by Eden Beck
“Not a surprise really. Your type always end up in the crack house eventually.”
“I’ve literally seen you do crack,” I say, then quickly add, “But I wasn’t doing drugs. I just got drunk.”
“Not what the doctor told me,” she says. She leans close and works to focus on my eyes. “Just because you get it from a pharmacy doesn’t mean it isn’t a drug, Theodora.”
It’s the first time I’ve heard my real name in months, and it’s weird.
“Well so now what? Are you taking me back to the foster home?” I ask with unhidden sourness in my voice.
Ms. Martin raises both of her penciled-on brows and smiles just a little. “You know, I was thinking about this on the way here. I mean, at first I just thought I’d turn you in to the authorities, but where’s the fun in that?” She reaches over my lap and peels the aluminum lid off a pudding cup and pauses to give it a long lick. “I mean, what am I really going to get out of that? Nothing. It doesn’t serve me at all.”
Uncertainty begins to pulse through me, and those old familiar warning lights and sirens go off in the back of my mind. I know this conversation is headed nowhere good. Her eyes are glittering in an evil way, and I’m sick to think what’s going on in her mind behind them.
I decide to attack first.
“So, I decided to go to school. It’s not like I did anything wrong.”
Ms. Martin laughs at me coldly. “If you weren’t doing anything wrong, then what are you doing in here?”
I look away from her and cross my arms over my chest. “So, then. What are you going to do?” I ask quietly, knowing that I should tread carefully on her this unstable ground. There’s no telling what she’ll do.
“Me?” she asks innocently. “Well, I’m going to help you. After all, you really do need my help, don’t you.” It’s not a question, and she’s not wrong about it.
I turn and match her coldness. “What do you mean you’re going to help me?”
She brightens a little. “Well, you seem to have landed yourself in tall cotton, and I’m going to make sure that you stay there. I’m going to sign you out of here as your guardian, and then send you back to your school. And you, well … you’re going to owe me then, aren’t you? You’re going to owe me so much.”
I sit up in the bed with some effort and look hard at her. “What do you want from me?”
“You’re all set up in that fine and fancy school. It’s all paid for, isn’t it?” She leans closer to me and her voice drops low. “I know how these places work. You think you’re the only girl around here who knows how to run a good scam?”
She eyes me with a stare that makes my blood boil.
“You’re going to go back to that school of yours, and you’re going to start taking money out of your account every week. And don’t think you can try to tell me you don’t have an account. Brats at these schools always have an account. Think of it as a stipend … or insurance. Insurance that I won’t turn your sorry ass in.”
I gape at her in horror. “No …” My heart has stopped in my chest. I’ve already taken so much from the Whites, I can’t do any more.
“Oh yes.” She smiles wickedly. “How does five hundred bucks a week sound to you? I’ve seen the way the Whites live. That’s chump change to them.”
I shake my head. “I can’t do that, it’s not my money to give.”
“Well now, I guess that’s your problem, isn’t it?” Ms. Martin cocks her head to one side thoughtfully. “Well, missy? What’s it going to be? Will you be a student or a felon? It’s your choice, though … ” she checks her broken watch, “you’d better decide fast, I parked in a metered spot.”
I close my eyes and struggle to hold in the tears. If only I hadn’t gone to that party, none of this would be happening. If I just told Dana the truth about my grades, she never would have let me go. I never would have taken those pills.
There’s no way out it. I’ve already come too far for it to end now. I have to try to do everything I can to make a future for myself, and that means that I have be at the school.
It also means that I’m going to have to play along with Ms. Martin until I can figure out a way to stop her. Maybe I’ll get lucky and she’ll be hit by a cross-town bus.
“I’m going back to school,” I reply with a tight voice, wrestling my emotions back. I refuse to appear weak in front of her.
She gives me a hard look. “And?”
“And I’ll send you five hundred dollars a week.”
“Good girl. Now I’ll go sign you out. You can find your own way back to the school. Can’t leave the kids alone for too long, you know.”
Left alone too long? They shouldn’t be left alone at all.
She stands up and heads for the door and I think back on the little ones I’ve left behind. Just one more heap of guilt to add to the rest. I’ve been so self-obsessed these past months, I never even thought of them once.
“How are they?” I ask, fearing the worst.
Ms. Martin turns and looks over her shoulder at me. “They’re alive.”
With that, she turns and leaves, closing the door behind her and sealing my fate right along with it.
Chapter 19
I’m stranded at the hospital with no way home, and I can only think of one person to call. I hate doing it, but at least he picks up on the first ring.
“Hey Blair, it’s Sadie,” I begin. I never planned on using it, but he’s tried slipping me his phone number so many times that it turns out I have it memorized by now.
He peppers me with questions until I have to cut him off.
“I’m okay. They’re letting me go. I guess my mom had to leave in a hurry so, I’m kind of stuck here at the hospital and I don’t have a ride back to school.” I glance over at the nurse behind the counter, but she isn’t paying any attention to me. I’m so used to people thinking I’m going to try to steal everything within sight, including an old curly-cord landline like the one I’m using now.
