by Eden Beck
“Yes, of course,” I say, a little too quickly. He narrows his eyes and studies me. One hand reaches towards the phone.
“Do you really, or do I need to get your parents on the phone?”
My heart drops clear out of my chest. “N—no! That won’t be necessary,” I say. “I promise. I won’t let you down.”
Mr. Baxter grunts and doesn’t look completely convinced, but his hand does move away from the landline.
He regards me for a moment and then nods. “I certainly hope that’s a promise kept. It’s not uncommon for students to find themselves more challenged here than they were at old schools, but I have notes here from several teachers that you’ve been going through some difficulties with your peers. Is there anything that you wish to tell me?”
What am I supposed to tell him? That his precious heir to Hawthorne Academy has been bullying the living daylights out of me these last two months? That would go down well.
I’m right on the edge of a cliff, and there’s nowhere to go. If I fail the class, he’s going to call Mr. and Mrs. White … and there’s no way that will end well once they tell him that they buried their daughter before school even began.
Terror and panic paralyze me as my mouth goes dry. I insist that nothing’s going on, and he looks a little relieved. I see him make a note on his paper, probably to protect the school in case I decide to off myself over my bad grades. It makes me feel a little better, remembering that I am just another student to him. Another body. Another name.
Still, my heartbeat is nowhere near back to normal when I leave. I can’t believe that I’ve let myself fall so far so fast. I’ve never let myself down like this before. I’ve always been the only one in my life that I can ever really, truly count on, and now all of a sudden, I’ve let myself down.
And for what? For the opportunity to hang out with the popular kids? With shallow Victoria, and the constantly hot and cold ‘holy trinity’? I can’t believe how much I’ve screwed up. I have one chance to do this, to make my future what it could be, and I can’t lose it now.
Especially not for the people who I’ve been giving so much of my time, of myself to. That has to change, and it has to change now. I promise myself that school is going to be my number one priority from here on out, no matter what.
I’m so concerned with the issue that just landed in my lap in Dr. Baxter’s office that I’m not thinking of anything or anyone else, until I run smack into Blair coming out of a classroom. A grin forms over his face and he reaches for me, but I pull away fast.
“Hey, Bunny,” he coos softly to me. “I’ve missed you.”
I stopped speaking to him after the photos of us went up on the wall. He was in on it. Astor and Wills and him. All of them working together to humiliate me in front of the whole school and start a rumor mill that could catch the whole academy on fire.
“Don’t speak to me,” I warn him and look away. He grabs my arm and pulls me to him, his dangerous green eyes dancing as he stares at my face.
“I need to speak to you. Come with me to Victoria’s Halloween party. Be my date for it. We can even get matching couples costumes.” He gives me a flirtatious wink and that dimple of his deepens.
I glare furiously at him.
“I know you’ve heard what people are saying about us. You started the rumor yourself, you jerk! Everyone thinks we had sex! It’s all over the school!”
He chuckles and leans close to me, wrapping one arm around the back of my shoulders, in a sort of half-hug. “Then let’s do it and it won’t be just a rumor anymore.”
“Get off of me!” I snap bitterly at him. “And leave me the hell alone!”
Before he can react, I hurry down the hall away from him and something he said flashes in my mind.
I can’t go to the Halloween party, not with the midterm coming up next Monday. There’s no way. I have to use every spare minute I can to study. If I don’t pass that test, my life here is over. My life outside of here is over. Everything is over. There’s no way I’m going to Victoria’s Halloween party. I have my school career to save.
I go to tell Dana right away, but she’s already started ordering our costumes online. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her light up like this, and I don’t have the heart to tell her I can’t go anymore … so I don’t. I tell myself I’ll find the right time, and find a way to pay her back for the costume I’m not going to wear.
She asks me why I was called to the principal’s office, but I can’t tell her about that either. I just wave it off and say it was a mix up, but the truth just settles like a pain in my gut.
