue eyes searched mine and then they glanced over my head. He stepped back when he made the same realization I had.
“I’m starving,” Matt said as he headed back down the steep steps.
“I could use some food,” I said weakly. The sun was getting to me or maybe it was the mounting pressure of the situation.
I’d done my best to act normal. Pretended we hadn’t spent a night together. But Matt kissed me, and I wanted to fall back into bed all over again. As much as part of me wanted to find out what was between us, to what end? We lived completely different lives.
But now he’d kissed me again and I didn’t know what to do with that, except kiss him more.
By the time we rode the bikes back to return them and got to my car, I really was hungry. There was no shortage of awesome food places. We decided on something quickly and headed over.
In the restaurant, Matt was quiet, which was unusual for him. But everything about hanging out with him had been unusual so far.
I was so confused.
“Hayles, I think we need to talk about what’s going on between us,” he said.
“Matthew…” I pleaded weakly. I wasn’t ready for this conversation. Not yet. I didn’t have any answers.
“I know it brings up more questions than answers, but you’re clearly not repulsed by kissing me,” he said.
“I wouldn’t call it repulsion, no.”
His lips twitched like he wanted to smirk, but the smart man kept his smugness to himself. “Then, don’t you think we owe it to ourselves to see where this could go?”
I pointed at him. “That is dangerous, dangerous territory. Don’t you care about our friendship?”
“Of course, I do. Couldn’t this just be an extension of our friendship?”
“Like fuck buddies?”
“Wow, Hayles, you really think I could treat you like that? Keep emotions out of it? You’ve been my dear friend for years. I wouldn’t reduce what we have to something so…cavalier.”
I picked up my margarita so I could stall before answering. I didn’t know what the hell I thought. All of this was incredibly confusing. “Matt, why did you come to Mexico?”
He sighed. “A lot of reasons. You’re my oasis from everyone. But I didn’t like how you snuck out the morning of your flight without saying goodbye.”
“Matt, I didn’t mean for it to be so shady. I really didn’t want to disturb you. I knew you weren’t sleeping well, and I wanted to let you sleep.” I hope I looked sincere, then I tilted my head in confusion. “I’m not part of everyone?”
He shook his head. “You’re not, actually. You’re always my exception. Not even Derrick was an exception.”
I opened my mouth to say something snarky, but his words were sinking in and I was left flustered. I closed my mouth again.
“And now that I’m here, I have Derrick’s voice in my head asking me what’s the point of my life if I’m not happy. When I thought about being happy, you came to mind. That’s why I’m here. I wanted
to remember what it felt like to be happy. Your last visit was muddled with a lot of stress. And now that I’m here, it would seem what makes me really happy is kissing you.”
My cheeks felt hot, but I leaned forward. “Do you suppose maybe it’s Derrick’s voice in your head and not really what you want? You lost your best friend. The two of you had been through a lot together.”
“Hayley, what do you feel when I kiss you? Is it like kissing Spencer? Or is it something more? Something better?”
My mouth fell open. “When the hell did you get this direct?”
“I’ve always been direct, you’re just on the receiving side of it for once since you’re not being direct with me. Either you’re lying to me or you’re afraid.”
I knocked back the rest of my margarita, wishing there was a hell of a lot more tequila straight up. “I’m terrified,” I croaked.
“Why, Hayles? What’s the worst that can happen?”
“The fact you’re even asking me means you haven’t thought this through at all.”
“And why the hell should I? All I’ve ever done is think things through, make a five-year plan, weigh the pros and cons. My type-A personality tends to get in the way of taking the first flight out to Mexico so I can swim with sharks and hang out with my best friend. And when I kissed her for the first time since we were sixteen, it ignited parts of me I didn’t even know had wicks.”
I shook my head again. “I’ve never heard you talk like this before.”
“I hate spending five years away from you. I’ve always hated it. I love hanging out with you. I love when you come and spend time with me and my family over the holidays. And so does my mother. My best friend Derrick knew there was something between us. And now I see it too. But it doesn’t matter until you decide there’s something between us.”
Seducing My Best Friend (The Wrights Book 2) Page 9
