“Put me down,” I protested. “I’m…” I shut down my protest.
“Don’t say it another time.” Lucky gave me a dark look. Ok, maybe I would just stay where I was. I wrapped my arms around his neck and went with the damsel post-distress theme. "Alec," he called, turning his head to make eye contact with the bassist. “I need a room key.”
“Yeah, mate.” Alec moved away from the front desk and quickly crossed to join us. "They got you two in their best room, and they’re sending a first aid kit straight away.”
"Great. Thanks for rescuing Raven.” He cleared the gravel from his voice. “I’ll see that she’s taken care of from here. I’m delegating the fix on this disaster to you. I want you to call Morris. Let him know exactly what happened. Don’t downplay it. Tell him I want security ASAP, and that I expect it in place for tonight’s show or I’m cancelling it. No more roadies pulling double duty. It’s bloody unacceptable. We need real bodyguards, one for each of us and for the girls as well.”
"LUCKY.” I FELT my brows drawing together as I watched his Adam’s apple bob. He had deposited me on the counter next to the sink in the bathroom of our suite. My feet had barely touched the floor since the lobby. I had been allowed a quick by myself shower while he had spoken with someone in the other room. But this was the second time he had examined my knee. "As you can see now that I’ve cleaned it off, it’s really not that bad.”
“I don’t agree.” He lifted his head. His eyes met mine. “And it never should have happened.” Frowning, he stroked the uninjured skin beside the cut softly with his thumb before he flipped open the first aid kit. “Hold still, Angel.” His brows creased as he located a tiny bottle of rubbing alcohol. “This is going to sting a bit.”
“Alright.” I placed my hands on his shoulders. He had taken off his shirt. His skin was warm satin, the tensed muscles beneath it solid steel. Within the towel I had around it, my entire body was pretty tense, too. My pulse thudded in dreaded anticipation as I watched him uncap the bottle and tip it onto a sterile pad liberally saturating it. I sucked in a sharp breath. Red hot fire blazed as he pressed the pad to my skin and the alcohol seeped into the deep crevice in my flesh.
"Sorry, Raven." He spun away and my hands fell to my sides as he threw the pad in the trash can.
“Stop saying that,” I demanded.
“Stop saying you’re fine then.” He turned back to me, looking pensive as he stroked his long fingers up my thigh. A good distraction. The stinging began to recede.
"I will when you stop apologizing.” I reached for his handsome and way too serious face. Framing it, I ran my fingers across the rough layer of overnight stubble and tipped his head up to me. “It barely even hurts anymore.” I stared deeply into his eyes, hoping to make that truth register. “Stop beating yourself up about it.” I knew that was what he was doing, and I willed him to let it go. “Kiss me, Lucky.” Threading my fingers into his inky hair, I lifted the burdensome layers from his furrowed brow. “Take me to bed right now. Untwist my towel. Unbutton your jeans. Make love to me."
"Believe me, I’d like nothing better." His gaze dropping to my mouth, he swallowed. “You know I would." His voice a sexy rasp, his hand on my upper thigh curled into a fist. "But I need to put on the antibiotic and a bandage.” He removed his hand from my leg. “And then we need to talk."
"About what?" It was my turn to swallow, my turn for my brow to crease. Trepidation swirled as I watched him reach for the tube of Neosporin. I would have much preferred he use his hands on my naked body instead.
"About what happened,” he answered, saying what I was afraid he would. He slathered on a thick layer of ointment, his angled bangs arrowing more worrisome shadows into his eyes. "About how I failed you.” He tore open an overly large Band-Aid.
“Oh, please.” I shook my head. “You didn’t fail me,” I insisted as he applied the bandage. “That’s ridiculous.”
“But it isn’t, Raven.” He lifted his head, and I watched his right brow dip. His serious one. “Your safety is paramount. And I don’t think you realize how bad this was or how much worse it could have been.”
“I do, Lucky. C’mon. It was a little scary, but it’s over now.” I wished he would stop making such a big deal out of this. “We’ll learn from it. We’ll be more careful next time. Let’s move on.”
“I talked to Morris while you were in the shower.”
