by Sheila Lowe
“I don’t know, Abby. It could be Big Bear or Arrowhead. They’re both in the San Bernardino Mountains, which isn’t too far. They both have lakes. And tons of people keep homes or cabins up there for skiing and boating. Or, it could be some other place altogether. I’m hoping for some kind of vibe.”
“I’ll go look and call you back.”
“Bye.”
“If the family did have a place and Trey knew about it, they’re too far away to know he used it,” said Jessica, ending the call.
“If he killed himself on their property, obviously, they’re going to find out.”
Sage turned left onto La Brea and drove into a McDonald’s parking lot. It was past eleven and they were open for business. Jessica realized she was hungry, which meant Sage must be famished.
“I could use a Big Mac,” he said. “Are you hungry?”
She slid the phone into her pocket. “Yeah. Too bad there’s nothing more nutritious open this late.” That sounded ungracious. She tried again. “You’re so patient. Most men would have been griping by now.”
He locked the Tesla and took her hand as they walked to the restaurant. “Oh, just you wait, Miss Jessica. I promise, I can gripe with the best of them.”
For Hollywood, eleven o’clock wasn’t all that late and McDonald’s was doing a brisk trade. They got in line, placed their order, waited for their food, carried the tray over to a booth in the corner. Abby had not yet called back.
The aroma of hot, salty fries wafted up Jessica’s nose and stimulated her appetite. She stuffed a few in her mouth. “If Ethan’s not with Trey, where can he be?” Asking the same question and getting no satisfactory answers was getting old.
Sage shrugged. “Who knows what that kind of parent is capable of? But if he loved his kid, I can’t see him blowing his brains out and leaving the kid to deal with it.”
“Is it any better to kill the kid first and then himself?”
A woman in the next booth twisted around and gave Jessica a shocked look. She gave the woman a weak smile and lowered her voice. “—if my crime scene was accurate.”
Sage leaned toward her so his voice wouldn’t carry. “Why wouldn’t it be accurate? The other one you told me about—the cult murder—was.”
Involuntarily, she opened her hands. The Xs on her palms glowered back, blaming her for creating the horrible death scene in the log cabin. She wanted so desperately to find Ethan, to gather him up in her arms and return him to his mother, as she wished Justin could be returned to her. Maybe there would be some form of redemption for her if she succeeded.
She dug the apported cufflink from her pocket—half-surprised it was still there—and took another peek. Miguel said it meant that she was getting help from what the first spirit, Graham, had called the World Unseen. She hoped he was right.
“What’s taking Abby so long?” She squeezed a puddle of ketchup onto her fries, then pushed it away again, repulsed because it had the consistency of congealed blood.
“Maybe she had to do an internet search,” Sage said.
Jessica fidgeted on the molded plastic bench. Now that they were no longer running around, her mind full of how to contact Ethan, and with the séance behind them, Justin had tucked himself firmly in the forefront. She sighed and licked salt off her fingers. If she waited much longer to tell Sage about him, it might well be too long. She was afraid to open up to him now and damage the fragile bond that was already forming. But when would it ever be the right time?
She pushed her bag of fries to the side and wiped her hands, worrying that she would say the wrong thing, knowing she had to try. “Sage, I need to tell you something. Finding Ethan means more to me than you know.”
He glanced up from his Big Mac. “I can see how much you care.”
“It’s not just that. I—I had a son a year younger than Ethan. He died.”
Sage set his half-eaten burger in its box and wiped his hands on a napkin, turning the full bore of his attention on her. “Jess, I’m so sorry.”
“It was my fault.” She watched closely for signs of judgment, but nothing in his expression changed. Another little piece of the ice in her heart melted.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I was married to a high-functioning drunk and I waited too long to end it. On the night I planned to leave him, he wrecked the car. My son, Justin, was killed because I was in a hurry to get going and I was desperate enough and foolish enough to trust Greg to properly clamp the safety seat. When we went over the cliff, the car rolled and Justin was thrown out, still in his car seat.”
