by Tina Marie
My heart plunged into my stomach. “That’s what this is about. You are jealous of my friendship with Cay?” I asked.
“No I’m not jealous, but I won’t lie and say that I wish momma would have never gotten sick and died and left you to take her place. Maybe if mom had lived and raised us as sisters, you and I would have a bond like you and Cay. I may be jealous, I’m not sure what you call it Ash, but I appreciate all you’ve have done to raise me, but you’re not my mother and sometimes you act like you can’t see that and just be my sister. I mean I don’t club with you, don’t drink with you, we’ve never shared a conversation about boys or nothing that sisters do, and although you keep seeing me as a daughter Ash, I don’t look at you as my mother and I’d wish you stop acting like my mother and just be a damn big sister to me,” she cried. At first I fixed my mouth to scold her for her words, but then I paused.
Oddly she was right and I had to stop at look at shit from Tam’s point of view. “Listen, I hear you and I can honestly say that you are right. Since I took care of you Tam I never, ever viewed you as a girlfriend or even my sister and I’m sorry for that. I had no idea you felt this way.”
“Because you’d never listen to me.”
I was mad, but I nodded. “You’re right, but we have to discuss this thing you have for my husband.”
Tam put her head down. “I was just wrong and stupid Ashlee. I’ve always had a crush on Nicco and I won’t lie I thought at one point I was in love with him, but in all honest I think those feelings were fueled by my animosity towards you and I’m sorry. What I did and said was crazy and Nicco poured water over that flame when he put my ass in my place.”
I stood there and said nothing at first. I wasn’t sure what to say, but then I looked at her swollen lip.
“So what is this madness with Juice and why he put his hands on you?”
She hesitated. “He was upset because I told him that,” she paused and swiped a few more tears.
“Told him what Tam?”
“I’m sorry Ash, but I’m pregnant,” she said softly.
I knew what my ears heard and instead of yelling, I laughed, shook my head and went straight for my wine.
14
Chaos
I pulled up in front of Darcy’s crib and got ready for some bullshit. She had been hitting me every fucking day from all different numbers. I been trying to just brush her ass off because I wasn’t about to be fucking Cayane old boss. That was some dumb shit. I needed this handled right away before it got out of hand and got back to my girl. “Hey baby,” she cried as I got out. She ran her happy ass outside with nothing on but a pair of panties and a white tank top. “I missed you so much,” she cooed as she tried to throw herself into my arms. I stepped back and watched her hit the fucking ground with a squeal.
“What the fuck Chaos,” she whined as she got up and started brushing herself off. Shorty was embarrassed as fuck and skinned her knee. That shit had me laughing like a motherfucker. No one told her to be out here naked jumping in random niggas arms.
“Yo’ look I ain’t got all day, but I wanted to come by and tell yo’ ass stop hitting my fucking line. I got a girl now and I don’t want her stressed out with none of the bullshit I was doing before her.” She burst into tears and straight got on her knees trying to suck me off right outside. Shaking my head I was about to lose my patience. I had business and this bitch had me all the way fucked up with this nonsense.
“Yo get up ma. It ain’t even like that no more, my shorty got me on that and everything else. Good looking out though, it was cool while it lasted. It ain’t no personal shit ma, so pick up ya’ lip and smile.” I turned to get back in my whip and handle the shit I really came on the road for when she said some shit that made me stop dead in my fucking tracks.
“This shit ain’t never fucking over Chaos. I saw you murder my employee right outside the store. I will turn you in if you stop fucking with me. As a matter of fact I want it all. Let your bitch go and tell her I’m ya’ new woman or else.” Her words caused me to tense up. I wasn’t worried for one fucking minute because she could join that bitch as nigga for all I cared. I was pissed with myself for not being more careful and blasting that bitch out in the open like I had, but the damn deed was done.
