My heart ached as I listened to him speak, because I didn’t have to put much together to gather that his love was gone now.
“I met Martina at an art museum when I was just nineteen,” he said, staring at her photo. “There was a local artist exhibit, and she knew him through school.” He chuckled. “I didn’t know a thing about art then. In fact, I thought everything in that museum was overpriced and silly. But, there was one beautiful masterpiece in that museum, and she was easy to spot.”
I smiled.
“I spent a small fortune that night, buying all her favorite paintings from that artist. I told her they were hers, that we could hang them in our bedroom, in our house. She thought I was joking, but I wasn’t.” He paused, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “She thought I was crazy. And I’ll admit to that one.”
I laughed, warmth spreading over me like butter as I let him take me back in time. I could imagine it, a whirlwind love at first sight.
Hadn’t I felt that same thing with William?
“We moved much too fast,” he said after a moment. “We were married within two months of knowing each other, and we’d had to leave Roma and move out here to the country because her father didn’t approve. It wasn’t that I didn’t have money, or stature, or something to offer his daughter — but he felt it was too fast. We were too driven by lust. But, that wasn’t true. It was love from the beginning, and we both knew it.”
An audible sigh left my chest.
“That’s what no one at this auction understands,” he said, letting the pamphlet drop to the table as his dark eyes found mine. “If it weren’t for Martina, I would have never fallen in love with art. If it weren’t for the love I found in her, I would never have found appreciation for the world, for the way its seen through the eyes of artists.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “That’s very beautiful, Mr. Castello.”
He nodded, though he still seemed lost in the past. “Are you married?”
My stomach sank, and my cheeks flushed with a new kind of heat as I tucked my hair behind one ear. “No, sir. Not yet.”
“And why do you wait?”
I laughed, shaking my head as I watched my fingers wrap around the stem of my wine glass. “To be honest, I’m not quite sure.”
Mr. Castello watched me a moment, curiosity in his eyes. When so much silence had passed that I wondered if he was even still looking at me, he reached forward, covering my hand with his.
“If it is love, bella, trust me when I tell you not to wait. Do not wait for the right time or the right circumstances. Life is but a fleeting moment, a mere glimpse before we blink and it’s gone again. If you are one of the lucky ones who finds love in the short amount of time we are here, hold onto it and declare it to the stars. Make it known that he is yours, and you are his.” He tapped his finger on my knuckles. “And if it’s him who is hesitant, then perhaps he is not the one, after all.”
My heart leapt into my throat then, and my wild eyes connected with Luca’s. His brows softened, pulling together at the middle as he tapped my hand once more before grabbing his cane.
“If you’ll excuse me, I should get this auction started,” he said. “Thank you for letting an old man reminisce.”
“It was my pleasure,” I said, but my voice was weak, soft, almost distant — like it didn’t belong to me at all.
When Luca was gone, my heart was still beating erratically in my chest. I felt each thump like the loading of a gun, one that was unsteady and sure to fire at any moment. I traded my wine in for water, draining an entire glass in an effort to cool myself, but my pulse only seemed to quicken, blood boiling hot.
Perhaps he is not the one, after all.
The thought of it made my throat dry, my hands clammy, my stomach turn. I assured myself it couldn’t be possible. William was my everything. He was my person, forever, even if he hadn’t officially asked me to be his wife yet.
But, when I thought of Luca and his wife, of Alayna and Philip, of so many others in my life I’d watched get married within a year or two of dating, I couldn’t help but compare.
What was holding him back? Why did he wait? If he already made the promise to me, if he already knew he wanted me to be his forever… why hadn’t we made it official, told the world we’re in love, changed my last name and professed our feelings in front of all the people who are closest to us?
I closed my eyes, forcing a calming breath as a young woman spoke first in Italian, then in English, welcoming us to the auction. I had to pack those feelings and thoughts away for now, at least until after the auction. My boss was trusting me to bring back the perfect pieces for our collection, and this was my chance to prove I was ready for more.
