It’s almost impossible. I miss our lengthy conversation during the day. The anticipation of her next quote, playlist, or what she had chosen for lunch that day. Should I try to meet the real person behind that screen? There has to be an explanation for why she introduces herself as Amy and not Emmeline.
As I approach my apartment, I’m yet to decide if I’ll let my guard down and ask her why she’s been so absent over the past few days.
* * *
Monday, May 9th, 7:28 a.m.
AWalk90 sent you a playlist.
* * *
Monday, May 9th, 8:04 a.m.
AWalk90: How was your weekend?
JSpear84: We need to overnight some contracts to my lawyer.
AWalk90: The delivery guy should arrive at your office before nine. Be gentle, he’s new.
JSpear84: What happened to Jared?
AWalker90: He’s on a two-week vacation. The new guy is not a temp. They’re expanding the team since we have more clients in the area.
They, or you decided to expand the clientele in the area?
JSpear84: Are you dumping me?
How appropriate of you. Okay, it’s safe to say that I’m still upset at her. Mainly because I hate the uneasiness this situation has created, but I haven’t yet decided if I can trust her.
AWalk90: Your contract expires in less than a month. May I suggest you hire an assistant for Carla? You need a bigger team, and she’s going to need time for her new baby. Have you looked into adding a daycare facility to your company? I could connect you to the right people.
Have I ever told her how to run her company? I sigh and change the subject because I hate knowing that she’s leaving me soon. I want to ask Emmeline why she’s so secretive about her work. And I’d like to ask Amy why she’s so secretive about her private life. Is one or the other a fraud? But I have the upper hand by knowing her secret. I decide to keep it strictly business and just count my losses.
JSpear84: Make sure you send me Mr. Genji’s translation before lunch.
AWalk90: Consider it done.
* * *
Tuesday, May 10th, 7:45 a.m.
AWalk90: You have a meeting tomorrow, I’ll make a reservation at Rioja’s, unless you want to make changes and do something different.
JSpear84: Something different?
AWalk90: Last week you said you would make it yourself, then it was a table for two. This week you’re barely talking, and I’m not sure what to expect.
JSpear84: You’re not going to use your ninja powers this time.
AWalk90: I’m in the middle of a family crisis. Sorry if I don’t indulge you (not sorry). My best friend lost his job, and I’m trying to find something for him.
JSpear84: Friend or family?
AWalk90: Laura and Alistair are my best friends. He’s like a brother to me. I’ve known him since elementary school. They have a new baby and they’re the only family I have.
I recall the wedding picture of Laura and Alistair, along with little Simone. They’re the only people she talks about. As much as I want to keep distance between us, I can’t fight the need to help her.
JSpear84: I’m sorry to hear about your friends. What kind of work does he do?
AWalk90: He’s a computer geek. That’s how Laura describes it. Actually, he’s the guy who supports our websites and servers and make sure this chat works. He studied computer science at MIT.
JSpear84: Send me his resume.
AWalk90: No, don’t worry about it. I’ll find him something. It’s just taking me a little longer than usual. Sorry if I’m off the grid, but I’m making sure everything is done on time. I’d hate to upset you.
JSpear84: Since when do you care about upsetting me?
AWalk90: You like things done a certain way. It’s obvious I’m having someone help me at the moment.
I blink twice, and it all makes sense. She’s been absent. Everything that’s been done is with little to no interaction. She still doesn’t know about me. I decide to keep the chat going, even offer my help. Before I make any rash decisions, like saying goodbye, I want closure.
JSpear84: As I said, send me his resume. I thought you collected favors.
AWalk90: Yes, but on a client to client exchange. I never use them for my family or me.
JSpear84: So, you’ll be owing me a personal favor?
AWalk90: You’re insurable. What about tomorrow’s reservation?
JSpear84: Table for one at Rioja’s. I haven’t talked to her.
AWalk90: Why?
JSpear84: It’s complicated. I realized we’re not that compatible.
