She’d never really thought of her life that way. Her clinic had been her baby. It had been her dream ever since she had graduated veterinary school. When she had found the need in Hebbronville, she’d put all her energy and every last dime of savings into building the clinic. She had done it all on her own. Alone.
But now her heart yearned for the strength and comfort offered by Stryker’s arms. She longed for the security and pleasure he brought into her life. He was a good man. He had shown that in the way he had taken care of her both when she had suffered a panic attack, and then when she had hit her head.
Tears suddenly burned at the back of her eyes, but she fought them back and stood, grabbing her truck keys. Stryker had touched her heart, and she would never be the same.
She drove out to the ranch quickly, and luckily, the heifer was progressing naturally. A little over an hour later, with Anya keeping a close watch, the heifer gave birth to a beautiful calf.
She was a little frustrated that the rancher had called her out unnecessarily, but it was a good outcome for the animals and she was going to see Stryker, even though it wasn’t quite a date now. Would he take her out to eat from the ranch? Where would they go?
She drove directly to his ranch, and as she stepped out of her truck, she heard the crunch of hooves on the gravel.
She turned and saw Stryker standing close behind her, holding the reins of two horses. “This is a change,” she said with an eyebrow lifted. Then her heart sank. “Is it another calf?”
“No,” he said softly. “But trust me, I need you.”
His face was serious and focused on hers, and there was something else hovering in the depths of his eyes. She didn’t know what it was, but she was afraid to ask any questions. Without arguing or taking any additional time, Anya went to the horse he’d provided for her and mounted quickly. He checked to make sure the stirrups were the right length for her, his hands sliding along her calf muscle as he slipped her boot back into the stirrup after a quick adjustment, and Anya’s heart pounded. She felt too much when it came to this man. She needed to rein in her heart.
He mounted his horse effortlessly and turned toward a part of the ranch she hadn’t been on in a long time. Her horse automatically followed his, and soon they were traveling in silence toward Stryker’s destination. Anya drew in a deep breath, smelling the mesquite and the sage and the scent of dirt on the air, threatening an upcoming storm. The dry soil desperately craved the moisture, and she silently prayed for the rain to come, to wash their world, to make it clean again, and give the ranchers hope for a decent year for grass and hay.
She let her eyes slide closed as the last rays of sunlight beat down on her face, warming her. It was what she needed after a day cooped up in the clinic and the tense hour she’d stayed in the barn watching a heifer go through labor pains. But no matter how good she felt, she could sense the power of Stryker’s presence, and that made her heart race.
“Long day?” His voice cut through to her heart.
She opened her eyes and turned her attention on him. There were dark circles under his eyes, and she could tell he hadn’t slept well in days. But there was caring in his eyes as he focused on her. There was genuine concern. “Yes,” she said softly, giving him a half-hearted smile. “In fact, it’s been a long week.”
“Did you rest at all since I’ve last seen you?”
Her lips twitched and she lowered her head. “No. There’s been too much work to do.”
“That’s what I thought. You were far too eager to leave me that morning.”
“I wasn’t trying to leave you…”
He chuckled softly, and the sound wrapped around her like a soothing blanket. “When you called me today, I was afraid it was to back out of our date. But I couldn’t go this long without seeing you again.”
“Now you’re just being dramatic,” Anya said, feeling her lips pull into a smile.
“There it is,” he said softly, staring at her as if he hadn’t ever seen a person smile. “That’s what I’ve been needing. Your smile.”
She could feel a blush creeping up her cheeks, but she didn’t turn away from him. “Is that all you’ve been needing?”
A slow, very male smile began to spread across his face. “I need a lot, Anya.” His smile faltered some. “And I’m not very good at expressing my thoughts and letting anyone know…how much I need.”
Chapter 14
Stryker felt a little lost. This was uncharted territory for him. Even when he first met his former wife, he hadn’t felt so far out of his comfort zone. She had been at a mixer for Navy SEAL graduates. She had come along as a plus-one and had been left high and dry. He’d made short work of getting to know the beautiful woman and found her enchanting.
They’d given it their best effort. Both of them had been young and foolish in love. But she had the need to have him home every night for dinner, and he had the need to devote himself to the SEALs. Finally, she threatened to divorce him if he didn’t quit the navy— more importantly, the SEALs. He had helped her pack. She had tearfully admitted that she couldn’t live with the fear and uncertainty. She had thought she could handle being a military wife, but the stress was killing her. He supposed he could understand on some level, but she’d never understood that being a SEAL was his heart, his soul, his true identity. He wasn’t going to abandon that for anyone. Shaking his head to clear out the past, he looked at Anya, so gentle and kind and dedicated to her own career. Was it possible that she would understand? “Did everything go okay at the other ranch?”
“It was a normal birth. The rancher was just being a little anxious.”
“I can tell by your face you’re in pain. You haven’t been resting like you need to.”
“I’m fine. It’s just been a long week already. Calving season is always taxing. But I’ll make it through. Just having a headache makes the day a little harder.”
