by Tina Marie
The nurse looked at Chaos and he pulled out his phone. She grabbed my chart and then left us alone. After she closed the curtain, I dialed my mother’s cell phone thinking it was a miracle that I had it memorized. It rang over and over again with no answer. Trying my mother’s cell a second time I felt myself shaking with because I was just so anxious to hear my little man’s voice, but she still didn’t answer. I was so fucking annoyed, but then remembered she was probably not answering a number she didn’t recognize, so I handed the phone back to him.
“Don’t worry, I just told you Kah was fine and as soon as they put up you into your room you will get to see him. Just calm the fuck down. You know I ain’t letting shit happen to little man.” I heard the words that he spoke, but I was losing my mind at that point because I wanted to hold my son so bad. Chaos held my hand and within minutes that pain medication started to take effect, because the uncomfortable aches in my body were starting to subside. I wasn’t feeling as anxious anymore and my body allowed the meds to calm me down.
I started to zone out, and then I felt him release my hand. I turned to see him pulling the chair closer to my bed and then he sat. He took my hand again and I gave him a weak smile. I had no idea what that bubbly nurse bitch had added to my IV, but I felt as if I had drunk straight shots. I prayed they get me to my room fast because I wanted to be awake to see my baby and I knew I was barely holding on.
A few short seconds later the curtain was snatched open again and I thought it would be my ride to my room, but it was a doctor.
“Good afternoon,” she said in a serious and professional manner. I thanked God he wasn’t all bright eyed and chipper like the nurse that had come in before.
“Hey,” I said. He approached my bed and then hit the button that allowed me to rise up.”
“I’m Dr. Rhodes and I’m the one who patched you up,” she gave me a friendly smile.
“Thanks,” I laughed lightly.
“No problem, that’s what I do,” she joked. “They will take you up soon, but I wanted to tell you a few things first about your injuries.”
“Okay,” I said with a nod.
“Is it okay to speak in front of your guest,” she asked? “Sir maybe you should step outside.”
I looked at Chaos and I could see the attitude all over his face. It almost made me laugh, almost. “Hell naw I ain’t leaving, I ain’t no fucking guest shit she my damn girl so go on and get this started.” I swear he had no fucking manners.
“Ok there are just a few things to go over. The police would like to come and question you when you are up to it.” Holding up my hand I stopped her, because I had no idea who did this shit to me.
“Listen I don’t need to speak to the police at all. I was in my house minding my own business when there was a drive by shooting. This is common in Chicago and many other cities. How would I have seen someone or known anything? I just want to get out of here and get my son somewhere safe.”
“Okay, Miss Thomas, I completely understand and I told them that you were not in any shape to talk to them right now. My only concern is your health and recovery. Since there was bruising around your neck, and the scratches on your inner thighs we did a rap kit just to be safe. Since you were not conscious and your injuries were consistent with a personal attack it’s standard procedure.”
“What the fuck you mean raped? Ma who did this shit to you? A nigga raped you,” he roared as he got in my face. I nodded my head no trying to get him to calm the fuck down but he was wilding out. Punching the wall he stormed out of the room mad as fuck.
I nodded and thanked God that Chaos had left the room before he put hands on the doctor. That was something I didn’t want him to hear. The doctor went on and on and on about my other wounds and the recovery time and then she said, “And lastly your baby is fine. Although you went through a traumatic experience your baby is fine and as soon as you are release, you need to see your OB right away to follow up.”
All I could manage was a blank stare. “My what?” I asked barely audible.
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Rhodes said.
“You said my baby, what baby?”
“Yes, your baby. I know you hit your head pretty hard, but you did know you were pregnant right?”
My ears rang and my heart thumped and my eyes began to blink uncontrollably. I was speechless. At a loss of words and I didn’t know to think or say. I was happy as fuck that Chaos had vacated the room, because I sure as hell didn’t want him to know that information. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Still not sure I heard what I heard I asked again like a slow person. Maybe that bump on my damn head was serious “I’m sorry Doctor, please repeat that?”
