by Sarah Delany
I try to ease her mind by saying, “Do you know Mrs. Peterson? JP’s mum?” I say pointing to JP who she recognises instantly. “She’s my aunty”, and it’s all she needs, knowing my aunt is the nicest person around. “You were going to tell us about Tamsyn?” I try to bring her attention back to our main focus.
“Yes, yes. She came home from school with this haunted expression on her face. I tried to call out to her but she wouldn’t listen. It’s as if she couldn’t hear me. She locked herself in her bathroom and all I could hear was her whimpering over the running water. I couldn’t get to her. Her door doesn’t unlock from my side. I’m worried about her. I was hoping she would come out but she’s been in there since she got home from school.” My heart is beating out of my chest.
“Take me to her,” I demand, and her mum rushes up the stairs with all of us closely behind her. She turns down the hall and indicates to a door on the right.
“She’s in there,” she says, sounding more worried now. I try to rattle the door handle but it’s firmly locked, so I put my ear to the door to listen and I hear running water but nothing else.
“Mrs. Winter, I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to break down your door,” I tell her, not caring whether she will try to stop me or not.
“Okay,” is all I hear from her small form. She moves off to the side of the hall out of the way and I turn my back on the door. Lifting my leg, I kick backwards and the door flings off its hinges.
We all cram in the doorway and my heart stops. Tamsyn’s frail form is hunched in a ball, hugging her legs to her under the running water. She’s still in her school uniform, shoes included.
“Grab some towels,” I instruct no one in particular, but hear someone scurry off to get some. Seeing the state she’s in, I don’t know if JP’s presence will make it worse so I say, “JP, how about you wait down stairs.” Understanding dawns on his face. He gives me a small nod of his head and disappears out the door. I open the shower stall and turn the water off. It’s freezing; stuck on the coldest setting. “Shit, it’s freezing,” I tell the guys as her mum hurries back in the door. I bend down to Tamsyn but her head is hidden from view, tucked into her arms. Her whole body is shivering. “Give me a towel,” I say behind me, and I’m handed one. I wrap the fluffy white towel around her. Sliding my hand under her legs I pull her to my chest, standing up. Gosh, she weighs nothing dripping wet. She’s tucked herself together so tightly, she’s frozen in place. “We need to get her dry,” I say, turning to her mum.
“Here, come to her room,” she instructs me, and we all file out and follow Tamsyn’s mum to another door down the hall. She flings it open and as I walk in, all I smell is Tamsyn. Her scent surrounds me while I hold her broken form in front of me.
Rafe stands there with some more towels so I say, “Help me dry her man.” He hands a towel to Scott and both holding towels, they gently help me pat her dry.
“Dude, she’s going to have to get those wet clothes off,” Rafe tries to whisper at me, as it’s awkward in front of her mum. He’s right, she’ll never get dry like this.
I give him a silent nod to go ahead so he says to her mum, “Mam, she’s going to have to get those wet clothes off. If we leave her on the bed, could you change her?” I can hear the concern dripping from his voice. Seeing her in this state has rattled me and all of my friends.
Her mum looks at me and says, “I might need help. I don’t think I can do it on my own. Could you help me please?” I give her a nod, and the boys drop their towels and leave the room, shutting the door behind them.
“Do you want to find her some warm clothes?” I suggest to her mum.
She places a hand on my shoulder, as I cradle her wet daughter in my arms and she says with a sad smile, “Tanya. You can call me Tanya ‘’ I smile back, as she moves to a dresser near the window. She comes back a moment later with cute flannel pajamas covered with little pigs. Tamsyn is still wrapped so tightly in a ball, I don’t know where to start. Tanya moves closer and tugs Tamsyn’s shoes and socks off while I hold her.
“Tamsyn,” I call her, but there’s no reaction. Then I remember, my special name for her, got through to her before. Will it work again? “Sweetness,” I softly say, but still no reaction.