“This is the accident that caused your amnesia?”
She nodded. She heard her voice drone on in a monotone, emotion leached from it by the enormity of what she was revealing. “They told me he died instantly, but who knows whether that’s true? I died, too, but I came back. While I was over there, I watched him go into the Light. It seemed like it was instant, but how can I know for sure? The only way I can stand it is to believe that.”
Sage started to reach across to her, but she shook her head, refusing comfort that she did not deserve. “In the last few days, Justin has started coming through to me.” She paused to give him a wry smile. “The upside of being a medium. He’s shown me how he’s growing up on the other side.” Jessica could see the concern in his face and knew it was genuine.
“Wow, that’s fantastic. I mean, it’s kind of ironic, but—how old was he when he crossed?”
“He was almost three. He’s eight now. He’s forgiven me, but I’ll never forgive myself.” Jessica hesitated. “Look, I understand if knowing that changes the way you see me—”
Sage reached out again, and before she could protest, took her hand in his. “No, Jessica, it doesn’t change anything for me. We all have things in our past that we regret.” He hesitated the same way she had. “The last time I saw my mother, we had a huge argument and I stormed out. Right after I left, she fell off a ladder and broke her neck. I torment myself over it constantly. If I hadn’t left when I did, maybe she would be alive now.”
“How horrible for you,” Jessica said. Then decided that she might as well lay it all bare. “I read that you were arrested.”
“I figured you would get there sooner or later. I would have told you about it.”
“I know you would.”
“Except for her dying, that was the worst time of my life. Locked up for days, interrogated like a criminal. Knowing that in some way it was my fault that she was dead, even though I didn’t kill her. Same as you believe about your son. Does that change the way you see me?”
“Of course not.”
“Well, there you go.” He produced a thin smile. “Maybe this will: my birth mother has been in prison for most of my life.”
Jessica gave a small start of surprise. She ran all the clichés through her mind, but this too shall pass or keep your chin up just didn’t cut it. “She must have been an adult. Whatever she did, you aren’t responsible for it.”
“Of course not. But as they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Maybe evil genes can be inherited.”
“Evil? That’s pretty extreme. Can I ask what she did?”
“First, she—”
Jessica’s phone rang. Sage broke off.
Abby, sounding excited.
“You were right, Jess. There was paperwork in the file for a brand-new listing. The family is moving to Europe and selling everything they own. Trey hadn’t gotten around to filing it with the MLS, but all the information is here. It’s just what you said, Jess, they own a place in Big Bear.”
TWENTY-THREE
Abby’s phone call left Jessica with a buzz of energy and a certainty that they were headed in the right direction. Big Bear Lake was a little more than a hundred miles east of their current location. Two hours in decent traffic. The freeway would be clear at this time of night, but if they ran into bad weather, delays were possible.
“Weather.com says there’s snow on the mountain
,” Jessica said, after checking her phone. “Do we need to get chains?”
“The good news is, I went skiing a couple of weeks ago and took some with me. They’re still in the trunk.”
“I don’t suppose you have snow clothes in that trunk, too?”
“None small enough to fit you.”
“Hey, small but mighty.”
Sage threw her a grin. “I have definitely learned that already.”
Google found them a nearby Ross Dress for Less that was open until one a.m.—only in Hollywood. They raced through the store, gathering up what they needed for the cold mountain weather—gloves, heavier socks, sweaters, knit hats, including toddler-sizes in the shopping cart, too. There was no telling how well-prepared for the mountains Trey had been. Abby said he had been a good dad. Surely, he would dress Ethan warmly. Assuming they did go to Big Bear.
Please help us find him. Let him be alive.
Back in the Tesla, their purchases stowed in the trunk, Jessica started thinking out loud. “Maybe this is the point we should tell Zach what’s up.”
