by Marci Bolden
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Get dressed. Let’s grab some coffee and something to eat. Then I want a quick shower before we go see what the police have to tell us.”
Though she knew that if the human trafficking unit had anything new, they would have gotten a call, she let him cling to that little bit of hope that he’d mentioned as she made herself presentable enough to run to the coffee shop.
Though Holly and Jack tended to keep their PDA to a minimum, Eva and Josh weren’t above holding hands or sharing a quick kiss in front of the rest of HEARTS. Alexa had always envied their affection, so when Dean grabbed her hand the moment they were outside the hotel room, she very nearly swooned. She thought she looked like hell with her messy bun, wrinkled clothes, and freshly washed face, but as they waited for the elevator, he put his arm around her shoulder, kissed her temple, and told her she looked beautiful.
She believed him. Not because she thought so but because his whispered words snaked down and hugged her heart and lifted her spirits, despite the reality of why they were in Chicago. A sense of guilt settled low in her stomach, but she ignored it. Being with Dean didn’t take one bit of effort away from her determination to find his sister. In fact, she felt even more determined this morning.
She needed to fix this for him. She needed to take this burden from his shoulders and know what he was like when he was happy and whole. She needed to save his sister to help him feel complete. So, yes, her determination was even stronger. But her dread was stronger as well. Finding Mandy didn’t guarantee a happy ending for her or for Dean. Alexa knew how difficult it was for trafficking victims to recover from the tools used to hold them captive—whether it was drug addiction or psychological abuse, the hold pimps tended to have over their victims was hard to break.
Oftentimes, even after sobering up or receiving treatment, the women found themselves falling back into the pattern of trafficking. After a while, it was all they knew, and even though it was dangerous and abusive, the cycle pulled them back. Alexa prayed Mandy was strong enough to resist the pull of that life once she was out.
The jingle of the bell above the coffee shop door and the aromas inside helped ease some of the darkness looming in Alexa’s mind. As they looked over the menu, her stomach growled, and Dean made a dramatically astonished face, making her laugh. Again, despite the circumstances, she felt being with him like that was right. Perfect.
They’d placed their order and moved aside to wait for their food and drinks before reality crashed down on them. She actually sensed the shift in Dean’s mood before she noticed the gloom clouding his eyes. Lifting her gaze to his face, she swallowed hard at the sudden change in his mood. Following whatever had him enthralled, and suddenly depressed, she read the poster he was fixated on.
Over the image of a girl, probably not much older than Mandy, big bold letters stated that human trafficking wasn’t a third-world problem and to call the phone number at the bottom to report suspected abuse. Stepping in front of him, blocking his view, she waited for him to finally see her instead of looking through her.
“How could I have let this happen to her?” he asked under his breath.
“You couldn’t have known.”
“I should have known. She’s my sister.”
“Who was away at college.” She glanced at the barista, who’d called her name. “Can you make those sandwiches to go?” she asked.
The girl barely concealed her eye roll before taking the tray back to wrap the sandwiches and drop them in a bag. Alexa wasn’t sure if she should add to the tip for the extra work or subtract for the dramatic response, but she only debated for a moment before focusing on Dean again.
Lightly touching his face, she offered him as much of a supportive smile as she could manage. “There is no one to blame but the person who pulled her into whatever mess she’s in. Someone out there saw a vulnerable young woman and took advantage of her instead of helping her. That is where the blame falls. That is who we are going to make sure pays for what’s happened to her. It’s not your fault. Or hers. She is the victim here, and you had no way of knowing what was happening to her.”
“I appreciate what you’re saying.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “I really do. But I can’t help but feel that I failed her.”
“I know,” she said. “And I can’t stop you from feeling that. But I want you to hear me when I tell you that you couldn’t have prevented this.”
“You don’t know that,” he muttered as he turned away. He reached the counter just as the disgruntled barista dropped a bag on the counter. Alexa dug a few extra dollar bills from her pocket and set them on the counter next to the paper coffee cups with their drinks. Taking the cups, she followed Dean from the shop and across the street. The affection he’d displayed just a few minutes earlier was gone, but Alexa didn’t blame him. The poster had plucked at the desperation constantly hanging over his head. She understood. She sympathized. She’d been there.
Years had passed before she could see or hear the word sisters without feeling like her heart was being obliterated. Sisters. Such a simple but powerful word. A word that made her feel less than whole even now. Lanie was gone. Her sister was gone. A part of her soul was gone.
Forever, it seemed.
She wouldn’t let that happen to Dean. He might feel this burden now, but she’d be damned if he felt it forever, as she would.
Quickening her stride to keep his pace, she walked beside him back to his hotel room.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he pulled their breakfast from the bag. “I didn’t mean to spoil the morning.”
“Spoil the morning?” Resting her palm to his arm, she sighed. “You didn’t spoil anything.”
“We were both in such a good mood before…”
“Hey.” She moved closer, demanding that he look into her eyes. “We’re here for Mandy. I know that. I don’t resent that in any way. Do you understand?”