“Yes, I was confirming that your fetus is unharmed.” I guess the look on my face let her know I knew shit about a fucking baby. “I’m sorry I guess you didn’t know you were expecting. Congratulations you are six weeks pregnant, everything seems to be going well with the pregnancy so far, and since you were unaware I’ll have the nurse get you started on your prenatal pills right away.” I felt my heart sink and the room spin. I couldn’t be having a baby with Chaos was the last thing I thought about before everything went black.
5
Cayane
When I opened my eyes, I was in a different room. It was quieter in that room and as soon as I gathered my senses and thought about the news Dr. Rhodes had given me I was about to cry, but the door flew open and I damn near jumped out of my skin. My fear turned to joy as my son came flying into the room followed by the Ashlee, Nicco and Nikki. Chaos stepped in behind them, but stood a few feet away off to the side watching everything through his low hooded eyes. I wondered what he was thinking. And I wondered if he missed me the way I missed him? Shaking my head slightly to break out of the trance he always had me in, I gently held my son close to me. Burying my head into his soft curls I let out a sigh of relief.
“See Kah, I told you that mommy was good,” Chaos said stepping closer to us and putting his hand on Kahlan’s back. Kah looked up and smiled at Chaos like he was the doctor who stitched my ass back together. He had really made a mark on my son and it scared me, especially since he could walk away to easy. Closing my eyes as he kissed the top of my head affectionately all my thoughts drifted away and I smiled.
“Well I see you with another hood rat that will leave you pregnant and alone Cayane,” my mother said entering the hospital room. Shit I thought she had dropped Kah off and ran up outta there to avoid real mother obligations. Here we go again with this mother hate daughter bullshit. Shaking my head, she cut me off, like always. “Don’t deny it, if he was any good you wouldn’t have been living in that neighborhood that me and your father got out of, because it is like a war zone and you sure as hell wouldn’t have been on the phone begging me for a place to stay.
“Why don’t you shut the fuck up. You not about to stress my girl out,” he growled and I knew this was about to get all the way fucked up.
“No I won’t stop Mr. Thug Life,” my mother said with both hands on her hips like she was fucking mother of the year. Chaos scowled at her. My mother was a bitch and I wished she would have gone her ass home.
He turned around and walked closer to my mother causing me to tense up. I feared for her because this nigga already showed how ruthless he could behave. “As for ya’ old crooked wig wearing ass, watch how the fuck you talk to her. Naw I ain’t no bum ass nigga and I sure as hell ain’t bout to leave my girl out. She was in the process of moving when this shit went down not that it’s your business, and she sure as hell ain’t begging you for a place to live because her and Kah is straight. I’m a real man so I’m gonna make sure of that.
“Young man you are very rude,” she spat and made her theatrical exit. We all laughed and Ashlee started hugging me damn near cutting off my air supply. “Bestie I am so glad you’re alright. I couldn’t live if something happened to you.” She was soaking my hospital gown with tears as she sobbed. I loved Ash but she was always the dramatic type. When s
he finally released the strong hold she had on me, I turned my attention back to my son. Planting so many kisses on his face. They all hung around for a while and then my doctor came in to check on me again.
“Knock, knock,” a voice called out and a doctor walked in. “Hello Miss Cayane, I just need to do a check of your wound and bandage before I leave. Can I have everyone wait outside?” she asked politely. Ashlee got Kah together and her, Nicco and Nikki headed to the door. Chaos stayed posted up beside me like we were attached at the hip.
“Nigga you a part of everyone, now get the fuck out. My head was starting to hurt and I wasn’t in the mood for him to receive any more clues to what the fuck Juice did to me or about the baby I had growing inside of me.
He didn’t move an inch so the doctor cleared her throat. “Sir I promise it will take less than five minutes. We have a waiting room outside or maybe she would like some food from the cafeteria.”
“Yes, I’m getting a migraine, because I‘m hungry. Please get me some chicken soup and crackers.”