Sage messed with the GPS screen and brought up the route to the Big Bear address Abby had texted. He turned in his seat to give her a long look. “If we find Trey dead, you’ll have to tell him anyway.”
“So, you think I should?”
“I’m just saying it’s probably the right thing to do, and I can imagine his reaction. ‘Another waste of time’.”
Jessica bristled. “The marsh was hardly a waste of time. The dinosaur, the food wrapper, remember?”
“I know that. I’m on your side.”
“Okay, fine, I’ll text him and cover myself.”
“He’ll know we got the address from Abby.”
“Who cares? If we find them—”
“Use my phone. The number isn’t blocked.”
She tapped out a message: It’s Jess. Going to Big Bear. I think he’s there.
She included the address of their destination and hit send as they entered the I-10 East.
Ten miles later, a reply pinged back from Zach:
Stay the hell out of my case.
“Well, that’s a pretty clear message,” Sage said. “So, we’ve done our duty and informed him. Now, let’s go find this asshole. If Trey Starkey is as dead as we think he is, the local authorities can inform Zach.”
“I don’t think he can get any deader.” Jessica did not mention Ethan again; didn’t need to. The missing four-year-old’s essence was riding with them in the backseat of the Tesla.
They drove on in silence, each wrapped in their own thoughts. She wanted to ask why his mother was in prison for so long. A long sentence meant it was serious. She must have killed someone. The conversation with Jay of the mad scientist hair came back to her. As a small child, Sage had witnessed something so terrible that he hadn’t spoken for a year. What had he seen? Was it the event that had put his birth mother behind bars?
Their conversation about Justin wasn’t finished either. That would wait for another time.
The long, difficult day was catching up with her, starting with the stress of Jenna and Zach bursting in, their argument. The meeting with Abby, Benedict Canyon, the séance…. The headlights of oncoming vehicles and the freeway signs flashed past. Hypnotic. Jessica leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes. Everything drifted away.
“You okay, Jess?”
Sage’s words pulled her back from wherever she had been going—drifting off to sleep? A fugue state? Sometimes it was hard to tell.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I’ll try again to connect with Ethan.”
Following the instructions from the book, Opening to Channel, which she had downloaded, Jessica concentrated on her breathing and opened her mind to the little boy. She made a careful blank space for him to come in, asked her spirit guides to contact his guides and connect them. Waited.
Nothing happened.
Either she was doing it wrong or worse, there was no connection to be made. She tried to swallow the lump of emotion that came into her throat and push away the fear as the powerful Tesla chewed up the miles. They roared past El Monte, West Covina, Pomona, Ontario, Riverside, hooking onto State Route 38 without any flashing blue lights coming up behind them. Then they were curving around the mountain, a sheer wall rising on Sage’s side.
He took the hairpin turns with confidence but Jessica clung to the armrest, white-knuckling it through the darkness that pressed around the vehicle. She could not see the steep drop beyond the low guardrail but she knew it was there. And knowing it made her sweat.
The same type of guardrail had not prevented Greg Mack from driving straight through it.
The actual memory of sailing off the cliff, of her head slamming into the windshield, was lost to her, but not the dread—the realization that it was about to happen. Nor had she forgotten dying and communicating telepathically with an angel. And the one memory that would always stay with her. Justin rising into the Light.
Sage’s voice broke in, once again jerking her back to reality. “You okay, Jess? Want me to slow down?”
“Huh? No, it’s fine. Go as fast as you can. How much further?”
“An hour. You can already feel the temperature change. I’m gonna turn on the heater.”
He was right. The distinct nip in the air had not been present at lower elevations. The higher the elevation, the colder the temperature. Big Bear City was close to 7,000 feet up the mountain.
“I learned to drive in snow last year,” Sage said, and Jessica figured he was trying to distract her from the drop. “It was in Maine, where I met Claudia. We got stuck in a really nasty blizzard.”
“Is there any other kind?”
