by Molly Harper
Alex put an arm around my shoulders. “Tylene McClaine, these are two of my oldest friends, Nik Dragomirov and Cal Calix. Iris and Gigi are their mates.”
“‘Oldest friends’ takes on a whole new meaning around this crowd,” I said.
“It’s true,” the dark-haired man, Cal, told me. He jerked his head toward Alex. “But think of all the dirt we can give you on this one.”
“So you’re the girl that’s turned Alex’s head,” Nik said, shaking my hand. His voice was faintly accented. “My Gigi says you went to school together.”
“We’ve talked about inappropriate possessive pronouns, but he is awfully set in his ways. Claims it’s a language barrier,” Gigi said, smirking.
He kissed her neck. “I speak the language of love, my dearest.”
“You’ve spoken English for several hundred years,” she noted.
Dick and Jane joined us in our little standing group, both looking tired.
“I think we’ve documented everything,” Jane said.
“Maybe I should head home?” I asked Jane. “This seems like vampire business.”
“You’re involved in this vampire business,” she told me. “And it affects you directly. You should stay.”
The circle closed around me and I felt more at home in this pack, than I had in my own since before I could howl.
6
“Social media is dangerous, whether you’re live or undead. Set your privacy filters carefully.”
—A Gentleman in Any Era: An Ancient Vampire’s Guide to Modern Relationships
* * *
Even though I’d been told that Jane’s friend group found themselves in peril every six months or so, I wasn’t prepared for the “Law and Order murder board.” They just wheeled it out into the shop like it was normal to have an enormous wheeled whiteboard used specifically for friendship group-based investigations.
“Is this really necessary, for a few acts of vandalism?” Alex said. “They didn’t even do that much damage to my building.”
“That’s how it always starts,” Jane said, piling whiteboard markers on the maple bar. “Some small weird thing that spirals into something much larger and weirder and the next thing you know—murders, fires, poisonings, emergency vampire turnings, and I end up with more foster vampirelings. And as much as I love Jamie, Ben, Meagan and Georgie and all the love and color they have brought to our home—I can only handle so many children.”
“Georgie counts as two,” Gabriel added.
“Half-Moon Hollow seemed to have such a low crime rate when I looked at the Chamber of Commerce website,” Alex muttered.
“Don’t!” Andrea shouted as Jane’s face went thunderous. “Don’t get Jane started on the Chamber of Commerce. The sun will be up in a few hours. We don’t have the time.”
Jane pouted and crossed her arms. “Fine.”
“We’ve learned it’s easier if we get these issues out in the open,” Gabriel told us as Dick rolled the large white board into the café area of the bookshop. Andrea set a cup of herbal tea in front of me—something involving lavender. Apparently, I seemed too caffeinated at the moment. “If we try to handle the situation on our own, it inevitably gets much worse and someone gets hurt. Some of us had to learn this lesson several times over.”
He shot an arch look at Jane, who shrugged. “I never said I was easy to live with.”
Alex, for his part, simply watched in awe and the group bustled around the shop, each seeming to know their assigned role. Iris and Andrea made drinks. Dick set up the board. Jane gathered office supplies like pens and paper. Cal and Nik arranged chairs in a semi-circle around the board. Gigi set up a rather intimidating laptop on the bar and logged into an Internet search program that I wasn’t sure was entirely legal.
“Once every six months, huh?” I asked Gabriel.
“Well, we had a gap there, about two years long, where we enjoyed a brief period of ‘no one trying to kill us.’” Gabriel frowned. “It was weirdly off-putting. Jane does some of her most impressive thinking—and cursing—in these meetings.”
“Are you sure we shouldn’t call everybody else in?” Andrea asked. “If someone is targeting vampire-owned businesses here in the Hollow, that involves most of our family. Iris has Beeline. Alex has the music school. Jane has the bookshop. Libby has her accounting business. Meadow owns the tea shop. Collin, Cal, Nik, Luke—they all own mysterious consulting firms we’re not supposed to ask about. Erik owns a consulting firm, but if you ask questions about it, he’ll answer them and then you’re stuck there for hours listening to theories about organizational psychology…”
Several people in the room paused to shudder, so I assumed that was bad.
