by Eden Beck
Thanksgiving with Dana’s family is like living in a Hallmark movie; late autumn trees, a little light snow one morning, and warm sun and feather down pillows the rest of the time.
It’s easy to see where she gets her good nature. Her father is some high-ranking judge and her mother an heiress, but you’d never guess it from the way they behave around me and Dana. Well, aside from the sprawling Connecticut mansion where they live.
The weekend passes like a dream, but I find myself anxious to get back to the academy. Astor, Blair, and Wills have become a staple in my life … and try as I might to keep them at bay, I’m starting to develop genuine feelings for them. I’ve only been gone a few days, but I miss them already.
No one’s ever questioned why I don’t have a cell phone back at the school, but the silence from the boys without the ability to call or text them grows heavy on my mind … especially when I catch Dana sneakily smiling at texts of her own a couple of times, though she fervently denies it.
There’s only one person who can make her act like this, and it unsettles me. I promised myself I wouldn’t bring it up until we’re back at school, but when she claims a headache on Sunday night and leaves me to eat dinner with her parents alone just so she can take a mysterious phone call upstairs, it’s the final straw.
The guilty look on her face when I step into her room is all the proof I need.
“Hey Dana,” I start, not entirely sure the right way to bring this up. I don’t think there is a right way to bring it up. “I wanted to ask you something a little … personal.”
I shut the door carefully behind me, but I don’t go to sit with her on the bed. I just stand by the door, awkwardly ringing my hands.
“What is it?” she asks, one hand nudging her phone conspicuously back under her pillow where she’s hidden it.
“It’s about Victoria,” I say carefully. “I wondered … has she been talking to you lately?”
“What if she is?” Her sharp tone is unlike her.
“I kind of convenient, don’t you think?” I can’t just keep standing awkwardly by the door, so I move over to sit on the end of her bed. The swath of blankets seems like a growing ocean between us. “I mean, she hasn’t talked to you in years and then suddenly you’re best friends again now?”
“You’re just jealous,” Dana snaps. “You want her all to herself.”
I’m visibly taken aback. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means … it means …” Dana’s struggling with herself. She knows I’m telling the truth, but she isn’t willing to admit it.
“Dana, she’s manipulative and sneaky. I know you’re in love with her, but please, really think about this. She’s got to be up to something.” I’m growing more concerned as we talk about it.
Dana frowns sharply and turns suddenly to face me. “Is it really so hard to imagine someone might actually have feelings for me? You don’t get to be the only one in love.”
Her words strike me in more ways than one. Jealousy is a strong emotion … but love … that’s even greater.
Do I love the boys?
I don’t know. I might. But I can’t think about that right now.
“That isn’t fair,” I say. “You know I want you to be happy.”
“But do you?” Dana’s frustration is reaching near-hysteric levels. Her chest starts heaving and her breaths grow uneven. I freeze, unsure of whether or not she’s about to have a full-blown panic attack over this.
But no, looks like she’s just going to have a Sadie-attack. All her pent up anger and frustration and unrequired love comes pouring out of her like a furious river.
“You were never on my side. All this time you spent with Victoria, and you never once tried to include me. You knew I was in love with her, and still you kept her from me.”
My mouth is agape. None of this is true, or if it is, I only did it to protect her. I try to tell her this, but she won’t let me speak. Her voice grows louder, loud enough to make me cringe at the thought of her sweet, docile parents overhearing. They’ve been nothing but kind to me, and this is what I do.
“You know what? Victoria gets me. She knows what it’s like to lose all her friends. She knows what it’s like to be overlooked and forgotten while someone close to you steals what’s rightfully yours.”
Now I’m really stunned. “If you’re talking about Astor, I never—”
Dana huffs and throws herself back on the bed, crossing her arms. “Say what you want, but I know what you really are … Theodora.”
I swear, my heart stops in my chest.
“Sorry, what did you call me?”
Dana’s eyes narrow, and she glares at me. “Oh, come on! I knew Sadie. I met Sadie earlier last year when she came to tour the school with her parents. She was a Class A bitch, just like you.”
“Please,” I say, my voice growing strained and desperate. “Your parents will hear you.”
But her rampage isn’t over. “You think it took me long to find out who you are? You talk in your sleep … but you probably didn’t know that.”
I grit my teeth. “No, none of my lovely foster parents ever had the decency to tell me.”
Her passion hesitates a bit at my words.
“You were … you are …”
“An orphan. Yeah. That was my first crime.” I puff out my chest and try not to look so pathetic. I can salvage this. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Dana. I really do think of you as a friend … I hope this doesn’t ruin everything.”
But when I look back up at her, I know it’s too late.
Her rage has turned to remorse faster than I thought humanly possible. “Oh my god, what have I done?”
Her eyes flicker down to the phone under the pillow.
I don’t dare breathe. “Please tell me you hung up the phone.”
She doesn’t move, but I do. I jump to my feet and back away.
“Dana?”
Her hands fumble to pull the phone out, their motions large and clumsy. “No, no, no …” She slaps it several times, and then unsuccessful, throws her phone across the room so it smacks against the wall.