He licked his lips. “What happened between us last night…”
Alexa’s heart nearly stopped beating. She didn’t want to hear what she was certain he was going to say. She didn’t want him to feel like she was a mistake. If he regretted making love to her, she’d probably shrivel and die from humiliation. Not that she’d never been rejected before; she had plenty of times, just as she’d rejected men plenty of times. Something about what she’d shared with Dean was different, though. She’d felt a connection to him that she’d never felt before, and if he hadn’t…that would hurt. Deeply.
He let out a long breath. “Alexa, I don’t want you to think last night was just a fling or just me being emotional. We don’t know each other well, but I like you. A lot. And last night was amazing. It’s just this shit with Mandy has my mind so boggled.”
Disappointment hit her like a fist to the gut. “And getting involved with me is too much. I get it.”
“What? No. That’s not what I’m saying.” Sliding his arm around her waist, he pulled her against him and pressed his other hand to her cheek. “I just meant that this morning should be about us, about us connecting, but I can’t stop thinking about Mandy.”
Alexa felt a bit ashamed at how much relief washed over her. Covering his hand with hers, she kissed his palm. “Finding Mandy should be your priority, Dean. Don’t feel bad about that. Honestly, if your sister wasn’t at the forefront of your mind, I’d be worried about your character.” Stroking his hand, she tried to ease the concern in his eyes. “Your sister is the most important thing. As she should be.”
He sighed and pulled her close for a hard but fast kiss. “Thank you for understanding.”
“Of course.”
Funny how her heart was racing. Not from the kiss but from the fear that had struck her at the idea of him ending something that hadn’t even really begun. She wasn’t sure if that was because she was so certain of the connection she felt to him or if she was so desperate to have a taste of what Holly and Eva had found that she was putting more stock in having
sex with Dean than she should. The downside of being the emotional member of the HEARTS team was just that—she was too emotional sometimes.
The other women were analytical about things like this. Holly had picked her emotions apart before deciding she loved Jack. Eva had held Josh at arm’s length until she was certain. Rene and Tika didn’t seem interested in romance, and Sam didn’t seem to struggle moving in and out of relationships. Alexa felt things more deeply, which made her second-guess what her heart was feeling now.
She could fall for Dean hard and fast if she allowed herself. But that didn’t make it real. He could very well just be reaching out to her because she was there. The thought saddened her beyond reason, but now wasn’t the time to ask him about his feelings or his intentions. If he only needed her body and her tenderness to help him through this, then she was to blame for allowing him to do so. If her heart got broken because she’d allowed herself to fall for a client, that was on her.
He’d made no promises or whispered sweet words to get her into his bed. She’d done so willingly and without expectations. Placing expectations on him, especially with all he was going through, would be unfair. She’d take what he offered and offer what she was willing, but she wouldn’t allow herself to fall any deeper until she knew where he stood, and she wouldn’t burden him with that question until his sister’s disappearance was resolved.
Accepting another quick peck from his lips just gave her one more reason to get to the bottom of this case as quickly as possible.
Dean took another deep inhalation as the heat in the car stirred Alexa’s scent around him. Something had shifted between them last night. Not just the sex, but something deeper. He wanted to tell her that, but the words seemed stuck in his mind. Not because he feared rejection. He could survive that. He feared saying something stupid that would make her not want to work Mandy’s case any longer. That would be devastating.
Alexa had come so much closer to finding Mandy than Dean ever would have on his own. He owed her so much. If he hadn’t decided to hire her, he never would have guessed Mandy had gotten herself mixed up in this kind of mess. Knowing she really was in trouble wasn’t exactly a step in the right direction, but it was better than wondering if she were dead somewhere.
He needed Alexa focused on the case, but he couldn’t help but need some of her focus on him, too. What a selfish prick he’d grown up to be. His father was right about him. He was a disappointment.
“Dean?”
He turned at the sound of Alexa’s sweet voice. “Huh?”
“Are you okay?”
He frowned as he took another breath, smelling her on the air. “I can smell you.”
She glanced over, a smirk on her lips that made his cheeks grow warm.
“I mean…” Sniffing the air, he shrugged. “Your shampoo or body wash or whatever.”
“You like it?”
“Yeah.”
Her smile widened. “Good. I’d hate for all that sniffing to be a bad thing.”
Reaching over, he pulled her right hand from the steering wheel and kissed it. “It’s not a bad thing. I didn’t realize I was sniffing, though. Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She turned her hand over and squeezed his. “We have a few more minutes before we get to the station. Want to tell me what’s on your mind?”
“For the sake of transparency?”
“For the sake of you not losing your mind.”
He smiled at how perceptive she seemed to be. “I, um… I’m worried that having sex with you will make you regret taking this case. Or having sex with me. I don’t want you to regret either.”
“I don’t.” She tightened her hold on him and held his gaze for what was probably as long as she could safely since she was driving. “I don’t regret either. Do you?”
“No. If you decide that you do, tell me, okay? I need you trying to find my sister. But I also need you helping me. If that gets to be too much, I’ll back off. Mandy needs you more. Okay?”
