“Is Ollie coming with us?” Mark asked.
She glanced at the big man, who was back to being clothed, while she took the first batch of pancakes from the griddle.
“Oh, honey, Ollie has to work.”
Ollie reached over and mussed Mark’s hair. “You’ll only be gone a few days. I’ll keep an eye on things while you visit your auntie.”
“’Kay.”
The boys and Ollie distributed the first batch of pancakes, spreading butter and pouring syrup before they fell on them with enthusiasm. If there was one thing that never changed, it was her boys’ appetites.
“Hey, Mom,” Kevin said. “Should I call the school?”
“I think Caleb or Ted already did, but thanks for thinking of it.”
She poured another batch of pancakes and called the younger kids, who scrambled in, Loralie immediately going to Ollie’s lap. He scooted back to make room for her and started feeding her bites from his plate.
Allie tried to ignore the flutter in her chest watching them. She turned back to the griddle, her heart in her throat.
Joe never ate breakfast with the kids.
When he was working at the base, he’d been gone before they woke. On weekends, he slept in, and when he’d lost his job, he’d done the same. Mostly, he just got frustrated with how messy they were. Even eating dinner together hadn’t been something he enjoyed.
Allie felt guilty comparing the two, but the thought wouldn’t leave her alone. Ollie talked with all the kids, asking quiet questions and then letting them talk. He wasn’t a chatty man and never had been, but he seemed to enjoy listening to them jabber at each other, his patience an endless well.
She wasn’t used to it.
It was wonderful and it hurt, all at the same time.
When she turned to refill his coffee cup, she saw him frowning at her, but he didn’t say anything in front of the kids. After the pancakes had been demolished, Kevin took the younger kids back to their rooms. She could hear him directing them to pack their bags to go to Aunt Beth’s as she cleaned the kitchen.
“Want some help with that?”
No. How else am I going to avoid you?
“I’ve got it. But thanks.”
“The pancakes were great.”
“Thank you.” She scrubbed the griddle. Scruuuuuuubbed it with all her concentration. It would be the cleanest griddle in the western United States. “Thanks for staying last night. I know it made the kids feel better having you here.”
“About this morning—”
“It’s fine!” Allie spun when she felt him behind her. “Really. Slightly embarrassing, but the kids didn’t catch—”
“I don’t remember…” A faint flush on his cheeks. “I didn’t do anything inappropriate, did I?”
Do you always wake up with that much morning wood? Because I would call that very appropriate.
“No, of course not.”
Also, feel free to put your hand on my boob anytime.
“Good.”
“Yeah. Good.” She was holding a dirty spatula in front of her like a sword. She’d resorted to rubber kitchen implements as defensive weaponry. Ollie was making her crazy. “So… I’ll call Tracey and let her know I’ll be gone a few days.”
He was eyeing her dangerous spatula with a furrowed brow. “Please don’t worry about the bar. We’ll manage. Take your time with your sister, okay?”
“It’ll only be a few days. I can’t miss too much work. I can’t afford it. And the kids shouldn’t be out of school too long.”
He put his hand around her wrist and lowered the spatula. “Take the time you need, darlin’.”
“Why do you do that?” she murmured before she could stop herself.
“Do what?”
“Call me darling. You don’t call anyone else darling. Just me.”
A hint of dimples behind the beard. “Because you are.” He tucked a flyaway lock of hair behind her ear, then bent to kiss her forehead. “I’m gonna go say bye to the kids, and then I’ll head home. Text me when you get to your sister’s, okay?”
Allie stood frozen, watching Ollie leave the kitchen. Something had shifted, and it had a little to do with waking up with the man naked and a lot to do with him feeding Loralie bites of pancake while she sat on his lap.
And one of these days, when she had an hour or two to think, she’d figure it out. Until then, there was way too much to do.
MOST of the time, the weather in the California desert sucked. But there were times, like this one, that it didn’t. Because while most of the country was feeling the first tinges of fall and preparing for winter, Allie and her sister Beth were sitting on the back patio, watching the kids jump and play in the pool while the baby took a nap.
“Tell me your secrets,” Beth said, watching the kids.
“Secrets?”
“It’s almost unnatural how nice your children are. And it’s a damn miracle how well-adjusted they’ve turned out with their dad.”
Allie shrugged. “I have people.”
Beth laughed, familiar with most of Allie’s “people.” “You do,” she said. “The kids sure mentioned that bear a lot.”
Allie closed her eyes and leaned back in the lounge chair. “Ollie’s a good friend.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed how friendly he is for years.”
Allie opened her eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means, dear clueless sister, that man is hot for you and has been for ages.”
She waved a hand and tried to calm her racing heart. “I’m not his type.”
“Really? Because I’m fairly sure that man’s type is you.”
“You haven’t seen the women he’s dated, okay?” She closed her eyes again and concentrated on the warmth of the sun, trying not to think about how warm he’d felt around her. “Besides, what single thirty-five-year-old man is going to be willing to take on a woman with four kids? He’s not insane.”
Beth scoffed. “You’re acting like he’d be doing you a favor.”