I know Blair mentioned he had a motorcycle, but I don’t want to have to outright ask him. I would’ve already taken a bus … if I had any money for the bus … but I’m not going to tell him that. Ms. Martin might know my secret, but so far she’s the only one.
“Don’t say another word. I’m on it.”
Half an hour later he walks through the door of my room with a bag in his hand and a worried look on his face. “How’re you feeling?” he asks again, coming up to me and searching my face for any signs of imminent death.
“I’m all right. I’m just kind of tired, and I’m super stressed about my mid-term.” It’s not the only thing I’m stressed about, but I can’t exactly tell him my foster mother is blackmailing me to send her five hundred dollars of someone else’s money every week.
“Hey, so … I knew you came in your Halloween costume and I figured you didn’t want to go home in that.” He hands me the bag with a sheepish smile. “I asked Dana to grab some things for you. She wanted to come along, but the whole sidecar thing isn’t very sexy.”
I look at him in surprise. “You stopped by my room to get clothes for me?”
“Yeah.” He nods and his cheeks turn a little pink. “I feel so bad about this. I really do.”
“I’m okay, Blair, really. That was so thoughtful of you.”
I take the bag and disappear into the bathroom. I come out a couple of minutes later in jeans and a sweater. It’s a small thing, but my situation already looks just a little less bleak.
He looks at me approvingly. “Nice.”
I can’t help but smile a little bit. “I remember something from the party when I started to go down.”
“Yeah? What?” he asks, and that worried expression comes back to his face again. I can see the guilt from miles away. He really does feel bad about it. We’ve played games in the past, but this isn’t one of them.
“Did you actually call me Sadie?” I give him a half-teasing smile.
He chuckles. “Yeah, I did. But don’t
you worry, Bunny, it won’t happen again.”
I laugh and just as we’re walking out of the room he adds something that makes me blush scarlet. “Oh, by the way, I took a look in the bag on the way over. I love the bra. Can’t wait until I get the chance to see it on.”
I smack the back of his head and walk straight forward into the elevator.
Riding behind him with my arms around his waist as the wind swallows us on the road is one of the single most exhilarating experiences of my life. I’ve never felt so free, so wild, so much like I’m living with abandon. For at least the time I’m with him on the back of his motorcycle, all of my worries and fears are blown out of my mind and away from me. It’s just him and me and the winding, tree-lined roads.
Blair pretends to show off a little, but I know he’s purposefully driving safe because he wants me back at the school in one piece. It’s sick, but in a way, all three of the boys have finally done some penance for the hell they’ve put me through.
When he parks the bike and I get off, he’s right there beside me to pull me into a close embrace.
“I was so worried about you,” he tells me softly in my ear. “I’m so sorry. I never should’ve given you those pills.”
“Thank you,” I say back as I look up at him. “I’ll be okay. Thanks for being there to help me when I needed you.”
His eyes sparkle so bright, I don’t know if I’m imagining tears welling up there. He holds my face tenderly in his hands and kisses me softly.
“Go get some rest,” he says with a broken voice, and then he turns away from me and leaves, taking his bike to put it away.
This whole weekend is a serious wakeup call for me. I could have lost my life. My real life, not this fake one I’ve stolen.
But as soon as I get to the top of the lawn and pause, still winded and exhausted from the night before, I know all of those worries are just a little bit further in my future. The immediate worry is the mid-term I still have to take tomorrow.
Looks like Mr. and Mrs. White might still be getting that nasty phone call. Well, at least if they do, Ms. Martin will never get to see a dime of their money.
That’s the only consolation.
Dana flies across the room and practically lands on me when I walk in the door. She’s already crying by the time I can pry myself free of her desperate embrace.
“Hey!” I try to calm her down, but she’s sobbing.
“Oh god, I’m so glad that you’re okay! I knew something was wrong when I saw you take those pills!” She buries her face in her hands. “And then at the party … everyone knows what happened. Victoria … I love her and all … but that was a shitty thing to do.”
She straightens back up. “I can’t tell you how awful it was to watch you get hauled off on a stretcher like that.”
I raise a brow slightly. “I can’t tell you how awful it was to wake up in the hospital.”
“Look, it doesn’t make what they did before anything less … well … awful,” Dana starts, “But you know all three of those boys demanded to go with you?”
I stop trying to wrestle my biology textbook out of my backpack and look back at her.
“Yeah. All three of them got in the ambulance and refused to leave your side.” She shakes her head. “It was sort of sweet,” she admits. “Even if it did cause a teeny bit of a delay.”
Dana is in the middle of trying to convince me to sleep rather than study, when there’s a knock at the door.
It’s Astor.
He doesn’t step inside, but rather fills the doorframe. He’s back in his element, here, but also back where he doesn’t know what to do about me. I can see the conflict still there, but it’s softened.
“I have to agree with Dana,” he says, then glances her way and adds, “The walls are pretty thin here, you should know that.” Then he turns back to me. “I’ve managed to pull some strings. You won’t have to take the exam until Tuesday.”
“How—”
He waves his hand. “This school isn’t named Hawthorne for nothing.”
