by Lexi Wilson
Sure, I could point out that Maisie had all but disappeared the last time Kellie was in the hospital, but I knew that was only going to open a can of worms I didn’t want to deal with.
She was a difficult enough person that I knew without a doubt she might very well accuse me of being the one who was lying, and I could find myself in greater hurt over the situation. No, it wasn’t easy, it wasn’t pleasant, but it was something I was going to have to deal with.
I sighed as I gathered my things, walking back and forth in the kitchen like I had lost my mind. I was looking for my coffee mug. I was looking for my keys. It had been so long since I had taken a full day down at the office, I almost felt as though I was watching myself work my way through my day from afar.
I shoved what was left of the takeout we had ordered the night before in my briefcase for lunch, then I stopped and looked around the room once more before heading out the door. Maisie still wasn’t up. She was in bed, sleeping. I thought Kellie was awake, but I wasn’t going to bother her. Her door was closed, and the thin sliver of light that was coming out from beneath it told me she had to have only her lamp on.
There were times when she would sleep with it on, often when she had some sort of nightmare. If it got really bad, she would come find me, but it must not have been the night before. I hadn’t been sleeping with Maisie. I had graciously insisted she take the bed, while I had opted to sleep out on the couch.
I sighed as I walked out the door and started down the hall. We had done our best to have a family game night, ordering Chinese and enjoying spending time together. Of course, we hadn’t been able to talk for very long before the tension started to build. It had started on her end.
We were playing Monopoly, and Kellie was the one winning. I was proud of her eye for business, even though it was nothing more than a silly game we were playing. But then, Maisie started having problems with the way I was buying bits of the board, and the comments she made only caused things to get more uncomfortable. I didn’t want to fight with her, but little remarks here and there were certainly enough to get under my skin.
The last thing I wanted was to fight with her, especially with Kellie in the room. All she wanted was to have a game night with her parents, and we were mature enough to do that with her. At least, that was my perspective.
As we continued to try to play our way through, things only grew tenser. Maisie clearly was upset she wasn’t the one who was winning, and being unable to put anyone first, she was taking out her frustration on Kellie. Of course, I wasn’t about to stand by and let her do that to our daughter. Kellie hadn’t done a thing to deserve that, and it was my job to step in.
By the time we had finished with our conversation, we had decided not to finish the game, and both Maisie and Kellie had gone to their separate rooms. I was dumbfounded. There were so many times I wanted to have a real family with the woman I had fallen in love with and married, but time after time, she showed me she really and truly only cared about herself at the end of the day.
It was truly mind-boggling.
I drove to work methodically, trying not to dwell on my home life. Now that Maisie was back in the picture, I was going to be able to dedicate my time down at the office once more, though I had to admit I wasn’t very enthusiastic about that, either.
Maisie had insisted she was going to find the right nanny for Kellie, going off the list of names Stella had put together for me. I didn’t have high hopes she would do much better with this one than she had with nannies in the past, but there wasn’t anything I could say or do about it. A mere smile and an agreement that she knew what she was doing, and I had let the subject drop.
It was so much easier that way.
The only brightness I was feeling in my day was the fact I was going to get to see Stella. There was no doubt in my mind she wasn’t going to be thrilled to see me. But if I knew her the way I thought I did, I knew she would be her bright and cheerful self.
I walked into the office with the feeling I was leaving a lot of the stress behind me. I didn’t have to worry about what Maisie was doing. I could focus on Stella and work and trying to sort things out in my own mind.
“Good morning, Miss Molly!” I said cheerfully as I walked through the door. She gave me a look of clear surprise. I almost never spoke to her that way, and I could see she had no idea how to respond to it.
“Morning,” she said simply as she turned back to the screen in front of her. I wanted to continue a conversation, but there was another part of me that said to let it go. We were friends in a way, but we’d never been close. There was no need to force anything because I wanted to talk to Stella.
I heard the sound of her heels on the floor, and my heart skipped a beat. I smiled warmly as she stepped around the corner, but almost immediately, my heart sank. She was dressed in the god-awful pink suit she had worn the day she interviewed. I thought she’d given up on those for good, but evidently not.
She had quit wearing them in favor of the much sexier skirt suits she had been wearing recently, and I would have given anything at that moment to have them back.
“Stella! Good morning,” I said cheerfully. She stopped short, jerking her head up and looking at me as though I was insane. She glanced me over from top to bottom, and I smiled, though there was an uncertainty I could sense about myself.
“Good morning,” she said simply. She was going to continue on with the papers in her hand, but I stopped her once more.
“I didn’t get the chance to tell you, but I am really happy with all the hard work you’ve done lately. I wouldn’t have been able to spend half the time with my daughter if it wasn’t for you.” I smiled, expecting her to do the same. She looked at me for a moment, and I saw a slight smile playing at the corner of her lips. She nodded and looked down, but said nothing for a moment.
At last, she spoke.