Turning towards her so she could look me in my eyes, I gave an evil laugh. “Ma you trynna black mail me? I don’t know what the fuck thess Chi-town niggas be on but up top we don’t play about shit like that. So if that’s ya’ word say it again? Let a nigga know something for real.” I moved closer to her backing her up until she was against a big ass tree with nowhere to go. She started shaking and apologizing all at the same time. I still didn’t trust her ass so I was going to send my man King to handle her.
My next stop was to see my cousin. He hit me saying he had some shit to tell me concerning Juice and I was all fucking ears. I walked into his office and he was drinking Henny, at his desk. He quickly filled me in on the latest bullshit.
“Man I can’t believe this shit, so now Juice got Tam pregnant?” I stood looking at my cousin in fucking disbelief. I had been looking for that bitch ass nigga for almost a month and I had come up with nothing. He knew he was hot so he was staying out the fucking way. I had even kicked in Olivia’s door and roughed her up. But she swore she didn’t know where he was and I believed her because she pissed herself, because she was so afraid. I felt bad for her kids standing there crying and shit, but not that bad.
No one felt bad when they was fucking wit my girl. Yea, Cay was my woman now, I hadn’t really said that shit to her, but I feel like she had to have known at this point. I already told Darcy’s punk ass she wasn’t coming back to work in no fucking phone shop. Once she graduated she could work in her field, if I didn’t keep her pregnant. I had goals for me and her. Even though we were just getting to know each other I felt like I had been with her forever. She’d be in the crib cooking and cleaning. I see how she takes Kah education serious, I swear she spend a lot of time just volunteering at his school or reading books to him. And most of all I respect the fact that when I come in late as fuck shorty get up out her sleep just to be up wit’ a nigga. Sometimes we had sex, and other times she just sat up talking to me, keeping me company until I was ready to get some sleep.
“Let’s go,” I said walking out the back not giving Nicco a chance to ask questions, just keep up. Once we got in my whip I headed full speed to his house.
“Nigga I just left here what the hell we doing back at the crib?” He had a confused look on his face. I was still quiet, I always found moving in silence was best. People always tried to get you to do shit their way and I wasn’t on that. Heading inside I walked my ass in the kitchen and snatched Tam off the chair she was sitting on. Her fork fell to the ground with pasta still on it and she looked like she was gonna fucking cry.
“Ca’Shon, what the hell is wrong with you,” Ashlee cried trying to get her out of my grip, but I was stronger than her.
“Chaos, leave her alone man, what the hell you doing.” Nicco was headed my way and I knew I only had a few more seconds to put the fear of God in her little fast ass. Pulling my strap I shoved it in her belly.
“Where the fuck ya’ nigga at? And I don’t want to hear no bullshit about you don’t know. If ya’ ass don’t know you got one minute to figure it out.” I look to see a smirk form on my cousin’s face. He knew what the deal was immediately. I wasn’t really gonna shoot Tam ass, but she didn’t know that. I was doing anything I had to, to get revenge for what he did to my girl. All I could feel was rage running through my body.
“I swear Chaos, I don’t know where he lives. He was always careful to meet up with me and not have me come to his spot.”
I looked into Tams tear filled eyes and knew she was telling the truth. Fuck. I let her go and started pacing the kitchen trying to think. Everyone was just staring at me since I still had my gun in my hand. Yea a nigga was unpredictable sometimes. “You know what Tam where the hell y’all used
to meet up at?”
Nicco nodded his head letting me know it was a good idea. She pulled out her phone and showed me the address he had texted her. “Good looking Tam. Sorry about all of that.” I followed Nicco as we made our way to the truck.
“Let’s go get this nigga for real.” He was as pissed as I was, I knew seeing how Juice punk ass beat up Tam was fucking with him. That was damn near his and Ashlee’s kid. “And I knew you wasn’t about to blast Tam, but nigga you lucky Ashlee didn’t tazze you for fucking wit’ her people.”
I shrugged as I drove with one thing on my mind. Once we got to the address and made our way inside I didn’t know how to get his punk ass to open the door. I had a feeling he was in there though. Only he would hide out in a hotel like a bitch. Knocking twice we stood back and waited. He didn’t even ask who it was he just flung the door open. “Girl I know I told your stupid ass to get the key from the desk,” he said in an annoyed tone.