He frowned. “You still have a headache? Anya, you really need to slow down. You have to take it easy.”
“If you knew how little sleep I get during this time period, you would understand. I just go on autopilot, I suppose.”
“You must be very successful.”
“For a small-town veterinarian, I do okay. One day I hope to expand my practice and have a full team and a clinic large enough to serve the surrounding small towns as well. Right now, I’m stretched too thin, and there are outlying areas that just never get any help. They’re the ones that need it the most.”
“How long have you had that dream?”
“Since I used to live in one of those areas that desperately needed a veterinarian.”
“I thought you saw a veterinarian save a horse when you were young.” Stryker looked at her with confusion, and she bestowed another one of her mind-blowing smiles on him.
“You remember!” She had shared that story with him when she’d been recovering from hitting her head. “Yes, that shaped my decision. He was the first veterinarian we had seen in years. We’d lost countless animals to disease and birth defects. He made such a difference on the whole farm.”
“I can see how that would shape a dream. This…this”—he gestured to the land around them, the occasional group of cattle clustered together—“is my dream.” He returned his eyes to her and a warmth spread through his chest. This was his dream, wasn’t it? If so, then why did he feel like he was missing the most critical piece? Someone to share it with. It was also his dream to stop terrorists. But he could have the best of both worlds, couldn’t he?
Anya deserved to know how he felt. She deserved to know so much. She had to know about his failed marriage and how terrible he was at so many different key compartments of his life that revolved around feeling anything for a woman.
Anya was smiling at him, but he could tell from the look in her eyes that she was still wary of him. He had totally fucked up when she’d left after they h
ad been together so intimately. He had wanted to keep her in his arms forever, and at the same time, he’d wanted to put as much distance between them as possible. He couldn’t have a relationship, not now, not ever. Could he?
Yet, as he had prepared for the undercover mission they were leaving for the very next day, all he could think about was Anya. He had to make things right with her now. He might not get another chance.
It was a risk they all took when they went on missions, and they all understood that death was always lurking nearby. All it took was a word said in the wrong tone of voice, taking a step in the wrong direction, or looking someone directly in the eyes when their culture forbade such an action.
Added to that was that they were walking into the unknown. Their research had revealed a much deeper story about the cartel, though it hadn’t yielded as much as he would have liked. Still, it was disturbing that key information had been redacted from their debrief files. Someone in the admiral’s office had made sure they received incomplete information. How much did that person know about their operation? Or could it be that the person giving the admiral the information was working both sides?
Then the mysterious photos had appeared. Santo and Phantom had ridden the fences and found an area where someone could have slipped onto their property and avoided detection by the security cameras. They’d repaired the hole and then added more cameras to the perimeter of the property, the barn, and around the exterior of the house. Whoever was fucking with them would be caught this time.
Regardless, Stryker and his team studied intensely, making notes, sharing with each other, practicing together and in solitude, until they actually became the men they were supposed to be on the mission. They had their backstories memorized, they had their mannerisms down to perfection, and they knew their marks. Buzz had already successfully disrupted their supply chain in Colombia through his vast network, and the cartel was beginning to feel the pain. It was a matter of time before they became desperate.
But tonight wasn’t about the mission. Tonight was about making things right with Anya. And he was going to try his best. He needed to show her how much he valued her, how much he valued what she’d given him, and that she was an incredible woman for any man to have.
He didn’t know why she’d decided to gift him with her virginity. He didn’t know what he’d done to earn it. Maybe it had been the way he had held her through her panic attack. Maybe it had been the way he had treated her as his equal, had valued her opinion. Maybe it had been the way he’d cared for her when she hit her head. Whatever the reason, he was grateful. Her innocence was something he was going to treasure for the rest of his life.
Finally, they came upon the small clearing where Stryker had placed a thick blanket and a basket with food and a bottle of wine. Anya turned to look at him with surprise and a half smile on her lips. “You did this?” she asked incredulously.
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Why are you so surprised?”
“I-I just never thought you would do something like this. You’re so…rough. I figured you would think such a thing too corny.”
His smile broadened as he dismounted and quickly went to help her dismount. She turned within the circle of his arms, and he saw her draw in a sharp breath at how close he was to her. She was having an impact on him as well, and he never wanted to let her go. That thought alone was frightening. By holding on, he could end up hurting her even more.
“So this was why you decided to ask me out here?” He saw her swallow as her gaze searched his face.
“Yes, and we’d better hurry or the wine will be too warm.”
A nervous chuckle escaped her, and she ran a hand through her long, dark hair. “Are you trying to get out of paying one of your vet bills?”
He winked at her and grabbed her hand, leading her over to the blanket. “Have a seat, señorita,” he said, bending at the waist and taking off his cowboy hat as he leaned forward for her.
“Gracias, señor,” she said with a soft roll of her r’s that made him want to kiss her at that very moment and find the honey of her lips.
She sat near the basket and waited for him to join her. He suddenly felt nervous as he joined her on the blanket, but he knew he had to finish what he’d started. He couldn’t leave tomorrow with a clear conscience if he didn’t.