Two days later, I’m in the library studying so late that everyone else has gone, even Dana, who studied with me for as long as she could. I’m focused with laser beam intensity on the material before me in the book when I feel the touch of a fingertip along the back of my neck, pushing my hair away. I gasp and whirl quickly in my chair. It’s Blair.
I look back at my book with a dark frown and try my best to ignore him. “Go away. I’m busy.”
He pulls out the chair next to me and sits in it, facing me. “Oh now, is that any way to talk to someone who just wants to see you? Who’s missing you?”
I turn and glare at him. “Go away, Blair, I’m busy, and I’m not speaking to you.”
He feigns a hurt expression. “Ouch, Bunny. That hurts.” His pain melts almost immediately. “Listen, I’m serious about wanting you to come with me to that Halloween party. How can I make that happen? Is it an apology you want?”
I doubt that apology would mean anything.
With a sigh, I close my eyes and shake my head. “You just don’t quit, do you?” I ask, not really looking for an answer.
Blair leans close and I can smell the faint scent of his cologne. It’s incredible. Enticing. I try to ignore that, too. It reminds me of the way it felt that night, to be in his arms … before he tainted that memory.
“No, Bunny, I don’t quit when it’s something I really want. Now, tell me you’ll come to the party with me. Come on.” He reaches up and gently pushes my long, straight blonde hair away from my face, over my back, and I remember him telling me how much he likes it down.
I immediately tug it up into a messy ponytail.
“I’m not going to the party with you or anyone else. I have a mid-term on Monday, and I have to pass it. That’s all there is to it.” At least I have a great reason for turning him down. There’s no getting around it. And it feels good, telling someone the truth … since I still haven’t gotten around to disappointing Dana.
But that, apparently, is not reason enough for him.
He looks aghast. “You’re going to miss the party of the year to study for a mid-term? Bunny no … you can’t.” He stops and looks over his shoulder at the empty library, his voice dropping to a just above a whisper. “Listen, if this test is so important, let me help you.”
“Help me? You want to help me … study?” That’s the last thing I expected him to say.
“Oh, god no.”
He glances around for a moment and then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small plastic baggie. “Here. Just pop a couple of these before you start studying this weekend. Trust me … you’ve never studied before you’ve studied on these.”
Blair pushes the baggie of pills into my hand, and I know I should give it right back to him, but I look down at them and I can’t look away. “I don’t know about this.”
“I do. How do you think I have some of the best grades in the school?”
“Cheating?”
He scoffs. “Don’t need to. I just get a little help when the going gets tough. It’s not even a serious drug, it’s a prescription. It’s just a little boost. A little pep in your step. You take a few of these on Sunday when you get back from the party and you’ll be able to memorize an entire semester’s worth of biology whatever in one afternoon. You can have it all, Bunny. Come on. Say yes to me.”
He leans close and touches my cheek with his fingertip,
and I find myself getting lost in those scintillating green eyes. I’m still so mad at him, but he’s so … enchanting. I can’t just say no to him. Not here, not now. Not that he’d take no for an answer.
So, I’m noncommittal. “I’ll think about it.”
“That’s not a yes. Say yes to me. Come on. Look, I’m even trying to help you. This shit is expensive,” he says, shaking the baggie a little. “So come on. Say yes.” He’s relentless.
“I told you I’ll think about it,” I tell him sternly, and he knows by the still-angry look on my face that I mean it. “Unless you want to keep pestering me … and then I’ll make up my mind a whole lot quicker. And spoiler—it’ll be a solid ‘no’.”
“I’ll have to take that. I hope I get to see you there, Bunny.” Blair leans forward and I tense up, thinking he’s going to try to kiss me on the cheek again. But then he stops, a hair’s breath away, and hops to his feet. I’m left with a tingling sensation where his lips should have met my skin and an ache between my thighs that makes me want to smack myself over the head with the book I’m studying for being such a dolt.