“Think again pussy,” I said shoving him inside. I tossed my duffle bag to the floor and his bitch ass slid down onto the bed. I grabbed the duck tape from my bag and put it over his mouth first thing and then wrapped it around his hands and ankles. I didn’t want anyone to hear him crying like a bitch and I was sure he would start soon. I looked at Nicco to see if he wanted a shot before I did what I came to do.
“Naw this all you, I wanted to get at his ass for years, but it’s more personal for you right now so handle him.” He walked over and bust Juice in the head a few times and then went to sit down.
I could have beat his ass or took him to a warehouse and tortured him but none of that was right for him. It would have been too fucking easy. Pulling out my pocket knife I smiled at the look of fear that came over his face. “This is for my girl and my son.” When I said that shit his fear turned into rage and he tried to rush me even though his hands and ankles were bound. Stepping in front of him I sliced his throat like a fucking pig and watched as he fell to the ground. He gasped trying to find a way to breathe. I watched in satisfaction as the life left his eyes and his body stopped moving.
“Aw’ight son, clean up time,” my cousin said breaking me out of my trance.
After killing Juice I spent a few days at home with Cayane. She was crying that she was bored since she ain’t have no job and shit. We were watching some Netflix original show called Stranger Things. It was good to me but gave my baby the creeps. She was clinging on to me like a blanket.
“Babe turn this shit off I’m going to have nightmares. Let’s just talk.” Laughing at her scary ass I cut it off and took her feet in my lap. Rubbing them shits I thought to myself I must have really lost my fucking mind. If a girl ever put they feet near me in the past I would have broken they fucking ankles.
“Girl what you wanna talk about, you just staring at a nigga and shit,” I asked as she gazed at me from the other end of the couch.
“I don’t feel like I know enough about you. I mean you have met my mother and my father and brother are not much different. I know your favorite meal is salmon and rice and you love the color red. But what about your home life, any siblings, where are your parents? Shit like that.”
I leaned my head back and sighed. I never talked about my parents with anyone before. But Cay wasn’t just anyone. “I had a fucked up life ma. I mean I am a stronger man for it so I have no regrets, but my pops got ghost when I turned twelve. I guess he got tired of beating my mom’s ass every day, and my mom’s well her best friend was always a crack pipe. I grew up with nothing, I had to get in the streets early or die. I remember so many times I would wake up hungry, go to bed hungry. I thank God I don’t have any siblings just because any more kids in that fucked up situation would have been sick.”
I looked up and saw the tears on shorty’s cheeks. Damn she was crying for a nigga. She slowly crawled her way up the couch and laid her head on her chest. I felt her small arms wrap around me and hold me close. “You didn’t deserve any of that Ca’Shon. I know what it’s like not to have anyone who cares but just know I care about you. I got you.”
Lifting her head I looked her in the eyes and said some shit I never thought I would, “I love you Cay.”
We must have fallen asleep just like that on the couch because the next morning I woke up sore as hell from her laying all over me for hours. Rolling shorty on her side I slid out from under her. I decided to run and grab breakfast since I was tired as fuck. Realizing Cay car was blocking mine I decided to just grab her keys and take her whip. I didn’t see them shits anywhere, looking in her purse I finally found’em. Trying not to be nosey I snatched’em up, but the images of a baby on a pamphlet caught my eye. Taking it out I realized it was from an abortion clinic. What the fuck. Looking further I found some paperwork from the hospital saying she was pregnant.
All this time this bitch knew she was pregnant and she never said a fucking word. Roughly I shook her ass awake. “Babe what’s wrong,” she said jumping up and rubbing her eyes.
“Naw bitch don’t fucking baby me. You was about to kill my seed.” I saw her flinch and start to cry. I couldn’t even fucking believe this shit. All these hoes were some fucking snakes.