He pulled out meats and cheeses, and carefully opened the wine before pouring her a glass. She shook her head and smiled up at him. “So, was this your plan all along, or were you actually going to take me to dinner somewhere?”
“Which would you prefer?”
Her eyes searched his, and he knew her answer before she said anything. “Here. Anytime. I would pick here over any restaurant.”
“You told me to call whenever I needed you.” His smile slipped. “And I do need you, Anya.”
She drew in a shuddering breath and looked at him with startled eyes. “I didn’t think… I mean, after the other day…”
“I don’t often make mistakes, Anya. But when I do, I make it colossal. The way I behaved toward you the other morning… I’m sorry.” Anya was staring at him like a woman who was afraid to trust what he was saying, and for the millionth time, he wanted to kick himself in the ass. Why had he reacted so sharply to her words? Because the idea of “making love” with anyone scares the shit out of me. But that was exactly what they had done. They had made love. It’d been magical—it’d been surreal.
In hindsight, he wished he had been gentler, caressed her more, whispered soft words in her ear, made her feel his gratitude for the gift she was giving him.
He nearly shook his head at himself for the fool he was. She hadn’t said a thing and had left with the dignified grace of a true lady. Going to see her the next day wasn’t soon enough to behold her beautiful face.
Anya was still watching him, and the hope he saw in the depths of her eyes made his heart clench. No woman had ever affected him this way. And he doubted one ever would again. “Anya.”
He began slowly, picking up her small, delicate hand in his oversized one. He marveled once again at how perfectly their bodies had fit together as they had—made love. It was still hard for him to think about it that way, but he knew that was exactly what it had been, no matter how much his male brain fought against it. “Anya, there are things you don’t know about me.”
“I’ve known you had your secrets about your past, Stryker. I’ve told you that before.”
How is she so damned perceptive? Am I losing my ability? Am I that easy to read now? “Yes, I’ve carried around secrets about my past. I think most people do.”
“Trying to justify it doesn’t make it any better,” she said with a raised eyebrow, and he felt as if his grandmother had just chastised him for telling a lie.
“No, it doesn’t. You’re right. Anya, I was married once a few years ago.”
She looked at him warily. “Was? As in, past tense?”
He smiled slowly as he realized she was afraid she had committed the sin of adultery. “Yes, very past tense. But I haven’t known how to trust a woman…how to be myself with a woman…”
“I’d say you do fairly well for yourself,” she complimented him as she took a sip of the wine.
“Only with you, Anya. With you, I want to prove that I can do anything. That I’m stronger, I’m faster—I’m better—than any other man you’ve ever met. I want to impress you, Anya. Only you.”
Again the hope blossomed in her eyes, and he wished desperately he could kiss her, but there was still so much to be said. “But I know…beyond a doubt I know, I will disappoint you. I will let you down. I will make you hurt. Same as I made you hurt the other morning. I was… I’m not the man you deserve.”
Her gaze searched his face for several long moments, and he wondered if she could hear his heart beating. This wasn’t how he’d expected everything to happen. He’d needed this last night with her. Ju
st one more night. But he hadn’t expected the apology to be so difficult, to be so taxing on his emotions. He hated that he’d hurt her, and was afraid he was only making things worse.
“I’m not good at this, Anya. I don’t know how to say I’m sorry. I don’t know how to warn you that I’m not the right man for you. Because my mind is clouded by the fact that I want you…I need you, and…”
His words ended abruptly as she leaned forward and pressed her warm, supple lips to his. He responded automatically, moving his lips against hers slowly. Her hand reached up into his hair, combing her fingers through the locks that were growing out and weren’t their usual short crop. Slowly, she ended the kiss and pulled back from him, staring into his eyes.
“Why do you say that you aren’t the right man for me? You don’t even know what kind of man I want.”
He smiled at her, something he found himself doing frequently around her. It wasn’t something he was used to, and it made his cheeks hurt. “I know what kind of man you deserve,” he said softly. “You deserve a man who is dependable and reliable, who will always be there for you and put you on a pedestal. A man who will treat you right, and do everything in his power to make your life perfect every moment of the day. I can’t give you those things. I’m a rough man, who is more than rough around the edges. I have limited patience, and I can be a surly cuss to deal with.”
“First of all,” she said, as she moved forward on the blanket, getting closer to him, “I’m not about to be put on any pedestal. I’m afraid of heights, so that would be a bad idea for me. And I don’t care about someone trying to make my life perfect every moment of the day. That’s up to me. I’m sturdy and able to take care of myself. I midwife cows, for heaven’s sake! I haven’t given much thought to what I want in a man. All I know is that right now, you’re the only man I want.”
“Bella,” he whispered, and his hand came up behind her neck, supporting her as he brought his lips down fiercely against hers. Unlike their previous kiss, this one was demanding, giving and receiving with the passion he’d been trying to hold back but couldn’t any longer. Hearing that she wanted him was like setting a fire within him, and he knew only Anya would be able to soothe the burning ache.
A SEAL Never Quits Page 13
