by Lexi Wilson
Kaylee smiled gratefully at the two of us. “You’re both such wonderful people. Thank you. I think I better go and carry on with class before I start crying.”
She got up, gave my mother a hug, and hurried out. I looked at my mother and smiled.
“Thanks for being so nice, Mom.”
“Ah, she’s a lovely girl. I’m glad she knows that I know now. Now I can come to the house again.”
I smiled. “That would be great. We can all do dinner sometime.”
“You seem different today,” my mother said with narrowed eyes. “Is everything okay?”
My mother had a way of knowing whenever something was going on in my life without me ever telling her. I supposed it had a lot to do with the whole mother-son relationship we had, but this time there was no way that I was telling her what had happened. I didn’t want her to ask me a million questions that I couldn’t yet answer. She would want to know how I felt about Kaylee and if the two of us were interested in each other. Right now, I had no idea what I thought, and I especially had no idea what Kaylee was feeling.
“I’m okay,” I said to her. “Nothing is going on.” She raised her eyebrows, but didn’t say anything.
When we got home, we continued doing things as we always had. We spent some time with Toby in the garden and then watched a movie together with dinner. This time Kaylee cooked while I did the dishes. When Allie fell asleep, Kaylee went to tuck her in bed. Then she came back to the living room and we started watching a movie. I was surprised when she turned to me.
“I’m exhausted,” she said.
“Yeah, me too. I’m barely watching this movie anymore. I think I’m going to call it a night.”
“Uh, Jaxon, I know this is weird, but…uh, would you mind sleeping with me again? I mean, not to do… you know…” she said, and blushed. “I just…well, I slept so well when you were with me.”
“Are you sure?” I asked her. “I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.”
“You’re not. And, like I said, I don’t actually want to do anything. I just want to lie there with you. That’s all. If you don’t mind.”
I nodded. “Of course I will.”
I was more relieved than I thought I would be at the prospect of sleeping in her bed again. I knew that I would never have requested it myself, so I was glad that it had come from her. I wanted desperately to sleep with her again, but I was not going to make a move unless she asked me to. I had a funny feeling that tonight we really were just going to sleep, and I was fine with that. We climbed into bed.
“Do you often have nightmares?” I asked her.
She sighed. “I do. Pretty often. Sometimes they’re just small ones, other times they cause me to jump out of bed like that. Usually I have Allie with me so I calm down quite quickly. It’s like my mind instantly tells me that I have to be strong for her. But without her here, well, I guess I have nothing else to do but to deal with things on my own. Last night was the best night of sleep I’ve had in a very long time. Longer than you’ll ever know.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I slept well too,” I said to her.
“You did?”
“I did.”
She smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. Goodnight, Jaxon.”
“Goodnight, Kaylee.”
I hugged her toward me and listened to her breathing. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, and I smiled at the sound. Having her here with me was forcing me to deal with parts of my life that I had tried not to think about for so long. When was the last time that I had spent a night with a woman? It had been a very long time ago, but I remembered it clearly.
I couldn’t wait for Harriet to live with me. The two of us had been going out for quite some time, and I had finally asked her to marry me. Even though we were sleeping together, she refused to live with me until we were married. I didn’t mind, though. I’d always wanted to be married. I wasn’t the sort of guy who wanted to play the field for years. I wanted a wife and a family. It was what I had always wanted, and I was so sure that Harriet was the woman for me. Unfortunately, I was not the man for her. When I found out that I couldn’t have children, she left me without even blinking an eye. I couldn’t believe it. I’d begged her to stay with me. I also wanted children, but I was happy to adopt if I couldn’t have any of my own. There was just nothing I could do about it, and I didn’t see why it had to come between our relationship. Harriet disagreed, though. She didn’t want to be with a man that couldn’t give her kids, and she had no intention of adopting. She left me and got together with someone else within the first month. I’d been devastated. Ever since then, I just didn’t have the heart to look for a woman. I was too scared of going through the same thing with her. I promised myself that the next woman I fell in love with would find out about the kid situation from the start. I couldn’t handle falling for someone and then losing them again.
It had been a few years since Harriet. I now no longer missed her, and no longer wished she would come back to me. In fact, I’d bumped into her and her husband only a few months ago, and the only thought that had come into my head had been one of relief. My mother said it was because she was not the right woman for me, but then again, that was what my mother had always said about Harriet. She was probably right, but it didn’t stop me from being scared about meeting someone else.
I closed my eyes and leaned in to kiss Kaylee on the cheek as she slept. What was I doing? I had no idea what was going on with Kaylee or what I was doing. This wasn’t a relationship, but this also wasn’t the way you acted with your friends. This was something completely out of my control. Did I want to date her? I certainly wanted to sleep with her again, and I most definitely enjoyed being around her. I was confused. How could I be with a woman who didn’t want to tell me anything about herself? I decided that the only thing I could do was to leave things in her hands. I’d let her set the pace, and I would just go with whatever made her feel comfortable. Right now, I was just happy to have her in my arms.