My hands curl around the bag of pills in my hand after he leaves. The alcohol, the parties, the sexcapades … and now this? I should flush the whole bag down the toilet right away. I’ve seen what drugs can do. I’m here because of drugs.
But when I look down at the bag in my hands, I don’t see Sadie White in her coffin. I see Dana, happy and excited as she goes over our plans for this weekend. I had a problem, now I have a solution. It’s as simple as that.
Except it isn’t. I know it. I just don’t want to admit it.
Chapter 16
I’ve never resorted to performance-enhancing pills before, and I don’t intend to now. I’m devoting every spare moment to studying for this upcoming test … but the going is painfully slow.
I find myself out on the docks by the boathouse one afternoon, a book in my lap and a notebook beside me. I’m chewing on the end of a pen as I read. It’s quiet out here, and since Dana is busy working on things for the school paper, I thought I’d study where I won’t be interrupted.
I hear footsteps and try to ignore them, but they stop behind me. Apparently no place is far enough away from the school.
With a quiet sigh, I look up just as Astor drops down beside me and eyes me with a guarded expression. I’ve known him for a couple of months now and I still can’t tell what he’s thinking when I look at him. He’s a tough read, and for a girl who had to learn how to read people at an early age, that’s saying something.
He and I haven’t spoken since he kissed me on the quad and then took off. I’m still furious with him, more so than the others. He’s a heartless, cold, manipulative, bullying jerk … and when he’s sitting this close to me, smelling the way he does, looking at me so intensely, I can’t think straight enough to remember just how mad I am at him and why. That’s the worst part of all.
“Are you coming to the Halloween party on Saturday?” he asks me, his brown eyes dropping from my eyes to my mouth.
I take in a breath and try to steady myself. I don’t want him to see that he has any kind of effect on me at all. Giving him that kind of intel would be suicide.
“What’s it to you? Trying to plan my next torture?”
“Come with me,” he says, quietly, looking as if something inside him is twisting him, forcing him to say it.
Seriously? First Blair, and now Astor? And both of them so soon after humiliating me in front of the entire school. I narrow my eyes.
“No, thanks,” I say. He’s not getting off that easy.
It’s his turn to look floored, and he’s not good at hiding it right away. I realize that he probably never hears the word no, especially from a girl.
“What if I change your mind?” Astor looks as though he’s picked up the glove smacked at him in a challenge.
“That’s not likely.” I tell him, refocusing my attention back on my book.
“Want to bet?” he asks in a husky tone as he slips his hand beneath my chin. He lifts my face and before I can even take a breath, his lips are moving over mine, and I am frozen in place as everything inside me erupts into a frenzy.
I don’t know whether to kiss him back or slap him again.
This kiss is much softer, much slower, much sweeter. It’s as if he’s savoring my mouth and the moments that we are connected. The whole world fades away and I melt into him, the choice made for me as I kiss him in return. When he finally lifts his lips from mine, we are both breathless.
I can’t believe he kissed me again.
I’m speechless. Almost.
“Come with me,” he whispers, his lips brushing against my skin as he speaks.
From somewhere deep inside me, I muster up some of my Teddy spirit, and the fighter in me remembers how horrible it was to be standing there on the main stairwell in the school in nothing but a towel, looking at racy photos tacked up on the wall and being branded a whore.
I find my voice and tell him, and I mean it. “No, Astor. I’m not going with you.”
Astor’s face darkens and I can see a powerful frustration in him. He purses his lips tightly as a scowl forms, and in one swift movement he is up off of the pier and heading back to the school.
I feel somewhat empowered, and I’m glad that I didn’t cave to his romantic ploy. I turn back to my book and start reading, but without even really thinking about it, I lift my fingertips to my lips and touch where the kiss was. It takes my breath away again just thinking about it, and a small part of me regrets turning him down.