I want to thank him properly, but he just nods his head and shuts the door behind him without giving me time. I get up to follow, but my blood sugar must still be low. I see black at the edges of my vision and have to sit back down right away.
I have to settle for watching him cross the grass over to the boy’s dorm across the way out the window.
Dana and I share a look, but there’s really nothing more to say. I’m grateful for the extra sleep, but the sun has barely risen in the morning when there’s another knock on the door. I just roll over and pull the covers tighter up over my head.
But they just knock again, and then there’s the sound of keys jangling as they unlock the door from the outside. Now both Dana and I sit up, only to find Astor standing in the doorway again. He’s not alone this time. That boy Thomas I saw him bullying on the first day is standing beside him, a tray with a teapot and two mugs in his hands.
“Astor … it’s way too early for this,” I say with the covers pulled up to my chin.
Dana nods, but she still accepts the second cup of tea when it’s offered to her. Thomas pours the tea and then leaves the tray on top of my desk, along with some muffins that look like they were just delivered fresh from a local bakery.
Dana’s eyes grow wide at the spread, and then even wider when Astor himself steps into the room and comes to sit on the edge of my bed. Thomas waits patiently in the hall outside.
“No rest for the wicked, I’m afraid,” he says, as he runs one hand along my leg over the covers. “And you, my dear, have been very, very wicked.” Even though he’s not even touching my skin, it still sends a shiver up my spine. Dana just sits behind him with her mouth hanging open like a broken mailbox.
He touches my cheek softly and then heads out of the room, closing the door behind him. Dana plants her hands on her hips and shakes her head.
“I can’t believe I just saw that. I’m not even sure it was real. Am I dreaming? I think I’m dreaming.”
I sip my tea, nibble on a cookie, and force myself to pull my biology book up into bed with me. Dana has a little last minute studying to do herself, so we get to work undisturbed … at least for a while. About an hour later there’s another knock at the door and Wills comes in with a second tray, but this one is loaded with food.
“Astor said you were studying. I thought you might get hungry.” He sets the tray on Dana’s desk because there isn’t room on mine, and then he comes over and takes my face in his hands. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dana pause on her way out the door to class to look over the assortment of soups, sandwiches, cheese, and fruit … all topped off with a sprinkle of wrapped chocolates across the top. The tray looks like it was made up by a chef, but the haphazard chocolates are certainly a last minute addition by Wills.
He asks me how I’m doing while Dana stuffs her bag with as much as she can grab, then hesitates by the door, unsure of whether or not she should leave us alone.
“I’m okay. I’m better. Thank you so much, for the food, and for coming to the hospital.” I smile at him.
“Anything I can do for you, Blondie.” He leans down and kisses my forehead, and then lets me go.
“Right now, you really have to go. Dana’s got to go to class, and I have to study … or all those strings Astor pulled are going to be for nothing.”
Dana gives me another look behind his back before the two of them leave together.
I try to pick at the food, but I really don’t have much of an appetite yet. With Dana gone, I get back to studying for a couple more hours until, yet again, there’s another knock on the door.
This time I jump out of bed and storm over in my pajamas to fling it wide myself.
It’s Blair with hot cocoa, and he’s brought two mugs even though Dana’s already gone to class.
I lean against the doorway, one hand on my hip, blocking his path.
“Uh uh. No way. I have to study Blair, and I’m not going to be ab
le to do it with you murmuring sweet chocolate nothings into my ear.”
“No worries, Bunny,” he says, doing exactly what I was worried he’d do. His whispers make the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. “Whatever you want.”
For once, he doesn’t push it. He actually leaves.
Now this, this really makes me wonder what’s going on with the holy trinity.
Dana shows up not too much later to check on me for lunch, and to stock up on some of those chocolates, when she sees the half-empty cocoa on the floor and shakes her head.
“What did you do to those boys?”
I glance up from my work and mime pulling my hair out from the roots. “I don’t know, but their guilt is starting to drive me a little insane.”
As if to drive the point home further, there is one last knock.
Both Dana and I look at each other, then at the door and shout for them to go away. The silence on the other side of the door is deafening.
“I think that might keep them at bay for a bit,” Dana says on her way out, but she makes me promise not to let them distract me any further.
I think it’s just guilt making them act like this. Once time has passed again, they’ll go back to their old ways. It’s how things are. But I’m going to enjoy their sweetness while it lasts. That’s why, even though I was getting a little bit smothered earlier, I’m disappointed when they don’t come back later on in the day.
But they gave me this time to study, so study I do.
In the morning, I ace the test.
Even though all I did was stay in bed all day yesterday, I’m still exhausted after the make-up exam so I head back up to my room to take a nap instead of heading straight to first period. I need a nap, and my teachers know that I’ve just come out of the hospital so they’re a little more forgiving about me missing a few more classes.
I sleep a little longer than I mean to and end up rushing down to try and catch the last half of French class. Madame Bisset is already concerned for me, and I don’t want to give her any more reason to look too closely. I’m in such a hurry to get to class that my hair is still plastered to the back of my head in a tangle when I nearly walk straight into Chris Hardy.