Chapter 16
Kaylee
I never expected life to change so drastically for me. I thought that it would take a long time for things to feel normal again. But every day that went by brought me closer to the woman that I was before I had met Bill. I stood in front of the mirror now and smiled. I had noticed the other day that Allie had put on weight, but now I could see that I had put on weight too. I turned to look at myself from different angles, and I grinned. I didn’t suit being skinny. I had always had a certain plumpness about me, mostly from my love of food, but I’d liked it on me. The past few years had seen me strip that weight and even more, and I’d avoided the mirror ever since. I could’ve eaten an entire cake and still not put on weight, but this wasn’t a good thing even though it sounded like every women’s dream. I was stressed, and it was the stress that had made me thin. It didn’t look good on me at all.
I put my jeans on, struggling to get them on, and then threw an old shirt over me. I desperately needed to get some more clothes. I could not even remember the last time I had been shopping. But how could I use my money to go shopping for clothes when I needed to save for somewhere to live. It wouldn’t be right. I would have to wait a little bit longer. I’d washed my hair that morning, so I dried it and put it up in a high ponytail. My hair needed a cut too, but that was also going to have to wait. For now, the only thing I could do was to keep my clothes ironed and clean and hoped that I came across as somewhat presentable.
I went to Allie’s room to help her get ready, but I saw that she was already out of her room. I frowned and went downstairs. I found her sitting in the kitchen with Jaxon. She was eating a big bowl of cereal and slurping down some orange juice. She looked happy, and I was glad to see that she felt comfortable enough to move around here on her own. This was a whole new side to Allie that I had never seen. She used to always cling onto me. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without her coming with me. She looked so free now, and I burst with happiness
just looking at her.
“Morning, my darling,” I said. “Morning, Jaxon. Morning, Toby,” I said to the dog at Allie’s feet. If you didn’t say good morning to Toby, he got very upset.
“Morning, Mommy. We’re having breakfast.”
“I see that. That’s very nice. Thank you,” I said to Jaxon.
“No problem at all. We were both hungry. What can I get you?” he asked.
I smiled. “Nah, I’ll just take some cereal too.”
I took a seat and poured myself some cereal and milk while Jaxon handed me a cup of coffee. It was hard to think that I didn’t even know this guy a few weeks ago, and now things between us felt so comfortable. From the outside, we probably looked like a very happy family. I smiled at Allie.
“I see you got changed yourself today,” I said. She was wearing a dress, with high socks and shoes. It wasn’t the most matched outfit ever, but she was young enough to get away with it.
“Yes, I tried to wear my pants but they’re too tight. There’s a small hole in them.”
“Oh no. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I like the dress.”
“And I like the dress on you. But I promise you that as soon as we’re more settled we will go clothes shopping for you.”
“I have an idea!” Jaxon said. “Why don’t we go clothes shopping after work? The classes end earlier today and I could do with a few new outfits myself. I haven’t been shopping in forever.”
“Oh, uh, I don’t know…” I said. I felt crushed at the thought of spending all the money I saved on clothes even though I knew it would make Allie happy.
“Please, Mommy!” Allie said. “Please!”
“Well…” I felt panic rise in me. What sort of a mother was I if I couldn’t even provide for my child? Maybe I could find a second job to do in the evenings or the weekends to make up for this. “Okay, sounds like a good idea,” I said with a false smile. Allie whooped with joy, and I felt a weird mix of happiness and regret.
As we were leaving for work, Jaxon took me aside.
“I know you’re saving your money. I’d like to buy you both an outfit tonight.”
I looked at him in surprise. “What? You want to buy us clothes? Oh, Jaxon, you’ve already done so much for us, though. Please don’t worry. I’ll get something small for Allie, and I don’t need to buy myself anything right now. Thank you though, that’s very sweet of you.”
“I’m going to do it anyway,” he said.
“Please don’t. I’m not charity, you know. I can do things on my own,” I said. The moment I said the words, I felt bad for saying them. I hadn’t meant to come across so rude. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know you…”
“Kaylee,” he interrupted. “I know you’re not charity. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but I do know that you would do anything to make sure your daughter has a good life. That says a lot about you. I happen to have taken quite a shine to the two of you and I’d like to buy you something. Something small, I promise. Please let me.”
I smiled and tried not to cry. “Thank you.”
“So, you’ll let me?”
I laughed. “I’ll let you.”
He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Good.”