“Yeah, ’cause I’m such a catch.”
“Will you stop?” Beth tore off her sunglasses, scowling at her. “What makes you think you aren’t?”
Allie held up fingers. “Poor. Single mother. Dead husband who was probably a criminal. Stretch marks.”
“I will hit you if you mention your four stretch marks again. Do you know how many humans usually get? We’re shifters. We’re lucky as it is.”
“It’s more than four,” Allie grumbled. “And it’s just so unfair that I got them and you didn’t.”
“Yeah, but you have a burly, tattooed giant who’s hot for you.”
“And your husband wears a kilt on formal occasions.”
Beth grinned. “Yes, he does. And he has great legs.”
“Ollie has great legs,” Allie said under her breath.
“So you’ve noticed?”
“Of course I’ve noticed. I’m not dead.”
“But you’re not pursuing him because…”
“Seriously?” Allie said, turning to her sister. “You’re asking me this now? When you’ve been dealing with our emotional baggage for the past two days?”
“Well, I’ve kind of been wondering for months. And grief is not emotional baggage, it’s a natural part of life. Do not stigmatize a completely natural part of living, Allie.”
She took a deep breath. “Fine. But do you really think my kids are ready to deal with mommy having a boyfriend? Or even thinking about that?”
Beth paused, and Allie could tell she was truly thinking it over.
“Normally,” her sister started, “I would say no. If you were a stranger I was counseling, I’d tell you to back off and let yourself heal. I suspect that’s what Ollie is thinking as well, especially now. But you’re not a stranger, and your situation isn’t normal.”
“You have to be clearer, because my brain has way too much going on to interpret that. Nothing about this is normal.”
Beth kept her
voice low, but the kids were shouting and laughing too much to pay attention.
“You had emotionally separated from Joe long before he left. You are very far from hung up on him. The grief you’re feeling is the kind of grief you would feel even if this had happened ten years from now, Allie. Because you didn’t lose a husband you loved, you lost the father of your children whom you once loved, and it’s a different kind of grief.”
Allie nodded. That made sense to her. “But the kids—”
“If this was a new guy who had just come into the picture, I’d warn you off. You know I don’t give a shit about being polite when it comes to the well-being of my nephews and niece.”
“But?”
“But Ollie isn’t new. He’s been a part of your life—and a part of theirs—since they were born. Having him around, whether it’s as your friend or even possibly your boyfriend, is not going to hurt them. It might even help. Especially if it makes you more emotionally fulfilled. Because sister, I love you, but you have looked wrung out for months.”
Allie took a deep breath and tried to reconcile what her sister was saying with the guilt that was eating her heart. Guilt for thinking of herself instead of her kids. Guilt over feeling attracted to Ollie when Joe was dead.
“Listen,” Beth said, “I’m not saying you should start rubbing up on the man in front of your five-year-old. I’m just saying that if something happens because your relationship with Ollie goes in a new direction—one that I’ve seen the potential of for years, I might add—it’s not going to hurt your kids. So get that out of your head.”
“Am I a bad mother?” she asked. “For even thinking about this stuff?”
“Nope. You’re a normal woman who’s been alone a long time and now has a good man giving indications that he’d like to be a bigger part of her life.”
Allie took a deep breath. “He is a good man.”
“He’s a really good man. If he wasn’t, you wouldn’t have him around your kids anyway.”
“Okay.” She relaxed a little. “I still don’t think I’m his type.”
“I’m going to throw you in the pool if you mention the stretch marks again, fart-face.”
ALLIE and the kids only stayed at Beth and Brian’s house a few nights. In the end, she could tell that all of them wanted to get home. They needed their friends and their grandparents. Needed the routine of school and sports, even if their dad was really and truly gone. Loralie had been sleeping in Allie’s bed at night, and neither one was getting much rest.
It was almost bedtime by the time they managed to pack everything in the car and head back to the Springs.
“Mom.” Kevin sat up straighter next to her in the minivan. “There’s something not right.”
She peered into the darkness. She’d just pulled off the main road and rumbled over the cattle grate by their fence. The front porch lights were on, and she wondered if she’d forgotten to turn them off or if her dad had come over to check the house.
“Kevin, what—”
“Stop the car,” he said. The unexpected command in her son’s voice shocked her enough that she stopped. “I saw something.” In a second, the passenger door was open and she sensed his shift.
“Kevin!”
Dammit. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t leave the younger kids alone to chase after him.
Mark unbuckled his belt and leaned forward. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know.”
She rolled down her window and smelled the breeze, but it was coming from the other direction. A sharp, vulpine whine came from the back of her throat.
Her son was out there, and he’d shifted because he sensed danger. She reached for her phone to call Caleb just as Kevin trotted back. He scampered behind the car and shifted back, buttoning up his jeans as he walked back to the open door.
“Kevin, what happened?” Mark shouted.
“Keep your voice down,” he hissed. “Someone’s in the house, Mom. I thought I saw one of the curtains move, and when I went closer, I could see flashlights.”
