by Claire Raye
I miss most of what Erin says, too preoccupied by the fact that Finn hasn’t shared any of this with me. I know I’ve been busy with work, but I thought this would’ve been something he would’ve told me about.
“Don’t worry about it, Sarah,” Kelsey says reassuringly. “Finn can be pretty private, but it’s just gossip. I’m sure he’d have said something to you if he thought it was a big deal.”
As I’m leaving the inn, I text Finn and ask him if he wants me to stay the night and he replies immediately.
Finn: Yes, but I’m still at the station. Not sure how long I’ll be here.
Me: That’s ok. I can stay at E&R’s if you’d rather.
Finn: Sarah, I said yes, so go to my house.
Me: Ok, bossy.
Finn: I’ll see you later
The rest of the night passes slowly, and by eleven p.m. I’m falling asleep on the couch and Finn still isn’t home. I have no idea what time it is, but I wake to Finn lifting me off the couch and carrying me into the bedroom.
He pulls my shirt over my head and undoes my bra, as I slide back onto the bed. He tugs at my sweatpants and I lift my hips to help him, but he stops there leaving my underwear on. Kissing my forehead, he murmurs, “Good night, sweet girl.” Then he strips off his clothes and climbs into bed beside me.
I want to ask him about Carla and about work, but I curl up against his body, my lips pressing into his chest, I feel his heartbeat and his steady breathing as I fall asleep.
Finn is gone when I wake up in the morning. I didn’t even hear him leave which goes to show me just how wrecked I am from this week.
It’s after ten when I finally roll out of bed. There’s a note on the counter from Finn along with a coffee and blueberry muffin.
Sarah,
Had to leave early. I’ll be home in time for the party.
Love,
Finn
He signed it “love” and the teenage girl in me is all giddy and even more excited about his mention of the party. He’s going to come and it’s because of me.
But when the clock hits seven and Finn’s still not here, I grow worried and text him. He replies immediately that he’s running late but will meet me there. Right now, I’m just glad he’s okay, because whatever is happening at work is consuming all his time.
I look up at the clock for what feels like the millionth time. It’s after nine and Finn still isn’t here, the bar is beginning to fill with costume-clad people and I wonder if I’ve made a mistake pushing the fact that I wanted Finn to wear a costume, let alone join me at the party. But it isn’t such an extreme request surely; it’s a party for his brother and future sister-in-law.
I tug at my costume as it rides up a little, cutting into my hips and making it slightly uncomfortable.
“He doesn’t really like parties. You’ll get used to it,” a voice says from behind me.
When I turn around Kelsey is standing there with a small smile on her face, but it’s just for show. It’s almost like she’s trying to reassure me that it isn’t my fault Finn has yet to show up.
Part of me assumed he’d use work as an excuse to avoid tonight. But another part of me, the one that likes to think Finn and I have something, needs him to show up. To show me that he enjoys spending time with me despite his hatred of costumes and crowds. That he wants to be with me regardless.
“Seriously, Sarah…” Kelsey says but stops short and I see her eyes widen, and when I hear Beck yell out, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” my eyes instantly gravitate toward the entrance to the bar.
I see him, standing, scanning the crowd, searching for someone, searching for me. In that moment my heart stops and everything around me falls silent.
I feel his eyes on me, his smile grows as he takes me in and all I can focus on is him walking over to where I’m standing. Navigating the crowded room and ignoring the comments and the women who attempt to stop him.
“That boy loves you, Sarah,” Kelsey says, her mouth close to my ear. “Look at his face!”
“What?” I ask, appalled by her reaction to Finn’s arrival.
“Don’t act like you don’t know,” she says, giving my side a little pinch before she bails, leaving me speechless.
He loves me? I think as Finn finally stops in front of me, his smile even broader than before. He can’t possibly love me or could he?
“Sarah,” he murmurs and my knees grow weak. His fingers brush against my bare stomach and come to rest on my hip. The warmth of his skin touching mine makes me suck in a ragged breath and I swallow hard. “You look fucking amazing,” he says before leaning in closer, taking my head in his large hand and kissing me hard.
As soon as his lips connect with mine, I let out a small moan and he slips his tongue in gently. Caressing and stroking against mine as I smile and let out a small giggle.
Finn pulls back, his forehead resting against mine and I whisper, “You came.”
“Of course I did, Sarah. I would never let you down.”
I nearly crumble to the floor at his words. I hear so much truth in them. I trust Finn wholeheartedly and after what Kelsey said, I can’t help but think she’s right. He does love me.
“Plus I had to,” he growls and moves away from me, his possessive side coming through. “Knowing you were dressed like this in a bar full of drunken assholes didn’t really sit well with me.”
I fall into his arms; cradling against his chest. Finn kisses the top of my head and I feel him exhale a long, slow breath.
“You’re the only drunken asshole I want, Finn,” I joke and he laughs before he buries his face in my neck, kissing and nipping me.
His hands run the length of my body, stopping to brush his fingers lightly across my stomach. I shudder at his touch, the feeling making me long to be close to him, always.
“Do you know you’re my childhood fantasy come to life?” he asks and I pull back from him and give him a questioning look. “The gold bikini. It’s every boy’s fantasy.”
