So he wasn’t a mercenary, as for a second I’d dared to hope, but a genuine Uliba-worshipper, one of the crazy conspirators who’d survived the botched coup to put her on the throne. And thanks to Masteeat’s idiotic indulgence, she was free to make a second attempt – and to butcher me.
“Don’t be a fool, Goram,” said I, calm and quiet, for I saw yelling wouldn’t serve with this one. “Dedjaz Napier and the Basha Fallaka are cunning men who know Uliba and her plots, and they’ll trace you and hunt you down, aye, even if you run to the Mountains of the Moon. But release me and you’ll be rewarded – more money than you’ve ever seen! Why, they’re giving fifty thousand dollars to Masteeat just as a gift –”
He clapped a hand over my mouth, and now he was stuffing the gag back between my teeth – he might be loyal to Uliba, but he daren’t risk his gang being tempted by a fortune in silver. I tried to spit it out, but he had it bound in a trice, and I could do nothing but heave and roll my eyes. Then he spat in my face.
“If you were tortured for a year, it would be too light a punishment! You would have slain our royal lady – she who had loved you and stood your friend! And you think you can buy me, her sworn warrior who lives only to see her on her rightful throne!” He spat again, and shouted to the others to bear me up. So we set off once more through the night; the rain had stopped, but thunder was rumbling in the distance, with an occasional crackle of lightning in the night sky.
Then the pace was slackening as we went up a steep ascent, and now there was a glow ahead, and a challenge to which Goram replied, and I was carried between great boulders into a rock-girt clearing where a great fire burned, and a half-score of Gallas were resting on their weapons. I was dropped without ceremony in front of a seated figure, cloaked and hooded, and my fearful gaze took in long and beautiful legs elegantly crossed, and above them the lithe figure and handsome face, cold as a basilisk’s, of Uliba-Wark.
There was no trace of the fury she’d shown at our last encounter. For a long moment she looked down at me, with a lack of expression that made my skin crawl, and then she rose, shrugging off her cloak, and came to stand beside Goram, one hand on her hip, the other toying with her braids. But not a word did she say, and paid no heed when Goram, having called a question to some sentry out in the darkness, frowned and shrugged and muttered in her ear. Without taking her eyes from mine, she held out her hand, and Goram drew his knife and handed it to her, grinning. She stropped it once, slowly, on her palm, and nodded, and at a word from Goram three of his ruffians seized me, two at the shoulders, one at the ankles, to prevent my struggling.
She signed to Goram to hold out his spear, and to my horror cut the ghastly trophies from its head, slowly and deliberately, to a delighted murmur from the onlookers; she watched me intently, and must have seen the terror in my eyes, for the chiselled lips smiled for the first time, as Goram dropped to one knee beside me and wrenched at my waistband, trying to tear it open.
The horror of that moment is with me still, and always will be: the ring of grinning black faces crowding closer to watch, Goram’s foul breath in my nostrils, the bestial leer of the scoundrel gripping my ankles, the knowledge of the agonising, unspeakable abomination Uliba-Wark was about to inflict on me as she placed her feet one either side of my legs and prepared to stoop, knife in hand …
… and beyond her, on the very edge of the firelight, there appeared a figure which could only be a guardian angel come down from heaven to save poor Flashy from his tormentors, for it was female and beautiful with flowing hair beneath its little white headdress like a halo, naked to the waist as an avenging fury should be, with a spear raised to hurl – and it wasn’t a hallucination or vision conjured by superstitious funk, for she was letting fly with the spear, and the man at my ankles was rearing up with a shriek of mortal anguish, eyes bulging and hands clutching at the bloody point emerging from his chest, flopping forward and spewing gore as he fell over me … which effectively cut off my view of the battle royal which was breaking out all around.
The hands at my shoulders were gone, Goram was no longer tearing at my britches, oaths and screams were in my ears and shots were ringing out and steel clashing as I strove to throw off the body of the dying man sprawled over me; he slid sideways, choking on his own blood, and I lay bound and helpless, staring at my incredible salvation.