“I’m glad you were able to be there for her. She really needed someone,” she replied at last. I nodded. Talking to her was like talking to a robot, and I had no idea what else to say. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, and I wanted to do what I could to make things right, but she was stiff and unresponsive. I had no idea how to even begin.
“Anyway, I’m going to get settled back into my office, but it’s good to be back,” I said at last. She watched me as I passed, then walked over to Molly. I could hear the cheerful banter between the two of them, and it only got worse when she reached her desk. Though I hadn’t noticed it at first, she had moved all her things back to her original desk, and Jace had moved his things so they were in the same area.
There was more than enough room for the both of them, but I couldn’t help but notice how cozy the two of them looked while they were chatting and giggling with each other over their work. It made me sick to my stomach with jealousy, and I wanted to hit the wall of my office when I closed the door. There were so many things running through my mind, it was difficult for me to think straight.
I knew Jace had something going on with Molly, but it didn’t stop the jealousy from forming in the back of my mind. Stella had practically been my girlfriend. Sure, we hadn’t had anything solid enough to be able to withstand Maisie coming back into the picture, but at the same time, I couldn’t shake the feeling she had moved on way too fast.
It didn’t matter if there was something going on with Jace or if they were only friends. It didn’t matter if they were nothing more than roommates. When I looked over at them giggling and laughing with each other, all I could think of was how sick I was feeling and how badly I wanted to take it all back.
I sat down at my desk with a sigh and opened up my laptop. I was going to put through the raise I had promised Stella right now. It wasn’t much, but it was a little something I could offer her. I knew she was pissed at me, and the sinking feeling in the back of my mind only confirmed that it was likely she would continue to be pissed.
I had lost her, and it was all my fault. The best I could do now was try to make her life as ea
sy as possible while doing what I could in my own mind to make me feel better about things. It wasn’t much, but it was something.
The least I could do was help her get into a new place.
Perhaps then she would hate me a little less.
Chapter 28
I sighed when I heard the sound of my computer alerting me once more. I had been doing everything in my power to keep up with the flurry of emails that had been coming in, but was quickly falling behind. I had to keep fighting with the printer to get it to do what I wanted it to, but it was taking forever to do anything.
Jace was helping me where he could, but I knew he was falling behind with things, as well. He could only do so much when he had his own work to keep up on. Though we didn’t have as much to do with Anthony back in the office, it was still difficult for us to know who should do what now and how we were going to pull it all off.
Anthony had been spending most of his time in his office, and I got the impression he was hiding from me. I hoped I had proved my point when I had treated him like a stranger that morning. It was difficult. The only thing I wanted to do was fall into his arms and tell him I wanted us, but I couldn’t. I had stood proud and tall, and I felt I had made a good point.
Finally, I turned back to my computer. I sat down with a sigh, looking at the email. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it was from Anthony. He was just in the office. If there was something he wanted to know, he could pop his head out the door and ask me. Or, at the very least, he could bring me in there to talk to me. He didn’t have to be so formal.
My heart skipped again when I opened the email and scanned the contents. Suddenly, it made sense why he didn’t say anything about it. He had given me a raise. I knew he had promised one, but that was before. That was when I thought we had something real between us.
I didn’t think he was paying me off then, but now that we had broken up, I felt that this was a cop-out. It felt like he was trying to prove his point, that he was reminding me in a way that I was nothing more than the secretary he had fucked. At once, I felt disgusted.
Unable to control myself, I stormed right into his office without a word to anyone.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I demanded. He had looked up in surprise when I walked in, and I could see it turn to confusion.
“What do you mean, what am I doing?” he asked. I raised my eyebrows and shook my head, not bothering to hide the amused laugh that sprang to my lips.
“Don’t try to play stupid with me! Don’t you think it’s a little obvious why you are giving me a raise now? Do you think I’m stupid?” I asked. I was staring at him with the most ludicrous stare, and he shook his head once more.
“Stella, I told you that you were getting a raise for what you did when I was gone. It has nothing to do with anything else,” he tried to tell me. I laughed and shook my head once more.
“Don’t try to play Mr. Nice Guy now. I can’t be bought. I don’t give a damn how much money you have; I don’t want it!” I crossed my arms and glared at him, but he merely shook his head.
“Stella, it’s got nothing to do with any of that! You need to relax. I told you that you were going to get a raise because of how hard you worked when Kellie was in the hospital. It’s really as simple as that. And if you could relax for a few seconds, then you would see it. I’m not going to fight about this with you any longer. I am the boss, you have work to do, and you are going to get compensated as I see fit. Okay?” He gave me a look I hadn’t seen before. For the first time since I had started working at the publishing house, I didn’t think I had any room to argue.
He made it clear what he wanted, and I had to follow through. I hesitated for another few seconds, making it clear I wasn’t intimidated by him in any way. He looked at me, sitting back in his chair and giving me a challenging stare. I knew he wanted me to continue arguing, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
With a nod, I turned on my heel and walked out the door. Jace looked up at me as I walked over to my desk and sat down, but he had the sense not to say anything. If there was one thing I appreciated about the kid, it was that he knew when to keep his mouth shut. I knew he was there for me if I needed to talk about something, but he wasn’t going to push it on me, and I appreciated that.