It lands next to my feet, the screen shattered, but her earlier phone call still live. I pick it up and hold the broken phone to my ear.
“Victoria?”
I hear a breathy laugh on the other end. “Well hello, Theodora.”
Chapter 22
It’s over. It’s all over.
All these past months; the trials, the humiliations, the triumphs … everything, it’s all been for nothing.
In one moment, one oversight by the one person I was supposed to trust, and my life is shattered.
Not just my new life, my old one too.
This time, when I look up at Hawthorne Academy there at the top of the hill, the only emotion I feel is dread.
“Sadie—” Dana, starts, but it just prompts me to start walking faster. I can’t speak to her; not now, not after what she did.
This thing, it’s mine to bear now. There’s no point avoiding it. No point in putting it off.
Better to face the truth than turn and run. Not that there’s anywhere to run.
Coming back wasn’t up to me. What was I supposed to tell Dana’s parents, that I’d decided to stay on as a permanent house guest? Or ask them to please stop by the local homeless shelter on their way to drop Dana off at school, since that’s about to be my new home?
I guess I knew this was coming eventually. It had to. I was delusional to think it would end any other way.
They’re waiting for me at the top of the hill: Dr. Baxter, two security officers, Victoria, and them.
They are the part of this whole thing I didn’t count on. The wild card. The unexpected loss.
Astor. Blair. Wills.
It’s them that I fear seeing the most. Even after everything we’ve been through, especially after everything we’ve been through, I can’t imagine a world where they’ll be able to forgive me. Still, the little spark in
me that cares for them still hopes they can care for me too, despite all this.
It’s that spark, that tiny, treacherous feeling, that makes the look on their faces cut me to my core.
“Welcome back Miss White,” Dr. Baxter says, “Or should I say … Miss Price.”
I turn straight to Victoria. “You didn’t waste any time, did you?”
She just purses her lips. “How could I? Not once I found out there was a serpent in our midst.”
Dr. Baxter takes a step forward and ushers me towards the main building. “There are some people here who would very much like to speak with you,” he says, “If you would just step this way.”
“Wait.” It’s Astor’s voice.
I’ve kept my face forward, refusing to look at them so far. I can’t bear to see the hurt and betrayal on their faces so close, but I have to. I can’t keep myself from looking. They are the medusa, and I’m already turned to stone.
There’s no love left in Astor’s eyes.
“You played us for fools. I won’t forgive you for that.”
My gaze flickers to Blair, and then to Wills. Their faces are hard, matching Astor. Neither of them speaks, but neither of them looks away, either.
“You showed us exactly who you are,” Astor continues. “I’ve seen your type before; a liar, a manipulator, a con. You truly are the lowest of the low.”
The pure hatred in his voice is enough to make even Dr. Baxter have to clear his throat.
“Come now,” he says, stepping forward and putting his hand on my upper arm to drag me back inside. “We mustn’t keep them waiting.”
I’ve imagined this moment happening so many times, seen it in my nightmares, run it over in my head—but never once did it make me feel like this. All the other times where I thought I was sure to be found out, it made me panic. I was afraid, angry, and disappointed.
Instead, now that it’s really happened, I’m just numb.
I keep my eyes trained on the ground and follow Dr. Baxter inside. I am hollow, empty inside. The principal doesn’t have to tell me who it is I’m meeting.
I already know.
The moment I have feared the most has come upon me, and I don’t have any fucks left to give.
I already lost what matters to me the most.
Let them throw me in juvie. Let them tarnish my name. I came here to go to this school; to start a new life … but what I ended up finding was so much more than that. I found acceptance. I found a family.
I fought for that. I nearly died for that, twice. I was humiliated, shamed, tortured; all for nothing. All for naught.
I can hear Sadie’s father before I see him. If the whole school didn’t already know what happened, they will soon.
“I don’t give a damn who she is or why she’s doing it, she’s a criminal and we’re going to prosecute her to the fullest extent of the law!”
There’s a murmur of another voice in the room there with him. I think it’s Ms. Mason, the school secretary. I can’t make out what she says, but from the tone it’s pretty clear that she’s trying to calm him down.
It only makes him even more furious. He starts shouting something more, but then we open the door and I step inside. His outrage ends in a strangled half syllable as soon as he lays eyes on me.
Mr. and Mrs. White both freeze in place and stare at me in total disbelief.
I know the traumatic effect that the sight of me must be for them. I really do look a lot like Sadie. I wouldn’t have come this far if I didn’t.
Just one more set of people to hurt and disappoint.
They don’t move. I don’t move. I don’t know what to say or do, because nothing can make this right. Not now. Dr. Baxter walks around to his desk and sits behind it.
I’ve never felt so bad in all my life as I do at this moment, standing here before these two people impersonating their dead daughter. I’m the worst person on the planet. The guilt overtakes me and I start to cry, and that only makes me feel worse because I’m not thinking of what I did to them anymore. I’m thinking of what I did to the others. To Astor. To Blair. To Wills.
I made them trust me, and I betrayed them.
My voice comes out in a jumbled, bleary mess of snot and tears.