“Not as far as I’m concerned.”
“I’m glad you know what you’re doing.”
He grinned. “Hey, I didn’t say I knew what I was doing.”
“You’re a barrel of laughs,” Jessica said. “I’m going to try to reach out to Ethan again.”
“Again?”
“It doesn’t make any sense to keep trying, but it can’t hurt.”
“Go for it,” said Sage. “I’ll be sending good vibes, too.”
“I think you should keep your mind on the road.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
This time, she said a prayer first and asked God to help her make a connection with Ethan Starkey, or even Trey. She and God had never had a strong relationship, and Justin’s death had not improved it. But that did not prevent her from hoping He—or, She—would understand Jessica’s wishy-washy attitude and overlook it.
Apparently, God did. Once she slowed her breathing and began the routine of opening her chakras, a clear image of Ethan landed in her mind, curled into a fetal position, sucking his thumb. Jessica was well aware that traumatized children tended to regress to an earlier stage of development. She could think of no greater trauma than what this child may have suffered. The image broke her heart.
As if she were locking him onto a tractor beam, she aimed all of her concentration on the boy and began transmitting messages to him:
Ethan, are you there?
For several seconds she felt and heard nothing but her own breathing. Then, “I’m scared.”
I know, sweetie. We’re coming to get you.
“But I’m f-f-fwighten.”
You’re a very brave boy, Ethan. Can you tell me what it looks like where you are?
“Want Mama.”
You’ll see her soon. Ethan, are you inside the house?
“Don’t feel good. Head hurts. Sleepy.”
Ethan, can you hear me?
He began to cry, the soft sobs of a scared little boy who had given up hope.
Jessica couldn’t help thinking of the fairy, Tinkerbell, drinking a cup of poison to save Peter Pan, her light fading, extinguished as she dies. In the story, all that was needed to bring Tink back to life was to clap your hands if you believed in fairies. A stray tear trickled down Jessica’s cheek. All the clapping in th
e world would not help Ethan if it was too late. An arrow of fear shot through her. What were they going to find at the cabin?
“Could you tell anything about where he is?” Sage asked, when she told him what she had seen.
“No.” She hated the utter helplessness of being stuck in a car, still too many miles from their destination. “The darkness was too intense. I can’t tell whether he’s dead or alive, but it’s down to freezing. We have to get there fast.”
“I can’t take these turns any faster, Jess.”
“I know.”
After that, although she tried and tried again, nothing evoked any response from the boy. Had he actually responded to her at all? Maybe rather than “hearing” her in his head, he had felt her presence and not understood what it meant. Of course he couldn’t understand. How could he? Poor little lad.
The night stretched ahead of them as black as the inside of a coalbin. If it were not for the occasional light post in the distance reflected off the headlights in the falling snow, they might have been driving through a wall of fog.
The Tesla’s tires gripped the slick road even without chains. Still, Sage slowed down more on the curves.
“Shit.”
Snow crystals had begun to splatter the windshield like white rain. The road soon looked like cotton. What they had been able to see of the horizon disappeared. Snow piled on the windshield, swept smoothly away, but the wipers had no effect on the frozen chunks that stuck to the hood like crushed ice from a Coke machine.
“What if the cabin affects you the way the Benedict Canyon house did?” Sage asked, once again reading her mind.
“I can’t let it affect me,” said Jessica. “I have to stay alert.”
“Okay, but it couldn’t hurt to say a prayer of protection before we go in. ”
“Fine by me. Do you know any?”
“The specific wording isn’t important. We can work on it later.”
It seemed a lifetime before the GPS directed them onto Big Bear Boulevard. They passed the airport, the Convention Center. On the road that ran alongside the dark lake, the top of Jessica’s head started tingling with the ruffling of her hair, a sign that spirit was touching her aura. It was hard to believe she had accumulated so much knowledge about the world of spirit in a few short days. And yet, for all she had learned, she knew next to nothing.