She stifled her instinctual snarl and reached for the door. “Stay with your brothers and sister.” She handed him her phone. “Call Ollie and Caleb. Now.”
“Mom—”
“Stay in the car!” She handed him the keys. “Lock it. And if anyone but me comes nearby, you take off and drive to Ollie’s house.”
She got out and listened until the doors locked behind her. Then she walked to the back and removed her clothes, a faint shiver chasing her spine as she bent and shifted.
A tug in her belly, a tingling in her nose.
She was her fox.
Allie let out a howling bark, well aware of the chilling nature of her call. She dashed to the house, slinking between the scrub and creeping forward unnoticed. If the intruders saw anything, it would be the flash of eyes in the half-moon.
Low to the ground, the scents could be overwhelming, but the fox sifted through the layers until she scented other in the air, a discordant thread in the familiar tapestry of the desert.
There were two.
She crept around the back, pausing under a window where she could hear them moving. They did not speak, but she could hear ripping and tearing in her bedroom. Two grown humans were far too big for her to hunt, but she could do her best to scare them away. Away from her home and children.
Allie barked again and all sound stopped.
“What was that?”
“Sounded like a scream.”
“All the way out here?”
More silence. The men moved through the house, and Allie could hear them kicking things out of their way.
“You think someone found the car?”
“Who the hell knows?” A thumping, as if the man had dropped something. “We should go. There’s nothing here. Maybe when Russell’s wife…”
Their voices became muffled as they headed toward the back door. Allie followed them, slinking along the edges of the house. There was a cold, foreign scent coming from under the kitchen. She poked her head in a space, only to pull it out when she caught a more threatening scent in the wind.
Bear.
She could feel the vibrations in the sand beneath her paws. The humans didn’t feel it. Didn’t see it. But as she watched them jog down the porch steps and into the night, she followed.
They were headed to the back of her property and the tail end of Emmet Wash. Allie was guessing that was where they left their car. On the other side of the wash was a thick stand of cottonwood on an old farm road. It was little more than a dirt track but wide enough to take a vehicle and far enough from her house that it wouldn’t be noticeable.
The bear was getting closer.
“What was that?” one of the men asked.
“I don’t know. This whole fucking place gives me the creeps. Let’s go.”
Bears weren’t known for stealth. Allie couldn’t believe the humans missed the crashing through the brush. A pause as the bear leapt over the fence on the border of her property. A heavy thunk.
The humans stopped.
“There’s something out there.”
“Probably a coyote.”
“Are they dangerous?” A thread of panic.
You’re not panicking enough. Not nearly enough.
The bear was getting closer.
“They’re coyotes, dumbass. They’re smaller than most dogs.”
Ollie paused, probably twenty meters away. His shaggy brown coat would be invisible in the night. She heard the huffing pants. Then a draw of breath before the bear let out a terrifying roar.
“What the hell was that?”
The humans were running now, but so was Ollie. She could hear them scrambling through the brush.
“Was that a bear?”
“Holy shit! Run. Run!”
He chased them over the small hill and across the wash as Allie hurried to keep up. Ollie could run faster than most humans realized, but foxes were faster and more agile.
&nb
sp; Crossing the wash slowed Ollie down just enough to let the humans jump in their car, but he quickly caught up to them. He reared to his full height, put both giant paws on the hood of the sedan, and silently stared through the windshield.
Allie smelled urine and adrenaline. The humans were scrambling inside the vehicle, looking for keys and yelling at each other.
The bear paused, took a huffing breath, and roared again, his fangs gleaming in the moonlight.
Every instinct in the fox told her to run. Only the human mind calmed her. This was Ollie. He would never hurt her or her young.
The grizzly slowly dug four-inch claws into the car’s hood, tearing metal and drawing back before he reared up again, bouncing on the front of the luxury vehicle like it was no more than a child’s playground toy.
The humans screamed, but one of them managed to turn the key in the ignition and the car started.
Allie barked again. Short, high-pitched barks designed to grab the bear’s attention. If the humans rammed him, they could hurt him. Not mortally, but a car could do some damage.
With one last roar and a shove, he backed away. The humans reversed the car, kicking up dust and almost running off the road in their attempts to escape. The bear paced along the edge of the wash, huffing until the lights disappeared.
Then he turned with a low, rumbling growl and started running back to the house. Allie ran with him, darting her tail out to brush his shoulder as she passed him. She reached the minivan and circled it, checking for any unfamiliar scents before she went to the back and shifted to her human form again, pulling on her clothes as quickly as possible.
Kevin rolled down the window. “Mom?”
“I’m fine, Kevin. Stay in the car.”
“What the fuck did you think you were you doing?” Human again, Ollie roared at her, striding out of the shadows and marching to the back of the van stark-naked while she was still pulling on her pants.
“Hey!” she barked. “Calm down. You think my kids can’t hear you?”
“I get a panicked call from Kevin and race over here to find you playing detective in the bushes? Why the hell didn’t you stay in the car?”
“Those jerks were in my house! I wasn’t going to sit there and—”
Waking Hearts Page 11