So, for the moment, I shoved my doubts into a box and stowed them away.
But I knew I couldn’t keep them there for long.
The shuttle ride back to Rome was quiet, but inside my head, it was a war zone.
I was happy with the outcome of the auction. I’d secured more than I imagined I could with our budget, and I already had ideas of where the new pieces would fit, how we could create an aesthetically pleasing exhibit with them. I had an idea of which ones we would keep, which ones we would sell, which ones our visitors would stop and pause and reflect on while they wandered our halls. I’d made friends with other curators, networked after the auction, and even had another wonderful conversation with Luca Castello.
But inside, my anxiety had grown into a full-bred monster, and its hunger could no longer be quieted.
Everything that had seemed so sure before suddenly seemed so unstable. I knew without doubt that William loved me, but now I wondered if he loved me enough. I knew without pause that he wanted me, but now, I wondered if he only wanted me now, until someone better came along. I knew without a single shred of hesitation that William was the one for me, but now, I couldn’t answer definitively that I was the one for him.
It was like I had been walking a bridge that crossed a chasm, the sights beautiful and bewildering, and suddenly, I’d gotten to the middle of that bridge and realized boards were missing and the ropes were shredding. And I had to make a choice.
Leap to the other side, or turn back the way I came.
My chest was tight as I exited the shuttle at the stop nearest the Trevi Fountain, saying goodbye to the last of the other curators on the bus and tipping the driver. William had asked me to meet him here tonight. He was bringing my camera so I could capture the wonder of the fountain without the giant crowd of tourists, though I was sure there would still be a few.
It was what I’d been looking forward to since I woke that morning, but now, I felt like my feet were made of lead as I dragged them over the cobblestone.
The narrow street that led me to the fountain was mostly dark, mostly vacant, with only a few other tourists passing by. But when I rounded the corner and caught my first sight of the Trevi Fountain, I stopped in my tracks, an audible gasp touching my lips.
I had seen wonders all over Europe while traveling with my family as a young girl, but perhaps it was aging that brought more appreciation for a wonder as magnificent as that fountain. My eyes drank in every curve and dip of the smooth, brilliant white Travertine stone, the faces of the figures it created stirring my soul. They were illuminated by the electric turquoise water of the fountain, made even brighter by the lights that filtered in from the bottom and side of the fountain. A few tourists lingered on the edge, taking photos or tossing coins over their shoulders.
For the longest time, I just stood and marveled.
It was similar to the moments I’d tried and failed to capture with my camera, standing there at the edge of that historic piece of art. I couldn’t fully comprehend all the time, thought, and effort that went into its creation. I couldn’t wrap my head around the millions of people all over the world who had viewed it, touched it, felt its power in the same way I was now.
It was only a tiny little spec on the map of our wondrous world, bu
t it was larger than life.
I scanned the crowd for William, but I didn’t spot his familiar shape, his messy hair, his gemstone eyes. So, I made my way toward the fountain to get a closer look while I waited.
As I descended the steps, I caught sight of a young boy tossing a coin in over his shoulder, his mom capturing the moment on her phone. I smiled, sitting on the ledge at the front of the fountain and letting my eyes wander the stone carvings. There was so much to see, so much to take in, and when my eyes drifted to the sight below the water, I smiled.
Covering every inch of the bottom of that fountain were little coins — Euros and quarters and loonies and more — each of them representing a wish that was so much larger than itself.
I let fingertips drop to the water, the edges of it bubbling around my skin as I dragged my hand over the cool surface. It was as if I could feel each wish surging through that fountain — wishes for health, and fortune, and love.
Love.
I’d thought I understood that concept so clearly, that we were old friends, and now, I wasn’t sure I knew love at all. I wasn’t sure I understood what had once felt like common sense.
My whole world had been tipped on its access, and the worst part was that there wasn’t even a true catalyst.