Finally, he let his hand roam over mine before he nodded and left. The doctor, Dr. Rhodes was friendly and I was glad it wasn’t someone new. She told me everything she was doing before she did it just like earlier. I wasn’t really paying attention to the murmuring and checking. My head hurt too fucking bad. When the doctor finally left the room only Ashlee and Kah walked back in causing me to be disappointed that Chaos wasn’t with them. She sat and my little man climbed back into my bed with me. Ashlee and I talked and then Chaos walked in with my food.
He sat in down on the table alongside of my bed. “Look shawty Nicco and I got some business we need to go handle. As soon as I’m done, I’ll be right back up here,” he said. “You gonna be good?” I nodded. “Kah, be sure to look after yo’ ma ‘til I get back, aw’ight,” he said and he and my son did some damn handshake and I wondered when did he teach him that.
He kissed my forehead and then turned to Ashlee. “We gon’ drop Nikki back at yo’ house,” he said.
“Thanks, and Ca’Shon please don’t say shit about your uncle coming up in here with Rita this morning,” Ash shot out before he could leave causing me to raise an eyebrow in a questioning motion.
“I know the deal Ash, I got’chu,” he said and then made his exit.
“Ummm, what was that about Nicco’s daddy coming here with my momma this morning?” I quizzed.
Ashlee shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Gurl, let me tell you.”
“Oh Lord what is my momma up to now?”
“Girl I don’t know for sure, but he come rolling up in here with yo’ mother this morning, talkin’ bout, he was just dropping by when Nicco called and then he was coming to pray for your soul,” Ash said.
“How early?”
“At eight something this damn morning.”
“So, my mother really came up here with him and not with my daddy?”
“To be honest, I don’t think either of them even told yo’ daddy that you up in here.”
I nodded, because I was sure she was right. My dad would have come to the hospital. “So, you think my momma and Pastor Morgan got something going on?” I asked.
She hunched her shoulders. “I don’t know and if Nicco finds out, he gon’ act a fool.”
“Grandma was kissing him in the car mommy. Is he grandma’s boyfriend and grandpa two?” Kah asked innocently.
I looked at Ashlee with wide eyes. “I knew she was spending too much time at that damn church and everything was church this, church function that and she screwing around with him. If Nicco’s mother ever found out,” I said shaking my head.
“Girl, Beatrice will publicly beat yo’ momma’s ass,” Ash joked.
“I’d love to see that for real,” I said laughing. I was feeling better due to having Ash and Kah with me and all I wanted to do was get out of that damn hospital and check on my place. The doctor told me that I’d have that stupid IV taken out by nightfall I wanted the nurse to hurry up and get it up outta my arm.
“Oh, I got your purse and phone in my car. I know you will need a new phone because yo’ screen is done, so let me text Chaos to go and pick you up another one.”
“No Ash, please. I have insurance on my phone I can get a replacement phone when I go home.”
“Bitch please, stop it. He can pick you up a phone. All that waiting is nonsense and stupid,” she said and even though she was right I stuck to my original answer. Once Kah had fallen asleep and my arms I told Ashlee the true events about Juice and she was on fire.
“Bitch you know as soon as I walk in my door I’m telling Nicco and Chaos right?”
“No Ash, please promise me you won’t say a word.”
She clicked her tongue. “Bitch you betta pause on that shit, because that nigga don’t deserve to breath and if some nigga’s after him kicked in yo’ door, shit ain’t gon’ get no better and that muthafucka needs to be eliminate Cay. After all the shit he’s ever put you through, what he fuckin’ did to Kah,” she said getter louder.
“Shhhhhh, Ash, please. That’s why I can never tell you shit, because it can never be me just confiding yo’ ass. I don’t want Chaos and Nicco solving every fucking problem for me,” I yelled whispered. I had my son in my arms and I didn’t want to wake him and he didn’t need to hear any of our conversations.