AWalk90: You’re not compatible, or shit got real?
JSpear84: Isn’t that the same?
AWalk90: I didn’t know the big bad wolf was afraid of something, like commitment. Come on, Jackson Spearman is not scared of anything. Give this a try. How bad can it be?
It is bad, Amy, because when you fuse your personality with Emmeline’s I can’t fucking think straight.
JSpear84: I’m coming out of an awful relationship, I wasn’t in love with her, but we hurt each other a lot. This woman could annihilate me.
I read the sentence twice. That’s not what I meant to say, is it? But after sending it, I realize it’s true. Amy has made me feel more than any other person. Even more, now that I realize she and Emmeline are the same person.
AWalk90: Maybe she could, but what if she doesn’t? What if she’s actually the person who saves you from living alone for the rest of your life?
There she goes trying to fix my life.
“Well, Amy, what if you’re the one who is supposed to fucking save me? You can’t because you’re not real. Emmeline scares the shit out of me. She dragged me into her little fantasy. A fuckin fairy tale I was tempted to actually create for her.
JSpear84: Save me from what?
AWalk90: Being alone for the rest of your life.
JSpear84: Are you alone, Amy?
AWalk90: Didn’t I just tell you about my best friends? They are my family. How can I be alone if I have them?
JSpear84: Are you afraid to accept that you’re just like me? On that note, I have a family too.
AWalk90: I wouldn’t be afraid to tell you if I were single.
JSpear84: Then you accept that you are lonely and avoiding feelings like I do.
AWalk90: What happened to my fiancé? Or was it a boyfriend? No, you said a husband. I’m happily married.
Sadly, you are as lonely as I am. Even worse, you’re waiting for some magical love that will never happen. And why the fuck do I feel a responsibility to make it a reality? Okay, so she can pretend to be two people. I can do the same. I crack my knuckles and type.
JSpear84: I think I’ve got your number. You are single and hiding behind the screen.
AWalk90: Now you’re talking about yourself, Spearman.
JSpear84: There’s no point in continuing this conversation.
AWalk90: You’re right.
AWalk90: Operation: Spearman-Tinder is on!
JSpear84: I don’t want a Tinder account!
AWalk90: It’s not about wanting anymore. It’s about needing.
JSpear84: What is it, you’re happy, and you have to make sure everyone around you is too?
AWalk90: No, you were happy and now you’re more…
AWalk90: On edge.
JSpear84: Let it go, the whole thing was fucking messy.
AWalk90: I can’t understand why you’re dumping the best thing that’s happened to you just because emotions are messy.
AWalk90: You’re overanalyzing my comments.
AWalk90: You were happy. What took away your spark?
AWalk90: Let’s take the bitch down!
JSpear84: Which bitch?
I stare at the screen confused, my fingers ready to type but I have no idea what else to tell her.
AWalk90: The one you were dating? Did she dump you? It’s okay, tell Amy what happened?
AWalk90: Did she discover you’re an ogr
e?
AWalk90: She wanted you just for your money?
JSpear84: Actually, I found out she is a very successful woman.
AWalk90: So, you googled her and realized she’s your competition?
JSpear84: No, why would I be cyberstalking her?
JSpear84: Let’s get this straight, I don’t feel threatened by successful women.
JSpear84: Does that happen to you often? Men feeling intimidated because you kickass at what you do?
AWalk90: Aww, I got a compliment.
AWalk90: Yes, earning more than a man can be threatening to some, not all. What happened with her?
JSpear84: Look it isn’t about her money, my money or anything like that.
AWalk90: Do you want to get back with her?
JSpear84: I didn’t say that.
AWalk90: You’re not sure either way. Is it fear of finally opening up?
AWalk90: She made you happy, which means you can still save this. You’ll have to grovel if you just ghosted her. Surprise her with the best date ever.
JSpear84: How do I know what would be the best date ever?
AWalk90: I knew it, you really like her.
JSpear84: Focus, Amy, and don’t gloat. What is Amy short for?