“Guess I chose well then, huh, Han Solo?”
“You did and you will be rewarded later tonight.”
“I love the sound of that,” I purr, pressing myself to his firm chest. “Is that a light saber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” I ask seductively, but it just comes out ridiculous and Finn laughs as Kelsey walks back over to us grinning like she just won the lottery.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she says pushing up on her toes and throwing her arms around his neck. Beck walks up behind him and clamps a hand down on his shoulder.
“Thanks for coming, man. It’s good to see the chief out of uniform.”
“You won’t see me in that uniform for a while,” Finn mutters and signals the waitress to bring him a beer. Kelsey’s arms fall from around his shoulders, her hands now resting on his chest. A shocked look on her face that I’m certain mirrors the one on mine.
Chapter Twelve
Finn
To say these past two weeks have been a fucking nightmare would be an understatement. Although judging by the look on Sarah, Kelsey and Beck’s faces following my idiotic comment just now, it might be safe to say things are about to go from bad to epically worse.
“Finn, what are you talking about?” Kelsey asks, as Sarah stands stiffly beside me.
I’m too afraid to even look at her at this point. Too afraid I will and she’ll see all the things I haven’t been telling her. Not because I have anything to hide but because I don’t want her to suddenly think less of me. To judge me for something that happened years ago and which is now somehow being misconstrued into something much, much worse.
Carla. If I hadn’t been told to stay away from her, I’d march over and have words for the shit she’s trying to pull right now. I still cannot believe all the lies she’s told and as much as I’m grateful Sam has been keeping me in the loop with everything, I wish none of it were happening in the first place.
I
don’t even want to think about what might come next.
“Finn?” Kelsey prompts and I finally realize they are all waiting for me to speak.
“It’s nothing,” I say, scrubbing a hand through my hair before gratefully accepting the beer the waitress now brings me.
“It doesn’t sound like nothing,” Kelsey continues. “What’s happened at work, has something happened with…”
“Kels, please,” I say, cutting her off. “Not tonight, okay? It’s not the time or the place.”
I watch as Kelsey stares up at me, her eyes wide, confusion and maybe a little fear written on her face.
I try to smile. “It’s okay, Kelsey, I promise,” I lie, because truth be told I have no idea how this is going to pan out at all. But I meant what I said, now is not the time for that conversation. “Tonight is all about you guys,” I add, glancing at my brother, his face unreadable as he studies me. “And seriously, how many times do you ever get the chance to see me dress up?” I say, trying for a laugh.
Kelsey and Beck both stare at me before eventually Kelsey smiles, her face sad as she tries to accept that I’m not going to go into whatever it is that’s happening with me right now.
“It is impressive,” she says, changing the subject as she stands back as if to admire me a little. “Must be a special someone that can get you to show up to a party and in costume,” she adds, an eyebrow raised in question.
I suddenly become acutely aware of Sarah, still standing wordlessly beside me. Kelsey’s right, I’d never normally do this and even though I wouldn’t have missed tonight, because Beck is my brother and Kelsey has always been like a little sister to me, I certainly wouldn’t have indulged their costume request.
But when Sarah had asked, hell when she suggested Leia and Han as who we should go as, I couldn’t possibly refuse. And that was before I knew she was dressing in the whole gold bikini, stuff of wet dreams, costume.
“Must be,” I say, leaning down to kiss my soon to be sister-in-law on the cheek. “You guys look great too,” I add, admiring them both. They’re dressed as Iron Man and Pepper Potts, Beck going the full red suit and everything.
“Right?” Kelsey says, glancing at her fiancé. “You know how much Beck loves his superheroes.”
Beck smiles at her. “Don’t pretend you don’t too, babe,” he whispers as he pulls her close and Kelsey starts giggling as he kisses her neck.
I turn to Sarah, who’s watching them too. “Hey,” I whisper, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as I pull her against me. “You okay?”
She looks up at me, sadness in her eyes as they search my face. “Are you?” she asks, not answering my question.
I nod. “It’s all good, I promise,” I tell her even as I know I’m digging myself into a deeper hole with these words. “Let’s talk when we get home, okay?” I offer, even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
Sarah stares at me, not saying anything. Eventually, she smiles, her head resting against my shoulder. “Okay,” she whispers.
Somehow, we manage to enjoy the rest of the night. Lots of friends from high school are here, even though most of them are younger than me. The bonus is Carla’s not invited, even though one of her gossipy friends is. Somehow Kelsey and Monica became friends after high school, despite the fact they were four years apart.
I steer clear of Monica all night though, unsure how much she knows about what’s going on with Carla and me. I definitely don’t need that to come up in conversation, especially if Sarah’s in earshot.
There’s no more talk about what’s going on at work and after a few hours I finally start to relax and enjoy myself. The free-flowing beer helps and by the time we’re heading home, it’s nearly 2 a.m. and Sarah and I are both drunk. Stumbling along, Sarah’s giggles are interrupted by the occasional hiccup that then makes me laugh.
“You okay there, Leia?” I ask, pulling her close. It’s freezing outside, even with the blanket of alcohol we’ve both consumed.