“You know what fuck you Cayane. I will come by and get my shit later, you can have the crib and the car on the strength of Kah, but I don’t want shit to do with yo’ trifling ass.” I threw the papers in her face and bounced before I went to jail for domestic violence.
Heading out I hit Nicco up because now a nigga needed a new fucking crib. “Yo I need a new place what you got available? And I ain’t trying to buy this time just rent me some shit. I may not even be staying down here too long. Shit ain’t really working out for me.”
“Cuz what happened to the place you bought from me? You sound like you tripping and shit.”
“Man ole girl was gonna kill my fucking baby and shit. I’m just signing over the townhouse to her because I can’t see Kahlan suffering because his mom is fucked up. I need somewhere ASAP so just hit me back.”
I headed to Walmart to grab some house hold shit for my new crib, wherever the fuck that was gonna be. I just picked up some basic shit like towels, soap and some sheets. On my way to the check-out I saw that punk ass nigga Maurice. He owed me money again for the last drop off. Walking up to him I bumped his ass. “Yo’ son you got my fucking bread.” I asked with an attitude.
Before he could respond some old ass lady voice came from the other side of him. “My son doesn’t owe anyone anything.” As soon as she came into view I wanted to laugh and punch her at the same time. It would be Cayane’s ratchet ass mother. Fake as Mother Theresa. “Oh no, why are you talking to my son? I can promise he owes you nothing. He is nothing like his sister, maybe she is the one who owes you something. She is the one with a child, and out of wedlock,” she shook her head sadly and her punk ass son did the same.
Even though I was mad as fuck at shorty I hated how her family treated her and I wasn’t about to let it slide. “So your son owes me for drugs and has kids as well and I know his ass ain’t married because his baby momma told me so while she was asking to suck my dick. But somehow Cayane is the fucked up one?”
“Maurice works on the Geek Squad at Best Buy and has no children. I think you have him mistaken Mister Thug. Or you are just trying to fuck with me. Either way I don’t appreciate it.”
“Maurice, man you ain’t even tell your mom about your kids. I mean damn, the drugs I can understand, and I’mma need that two grand ASAP or else. But you hiding kids and shit? What kind of man are you anyway. And trust me old biddy they his, those mother fuckers look just like his ass.” Her face began contorting like she was having a stroke as her son turned to comfort her. I went to check out laughing at the whole fucking situation.
15
Cayane
It had been two weeks since I last saw Chaos. He had only been back to the house once and that was to leave the deed in my name and take his personal items. He left some t-shirts that still smelled like him and I was glad beca
use once again I was sleeping in them shits wishing he was here. I tried to call and text him about the baby and explain I was never having an abortion, but he had me all the way blocked. Ashlee wouldn’t even help because she said she told me shit was going to go left if I didn’t tell him and she was right.
Well today was the day I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself. I had cried so much and been under so much stress I lost ten pounds instead of gained. My doctor was pissed. Kahlan got the bus now that we lived in a better neighborhood so he had been at school for an hour. I threw on a pair of black tights and a red and black plaid button down shirt. Slipping my feet into some black booties I flat ironed my hair and added some lip gloss to my lips. Ready to go I grabbed my purse and went to get in my car. Every time I rode in it thought I thought about him. He was always invading my mind like a plague.
Pulling up to my job I prayed I still had one. But with two kids on the way I wasn’t giving up, someone was allowing me to work today. “Hey,” I said greeting everyone as I walked inside. “Katie can I talk to you,” I asked the store manager as she finished up with a customer.
“Hey Cayane, we are glad to see you are doing better,” she said as we moved to the back for privacy.
“Thank you I am doing much better and I am ready to come back to work. I was just trying to find a way to get back on the schedule, maybe even this week if possible.” I could tell by the look on her face I wasn’t about to get the news I hoped for.
“Cayane I’m sorry but we got word you quit from Darcy so we gave your position up. I can call you in for a new interview if someone quits or is let go but right now I am fully staffed.” I felt so defeated in this moment that I couldn’t hold back the ugly sobs that came out of my mouth. I tried to put my hand in front of my face to hide them but it wasn’t working.