As we made our way to work, I realized that I hadn’t flinched when he’d kissed me on the cheek. I wasn’t sure when the shift had happened, but lately things between us had started getting touchy-feely. We weren’t holding hands or anything, but every now and again he’d brush some hair off my face, or touch my arm, and the whole thing just felt natural to me. In fact, I quite liked it when he did that. I wasn’t sure what was going on with us, though. We weren’t a couple, although sometimes it felt like we were. He still slept with me every night, but we hadn’t had sex again. Sometimes I wished that he would make the move, even though I knew that we probably shouldn’t. Adding sex to whatever it was that we had going on would only complicate matters. I knew that, and I was sure that he knew that too. Still, every night when he wrapped his arms around me I imagined us doing it again. It had been wonderful. It had never known sex to be so good.
After school, we all headed out to the mall as promised, and Allie was beside herself with happiness. I told her that she was only allowed one outfit, so she should be sure that it was what she wanted. She took the whole thing very seriously, and tried on probably more clothes than was necessary. In the end, she decided on a very pretty skirt.
“Darling, but what about your pants? You said they had a hole in them.”
“I like this skirt,” she said.
I sighed. “Well, I tell you what. Why don’t you find some pants too?”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
I smiled. “Really.”
Jaxon had left us to do some shopping while he went to buy some shirts of his own. He came back carrying a bag, which he held up in triumph.
“Great success,” he said.
“Wow, that was quick,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m pretty boring. I knew exactly where to go and what I wanted to get. So, did you find something?”
“She found a skirt, but I told her to get some pants too. She desperately needs pants more than skirts, but she’s so in love with that skirt I can’t tell her to put it away.”
“Good, and what about a shirt? I saw this incredibly cute unicorn one. Let me show you,” he said, and walked off.
I trailed after him and signaled for Allie to join us. She came running after us and gasped when she saw the unicorn shirt.
“Oh Mommy, please, please.”
“Okay, you need to choose which one you want, then,” I said to her. “Do you want the skirt more or the shirt more?”
She looked heartbroken. “I like both.”
“Oh, what do you know, it’s on sale,” Jaxon said. He took the shirt and grinned. “Right, we’re getting it.”
“Yippee!” Allie shouted.
I tried to look where he had seen a sale sign, but he’d already pulled me away. “And now,” he said. “It’s your turn.”
“My turn? No, don’t worry about me,” I said.
He smiled. “Come on. You can’t let us shop without you. Why don’t you just get one thing, then? Just one. Did you see anything you liked?”
“Well, I wasn’t really looking…”
“You did see something! Didn’t you?”
I laughed. “I did. But I don’t know…”
“Show me,” he said.
“Show me,” Allie agreed.
I took them over to the women’s section. We’d passed it going through to the kids’ section, and I’d spotted the most beautiful shirt ever. It was peach in color, and even just looking at it I knew it would fit well. I showed it to them and they both agreed that I should get it.
“Try it on, at least,” Jaxon said. “Oh, and try some jeans on too while you’re here. Look, these are great,” he said as he pointed out a black pair.
“Oh no…”
“Just try it on. What’s your size?” he asked as he started rummaging through the jeans.
Just to placate him, I took a pair to the changing room with me along with the shirt. I put the outfit on and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked like a new person. I did not look like the sad and pitiful woman I had seen in the mirror lately. I looked like the sort of woman who had her life under control. Just seeing me like that made me want to cry. I took the outfit off and walked out.
“What? What’s wrong with it? We wanted to see it,” Jaxon said.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know,” I said. “I…”
“You loved it, didn’t you?” he said.
I nodded. “Yeah. Okay, I think I’ll get the shirt. I’ll come back for the jeans another time.”
“Okay, great idea. You pay for your shirt and I’ll pay for the rest. Deal?”
I smiled. “Deal.”
That night, after dinner, I took a shower and then made my way to my bedroom
to change into my sleepwear. As I got to my room I noticed a bag on the bed. I walked toward it curiously, wondering what was inside. I figured it was going to be a prank from Allie and Jaxon, something they were getting in the habit of doing together. I peered in slowly, just in case it was a fake spider or something, but then stopped when I realized what it was. It wasn’t a spider. It was the jeans that I had tried on at the store. Jaxon must have taken them and added them to his pile without me realizing it. I trailed my fingers over the fabric and sighed. Nobody had ever treated me this well before.
Chapter 17
Jaxon
When Sunday rolled around I once again asked Kaylee if she wanted to go to church, and she once again clammed up at the mere mention of it. The whole thing baffled me, but it was obvious she wasn’t ready to talk about it. I had to resign myself to the fact that she might never be ready to talk about it.
“Okay,” I said to her. “I won’t ask again.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Don’t be sorry. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I just figured I’d ask you. Hey, if it’s a problem, I can stay behind with you?” I offered.
She shook her head vigorously. “No, please don’t do that. I want you to go. Anyway, they’re expecting you to play the piano, aren’t they?”
“They are, but I’m sure they can do without me one time.”
“Nah, I’m fine. I’m actually reading such a good book at the moment and I want to dive back in.”
I smiled. “Okay. Well, have a good morning,” I said, and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. She turned her head slightly so that our lips brushed gently against each other’s.