“We don’t know if they’re targeting vampire business owners,” Nik protested.
“Well, what else do Cal, Nik, Alex and Ophelia have in common?” Andrea asked.
“They’re super old.” Gigi said. When Cal shot her a look that screamed betrayal! she added. “What? You are!”
“Yes, but the graffiti was more anti-vampire than anti-business. Andrea, can you expand on the theory you were putting forward before my own flesh and blood insulted me to my face?” Cal asked politely.
“Beeline is one of the biggest vampire-owned businesses here in town,” Andrea said. Across the room, Iris grinned proudly. “And Alex owns the music school, which has gotten a lot of attention lately because it’s so fancy. It’s just what jumped out at me when I heard Alex got hit.”
“But it’s not like they’ve done business with each other or have that much in common, other than they’re vampires and they’re both connected to Cal. And I would think the spray-painted messages would be directed at Cal, if he was the target,” Gigi said, tapping on her keypad. “If they were going to target prominent vampires here in town, why not Jane or Dick?”
“Because they have more direct support from the Council? If anything happens to the Council representatives, the Undead Emergency Response Team shows up within a few minutes,” Cal offered.
During all of this out-loud speculation, Jane was scribbling furiously on the whiteboard. She wrote out names, circled them, connected the circles with lines.
“I still think my family should be shoved in the suspect pool. My parents were not thrilled to see Jolene in that photo in the paper with you. Between that, and Alex’s link to the kids, I think that puts them in the running. Also, my aunt Lurlene made some comments about knowing ‘something’ about my behavior that she didn’t like, and honestly, that could lead anywhere.”
Jane chewed her lip before writing, “McCLAINES” on the board. “Okay, I will put them on the ‘not likely, but still considered suspects’ list.”
“Thank you for humoring me,” I snorted.
“Forensic countermeasures,” Jane argued. “I respect your intelligence and adore your bookishness. But I have spent time around your family…speaking of which.”
Through the window, I followed Jane’s eyeline to the sight of my cousin walking towards the shop.
“You called her!” I squeaked.
“I told you, we keep things in the open here!” Jane exclaimed.
“Well, don’t tell her what I said about the newspaper thing. It would stir up a lot of trouble for me at home,” I hissed back.
“Are you okay?” Jolene hollered as she came through the door.
“I’m fine. We weren’t even there when it happened,” I said, giving Jane a significant look as Jolene strangle-hugged me.
“I’m so sorry about the school, Alex. Zeb’s at home with the kids. I didn’t have the heart to tell them.”
“It’s nothing. I’ll be open in a few days,” he assured her, receiving his own strangle-hug. He awkwardly patted her back.
“Aw, did I miss the murder board... Why did you write ‘McClaines” on there?” Jolene demanded.
“Because Ty thinks there’s a possibility your family could be involved in the vandalism at Iris’s house and the music school,” Gabrie
l told her.
Jolene opened her mouth as if to protest and then paused. “Which family members?”
“I’m not sure,” I said. “I just think it’s a possibility that should be considered.”
“I would protest, but considerin’ what they put poor Zeb through, yeah, you should watch them,” Jolene said, sitting next to me. “Which is going to put you in a real awkward position…wait, what are you doing here anyway?”
I could see the exact moment that Jolene seemed to recognize how close I was standing to Alex. I could see the emotions shuttering through her eyes like slides—surprise, denial, discomfort. She went through the five stages of “your cousin is dating a vampire” right in front of me.
“I see,” Jolene said, pressing her lips shut. “So, who’s on the suspect list, besides my relatives?”
“Everybody?” Gigi suggested.