“Come on Sweetness, come back to me” I plead fiercely. I hear a tiny whimper come from her. I know she can hear me now. I need to draw her out more so I continue talking to her. “It’s okay Sweetness. I’m here. I’ve got you.” Her grip on herself slowly loosens and she lets go of her legs and her arms. I rotate her in my arms so it’s easier for her mum to take off her clothes. I keep my eyes to the ceiling. She begins with her skirt and underwear, pulling them down her legs and dumps them into a pile on the carpet, not caring it will get wet.
She pulls underwear up Tamsyn’s legs then says, “Let’s get the top off before I put her pants on otherwise they’ll get wet too.” She gives me a once over. “Should I see if I can find you some spare clothes too? Your shirt is soaked through.” I see the wet material clinging to my chest. Without hesitation, I use one hand to maneuver it off, adding it to the wet pile. I sit down on her bed and position her floppy body so her back is to me. She may be out of it but I want to keep her modesty.
Her mum is holding a dry crop top in her hands so I say, “I’ll take off the wet clothes and you quickly put on the dry?” She nods, ready to spring into action. I rest Tamsyn’s head against my shoulder and say, “Sweetness, I’m going to remove your wet top okay? Then your mum will put your dry clothes on.” She doesn’t react. I haven’t looked at her face yet but I fear what I will see. Her mum examines Tamsyn’s face, takes in her broken daughter and tears fill her eyes, pouring over the edge silently. She’s utterly heartbroken.
Trying to distract her, I glide my hands down to the bottom of Tamsyn’s shirt and draw the wet material up and away from her body. Her arms get dragged up as they follow the shirt and I pull her head through then discard the shirt to the wet pile. Her mum’s sharp intake of breath shocks me.
Thinking something else is wrong with Tamsyn I say, “What is it?”
Her mum covers her mouth to hide her sniffles and says, “She’s lost so much weight. I didn’t notice. Too consumed in my own grief, I couldn’t see how much my daughter was hurting too.”
“Don’t worry. We will fix her,” I tell Tanya, in a determined voice. I unsnap her bra drawing her mum’s attention to our current mission. I lower her straps pulling one arm through at a time, leaving the cups in place. Her mum smiles at me after noticing my efforts of trying to be respectful. I leave Tamsyn’s arms up and Tanya threads the crop top down and over her chest, taking the wet bra away at the same time. She grabs the flannel top and does the same, threading her arms through and pulling it down to cover her. I lift Tamsyn’s legs one at a time so her mum can get her pants on, then lift her butt so her mum can finish getting them on.
“There we go dear, all dry now,” her mum says to the unresponsive girl, I hold in my arms. “I’ll take her wet clothes and tell the boys she’s decent,” her mum says as she gathers the clothes in her arms and heads out the door.
While I have a moment alone with her, I turn her in my arms so she’s facing me, straddling my lap. Her legs and arms hang at her sides, slack and motionless. My heart cracks a fraction because she doesn’t cling to me. I brace myself in preparation. I bring my eyes to hers and my own fill with tears at what I see. Her once piercing blue eyes are lifeless and emotionless.
I let the tears fall freely down my face as I plead to her, “Please Sweetness, come back to me. I’m sorry if I hurt you today. I wasn’t thinking. I need you to come back to me.” Wiping the tears from my face, I hold her cheek in my hand while doubt in my abilities to draw her out seep in. Remembering the promise I made to the broken girl at the dock, I take a deep breath and I try again. I rub my thumb back and forth against her cheek. “Sweetness, I know you don’t remember but I made
a promise to you I’d save you from drowning. Here I am, trying to save you. Please help me save you. Come back to me.” With a sharp intake of breath, like she’s been starved of air, she draws oxygen into her lungs.
A small amount of life returns to her eyes as they meet mine and the tears fall from both our eyes as she whimpers, “You’re here.” She wraps her arms tightly around my neck and her legs hug my waist, pulling her as close to me as she can get. I hold her tightly, relief washing over me because she’s okay.
I pull away from her a fraction so we can see eye to eye and say, “Tamsyn, I need you to promise me you will never do anything like this again. I wouldn’t be able to survive it a second time.” She nods and burrows closer to me.