“Mmmm, I am,” she says, her arms around my waist. “I’m just looking forward to getting back to your place, Han, and finally pulling out that light saber of yours.”
I can’t help but laugh, but truth be told, despite all the shit I’m dealing with, I’m feeling the exact same way. Watching her in that damn costume all night has been torturous. Not just because I’ve had to contend with every other guy’s eyes on her, but because it’s been near impossible to keep my hands off her. I lost count of the number of times I thought about dragging her back to the ladies’ room just so I could take the edge off.
Growing up, I’d always been a huge Star Wars fan, joining every other teenage boy who fantasized about Princess Leia in that gold bikini when she first appeared on screen. As a result, I’d spent half the night thinking about all the things I wanted to do to Sarah when we finally got home.
And my dreams come true, because when we do get back to my place, Sarah lets me live out all those teenage fantasies I had while watching Return of the Jedi.
The bright light wakes me, but when I open my eyes, I realize it’s still nighttime and the light coming in through the blinds is from my back deck. Just as my eyes adjust, it clicks off and I hear a loud bang before it clicks on again.
I glance at Sarah, who’s asleep in my arms, her slow steady breathing letting me know she hasn’t heard the noise or noticed the lights. Carefully, I slide out of bed, pulling on a pair of sweat pants and a sweater.
Walking to the door, I manage to stub my toe on the gold bikini discarded on my bedroom floor, the metal clanging together as a sharp curse falls from my mouth. I freeze and glance back at the bed, but luckily Sarah is still asleep.
By the time I reach my back door, the deck lighting has gone off again. I flick the lock anyway and head outside, triggering the motion sensor and the light illuminating once more. I suck in a deep breath at the cold.
I glance around, but see nothing. Just as I’m about to go back inside, convinced it was nothing but a raccoon, I notice one of my deck chairs askew, the chair half hanging off the edge of the deck as though someone has bumped into it.
Walking over, I straighten it and at the same time, get a whiff of floral perfume that instantly makes my stomach churn.
“Fuck’s sake,” I mutter, taking the two steps down to my yard. I glance around, but still see nothing, the light from the deck barely extending a couple of feet beyond it. Cold and annoyed, I turn and walk back inside, locking the door behind me. But instead of going back to bed, I walk to the front door.
Throwing the lock, I open it and step onto my front porch, my bare feet now numb. Glancing up and down the street I see nothing to suggest someone is lurking around my house, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing something.
Can’t help but remember the scent of that perfume.
Eventually, I go inside, double checking the locks before I head back to bed. Sarah is still fast asleep, but for me, sleep is a long time coming as my mind races through all the possibilities of what that noise was and all the ways in which I can no longer do anything about it.
It’s late by the time Sarah and I wake, neither of us having any plans for the day and both of us nursing mild hangovers. We spend a lazy morning in bed doing all the things that sleep overs now allow us to do.
Eventually I get up and make us both some coffee, bringing it back to bed with intentions of staying there all day.
As Sarah settles herself against me, my eyes close with tiredness and I sink into the pillows propped against my headboard.
“Can we talk about last night?” she suddenly asks.
My eyes flick open and I glance down at her, but she’s staring intently at her cup, as though she isn’t sure what my reaction will be. I half hoped she’d forgotten, but clearly she hasn’t.
“What about it?” I ask, stalling.
Sarah lets out a deep breath, before pulling away from me and putting her coffee on the side table. Turning,
she gathers the sheets around her chest and meets my stare. “About what you said when you first got there,” she says, not looking away. “About not seeing you in uniform for a while. What did you mean by that?”
I let out a long exhale, scrubbing a hand down my face as I too put my coffee on the side table. “It was kind of an exaggeration,” I say. “I didn’t mean literally.”
“But something’s going on, isn’t it?” she asks, taking my hand in both of hers. “At work?”
My free hand slides into my hair, gripping it hard as I debate how much I should tell Sarah. It’s not that I want to keep things from her, it’s more that with everything still so unknown, including what’s going to happen to me, I don’t want to worry her unnecessarily.
Hell, maybe she won’t be worried at all, because maybe this thing between us isn’t as serious for her as I’d like to think it is.
“Something, yes, but it’s really not that big a deal,” I say, smiling a little.
“Is it something to do with Carla?” she asks, her eyes searching my face. “Kelsey and Erin mentioned her,” she adds, as though she can read the questions now racing through my brain.
“Shit,” I mutter before I can stop myself. “Sarah,” I add, reaching out a hand and brushing my fingers across her cheek. “Honestly, babe, it’s not that big a deal,” I say.
“So why won’t you tell me?” she asks and I can hear the sadness in her voice.
I take a deep breath, my eyes never leaving hers as I contemplate what it’s going to cost me by telling her the truth about all of this. “Yes, it involves Carla,” I eventually say.
“Who is she?”
My hand is still in both of hers and I use it to pull her closer, needing her to be close when I tell her this. “She’s someone I went to high school with,” I start. “We hooked up one night, but it never went any further than that,” I continue. “She married someone else and for ages we never really spoke. But when her marriage ended…” I pause, unsure how best to explain this next part.