“I’m so sorry. I really am. I never meant to—I never meant to hurt anyone.” I take a deep, shuddering breath. “I just—"
Mr. White cuts me off. His face, already red from shouting, turns a deep shade of scarlet. He gets to his feet, shaking not from tears like I am, but from rage.
“How dare you? How dare you stand there, looking like that, like her, taking her name, taking her place in this school! How—”
I’m prepared to take his abuse. I deserve it.
But then Mrs. White holds up an arm and rests it on her husband’s shoulder.
“Stop, please. I just want to look at her.” She looks me in the eyes and motions for me to come closer. Her own eyes well with tears at the sight of me, and I know that in the grand scheme of things I’ll be going straight to hell about one second after I take my last breath, which is probably coming sooner rather than later.
Kids like me don’t last long in juvie, or after.
But I do as she requests. I can’t look straight at her. I can’t look the woman I’ve stolen so much from in the eye. I promised myself I would never do it, never steal from the people who help me … but here I am. I’ve stolen more than I can ever replace.
She reaches out and strokes a strand of my hair.
“My god,” she murmurs. “You really do look just like her.”
I feel a stab of pain in my stomach. I can’t imagine how it feels to see me here, the spitting image of her dead daughter. I tried to replace something that cannot, should not, be replaced … and for that, I am truly damned.
But then Mrs. White turns to her husband and I’m sure I don’t hear her right when she speaks.
“Why not?” She looks at Mr. White, then Mr. Baxter and Ms. Mason. “I mean really … why not?”
Mr. White stares at her like she’s just lost her marbles. “What are you talking about? What do you mean, why not?” he asks, his voice a little softer, but not by much.
She looks from him, back to me, and shakes her head slowly as if she still can’t believe what she’s looking at. “John, our little girl is dead. There’s nothing we can do about it now. But her … what’s your name again, sweetie?”
“Teddy,” I answer in a haze. My own name feels foreign on my lips.
“Teddy … what a nice name.” She looks directly at her husband, and this time, her voice is more sure. “Teddy is very much alive. Why should we take this girl out of school here? Why waste the tuition we already paid?”
He blunders for words a moment. “Because … because she’s a liar and a thief!”
Mrs. White stands, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more determined woman in my life. “Spite won’t get us Sadie back,” she snaps.
Her husband isn’t the only one struck dumb. I still don’t fully understand what’s going on. She’s supposed to hate me, but she’s looking at me like, well, like I’m her own daughter. It makes the tears spill over again.
Mrs. White’s eyes soften, and she cups my face with her hand. Normally I’d shrink back from the touch, but I can’t, not when I still don’t understand how she can be so nice to me.
“I remember you, now, I think. From the funeral.” She glances at her husband. “Remember that awful woman? What was her name?”
It’s Mr. Baxter’s turn to interject. He clears his throat several times, and then waits for us to look his way.
“That brings us to the other problem here. I think the woman you’re referring to is Ms. Martin, Theodora’s foster mother.” He pulls out a file, and then pauses a second before sliding it across the table. “We made a few phone calls this morning, as soon as we figured out what was going on. Ms. Martin was very relieved to hear that Theodora is alright, but she also told us to look into the account under your daugh
ter’s name.”
He opens the top of the file. I don’t have to look. I know what’s there. The other accounts, well over two grand withdrawn at this point … probably closer to three. I have to close my eyes to keep the shame of it from overwhelming me. It really took Ms. Martin no time at all to make this even worse for me. Typical.
“This girl, this imposter …” Mr. White jabs a finger at me when I open my eyes. “Has stolen—”
“Enough!” Mrs. White’s composure dwindles for a moment. She grabs the file, takes one look at it, and tosses it across the room. “So what? It’s only money. We’re talking about a girl’s life here.”
Mrs. White sits down and stares back up at me. She takes either of my hands in hers, and that motherly look overcomes her face again. It’s almost too much to bear. I’ve never had anyone look at me like that before.
“Do you want to go back to your old life, Teddy?”
I scoff, then quickly apologize. “Sorry. I … what life?” I can’t help it, but the tears start up again. “All I wanted was to start over. I still shouldn’t have done it. I just, I just …”
“Enough.” This time, when she says it again, it’s soft and gentle.
She turns and looks at her husband, who has somehow deflated during all this. “Let her keep it. Sadie isn’t going to use it. It’s already paid.” Her husband starts to open his mouth again, surely to shout something more about how I’m a liar and a horrible person, aka, the truth, but she slams her palm down on the principal’s desk to quiet him.
“Can’t you let me have just this one thing, John?” she says, her voice a hard, almost dangerous whisper. “I killed our daughter. I won’t let you say otherwise. You know it’s true. You know she’d be alive now if it weren’t for … weren’t for …” she takes a moment to get ahold of herself. “I need this. Do it for me, if you won’t do it for her.”
Mr. White doesn’t say anything right away. Then, when he does speak, all he says is, “So long as she pays off the account. That’s my only stipulation.”
I feel lightheaded. My knees go weak beneath me, and I have to grab onto the arm of the chair for support.