For a wild moment I wondered if my brief delusion of divine aid hadn’t been true after all, for now there was a good score of ministering angels racing into the firelight, half-naked women who howled like Harpies and slashed right and left at the Gallas. But only for a moment: angels don’t shout war cries or squeal with pain when they’re wounded, nor do they yell with delight while two of ’em hold an enemy down and a third rips him open. And they don’t peel like Big Side chargers, either; my spear-thrower had looked like a statue of Diana, but some of her companions were as broad as they were long and could have thrown chests with King Gezo’s Dahomey Amazons. They fought with appalling savagery, and the Gallas were hard put to it to hold them; for a few minutes the fight surged to and fro, and then more attackers came leaping out of the dark, the Gallas fell back as the little darlings swept into them in a final charge, hair flying and juggs bouncing, and as two more of my captors went down, hideously slashed, I knew there could be only one end to it.
Goram knew it too, the swine, but where I would have turned and run, the spiteful brute was faithful unto death to his damned Uliba. He cut down one woman, parried a thrust from another, sprang back, shot a look of pure venom in my direction, barked an order, and leaped back into the fight. And to my horror, two of his ruffians broke away from the mêlée and snatched up my stretcher … but not to carry me out of harm’s way. No, not a bit of it. They threw me on the fire.
As you may know, during my service in the Punjab I had the misfortune to be basted on a gridiron over a slow fire, and bloody disagreeable it was, leaving me singed and smoking but mercifully underdone. An open blaze is different; two or three seconds and I imagine you burst into flames unless your stretcher happens to be made of stout bullock hide, but even then it’s only a matter of time before you come all over of a heat, and your one hope is the arrival of the fire brigade, at speed.
By God, I was lucky. I crashed into the heart of the blaze with a tremendous shower of sparks, and for a heartbeat there was no sensation before the flames began to lick at my feet, which overhung the stretcher, and I’d ha’ been horribly maimed at least if one of the angels (’cos that’s what she was even if she looked like a female gorilla) hadn’t thrust her spear beneath my stretcher and tipped me clear of the blaze with a tremendous heave which deposited me face down with a seared arse and back but no lasting damage.
She and her mates turned me over, and one of ’em had the wit to pour the contents of a chaggle over me, for I was smouldering painfully, and when they pulled the gag out I woke the echoes with complaint and gratitude, mostly complaint, but they very civilly cut me loose from the stretcher, which was uncomfortably hot still, Gorilla Jane helped me to a drink, and they set me with my back to a boulder, where I could take stock of the astonishing scene.
There wasn’t a Galla left standing. The onslaught of these amazing females had overwhelmed them in minutes, and by the excited yells and ghastly chopping sounds their wounded were being despatched, with my spear-hurling Diana supervising the slaughter. Her followers were a mixed bag, mostly young and as handsome as Ab women are, but one or two were older and pretty puggish; they were in various states of undress, despite the night chill, some in tunics of Uliba’s cut, others in skirts or trowsers, and a few of the younger vain misses flaunted themselves like Diana in flimsy head-dresses, cloaks, and loincloths, a most fetching rig. Every woman-jill of them was fully armed.
Amazons, but very different from the Dahomey variety, who were under discipline and drilled like guardsmen. These were irregulars and, unlike Gezo’s Gorgons, they behaved like women; half of them were chattering round their own wounded with s
queals of concern and comfort; one very young member of the bare-chest brigade was weeping buckets and pouring dust on her head while they covered the face of her dead comrade – and suddenly she was up and raving shrilly, plunging her spear again and again into a Galla corpse until she noticed a live target hard by: Uliba-Wark! She was bleeding from a dozen wounds, held spreadeagled with Diana apparently interrogating her, when the hysterical stabber ran in and planted her spear in Uliba’s body. In an instant the rest were hacking at her like things demented, while the stabber lay wailing and Diana shrugged and turned away, bored like.