“I didn’t pick up anything helpful at the school,” Nik said. “I saw hands in gloves, holding a spray paint can. But I couldn’t tell if it was one person’s hands or multiple hands. I couldn’t tell whether they were human or werewolves, or anything else for that matter. All I could feel was…fear.”
No one acted as if this was a strange thing to say, so I had to assume that Nik had some sort of psychic talent.
“I guess that would be normal, if it was human vandals,” Iris said, frowning. “Hate and fear, fear and hate, they’re all sort of wound together in an ugly ball.”
“That doesn’t really help narrow the list, either,” Jane said. “Any other ideas?”
“Newsletter to vampire business owners telling them to be vigilant?” Andrea suggested.
“Alex installs cameras outside of his school,” I said pointedly.
“I continue to scan the usual Internet hangouts for local loonies who hate vampires,” Gigi said.
Cal raised his hand. Iris put it down. “Don’t say ‘secret underground lair.’”
Cal grumbled, “One day, I will have a secret underground lair.”
“I think I should take Ty home,” Jolene said. “It’s getting late, for those of us who are awake during the day. And I think she’s contributed all she can to the conversation.”
“I could drive her,” Alex protested. “I promised Zeb I would get her home safe.”
“Actually, I have a lot of forms you need to sign,” Jane said. “The Council has this thing about paperwork. As in, they like it, very, very much.”
“Ah,” Alex said, standing. For a moment, I wondered whether he was going to kiss me right there in front of everybody. And he seemed to divine this was a bad idea, based on my neck craning back away from him. He eyed Jolene before bowing over my hand and kissing my knuckles. “Goodnight, Tylene.”
My voice wobbled as I said, “Goodnight.”
Jolene smirked, tugging me out of my chair. “Come on, lover girl. Finish swooning on the drive home. Night, all.”
“Why do I get the feeling I’m being sent to bed like a child?” I asked as we walked out of the shop.
“Because you are, sort of,” Jolene told me, unlocking her van with a remote key.
I climbed into the passenger seat. Jolene started the van and turned it towards the compound. I pulled a packet of scented wipes out of my bag and started a thorough cleansing of my skin. Between that and the fresh shirt I’d stashed in the same bag, I hoped my parents wouldn’t smell the vampires on me.
Sensing Jolene’s pointed silence, I said, “Go ahead and say it.”
“I don’t know how to feel about this hon.” Jolene said. “I mean, it was hard enough on me and Zeb, with him being human. But a vampire?”
“If this is uncomfortable for you, not wanting to lie to the pack—”
Jolene scoffed. “Oh, hell, honey, I don’t care about the pack. I don’t want to discourage you, but I’m worried about you. I’m torn because I want you to be happy. But I know how hard it is to be with someone who’s not were. And I don’t know if you’re ready for that, for the whole pack coming down on you. I’ve been through it and it’s not something you just jump into without thinking. You’ve always been so…obliging when it comes to your parents. Not that I can blame you. Your daddy’s always been a nasty piece of work. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, that if you need help, I’m here for you. You can come stay with us until you get on your feet.”
“Really? Won’t that bring a lot of trouble down on your head? What about Zeb?”
“It was his idea,” she said. Her smile had a dreamy quality to it. “And yeah, it might bring some trouble down on us. But that’s the great thing about living off of the compound. If the pack is mad at you, it doesn’t feel like the sky is falling because you can get away from it.
“It’s tempting,” I told her as we pulled onto the compound road. “And I’ll think about it. But I really think that if I’m going to get out, I’d like to do it on my own. Otherwise, it will just feel like you’re taking care of me, instead of me taking care of myself.”
“I can respect that,” Jolene said, slowing in front of my trailer. “Even if I think it’s dumb.”
I snickered. “Thank you. I think that’s the very definition of love.”
“So can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What’s it like dating a vampire?”
“Same as dating a human?” I guessed. “Except he’s way more polite. Is it weird, how sexy I find politeness?”
“Probably.” She nodded.
“Yup.” I climbed out of the van. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, weirdo!”