“About security?”
“Yes. The cheap bastard said he would get back to me after he gives the matter some consideration.” A muscle visibly ticked in his clenched jaw. “He doesn’t get it,” he bit out. “He’s got no sense of urgency about it. No clue what it’s really like out here for us.”
“Then we’ll just have to be more careful until you can convince him.”
“It isn’t a matter of being careful. It’s about a lack of control. I put you in danger today because my priorities weren’t straight.”
“You wanted what I wanted. What I want right now. To be together. You making love to me in that bed. I’m going away tonight. We won’t see each other for a while.” We hadn’t been separated since we decided to be a couple. I wasn’t looking forward to it. I knew he wasn’t, either. “You didn’t force me to step off the bus with you.”
“I want you all the fucking time, Raven. Today wasn’t any different in that regard. You just getting close enough for me to get a whiff of your fragrance has me pointing north.”
‘Yeah, well, just looking at you is an instant turn on for me. Our feelings are intense. Don’t twist that around and make it into a bad thing.”
“It’s bad when it results in me using poor judgment and I put you at risk like I did today.” He lifted his gaze. No wide open view, his sky blue eyes were completely shuttered, his emotions locked up behind them. "I’m thinking this isn’t the safest place for you to be."
"On the road with you, you mean?”
His eyes hard, he nodded once.
“But it’s where I want to be." Tears pricked my eyes. “Are you saying that you want me to leave?” I tried to scoot off the counter. I suddenly felt too exposed in only a towel beneath his shuttered regard and the bright vanity lights.
"Stop, Raven." He put his hands on my shoulder, pinning me in place. “What I want has nothing to do with it. This is about doing what’s best for you.”
"What’s best for me is being with you.” I didn’t want a long distance relationship. That had been a disaster for me and Ivan. How could Lucky and I move forward as a couple if we were apart? It hurt my heart that he was even considering it.
"I would have you by my side every single hour of every day if that were practical. But it’s not. We both know it’s not. We talked a little bit about it in LA. The road is hard. I anticipated that. I think we both did. But what I didn’t foresee was the danger to you. That’s on me. That oversight. What happened today is on me, too, and is ultimately my fault."
I opened my mouth to protest, but he covered it.
"It is. In our bed, in our relationship, you and I are equals, Raven." He softly stroked his thumb back and forth over my lips. "But outside of those? On the road? With this band? I’m in charge, and I’m the one responsible for the tour and everyone on it. That includes you." Dark lashes framing his resolve, he stared into my eyes imploring me to understand what he was saying and to accept it.
"Ok, Lucky,” I bristled under those constraints. “You're the boss. I can accept that if that’s the way you think it has to be. I can follow orders." I wasn't particularly looking forward to that type of arrangement. I wasn’t a good follower, but I could be one for him if it meant I stayed and we continued with things the way they were.
"I love you. You’re the perfect match for me." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "That's never in doubt."
But it suddenly was. What had been certain became uncertain the moment he used the word doubt in such close proximity to such a firm declaration of his love.
"I don’t want to send you
away, but until we get the security situation resolved that’s the way it has to be."
“I TRIED REASONING with him,” I shook my head at Sky. Sitting beside me on the end of the bed, her fingers were clasped tightly together with mine. “He wouldn’t listen.”
"He'll change his mind.” She sounded confident, but she had once been confident her brother would never hurt me and hurt me he had. “He’s just upset.” She scooted closer, her hip bumped mine and she squeezed my hands encouragingly. “You know he won’t be able to stand being apart from you.”
I glanced toward the bathroom where Lucky was having his turn in the shower. The door was closed. He hadn’t invited me to join him. He had turned me down earlier when I had asked him to make love to me. I wasn’t even gone yet, and he was already acting like I was. Inside my chest, my heart burned. I wanted to believe Sky. I wanted to believe everything would be alright, that Lucky would change his mind, but I didn’t have that kind of faith. Not right now. Not with him making unilateral decisions and mandating distance between us. Going to New York and facing Suzanne Smith’s wrath now seemed a paltry concern by comparison.