I was fuming, trying to think of how I could get out of the raise. I did need the money, but it didn’t change the fact that I didn’t want it to come from him. I wanted him to fuck off, that’s what I wanted. But there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I could only shake my head and be pissed off about the situation.
Suddenly, a flash of pink caught my eye. I looked up, and I smiled as I saw the little neon head of hair come bobbing toward me. Kellie stopped right in front of my desk, striking a pose and showing off her latest wig.
“My! Look at you! I thought you were a little piece of candy coming over to say hi to me,” I said with a laugh.
“Looking good, Kell!” Jace said from his corner of the desk. He rose and walked off with a stack of papers in his hand, and Kellie made a show of flipping the hair back over her shoulder.
“What do you think?” she asked with a grin. I clapped my hands together and motioned for her to spin around in front of me.
“I think you look magnificent. Like a model!” I said with a grin. She struck another pose, then threw her hair to the side. I was always amazed at how well the wigs fit. It didn’t seem it mattered how she twisted and turned, how she tossed her head; it wasn’t going anywhere, and she looked good making a show of it.
“Mom wanted me to get the blonde one, but I told her that was so yesterday.” She shook her head, and I laughed. Although Kellie had told me many times she thought my hair was beautiful, I couldn’t ever see the girl going blonde herself. It just didn’t seem to fit with her spunky personality. Perhaps when she was older, she’d like it better. For now, however, she was rocking the looks of the neon colors and doing it like a boss.
“Oh, I think your mother is just excited about getting to go shopping with you. It’s been a while since the two of you have been able to go out and do something like that, hasn’t it?” I asked. I knew the answer to my question, but I didn’t know how much she knew about my involvement. It had only been the one time Anthony had opened up to me about Maisie, and I didn’t ever want to involve his daughter in adult affairs.
It’s better, I thought, to let her come to me when she wanted to talk about something than for me to pry. Now, however, I found the perfect opportunity to say something without appearing nosy and without her even catching on. She spun around, causing her skirt to balloon out like a ballerina.
“Yeah, she says she’s been busy trying to find a job that pays her better money. She promised when she does have one, she’s going to take me out to do more things when she can, but she doesn’t know when that’s going to be.”
I had to bite my tongue. I knew she was after Anthony’s money, and I didn’t want to ask Kellie about that. That would be taking the conversation too far, even if she was innocent enough to tell me what I wanted to know without question.
I nodded. “I hope she finds something soon. I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to take me shopping when she had the extra money, but that didn’t happen very often.”
I decided to take the chance of saying something nice about my own mother, though the fact of the matter was that I hadn’t talked to her at all since she had kicked me out. It had been the better part of a month and not a single word.
“I do, too,” Kellie said. I tried not to read anything into her tone or expression, but at the same time, I couldn’t shake the fact she looked tired. Perhaps even sad in a way. I had a hard time being able to tell which it was, but I didn’t have the chance to pursue the conversation any further. At that moment, the door to Anthony’s office opened, and he stepped out.
“Daddy!” Kellie said with a laugh in her voice. Though the tired look didn’t go away completely, I could see she was very happy to se
e her father. She ran over to him with her arms held out wide and her wig flying back as though it were her real hair.
“Cupcake!” Anthony cried out as he threw his arms open, he hugged her tightly against himself as she leaped into his arms and pressed her lips to his cheek. I looked down at my computer keyboard, moving quickly so Anthony didn’t see that I was watching. But, I couldn’t help but feel the wave of sadness wash over me.
I felt when she ran over that a little piece of my own heart was running away, too.
And on the inside, I was falling apart.
Chapter 29
“Stella made the noodles first, then we made the sauce.” Kellie was staring down at the tablet in her hands as she spoke, and I sighed. It was the third time she had brought up Stella in the past fifteen minutes, and I was growing uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to explain to her things were going to be different from now on, so I merely ignored it when she brought up Stella’s name and hoped she would forget about it herself.
“I know, but when I make spaghetti, I make the sauce and the pasta at the same time,” I replied. We didn’t cook together often, and before when we had, she’d never questioned what I was doing. Now, she brought up Stella as though she were the only one who knew how to cook.
The only thing I could think to be grateful for was that Maisie wasn’t joining us in the kitchen. She was in the apartment, but I hadn’t seen her since the night before. I quickly learned over the past few days that it wasn’t a rare thing to not see her for hours at a time.
It felt like days, but then, each passing day without Stella felt like a year. I missed hearing from her. I missed her text messages; I missed flirting with her. I missed the way she would look at me when we were at work together. It was growing increasingly harder not to think about her in every waking minute of the day.
I tried not to think about the good times that we had had. It was much easier to tell myself that I had made the right choice for Kellie and leave it at that. I didn’t want to think about the mistake I feared I had made, but it seemed no matter what I did, it was staring back at me with an accusing finger.