It had snuck up on me — first with Alayna’s news, and then with Luca’s story. Neither should have set me off, trickled down my spine like a cool drip of cruel reality, but they had.
My right hand was still damp as I pulled it from the water, rummaging in my purse until I found a Euro. I stared at the gold and silver plating, tracing each ridge of it with my thumb before I closed my eyes. I let out a long, slow, calculated breath, clearing my mind as much as I could. Then, I counted to three in my head, made a wish, and tossed the coin over my left shoulder.
It didn’t even hit the water before my face was buried in my hands, tears fighting their way through my closed eyelids as I succumbed to the emotions I’d been suppressing.
Every worry, every fear, every ounce of rejection and hurt piled up and poured out of me at the foot of that fountain. My shoulders trembled, face contorting as each new soft, quiet sob left my lips.
I couldn’t be sure how long I sat there crying before I finally forced a breath, lifting my head and swiping the damp trails of tears from my cheeks. But when I let my eyes flutter open, I saw my own heartbreak mirrored in the man who stood before me.
William’s face was illuminated by the light from the fountain, his shoulders sagging, face crumpled as he took in the sight of me. He held a breathtakingly beautiful bouquet of bright pink cyclamens, his fingers gripping the stems, and my camera hung around his neck. The suit he wore cut his immaculate body in the perfect way — the trousers hanging off his hips, the sleeves of the jacket hugging his arms, the crisp, white line of his undershirt contrasting the tan skin of his chest.
His eyes searched me before he took a tentative step forward, and then another, and another, until he was seated on the stone next to me, the fountain behind us. And though his leg touched mine, his elbow grazing my forearm, I felt a million miles away from him in that moment.
After a long moment, William cleared his throat. “I want to wrap you up in my arms right now,” he said, his voice low, mixing in a whisper with the soft rushing of the fountain. “I want to make you feel better. But something tells me that somehow, I’m the root cause of those tears.”
“Why would you think that?” I asked on a sniffle.
He shrugged, and I glanced at him, but his eyes were cast downward. “Because I have a tendency of fucking up when it comes to those I love most.”
My heart squeezed at the sight of him like that, and I shook my head, burying my face in my hands once more. I needed to talk to him, to tell him what I was feeling, but I didn’t know where to start.
I urged myself to be patient, to wait for the right words to come, but now that he was here and my feelings were exposed, anxiety took over like the largest tidal wave. I wasn’t in control any longer, and when I finally did open my mouth, the absolute worst thing I could have ever said slipped out.
“If you don’t want to be with me, please, just tell me now.”
My head popped up with the words, and William furrowed his brows, eyes searching mine wildly. “Wh… what?”
“Just, tell me. Let me go. If I’m not what you want anymore, if you changed your mind…” My eyes blurred with tears, and before I could even try to stop them, they spilled over, streaking my hot cheeks. “I don’t want to hold you back if I’m not the one for you. And I’ll understand, in time, I think.” I sniffed, shaking my head. “But, I can’t sit and wonder anymore. I can’t doubt everything we have when I look at this promise ring,” I said, holding up my hand. “It’s been five years, William. You should know by now.” At that, I sniffed again, letting my hand fall to my lap. “I know.”
I chanced another glance at him, and his mouth was slack, a single blink the only sign that he’d heard me at all. And instead of waiting for him to answer, my anxiety took the reins again.
“I know that you’re the one for me. I know you’re my soul mate, my forever, my everything. I know that my entire world shifted when I met you, that my entire life changed with you in it, and that I can’t imagine a future where you don’t exist. I know that you’re my favorite person to wake up next to, that our little family holds my entire heart,” I said, eyes filling with tears again as I held my hand over my chest. “And that’s just with a dog, not even with a kid. But when it’s me, and you, and Zipper — I feel complete.” I paused. “Well, almost complete.”
William reached for me, but I pulled back.