“Too bad bitch!” she whispered yelled back at me. “We are your fuckin’ fam Cay your ass could have fucking died last night, don’t your simple ass understand that. We know you strong, independent and all that fuckin’ black girls rock shit, but this what family does for each other. We handle shit. All this time we’ve begged you to move, but that fuck up ass pride of yours just won’t let you listen, so fuck that shit. I’m telling Nicco and Chaos every fucking thing and when they release you from here you and Kah are staying with us until you are well enough to move around, and fuck that shitty ass job of yours.
“Your only fucking job for now is to go to school and raised Kah, understood,” she deemed and my eyes welled. The hormones were in full force, because I was never a crying bitch and she was absolutely right, Juice needed to pay for everything that he had done to me and my son.
If I had died, this baby inside of me would have died and Chaos may have never known. I nodded tired of arguing with her for the moment, and she sat on my bed and put a hand on my leg.
“I’m sorry Cay, but no more doing this shit all by yo’self, okay,” she said softly.
“Okay,” I said and swiped a tear. “And Ash, there is more, but before I say a word you have to promise me that you will let me tell Chaos and Kah myself.”
“What is it?”
“Promise,” I said again.
“Okay, damn bitch I promise,” she said sincerely.
I swallowed hard, swiped away another tear and then half smiled. “I’m pregnant.”
With those words Ashlee’s mouth fell open.
6
Ashlee
I drove home in a daze, trying to tell myself that I wasn’t jealous and I was happy for my best friend. “Pregnant,” repeated for the one hundredth time and I wondered did Cay see the fakeness in the mini celebration we had quietly trying not to wake Kah. I held on to my tears until I strapped Kah into his car seat and stood outside of my car and broke down. I didn’t want Kah to wake up and ask what was wrong, so I stood at the rear or my car and cried until I could shut off the waterworks.
Never would I not be happy for my friend, I mean this baby would be another addition to our family, but still it would be her child and not mine. I took a few deep breaths and then climbed in the driver’s seat. I looked over my shoulder and was happy to see that Kah was still sleeping like a bear. I smiled at his little handsome face and wondered why we still hadn’t conceived. We had only started infertility a few weeks ago and the very first week we got word that Nicco was fine.
The fertility specialist had us trying the ovulation kit and temperature taking for now and he did tell us it would be a process, b
ut for a little part of me and Nicco, I’d do whatever it took. I was feeling weighed down and needed a drink and my husband to hold me. I needed to tell him about that muthafucka Juice, but I needed him to talk me off the bridge, because learning my best friend was pregnant again, after all the years we’ve been trying had me ready to jump.
“Please Lord, help me. I know I’m not supposed to question you Lord, but I need to know why can’t I get pregnant?” I cried and then finally pushed the button to start my car. I drove home in a daze trying to think of something else other than Cay’s pregnancy. Olivia’s ho’ ass even managed to be a mother, and everyone knew that ho’s mother card should have been revoked and burned. Her kids stayed at her momma’s house and when she did have them, it looked like their clothes hadn’t been washed and her daughter’s hair was never done.
Way back in the day I used to shop for her babies too, but one time I caught her ass up in Carson’s returning some shit I had gotten for them. Over two hundred dollars’ worth of nice shit and she tried to tell me that they were the wrong fit. I was like then you’d be exchanging the clothes, not getting a refund, so if I’d take them anywhere with me and Kah, I’d have them bathe and dress at my house. Tam would comb her little girls’ hair and people would comment on how I needed to take them kids from O, but I wanted my own kids with my husband and I just wished God would have mercy on me and allow me the chance to be a mother.
When I pulled into my driveway, I didn’t expect to see Olivia’s car. She had been calling me all damn day, but I was so concerned and occupied with Cayane I never called her back. I was in no mood to deal with her. I just wanted to feed Kah, get him bathed and down, while I unwound with some red wine. I didn’t want to recap the day with her ass, but she was still my girl. I just wished at times she and I were as close as Cay and I were, and I’m sure she did too.