I spent a lot of time considering Jolene’s offer. Alex had to spend a few days with insurance adjusters and contractors, repairing his school, replacing the equipment. I continued working at Specialty Books, considering both the murder board and my own work projects. And while I didn’t befriend Jane and her family for mercenary purposes, I ended up expanding my own business considerably. When Jane expressed (loud and profane) frustration with the program they used for the shop’s email promotions and social media, I offered to take a look at it for her. Within an hour, I’d signed a contract to handle all of her online activity except for sales. And when she told her friends how easy I’d made her life, I had contracts with Beeline, Everlasting Health, Libby Stratton’s accounting business, Wade Tucker’s garage, and the local free clinic run by Nola McGavock, a human who also happened to be Dick’s only living descendant. Jane even talked about handing the Council’s regional promotions, if she could get approval from the national office. I was a one-woman public relations empire.
I watched my family in a new light, analyzing every word and gesture from them. Normally, I just got annoyed with them so quickly, I just chalked their behavior up to being meddlesome, but now I wondered—Did Uncle Bill look smug when he was repairing the underpinning on his trailer? Did my cousin Maybelline’s eyes narrow when she asked where I’d been spending all my time lately? Was my family capable of vandalizing Alex’s school? Yes. But if they had done it, I would have expected them to talk about it. They would gloat and try to assure themselves I’d learned my lesson. And if my parents knew that I was dating a vampire, there was no way they would keep quiet about it, they would rail against me for daring to see someone they didn’t approve of, of wasting my time on some guy who didn’t even have a pulse.
Still, I watched, and I waited, and tried to work through everything I would have to do if I wanted to move out—whether it was to Dick’s apartment building or Jolene’s place.
The night of my half-ass blind date with Donnie Ansen came far too soon. While I hadn’t “come by” Braylene’s trailer as instructed, or even told my aunts when the date was scheduled, somehow Braylene, Lurlene, and several of my cousins crowded into my room to argue over what I should wear.
They were turning into some sort of hen party from hell, giggling and chattering, like I was getting ready for a much-anticipated prom date. My head was splitting from all the damn noise and all I wanted to do was toss myse
lf out of the window just to escape. I also seriously considered showing up to Southern Comfort naked, but that seemed counterintuitive.
“You should wear the green dress,” Braylene bellowed, shaking the hanger at me, as if I was some sort of stubborn bull resisting a fight. I guessed she wasn’t too far off.
The green print with the tiny sprigs of white flowers was a classic nice girl Baptist church dress. Mama insisted that I wear it to any special occasion from funerals to first dates. She was hovering near the door, again, not quite taking part of the chaos, though she seemed to want to. I would have gladly traded places with her—and then bolted for the window.
“No, the yellow!” Lurlene insisted, stepping in front of her and displaying the yellow dress with blue flowers.
I only seemed to own dresses with flowers on them. It was a deep personal flaw.
“Not the yellow! It makes her look all sallow and washed out!” Braylene objected.
“No, the green makes her look flat as a pancake!” Lurlene shot back. “She looks like a twelve-year-old boy in it! The yellow makes the best of what she’s got!”
“I don’t know why I wouldn’t want to spend more evenings like this. It’s a damn mystery,” I muttered to no one in particular—which was fine, because no one was listening.
“What was that, hon?” my cousin Shaylene hollered over the din.
“I wonder if I could just wear some nice jeans and a pretty top!” I lied.
“Honey, no,” Lurlene barked. “We want Donnie to think you’re a nice girl!”
“I am a nice girl!” I cried. “And I’m sure nice girls have worn jeans at some point in history.”
“We want Donnie to think you’re traditional,” Braylene said.
“Isn’t that false advertising?” I asked, frowning.
“Honey, that’s all dating is.”
“True enough,” I said with a shrug.
“We could always have Vonnie whip something up for you,” Braylene said. “Obviously nothing as fancy as her bridesmaids dresses, but—”
