by Eden Beck
Even though I passed by a fair share of students on the walk up, the front office is mostly empty aside from a group of tiny teary-eyed kindergartners getting paired off in the corner. That anxiety rises up in me again. Most students spend their whole school career here. Even if I was actually Sadie, I’d still be an outsider … the new girl, the inexperienced girl.
I let out a long, slow breath and promise myself that I am going to make this work. I am Sadie White … at least as far as anyone else is concerned. A heavyset older woman with salt and pepper hair twisted up on her head catches my eye from behind the desk, and there’s no more avoiding it.
“Hi!” I say, my voice cracking and too loud. I stop and compose myself before trying again. “Sorry. I’m new … and I’m a little lost. Is this where I’m supposed to check in?”
Her eyes soften slightly from behind a pair of black rimmed glasses perched on the end of her nose.
“What’s the name?” she asks after introducing herself as Evelyn Mason, the school secretary. She waits patiently for my reply, readying her fingers above the computer keyboard. She looks like she’s wearing a garden, her dress is so flowery. I must have been staring for longer than I thought, because she clears her throat. “I’m going to need that name to help you.”
I try to speak, but nothing comes out at first. My heart is pounding so hard that I’m sure she can hear it. I take a deep breath and give it another try.
“Ted—Sadie. I’m Sadie White,” I finally stammer, pushing Sadie’s driver’s license across the desk for her to take a look. She takes one glance at it, up at me, and then goes back to typing … no questions asked.
It’s easier than I ever imagined.
Her fingers type faster than I’ve ever heard anyone type before. After a few seconds, she takes a quick scan of the ID and then returns it to me by pushing it back across the counter top.
“You’re all set. We haven’t heard from you in a few weeks, so we’d started to think you might not be coming.”
My heart leaps up into my throat. It hadn’t occurred to me that Sadie’s parents might have warned the school ahead of time. Prepaid, non-refundable tuition or not … I realize right now how lucky I really am.
“Nope. I’m here. Just me, Sadie, ready to get started.”
I cringe inwardly. I’m usually a better liar than this.
Ms. Mason stands up and pulls out a map of the school and has just started to point out the various buildings when her eyesight shifts to take in the baggy black dress that I’m wearing.
“Most students arrive already in uniform,” she says, unable to completely hide a certain amount of disapproval in her voice. “You should have gotten yours already.”
Damn. I didn’t count on this.
I lean forward and pretend to look at the screen she’s pulled up. This is my first real test. The part of me that’s Teddy wants to run out before they can catch me, but I have to remind myself that I’m not that girl anymore. I’m not Teddy. I’m Sadie White. And Sadie White doesn’t run away. She gets what she wants.
“I thought we called ahead about that?” I say, then slap my forehead. “But of course ... you said you haven’t heard from us. My mother—she can be quite the ditz—she was supposed to tell you I never got them.”
Ms. Mason looks back down at the screen, then up at me, and nods as if she saw a note confirming what I said. Relief washes over me. Most people will just agree with you to shut you up … glad to see the people here are no different. Money only changes so much.
She tells me she should have a couple extra uniforms in my size in the back, and makes a few more notes in my file.
“Perfect. I’ll go grab those for you now.”
I’m suddenly very aware of the way my last six bucks feels in the bottom of my shoe.
“So,” I start, “how much is that going to set me back?”
Ms. Mason throws back her head and laughs. When she looks back, she has to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye.
“That’s a good one,” she says, patting me on the arm. She shakes her head and starts to waddle away. She returns in a minute with several full sets. She also brings a bill for me to sign—but it’s all been charged to an account with Sadie’s parent’s names on it.
Good thing too. The uniforms are worth more than everything I’ve ever owned.
I take one more look down at myself. A couple uniforms will only get me so far, but I can’t take the risk of charging too much to the account. It’s tempting to see what else this account can buy, but that’s a slippery slope.
I know that the Whites are filthy rich … but that doesn’t mean I should take advantage of them. I’ve always made a point not to steal from the people who are taking care of me … and in a way, that’s them now.
But there’s also some things that a girl can’t live without. I promise myself right here and now that I won’t use it again unless it’s an emergency.
This is the beginning of my new life; of a new me. No more stealing, no more bad choices. It’s all about my future and making a clean go of it. I want to be the best person I can be, which I certainly haven’t been up until now.
If I can make it through all of this without getting caught I might actually have a chance at a good future, and I want that more than anything. I cannot screw this up. It’s the most important thing I’ve ever done.
Ms. Mason hands me a few last forms to fill out. It’s easy to fake until I get to the phone number. I’m halfway through writing ‘867-5309’ when she stops me.
“No, no … real one please.” She hands me an eraser and stands over my shoulder, waiting for me to fill it out properly. I hesitate as long as I dare with the secretary staring me down before I finally jot down the only number I know. It’s the only true thing on the form. It pains me to list Ms. Martin as my emergency contact, but they’ll never call her. I’ll make sure.
She looks over the page and then smiles at me.
“Welcome to Hawthorne Academy. Here’s your schedule.”