"I hope you’re right, Sky. But he's being really stubborn about this." My flight was in a few hours. I would continue to try to get him to reconsider, but I knew it was unlikely he would change his mind. "Thanks for bringing my things over."
"You're welcome. No trouble at all. Rocky went to the bus to get them, not me. He said things have settled down. That there’s only a few diehard fans still milling about." Eyes as brilliantly blue as her brother’s suddenly blurred with tears. "I’m going to miss you."
"I'll miss you, already. I enjoy spending time together." We were the only two girls on a tour bus with a bunch of rowdy guys. We had to stick together. It was a mandate in the sisterhood charter or something. "You'll have to keep them in line without me. No heavy drinking before they go on stage. Get them to eat something besides fast food once in a while. And make sure they pick up after themselves." I removed my hands from hers. "And don’t forget to place an order for more 'Get Lucky’ t-shirts."
"I’ll try, and I will. It’s on my list of things to do today. But you know the lads don’t listen to me like they do you, and I’ll be dreadfully bored at the merch table without you." She sighed, her breath stirring wispy strands of brown around her pretty face. "Don’t be mad at Lucky." She seemed really worried, and her worry added to my stress. Did she think a temporary parting would lead to a permanent one? Did she know something I didn’t? Or was this unrelated to Lucky and me? Was this because of her mother leaving her dad?
"I’m not mad exactly. More frustrated that he won’t listen to me."
"He doesn’t like when the people he loves get hurt."
"I know. None of us do, honey."
"Yes, but for my brother keeping the people he cares about safe is the way he expresses his love.” Her delicate brow furrowed. "But keeping people from getting hurt isn’t always possible, is it?"
"No." I wondered if we were still talking about her brother and me or if we had segued into why Lucky didn’t want her and Rocky together.
"He used to get into fights when we were children and others said hateful things about me or Alec. Our father would get upset with him. He would say, ‘Lucky, you’re like Don Quixote tilting at windmills. You’ll never win.’” She twisted her hands. It seemed to upset her to talk about her father. She rarely mentioned him. I don’t think they had been close. Was it because he had been disappointed in her, in her unique way of processing the world? The way he had been disappointed with Lucky’s choice to pursue music rather than something more practical. "I looked up the story.” The crease between Sky’s eyes deepened. "Don Quixote tries to defend the helpless. My brother’s like that. He can’t stomach people being mistreated. It’s because he’s kind. But you, me and Alec, we need to learn to defend ourselves. In our own way. In our own time. How can we ever be strong if we aren’t given a chance to prove ourselves? Alec has Cody now. Cody doesn't care that he has to have his clothes or his food a certain way. He accepts him. He helps him only when he truly needs it. Like with the big crowd today. You have my brother. He understands and cares for you. He wants you to stay. You know in your heart he does, but he blames himself for you getting hurt today. Give him some time. He’ll come around. And he might come around sooner if you find a way to show him that you can take care of yourself."
"You're right, Sky. That's good advice. Thank you. I’ll try to be patient, and I’ll try to find a way to prove to him that I’m capable.” I gave her a shoulder nudge. “But maybe you should follow your own advice. If Rocky...” I trailed off as the door to the bathroom suddenly popped open. Caught conspiring, we both jumped a little, jostling the bed and crumpling the comforter.
Lucky emerged in a cloud of steam, his hair dripping wet and his leather pants already on for his performance, though the front strings were loosely laced. My mouth went dry. Instant turn on for sure. The frontman for the Dragons was a rock god. Not a myth. I’d fallen victim to a throng of his worshippers earlier.
"Sky." There was a question in Lucky’s tone as he greeted her.
"I brought Raven her things,” she explained, and he frowned. "Rocky got them from the bus. He said the Ducati is out of the trailer as you asked. It’s full of petrol and in the hotel garage."
"Good." He nodded. Sky stood. I stood as well.
"I’ll see you out." She gave me a puzzled look as I followed her. "I’d like to do Lucky’s makeup tonight.” I pulled open the door for her. “If that’s ok with you?" I didn’t do as good a job as she did, but I enjoyed doing it and wanted the excuse to be alone with him.