I was physically sick on the spot. The Lord knows I had cause to loathe and fear her for the ghastly revenge she had been about to take on me, and I’ll not pretend I was sorry to have her cancelled out … but to see her slashed to pieces, that beautiful body that I’d held in my arms and loved to ecstasy, butchered by these creatures from the Pit, was more than I could bear. Just for an instant I had the vision of her, gleaming wet and naked, laughing on the black rock in Lake Tana, and I absolutely wept and moaned. Oh, I’m vile all right; we’d travelled well together until her death had become necessary to my survival, and I’d tried to murder her without compunction. Foul work indeed. But would I rather she was still living and doing what she’d been about to do? On the whole, no; but I still stopped my ears against the awful chopping sounds and eldritch laughter of the executioners.
Having known Uliba, I dare say I shouldn’t have been astonished to encounter Ab fighting women, but no advance warning could have prepared me for these terrifying bitches. Who the blazes could they be, whose side were they on, and what had I to hope from them? They’d rescued me, no doubt on the ground that anyone whom their enemies wanted to castrate and roast alive must have something to be said for him, but that didn’t make ’em bosom pals.
Speaking of which, I couldn’t help admiring Diana’s as she strode across in my direction. She knew it, too, sweeping back the tails of her cloak and striking a pose, a hand on her pistol butt. Blue eyes, bigod, piercing bright in a lovely face that was no darker than tawny, peacock proud and sassy with it … and now came an even greater shock, for she was standing aside to make way for two who were following her, and they were men. I hadn’t seen either in the fight or its aftermath, but from the deference Diana showed, one of them at least must be a big gun indeed.
He was small and portly and black as your boot, rolling along on stubby legs and standing arms akimbo to survey me. He was bald, with a fringe of woolly white hair, and wore the red-fringed shama of consequence. His companion looked like a bodyguard, for he wore a steel back and breast and carried spear and sword, a tall, likely Adonis, middling dark and moved like a dancer, taking station at Portly’s shoulder. All three regarded me in silence for a moment, and then Portly opened the bowling, most disconcertingly.
“I know what you are, but not who you are!” He spoke in Amharic, with authority. “So tell me your name, and what you have done that these Galla savages should wish to slay you.”
I answered in Arabic, taken aback but head up. “I’m English. My name is Flashman. I’m a colonel … a ras, a chief in the British Army advancing on Magdala. May I ask who you are?”
There was a gasp from Diana and some of the women who presumably understood Arabic. They’d suspended the agreeable task of polishing off the enemy wounded at Portly’s arrival, and crowded in to listen. Diana dropped to one knee to study me more closely – gad, she was a little satin stunner, and I bestowed my most courtly smile on her, which she received with a startled look followed by a disdainful toss of the head and tits. Portly was equally unimpressed.
“I know what a colonel is, and who I am can wait!” snaps he. “So how came a British officer in the hands of the Galla?” He stamped impatiently. “And why should they seek your death?”
This was dangerous ground, and I must hedge until I’d found out who Portly and these dreadful women were. But for his presence I’d have taken them for bandits, like the female dacoits of India; he was obviously someone of official importance – could he be an agent of some petty ruler like Menelek or Gobayzy of whom I’d heard so much – or even of Masteeat’s rival, the despised Warkite? All I knew for certain was that the women enjoyed killing Gallas, and weren’t likely to be well disposed to anyone whose task it was to enlist them as allies. So I assumed my gallant-pathetic expression and asked Diana if I might have a reviving sip of tej and some food, just a morsel would do, to revive me after my ordeal.
Portly made an Ab noise which would translate as “Bah!” but Diana, dear girl, snapped her fingers and Gorilla Jane hastened to offer a flask and wallet of toasted beef. I thought quickly as I imbibed and chewed, decided I’d best not try Portly’s patience by asking a second time who he was, and resolved, since the truth wouldn’t do, to follow the golden rule by sticking as close to it as possible.
I’d been scouting ahead of Napier’s advance, I said, and had been ambushed by these people – Gallas, had he called them? But thank heaven he and his splendid ladies had turned up, and if he would be so obliging as to return me to my army, the British dedjaz, who was noted for his generosity, would reward them with dollars and all kinds of good things: food, drink, weapons … and of course clothes, silks and satins and ornaments …
The women showed eager interest, but Portly gave another furious stamp. “Do I look like a fool? You dare talk to me of dollars and silks as though I were a fellaheen beggar or a bedawi, and evade my question!” He drew breath, and Diana surprised me by putting in her oar unexpected, with a curl-of-the-lip smile.