She slides the paper across the desktop to me, but doesn’t take her hand off it when I try to pick it up. She meets my eyes with a suddenly more serious look on her face.
“Now, we’re glad to have you here, but it’s important for us to note that you will need to work hard to bring your grades up. This is the most prestigious school in the state of New York, and we have a proud reputation to uphold. We expect you to uphold that legacy and our high bar of expectations. Do you understand?” She eyes me like she expects only one answer.
I nod and flash her an eager smile. Man, how bad were Sadie’s grades?
She gives me a nod of approval. “Good. I’ll call your roommate to the office so she can show you around. She’ll be your guide as you’re learning your way around here.”
Ms. Mason picks up the phone and I look down at my schedule, expecting the worst. It’s not as bad as I thought. I’d be in most of the same classes at my old school. She’s behind me a year in French, and I’m going to absolutely kill it in remedial algebra … but otherwise, the schedule isn’t as bad as I expected. Except for one thing.
“Uh … Ms. Mason?” I ask, looking up at her as she hangs up the phone. “I wonder if there’s any way I could opt out of sailing for phys ed.”
Sadie might be a little sailor, but I’ve never so much as stepped foot in a boat in my life.
She frowns a little and reaches towards the phone again. “Last-minute changes are highly discouraged so we’ll need parental consent. But if you’re set on changing it …”
A flash flood of panic washes through me.
“No, no that’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Thanks.”
The corner of Ms. Mason’s mouth lifts into a half smile. I imagine she’s probably used to a bunch of spoiled brats insisting on getting what they want. I just want to stay out of the way.
For once, I feel like things are really beginning to work out for me. It’s strange and amazing. I might actually let myself get excited
about this opportunity. I never let myself get excited about anything that seems too good to be true. The bottom always drops out and things go wrong, but I feel different here.
Even though it’s the very beginning, I feel like this time it might just actually work out, and I am going to do everything I can to make sure that happens.
I wait in awkward silence for a few minutes, trying to avoid any small talk with the secretary until the office door opens, and I look over my shoulder to see a girl just a little younger than me standing there. The first word that comes to my mind is mousey. She has long, straight, brown hair and big brown eyes. I know right away that she’s the quiet type.
She spots me too and tilts her head a little as if she’s figuring out a puzzle.
Ms. Mason looks up at her and waves her over to the counter between us. “Dana Rutherford, this is your new roommate, Sadie White. Sadie, this is Dana. She’s going to be your ambassador for the week, to show you around and get you settled in.”
She glances at my baggy, black, itchy dress, and I find myself wishing that I had already changed into my school uniform.
I stick out my hand to her.
“Nice to meet you.”
She looks at it funny, and just for a moment I think she’s not going to take it. She looks at me once more, then slowly, hesitantly, shakes my hand.
“Likewise, Sadie.”
And just like that, my new life begins.
Chapter 4
Dana’s first concern is that I don’t seem to have any earthly possessions. She looks around the floor for any bags, but I shrug and hold up the small bag from the drugstore where I bought bleach. I picked up a few other essentials there to help me transform into Sadie, but the bag isn’t even half full.
“I didn’t bring much. I guess I’m kind of a minimalist.” I can’t think of what else I could say that might justify me standing here in this ridiculous oversized sack of a dress without anything else.
“Sure. We’ll see how long that lasts,” she says. As soon as she says it she looks mortified by her snappy reply and quickly snaps her mouth shut, eyes wide. “Sorry. I’m just used to the kind of girls that go here. They’re usually a lot more …” she looks me over again, “Concerned with looks.”
Right. At least try to fit in, Teddy.
“Oh—right. I’m having some more stuff shipped up this week, it just got lost in the mail.” This response seems to satisfy her curiosity. The look of concern smooths away from the spot between her eyebrows. Now I just have to pretend it gets lost for the rest of the year … or possibly two.
More likely, though, I just made myself one more problem.
I follow her out and down the hall.
“What’s your schedule?” she asks, looking over at me curiously.
I hand her the schedule that Ms. Mason gave me, and she skims over it. “Oh good. We have some classes together. You have good teachers for the most part, too. This semester won’t kill you.”
I’m relieved to hear it.
“Thanks for the inside scoop.” I’m curious about her as we head down the massive hall, through the foyer, and up the stairs to the third level of the enormous old building. For someone who claims that all the girls here are shallow, she seems pretty, well, normal. “How long have you been going to school here?”
Dana sighs a little. “Just two years. I’m a little younger than everyone else in our grade, so you can imagine how it was for me when I got here. These types … they aren’t exactly the most welcoming to newcomers.”
I smile a little to myself. If they only knew.
I can tell right away that Dana is exactly the kind of girl I would normally be friends with, at least back in my old life. She’s an outsider, and from the looks of it, she’s okay with that.
I used to be too, but I don’t want to be an outsider this time. I’ve seen where that leads you. People don’t like it too much when someone is different. They tend to shun them. I know that firsthand.
I’ve been an outsider all of my life, but now I finally have a chance to change that. Dana’s nice, and I like her already, but I’m definitely going to be aiming for the popular kids to hang out with.
Just thinking that makes me hate myself a little bit.