"Absolutely." She smiled a knowing smile and touched my arm softly. "That will give me more time to devote to Rocky’s hammers. He never sits still long enough for me to do them properly. I’ll leave accessories, makeup, everything you need in the dressing room." She stepped into the hall, and I kept the door propped open watching her until she turned the corner and disappeared from sight. My heart immediately felt heavier.
"Raven.” The sad way Lucky intoned my name sounded as melancholy as I felt. His warm hands fell on my shoulders. He turned me around and the door slipped from my grip, clicking closed as he stated the obvious. "You're not dressed yet."
"I didn’t feel like getting ready." I had hoped for another opportunity for him to make love to me. I lifted my hand to his neck, touching my fingertips to the upper part of his tattoo. The Chinese dragon started just below his ear and the wings spanned the width of his entire back. “Your sister says you’ll miss me,” I skimmed my fingers over the outline. My heart rose to my eyes as I trailed them lower along his smooth freshly shaven jawline.
“Every second of every endless day.” His right brow dipped.
"I’ll miss you, too.” My throat flashed to soon-to-be-deprived-of-Lucky dry. "So kiss me.” I tried to make my tone light. He had refused me once. I so didn’t want him to refuse me now. "Make it count. There are a lot of cute actors hanging around WMO headquarters if..."
He grabbed me by the upper arms and silenced me.
His lips on mine.
Where I wanted them.
Lush Lucky bliss.
I swept my hands upward along the chiseled contours of his back, his skin still warm from his hot shower and slick because he never dried properly. His fingers digging deeper into the skin of my upper arms he crushed me into his hard chest while I grabbed fistfuls of his wet hair, twisting and tangling my fingers in the saturated strands urging him to deepen the kiss. His hot tongue pierced my mouth. I eagerly parted my lips without hesitation. I wanted him to taste me, to have and consume me. I didn’t want this to be about who had control. I wanted it to be about us and the wildness he made me feel all the way to the chaotic end.
I didn’t get what I wanted.
He ripped his mouth from mine. He was breathing hard. I felt the cost of his restraint. His rigid chest sawed over my breasts. His gaze was bright, his skin
hot as he pressed our foreheads together, his eyes swallowed in darkness like the last hour before midnight. "No actors, Raven. No other guys. You’re mine, and mine alone. I won’t tolerate anyone else touching you. That part of our story is history."
WE TOOK LUCKY’S Ducati to the venue. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on tight though traffic was light and the downtown streets were mostly deserted. I didn’t want to let go of him. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to be his and only his with no space at all between us. But he was sending me away, and the part of our story we both wanted to end was waiting for me on the other side of a two hour flight.
Rock Fuck Club was far from over.
Lucky parked the bike, removed his helmet, helped me with mine and took my hand leading me toward the building. His grip was so tight it practically cut off my circulation. Was it finally starting to hit him—that time might be running out for us?
The Tabernacle was a church that had been converted into a music venue. Lucky had never played in the club before, but that didn’t slow him down. He followed the directional signs. Handwritten in the past, they were typed and printed on expensive card stock now. An example of the new tour perks like having two buses, one for the band and the other for the manager and roadies. Besides being mobbed by rabid fans, the rapid rise of the Dragons showed in a lot of ways.
I stutter stepped and stopped when we entered the performance hall, taking in the breathtaking space. Gleaming hardwood floors beneath my feet. Soaring domed ceiling overhead. Ornate details abounded. Two balconies and arches framed a former organ behind the elevated stage. It was super cool and large and the Dragons had sold it completely out, all twenty six hundred tickets. I hated that I was going to miss their show tonight. And the next one. Who knew how many more? I had been kicked off the tour. Would Lucky ever allow me to return to it?
"Lucky," Alec called. He stood on the left side of the stage and strummed a couple of test chords on his Fender. "Hustle up." The rest of the band was getting ready for sound check, too. On the right, Cody had his guitar. Rocky was on the riser with his drums. The Dragons lacked only one.
A Postseason One Novella: Rock F*ck Club, #2 Page 4