“Would your dedjaz’s generosity give us the spoiling of Magdala?” Her women gasped eagerly, the bodyguard burst out laughing, and before Portly could explode I said that I couldn’t answer for the dedjaz, but whatever the spoil of Magdala might be, she could count on getting equivalent value, and meanwhile, the sooner I was restored to my army …
“Perhaps he will not be able to take Magdala.” The bodyguard spoke for the first time. “It is the strongest amba in Habesh.”
“He’ll take it, soldier,” says I. “Have no doubt of that.”
“With the help of the Galla warriors of Queen Masteeat?” bawls Portly, taking me flat aback, although I tried desperately to cover it.
“Galla warriors – these people?” I gestured at the bodies. “I don’t understand … why should the British seek anyone’s help? We have no need of it … and I know nothing of this queen –”
“You lie!” cries Portly. “All Habesh knows by now that the British seek alliance with the Wollo Galla, and who are you to be ignorant?” He shot out a fat finger. “You have been sent by your dedjaz to win the Gallas with silver and a crown for Masteeat! So why, then … should they wish you dead?”
When in doubt, play the bewildered loony. That I was blown upon to the far end of Kingdom Come was plain … Uliba had been right, Yando’s gang had guessed who I was and spread the word. But I daren’t admit anything, to unknown accusers, in a country where everybody knew the far end of a fart before it had even erupted. So I babbled.
“I don’t know what you mean! My dear sir, how should I know why these foul villains wanted to kill me? As to winning anyone with silver …” I threw up my hands. “Please, if you’ll only escort me to my army, you’ll receive a mighty reward for my return, I assure you.” I continued in this vein while he stood glaring, and then Diana, who’d been eyeing me like an Arcadian nymph mistrustful of a satyr of doubtful repute, put in her confounded oar again.
“If we feed him into the fire, little by little, he will speak,” says she, but Portly seemed undecided, for he turned away, and after a word with his bodyguard, told Diana curtly to muster the women and prepare to march. She gave a disappointed grunt and issued brisk orders for them to fall in as soon as they’d finished despoiling and mutilating the dead – you can guess what that meant, and I was happy to avert my eyes from that bloodied ground and desecrated bodies – and Uliba’s among them! – and those barbarian
sluts, some of ’em mere slips of girls, chattering and laughing as they went about their grisly work.
“Are you sick, farangi? Why do you look away? Does the sight of blood distress you?” I looked up to find the bodyguard leaning on his spear; Portly was off on a frolic of his own, seemingly. “Nay, surely not; you have seen your own blood run from a wound.” He pointed to the star-shaped scar on my hand. “A bullet did that.”
“A clean wound is one thing, soldier,” says I, and nodded towards the Ladies’ De-ballocking Circle. “That is another.”
“Aye, true,” says he. “Yet it is what the Gallas would have done to you … while you still lived. Do the British not believe in retribution, then, eye for eye, burning for burning?”
Diana crowed with laughter. “We do not take their eyes!” She added nauseating particulars, and I wondered if I’d ever found a beauty so detestable.
“We believe in it,” I told the bodyguard. “That don’t mean I have to watch your disgusting bitches!” It came out as a high-pitched snarl; reaction was overtaking me after the horrors I’d seen and near experienced, and I was on the brink of spewing again.
“Perhaps he is cold with fear at the sight of fighting women!” jeers Diana. “We can unman men before the fight as well as after!” She seated herself on a rock, stretching her legs and folding her arms across her presents for a good boy. “So they fear us, which is why our Lord Toowodros has made special choice of us, and sends us forth to raid and ambush and strike terror in the hearts of his enemies. Is your heart stricken, ras of the British?”
The jibe was wasted; only one word mattered. “Your Lord Toowodros? Who the hell is he, then?” Even as I spoke, I knew the answer, and the bodyguard confirmed it, shaking his head at my ignorance.
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