The room we share is the very last one at the end of the third-floor hall. It’s surprisingly spacious and has a great view of the grounds and lake beyond.
Dana is going on about how small the rooms are, but I can’t keep up. This might not be much to her … but it’s more than I’ve ever had.
The room has two beds, two desks with chairs, two bedside tables with lamps, and two closets. There are shelves on her side of the room, and the shelves are filled with books. I set my new school uniform on the unused bed and turn around to look at them closer.
People’s possessions can tell you a lot about them. It’s one of the ways I’ve learned to get to know people fast; by paying attention to what they surround themselves with. You have to learn how to adapt fast with my lifestyle.
My old lifestyle, I remind myself.
“What are you reading?” I ask, scanning the book titles. “Jane Austen, Rudyard Kipling, Mark Twain … Harry Potter?”
“I read good things.” She smiles back at me. “I’ll step out. Get changed and we’ll head to the library for your textbooks, and then get to class. You don’t want to be late on your first day.”
“Thanks,” I tell her, and breathe out a long sigh when she leaves.
I’m in my new home. My new school. So far everyone believes I’m Sadie White; little blonde rich girl.
I should be hurrying to get to class, but I have to stop and look outside. There are tennis courts, a small golf course, and even stables for horseback riding. I saw that there was a polo club, but that’s something I won’t be signing up for.
I’m jittery with a nervous energy despite the fact that the only sleep I’ve gotten in two days was stretched across bus station’s plastic seats.
Once I have my uniform on I find Dana out in the hall reading a book. She looks up at me from the bench where she’s sitting and gives me a nod of approval.
“You look the part now.” She stands up and pushes her book into her backpack, sliding the bag over her shoulder. “Hungry? We have time to swing by the dining hall before class if you want to.”
Normally I’d be all over breakfast, but my nerves are strung too tight for me to have any kind of appetite. I shake my head.
“No, maybe tomorrow. Right now I’d rather just get my books and get to class.”
There are already other students filling the hallways, and the bustle of morning rush buzzes all around us. It’s happened at every school I’ve ever been to; the first few days there everyone stares at me. I’m used to it.
I don’t like it, but I’m used to it.
Dana and I go downstairs to the main level and round the corner of the foyer, heading to the long corridor adjacent to the front doors of the school. We’re running a little late, but there’s a small group of boys blocking one of the halls.
One of them has his back to me, his arms full of books. He’s much smaller than the four boys who are standing directly in front of him, and I can tell by his hunched over stance and cowering head that this isn’t the first time this has happened. I grit my teeth and shift my eyes from the back of his head to the face of the boy who’s obviously the ringleader of the bullies tormenting him.
I’m not prepared for what I find.
The sight of him takes my breath away for a moment. He’s beautiful. There’s no other word for it. He’s just incredibly beautiful.
His wavy, dark golden-brown hair is styled perfectly; combed in long locks over half of his forehead, while from the crown down it’s short and clean cut. He has thick dark eyebrows over arrogant brown eyes. His face looks like Michelangelo himself carved it from marble; full lips, a strong jaw, high cheeks, and a perfectly rounded nose.
His body is well-muscled in the arms and shoulders, over his
chest and his back, and his torso tapers down to a narrow waist. He’s probably a model for designer underwear on weekends.
He’s focused on the smaller boy he’s taunting when he looks up at me and our gazes meet. He stops speaking in mid-sentence and stares. A strange look comes into his eyes. As he’s sizing me up, the boy he was teasing turns to look at me too. He’s a run of the mill high school boy; nothing out of the ordinary. When he looks at me he blushes bright red, his whole face and neck, all the way to his ears. The beautiful bully sees this and laughs, giving him a shove.
“Looking for a girlfriend Thomas? You wouldn’t know what to do with a woman if she came with an instruction manual.”
The boy, Thomas’, eyes drop to the floor and the bully shoves him again, pushing him down onto his hands and knees.
I’ve been bullied so badly and so often, that it doesn’t matter that he’s not doing it to me. He might as well be. Rage bursts into flame inside me and I snap.
“I’m sure he’d be a better boyfriend than you!”
The beautiful face contorts into shock, and then bitterness, and the scowl on it is all for me.
I stoop to help poor Thomas to his feet, and I see that somehow he’s blushing even harder. He’s so embarrassed and ashamed. He runs off, leaving me to face the bully alone. Well … Dana’s still here somewhere, but I think she’s slowly melting into the wallpaper behind me.
“Why don’t you date him, and then you can tell me all about it,” the bully shoots coldly, his brown eyes burning into mine.
I know right away that I’ve made a terrible mistake.
Great. I’ve made enemies already and I haven’t even gotten to my first class yet. This is not how I wanted to start off at my new school. It might be the right thing to do, standing up to bullies, but is it what Sadie would do … or the old me?
Suddenly a strong female voice sounds loudly behind me.
“Are you jealous already, Astor? She just got here.”
I turn on the spot and see a very pretty girl my age who is obviously one of the popular girls at this school. She’s the type who, despite being in the exact same outfit as all the other girls, including me, somehow manages to look far more stylish than most of the rest of us.