I’m not sure how long we cling to each other, letting our combined tears fall together. A quiet knock sounds on the door and I’m brought back to reality, remembering my friends.
“Come in,” I call out to them, and the guys and Tanya come in to see how we are doing. Her mum’s relief is evident on her face as she sees more life in her daughter than when she left us. She rushes to her, cups her daughter’s face and delivers kisses to it.
“Sorry, I scared you Mum,” she says so gently, it’s nearly a whisper.
“Don’t worry love. I’m sorry too. I was so preoccupied I didn’t see how much pain you were in. We will fix this,” her mum tells her. The guys creep closer trying to get a glimpse at Tamsyn with their own eyes to see she’s back to what she calls normal.
A small “Hi,” leaves her lips as she gazes at Rafe and Scott and they’re both beaming smiles her way. JP with his head hanging low stays at the back, not wanting to upset her again. Her mum claps her hands together with a great idea forming in her mind.
“I’m going to go order some pizzas for dinner as my way of saying thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t shown up today,” she says, staring at us each individually in the eyes giving us her thanks. As she leaves and goes down stairs to order the food, Rafe picks up the last dry towel left behind. He comes up behind Tamsyn and dries her hair. He locates a scrunchie on her desk, grabs it and secures her damp locks.
“There, now your back won’t get wet,” he says.
“Thank you,” Tamsyn says to him, then she adds, “JP, it wasn’t your fault. I was ready to erupt. A lot of things came to a head today and I exploded. Unfortunately, it happened when we were talking. So please don’t feel guilty. You were trying to be a good friend and cousin to Tate. I wouldn’t want any less from you,” she sincerely tells him, her voice still scratchy from all the crying she’s done today.
“I shouldn’t have gone off at you like that though. I’m sorry,” he returns to her. She gives him a small nod, accepting his apology.
After seeing JP, she curiously asks, “What happened to your face?” The bruise around JP’s eye is starting to darken as time goes on and it has swollen too.
“It was Scott. He didn’t appreciate how I talked to you,” he admits, hanging his head in shame. She glances at Scott and a fleeting look of hope passes her face; hope he cares for her. Scott shyly gazes up at her and then away not liking the attention it brought to him. So I change the subject to take the limelight off Scott.
“Do you need anything?” I ask her. With her still in my lap, I’m hoping she doesn’t want to move for any reason. I’m more than happy to stay like this forever.
“No. I’m good now,” she says, with a slight smile as she squeezes her legs around me tighter.
Scott comes up on the side of me, sitting down to get a good view of her face.
“You scared us T, don’t do that again please,” he tells her, and my heart warms knowing they care about her as much as I do now. It hasn’t been long at all but we’ve all taken to her so easily and if she wasn’t around us anymore I think we would all feel the absence.
“I won’t,” she promises to him. Rafe takes a seat at her desk and JP ops to sit on the floor by my feet. We sit in a comfortable silence all lost in our own thoughts. My heart once again stitches itself together with the thread that is Tamsyn.
Chapter 12
---Tate---
Twenty minutes later, Tanya comes back into the room and says, “Pizza is here boys. Come downstairs and help yourselves.” I don’t want to put her down. I know she’s safe in my arms and I want to keep her there, away from harm. Even if the harm is coming from herself.
“Let’s go eat,” she quietly says to me, drawing my thoughts back to the present. She must pick up on my hesitation because as the others file out of the room, the pizza calling to their empty stomachs, she cups my face in both of her vulnerable hands, staring straight into my eyes. “I’m still here, Tate. I’m okay.” I stare back at her, searching her eyes for any reason to doubt she’s not fully there and find none. She is back but I still don’t know how to heal her brokenness. I couldn’t do it before so I don’t know what makes me think now will be any different. Maybe I’m not the right person for the job? I have already failed once before. As the doubt creeps into my mind, the thoughts overwhelm me and I feel panic take over. No, not now. I can hear my laboured breathing. Tamsyn’s eyes shift from trying to reassure me she’s alright to worry, as she feels the shift in me.