AWalk90: Focus, Spearman, we have to save your future, or I’ll end up creating a personal ad to get you a happy ending. (Amelia, I hated it.)
Hated it? I frown and stare at the screen. Did she change her name? That would make a lot of sense.
AWalk90: You need to woo her. How many times did you go out with her? What did you guys do? You don’t need me. Just go with your heart. Surprise her. Give yourself a couple more days if you want to, but don’t blow your chance at a relationship that could last a lifetime because you’re scared.
JSpear84: Have you ever been scared of being with someone?
AWalk90: Terrified. In my 28 years, I have never felt so vulnerable. I don’t trust easily, but I let myself trust once.
JSpear84: How did that turn out?
AWalk90: Not sure. It might be great or not. It’s okay either way. You lose one battle, but learn how to deal and get ready for the next one. Though, I really think there was something between us.
AWalk90: Okay, you got me. It is just wishful thinking. It was good for a few days, but I think it’s over.
JSpear84: What’s going on?
AWalk90: If someone hasn’t called you in a week, is it over? I didn’t think about it until you just mentioned it.
AWalk90: Okay, as Laura said yesterday, I have to face the facts. I’ve been dumped.
AWalk90: I knew I came on too strong. Oh my gosh. It was because I told him I wasn’t ready…never mind you don’t need to hear about this.
JSpear84: It sounds interesting. Seems like I’m not the only one dating.
AWalk90: Leave me alone. You and I are just in a working relationship, let’s not forget that.
JSpear84: Let’s pretend for one moment that we’re friends. Did the guy you were dating ghost you?
AWalk90: Maybe.
AWalk90: I have no idea.
AWalk90: I mean … I had a meltdown. He got super upset, and I told him it was over. You remember the messages I sent you.
JSpear84: You feared he was abusive.
AWalk90: Yeah, but then he told me about his past and why his emotions were all over the place. And then... he kissed me. It was like no other kiss. For a moment, I wanted to do more but …I’m not ready.
JSpear84: That’s why you stopped answering his calls?
AWalk90: Do you think I should call him?
JSpear84: Did he call you and you forgot to call him back?
JSpear84: He said it’s over and you don’t remember?
AWalk90: Stop trying to guess. I’m not telling you what happened with him. How long does it take until I realize it’s over?
JSpear84: What’s his name?
AWalk90: Are you going to tell me your girl’s name? Are you going to send me a picture of yourself?
JSpear84: You’re requesting too much in exchange for a name. He could be a John, a David, or an Adam. I’m not asking for his last name. (Even though he has mine) He has one, right?
AWalk90: …
JSpear84: Is he John Smith?
AWalk90: What if I haven’t even asked him for his last name?
JSpear84: You don’t know the last name of the guy you’re dating.
AWalk90: Are you judging me?
I toss my hands up in the air and laugh. How is it that we went out on three dates and we never asked for more information? She has an inquiring mind that knows no boundaries. I don’t trust easily either. Why is it that we just went with the flow and never exchanged more than phone numbers?
JSpear84: Judging you hard. Why wouldn’t you ask for a simple last name?
AWalk90: We were too busy with other things that I haven’t thought to ask for it.
JSpear84: Who does that?
AWalk90: Stop judging me. You don’t understand.
JSpear84: I’m appalled. That’s so unlike you, Miss Walker, you’re losing your edge. I would expect you to know his social security number, address, how many girlfriends, wives or significant others he’s had. Even his medical history.
AWalk90: He flusters me. I know he’s divorced.
JSpear84: Somebody turned your brain upside down, and you can’t be yourself. He’s my hero.
AWalk90: My brain fries when he’s around. I don’t think of questions.
JSpear84: You’re smitten with a man who might be a serial killer.
I smirk at the screen. She’s squirming, and I’m having too much fun to let this end. Emmeline, let’s play a little game called, payback. After a couple of dates, I’ll come clean, and we’ll laugh about this.
AWalk90: He doesn’t seem like the serial killer-type. I met his brother, does that make you feel better?