Saturday comes too soon. I avoid Wills at all costs, worried he might try to ask me to the party too. I can’t handle all this when I’m just trying to study for my upcoming exam.
Try as I might to get ahead, I still have a buttload of work to do before I feel ready for the test on Monday. Maybe it’s overkill, but in my situation … anything less is admitting defeat.
I’ve been wrestling with the idea of taking the pills that Blair gave me. I really do want to go to the party, if just for Dana’s sake, but I also need to keep studying. The final straw is when I go up to the room late Saturday afternoon after studying all day, and I see the costumes Dana’s ordered laid out on the bed.
For someone who’s never shown a lick of interest in clothes or hair or makeup or any of that … she’s put together something splendid. All I have to do is run one hand along the white dress she’s picked out from the classic King Kong films for me to make up my mind.
I’ve disappointed Dana enough. We’ll stop by the party just long enough for her to get her fill of Victoria, and then I’ll slip away and pull an all-nighter in the library. This way, everyone wins.
I throw my books on the bed and rummage under my mattress for where I hid the pills. I might as well take a couple of them now. What did he say, something about ‘pep in my step’?
God, that boy. If he wasn’t so cute, he’d be downright annoying.
But … if ever there was a time I needed pep, it’s now. My brain needs more than just a break after this week, it needs a full reboot.
Just as I put a couple in my mouth and swallow some water, Dana comes in and stops short, staring at the bag of pills in my hand and the water I’m downing. Her jaw falls open and she loses it.
“What are you doing? What did you just take?” She rushes to me and pulls the baggie of pills out of my hand. “What is this?”
Guilt crashes over me in a tidal wave, and I know immediately that I’ve made the wrong decision. “It’s nothing really, it’s just a little ...” I stop, because I don’t actually know what it is. Oh my god. What did I just do?
But one look at Dana, and I can’t let myself freak out. “Don’t worry,” I say, quickly “It’s nothing. It’s just … Tylenol. For my headache.”
“Oh,” Dana says, then laughs nervously. “Sorry, I think I’m just a little anxious.”
If ever there was a sign that we’re both in denial, this is it.
&n
bsp; Even though my own mind is now reeling, wondering what the hell I just took, I can’t let it show. I turn around to pick up the dress she ordered for me and take the moment to compose myself. I’ve been in worse situations before. This will pass. I’ll just be careful. Blair wouldn’t give me anything that would kill me.
At least, I’m pretty sure. Sure enough that it isn’t worth ruining this night for Dana just because of something stupid I did to myself.
Dana is visibly excited as she starts prepping for her own costume, and it’s nice to see. We’ve been going through highs and lows trying to fix our friendship, and this is the first time it’s felt like it’s us again, and we’re okay, or maybe even better than okay.
She doesn’t bring up the pills again … after all, they’re only Tylenol … so why would she?
Meanwhile I’m trying to conceal my own rising panic by getting dressed as quickly as possible. I’m no master at hair, but by the time we’re heading out the door we look tolerably close to the character’s we’re supposed to be portraying.
Forty-five minutes later, we’re walking up the front steps of a mansion not far from the school. It’s decked out to the nines for Halloween, and Dana and I both stare at it in total amazement. As always, these rich kids know how to throw a party.
“I’m so glad we didn’t miss this. It’s the wildest thing I’ve ever seen,” Dana tells me.
“Me too,” I agree as we walk in. I know Victoria is put out with me for bringing Dana to her all-important annual bash, but I’m genuinely glad she’s with me. I need someone here who I know has my back.
Blair sees me about two seconds after I walk in the door. It’s almost like he’s been waiting for me, he comes to me that fast.
“You came!” He grins and checks out my costume. “You look incredible. What is this … King Kong?”
I nod and give him a smile. “Yeah, it is. I like yours too.”
He’s a werewolf. His devilish green eyes really stand out from his mask. He gives me a growl and then takes it off so he can lean in and kiss my cheek.