“I thought I was okay with waiting, with never bringing this up. I thought that, with time, you’d circle back to the promises you made, that you’d ask me to be your wife. And I would wait forever,” I said, but the words were lost on a sob. “At least, I thought I would. But, the truth is that we don’t know how long forever will be, William. And I can’t bear to waste another moment not being yours. Truly yours.” My eyes found his, and with a trembling lip, I whispered, “Your wife.”
The word felt foreign on my lips, and as soon as it had rolled free, panic gripped me.
My eyes flicked back and forth between his as I ran over everything I’d just admitted, all the words I’d just let blurt out of me in a fit of anxiety. I’d sounded so needy, so unappreciative, so… so…
“Please, say something,” I begged him, my own thoughts so jumbled I couldn’t even process them to figure out how I felt about all I’d just said. I needed him to say something, anything.
I needed to know I wasn’t crazy, when that was exactly how I felt.
William’s eyes were a bright emerald green in the reflection of the fountain, and they met mine with such a fierce, unapologetic confidence in that moment that I forgot what I’d said at all. What had I been waiting for, exactly? What had I asked him? What did I want him to say?
After a long moment, the left corner of his mouth lifted — just a centimeter — and the hand not holding the flowers reached under the jacket of his suit.
When he withdrew it, his massive fingers guarded a little blue box.
I gasped, hands flying to cover my mouth as my eyes found his. He was still smirking, shaking his head almost imperceptibly.
“You know, it’s crazy how easily life can get away from us,” he said, swallowing as his eyes drifted back to the box. “I’ve had this for… well, for way longer than I should have. And every time I planned on bringing it out, on revealing the ring inside it to you, on getting down on one knee and asking you to spend the rest of your life with me… I found an excuse not to.”
His eyes found me again, then, the crease between his brow thick even in the night light.
“You were too busy with school, or I was too busy with the restaurant, or you had a big project at the museum, or Zipper was sick, or the restaurant wasn’t nice enough, or there wasn’t a big enough event to take you to, or
the words I wanted to say weren’t right…” His voice faded, and he dropped the flowers on the edge of the fountain, reaching up to scratch at his jaw. “I was never ready. At least, that’s what I convinced myself. But it wasn’t because I didn’t love you, Natalie.” His eyes searched mine. “It wasn’t because I didn’t know you were everything to me.” William swallowed, a sort of smile on his lips as he shrugged. “It was because I couldn’t fathom a world where I could be everything to you.”
I gaped.
“You were the light that brought warmth to my world when I thought I would forever exist in a cold, damp darkness. You were the first person to see me — the real me — when I tried to hide behind the scars life had dealt me. You pushed me to be better, and not just when we first met, but every single day since then. And every day with you has been a gift.”
He blew out a shaky breath, standing only a moment before he was on one knee in front of me. My heart beat so loud in my ears I could barely hear the next words he said.
“Not a single moment with you has been wasted, though I am sorry for being such a coward that it took me this long to ask you the question I’ve wanted to since that first summer we met. But, just because we didn’t follow everyone else’s timeline, just because we didn’t do what maybe other people thought we should, what we thought we should — it doesn’t mean our story isn’t beautiful. Because it is.” His eyes glossed, and I bit my lower lip to fight back another wave of tears. “It’s my favorite one, actually. Every crazy bump and turn, every day of joy and every dark moment of sorrow. I don’t know how long we have, or why I let the fear of you rejecting me hold me back for so long, but I do know that you’re right. After five years, I should know. And if you want the truth, I knew after five days.”
The little box popped open with a snick, and my eyes glanced at the diamond ring within it only briefly before they were locked on the man I loved more than anything in the world again.
“My heart beats only for you. My promise is still as true today as it was that night I asked you to wear that ring. And tonight, I’m asking you to replace it with this one, to hold my hand through my own fear as we take this next step in our journey. Together.” His free hand reached for mine, and as his fingers wrapped around my hand, and mine around his, our forefingers pressing into the soft middle of each other’s wrists — I felt his heart beat.
Summer Romance Boxset - Weightless, Revelry, On the Way to You Page 85