JSpear84: He might be his accomplice.
Which isn’t a lie. Jason was my accomplice most of the time when I misbehaved.
AWalk90: If they kidnap me and hold me hostage, would you send somebody to rescue me?
JSpear84: I would if I knew where to send help, but we have no way of tracking him because you didn’t ask for his last name, Miss Walker. Of all the people I know, you’re the last person I would have thought would make such a big mistake.
AWalk90: Have I mentioned he’s the hottest man in the history of mankind?
JSpear84: I’m dating a very beautiful woman, and I know her last name.
AWalk90: What is it?
JSpear84: I wouldn’t tell you, that’s her personal information. I will not invade her privacy just to show you that I know who I’m dating.
AWalk90: Maybe she made it up.
I blink twice as I read her last sentence. It’s perfect to ask about Amy.
JSpear84: Would somebody do something like that? Pretend to be someone else?
AWalk90: Maybe she is planning on inheriting all your money once you died on your 80th birthday.
That’s not the answer I need, Emmeline. I drum my fingers against the desk. Come on, baby, throw me a bone here. Make sense of this mess.
JSpear84: By then she’d be too old to kill me or do anything with it. Stop avoiding my question. Tell me, would you create some kind of virtual persona?
AWalk90: Create one? No, I would use the identity of a person I already knew.
JSpear84: What does that even mean? You’d steal someone’s identity.
AWalk90: Let’s say hypothetically, I don’t want people to know who I am. I don’t create a person, I use the identity of someone I already know and that way I don’t get any facts wrong.
I smile as I stare at the screen. You are familiar with this. So who is Amy?
JSpear84: Hypothetically, let’s say you wanted to make up a person or use someone’s identity. Who would it be?
AWalk90: If I were to give a fake name, with a fake identity, and a fake background, it would be my twin sister’s. It’d be easier because
I know her information by heart, and I wouldn’t have to make it up.
My inner turmoil doesn’t settle with the answer. She commented on being an only child. Then, I remember Emmeline mentioning a sister. Okay, tell me about your sister.
JSpear84: You’re an only child.
AWalk90: What’s with all the questions, Spearman?
JSpear84: Is that something you’d do only online? Faking an identity?
AWalk90: Yes, for protection and all that fun stuff. Working for people who think they are as important as God isn’t easy.
I read the last message several times. Of course, she gave me a pseudonym. If I’d known she was Emmeline Lancaster, I’d have been a bigger asshole.
JSpear84: That would be weird. You wouldn’t be yourself at all.
AWalk90: I would still be me. Changing names doesn’t mean I’m acting different. I can’t change personalities if that’s why you’re asking.
AWalk90: Why are you asking?
Because I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and fix our relationship. Just don’t ask me why because I can’t even understand it myself. The stupid magic, that spark that ignites between us, and my desire to be with you.
JSpear84: You think you know someone and suddenly you don’t.
AWalk90: It would get weirder if I tell you more, but that’s information you don’t need to know. Who is behind the computer shouldn’t matter? My friendship is heartfelt, my work professional. A name shouldn’t change the essence of who I am.
I squeeze the mouse, reading those words. Maybe that’s the answer I’ve been looking for all along. It’s her without a doubt. Should I try to mend things with her? Definitely, I have to test the waters before I introduce myself as Jackson Spearman. A couple of dates as just Jack. She can deal with the asshole online. But in real life, I’m giving her the perfect man she’s been looking for.
JSpear84: I wouldn’t expect less from you, Amy. You’re one of the best virtual assistants I’ve ever had to the pleasure to meet.
AWalk90: I am the only VA you’ve ever known, and we’ve never met.
JSpear84: Honestly, I’m glad I met you.
AWalk90: Well, Romeo, let’s focus on you. It’s time for you to stop meeting people in chat rooms. This is not the 90s. Get your groove back.
JSpear84: Isn’t that a 90’s movie too?
Maybe Later Page 16