Still clutching my face she cries, “Tate, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” I stare up at the ceiling, hoping if I take my eyes off her, it will slow my breathing. Thundering thoughts circle my brain. Will I be able to save her? Was it me that sent her over the edge today? Is she too much like Quinn? Quinn. Damn it. Don’t think. Don’t think.
I feel the familiar tingle in my hands. I need to get away from her and fast. She’s causing me to overload and I can’t control myself right now. I quickly shift her off my lap and she stands staring at me at a loss with what to do.
Through blocked ears I hear her scream, “JP, help now.” I hear a distant rumble of feet galloping in my direction. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on my breathing. Come on, let this pass. Contact on my knees has me looking down. JP is crouched in front of me.
“Tate? Can you hear me?” I nod, still not able to catch my breath. I know if I set my eyes on anyone else I will see the pity I dread. “Go for a run bro. You need to run.” A run, yes, it might help. “We will take care of Tamsyn, don’t worry,” he says as he pushes himself up to stand in front of me and drags me to my feet. Once I’m steady, I don’t hesitate. I fly out of the room, down the stairs and out the front door. I get lost in the pounding rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement. I feel each step as it takes me further away from my mind and helps the thoughts drift away. My panic subsides and my body takes over, going through the motions I have become so accustomed to, like a second nature.
I’m not entirely sure how much time has passed before my feet lead me back to Tamsyn’s house. I stand outside for a minute, catching my breath so I’m ready to face her. Don’t think. You can do this. She needs you right now. I enter the house, push my doubts aside and follow the voices I hear coming from the kitchen. All eyes stare at me as I walk in.
“You good now, bro?” JP asks, but I’m not ready to speak so I nod. He hesitantly smiles at me and says, “Cool come eat before Rafe here finishes it all.”
“Hey, I’m not the one sitting there hogging all the Supreme to himself,” Rafe accuses JP, and they all laugh. I grab a plate and load a few slices on it and sit down next to Tamsyn. She places her frail hand on mine in a gesture of thanks.
“Are you sure you’re okay? she quietly asks. I raise my eyes and see the concern shining in her eyes.
“I’m better now. Sorry if I scared you,” I tell her, hoping she wasn’t too worried because she should be focussing on herself right now.
“Nothing to be sorry for. I’m glad you’re alright,” she says, giving my hand a squeeze. I notice her plate has one slice of pizza on it so I snag a couple more slices and place them on her plate, hoping she will eat more.
She smiles at me and gathers up a slice folding it in half and takes a big bite for my benefit. I can’t help but return the smile.
“Dude, do you mind?” Rafe directs my way, and I raise my brows in confusion. “Put a shirt on. Your muscles are distracting me while I eat.” Everyone laughs while my cheeks heat up but Tanya saves me by handing me a random black t-shirt and a pair of shorts.
“These belonged to Vince, Tamsyn’s dad. You can have a shower after we eat,’’ she sadly says, while handing me the clothes.
“Thank you,” I tell her, as I take the clothing from her hands, noticing a slight shake to them. I place my hand on top of hers, giving it a slight squeeze hoping she realises I understand how hard it must be to give away something of her husband’s. Her mouth lifts in a tiny smile.
I don’t think Tanya has ever catered for a group of teenage boys before as she ordered ten pizzas, three garlic breads and two bottles of Coca-Cola. Although the way Rafe and JP are inhaling the food, she probably estimated right.
As we eat in silence, Tamsyn breaks it by asking, “What time is it?”
“It’s after eight,” Tanya informs us. “So Tate, I organised with the boys here to have a slumber party,” she says cheerily as if it’s an everyday occurrence. I cast a look at the boys and they all shrug at me with the smallest hints of smiles on their faces. Even JP. “They’ve all rung their parents to tell them where they are. So it’s all sorted. Boys, once you’ve finished, you can help me drag some spare mattresses into Tamsyn’s room.” It doesn’t bother her she’s invited four teenage guys to bunk in her daughter’s room for the night.
“Mum, are you sure about this?” Tamsyn turns, asking her.