“I agree.” She pulled her hand from his so she could use both hands to turn into the public parking lot outside the police station. Once she parked, she turned in her seat and faced him, looking like he’d answered a question that had been nagging her as well. “Mandy comes first. For both of us. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
She reached across the car and brushed his hair from his forehead. “I like you, Dean. But that won’t stand in my way from doing what I’m here to do.”
“Good.”
“Is that all that’s worrying you? Besides the obvious, I mean.”
He looked out at the cars around them, not really seeing them. “Besides the obvious, yes.”
Stroking his hair in a way that he’d already come to rely on, she soothed the edges of his anxiety. “I’m here for you. Whatever you may be thinking or feeling. I’m here.”
“I was thinking about what my father said. How I was too wrapped up in myself to take care of her.”
“Don’t do that. I don’t know what your father’s problem is, but I do know you took care of your sister.”
“I appreciate that,” he said quietly. “But you weren’t there. So you can’t know. Don’t,” he said when she opened her mouth as if to argue. “Please. Nothing you say can make this better. I appreciate you trying, though.” Leaning across the console, he kissed the corner of her mouth. “Come on. Let’s go see if they have anything new to share.”
He climbed from the car and waited for her. When she joined him, he took her hand, amazed at the calming effect she had on him. He wasn’t anticipating good news. He was smarter than that, even without her warning, but that didn’t ease the stress that increased with each step. He needed to hear that Mandy was safe. He didn’t need her to come home or agree to his help. He just needed to hear the words Mandy is safe.
He didn’t expect to.
The look on Detective Wilson’s face confirmed that before he even spoke. As soon as Dean and Alexa sat in his office, he dropped into a chair and huffed out his breath. “We are going to keep trying, but I have to tell you there was a lot of movement with the girls overnight.”
“What does that mean?” Dean demanded.
“The john who was arrested got out on bail. Soon after, ads started getting pulled and the second meeting we had set up didn’t show. Our guess is that the john made a call to the pimp and warned him that we busted him and took the victim into custody. If this pimp is holding true to his past behavior, he’s going to be lying low for a few days while he moves his victims around.”
“Moves them where?” Alexa asked. The alarm in her tone heightened Dean’s concern.
“We don’t know for certain. We’ve got people out there asking questions. We’ll keep checking online, but I expect him to be a bit more cautious for the next few weeks.”
“Do you think he moved Mandy?”
“No way of knowing.”
Dean focused on Alexa. “What’s happening?”
Her frown deepened as she met his gaze. “The man who we think is using Mandy has been tipped off. There’s a possibility she’s no longer in Chicago.”
His heart dropped like a brick in a shallow pool, hitting the bottom of his stomach with what he was certain was an audible thud. “Where is she? Where would she go?”
Though her touch usually soothed him, when Alexa put her hand to his arm, he pulled back and pushed himself up so he could pace as he raked his fingers through his hair.
“We don’t know anything for certain,” Detective Wilson said. “We’re looking into it. Until we confirm that she’s been relocated, we’ll keep looking in the greater Chicago area for her.”
“How long until you can confirm?” Dean looked from Alexa to the detective and back again. The misery on their faces told him everything they weren’t saying. They didn’t know. They couldn’t know.
Mandy had slipped through their fingers.
“Damn it,” Dean cursed and marched toward the door. He didn’t answer when Alexa ca
lled out to him. This wasn’t her fault, he wasn’t blaming her, but he needed to get his head around what was happening.
Though he’d known it was a long shot that they would Mandy overnight, he hadn’t been expecting to find out that she might be gone again. He wasn’t prepared for that. He felt sick. He felt weak. And useless. He was outside in the cool air, taking deep breaths, before Alexa called out to him again.
Turning, he dragged his hand through his hair. “Where is she, Lex?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “Dean, I’m so sorry. We aren’t giving up.”
“What’s happening to her? What’s being done to her?”
“Shh,” she hushed, putting her hand on his arm. “Don’t put yourself through that. Focus on finding her.”
“How is she going to survive this?”
Gripping his shoulders, she gave him a gentle shake. “She’s going to survive this because she has you. You are going to help her through this. And I am going to help you. Don’t shut me out, Dean. Let me help. This is difficult, I know”—she pressed when he tried to look away from her—“but nothing about this has been or is going to be easy.”
“I know that. I just…” He swallowed as an unexpected surge of desperation nearly brought him to his knees. “I’m scared for her,” he whispered.
“That’s okay. But don’t let that overwhelm you.”
“I don’t know what to do.” He scraped at his hair again. “I don’t know what to do.”
She brushed his hair, probably trying to get it under control after his frantic movements. “Let’s go back to the hotel. You need to get some rest.”
“No.”
“You need rest,” she insisted.
“No.”
“There is nothing more we can do here, Dean.”
He pulled back. “I can’t sit on my hands and do nothing.”
She looked hurt by his refusal, so he looked away, not needing the burden of letting down someone else.
“I don’t mean to be harsh.”
“You’re not,” she said. “I understand your frustration, but there is nothing we can do here.”
