by Katee Robert
Why did I think I could do this, that anything would be simple with Hook? He’s always asked too much, demanded I act against my instincts. Defend. Run. Hide. He won’t let me do any of it. If I wasn’t a goddamn coward, I’d let him as close as he seems to want to be. I would see this sham of a marriage as a chance to maybe have something I’ve wanted since I was a kid, a burning desire that has been used against me time and time again. I might even love this man with his wicked charm and wounds that are far too similar to mine.
But I am a coward.
“Pirate,” I gasp.
He’s moving before the word is completely out of my mouth. I can’t see what he’s doing but then the bindings are gone, and I suck in a breath as if I’m drowning. Hook yanks the ropes away from my skin, and I can barely process that he cut them before he’s wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.
“Take a slow breath, Tink. Deep inhale, deep exhale.” Hook wraps me in his arms, and even though every part of me wants to run, to put as much distance as possible between us, I can’t do anything but sit there and shake. And cry, goddamn it, because I never stopped once the first tear fell.
“You’re safe.” He somehow gets the comforter up around us, creating a cocoon of warmth.
“Not that. Never that.”
His grip tightens on me before he seems to make himself relax. “Yes, safe. Right here, right now, you are fucking safe.”
Even as my mind spins in increasingly frantic circles, my body melts into him. I cannot reconcile the two, cannot understand how I can be so afraid and so comforted at the same time by the same man, so I close my eyes and rest my forehead against his shoulder. My body continues its efforts to shake itself to pieces. Even knowing it’s a result of the adrenaline crash, I resent the weakness.
Or maybe I resent the truth I can’t escape. My weakness goes soul deep. No matter how strong, how fierce, how mean I am, at my center, I’m still the scared teenager who fell for a monster’s false kindness. I’m so, so afraid to repeat that same mistake with this man. My instincts tell me he’s nothing like Peter. But then, history proves that my instincts aren’t to be trusted.
Especially not where my heart is concerned.
I still can’t make myself leave Hook’s embrace. I take the comfort he offers, soaking it up like a flower seeking the sun. I can’t seem to help myself.
Seconds tick by into minutes. I keep expecting him to ask me what triggered the safe word. I really should know better by now. Hook is too smart. He planned too carefully, was there easing me from step to step, studying every reaction and adjusting his course accordingly. There isn’t a single damn reason for me to have safed out, and we both know it.
“I’m sorry.” He murmurs against my temple. “I pushed you too hard.”
The words burrow beneath my skin, leaving sick guilt in their wake. My shakes have subsided, but I make no move to leave his embrace, and he holds me just as firmly as he has from the moment we assumed this position. If I’m smart, I’ll let him shoulder this guilt, deserved or not. Hook isn’t heartless, no matter what I fear. If he thinks he edged into harming me, he’ll back off. A desperately needed reprieve and …I can’t do it. I can’t be that cold, even if I’m the one who will pay the price in the end. “No, you didn’t.” My voice sounds as if I’ve smoked a pack of cigarettes.
“Tink—”
I know better than to speak truths into this delicate space, but I can’t seem to stop myself. It’s becoming a horrible habit around Hook. “I’m so afraid.”
He goes rigid beneath me for the span of a heartbeat. A tensing and then it’s gone, and he’s as relaxed as he’s ever been. I recognize it for a lie now.
I close my eyes. “It’s not your fault, not really. I can’t trust you. You see that, right? Except I kind of want to trust you when you tell me I’m safe, and that is the scariest thing of all.” I think I care about you. I think it might be even worse than that. I might be falling for you. Words I can’t—won’t—speak. If he knows my heart is teetering on the brink, nothing will stop him from a full-scale siege. If the last few days have taught me anything, it’s that I don’t stand a chance if all the brakes are gone.
“I’m not him,” he speaks slowly, softly, but no less intensely for it. “You are not the same person you were. Fuck, Tink, you were sixteen when he got his hooks into you.”
“I obviously haven’t learned my lesson.”
“I’m not him,” he repeats, though this time there’s something else in his deep voice. Something like … hurt.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I am messing this up, and I don’t even know what this is. Fake marriage. Revenge plot. A whole lot of lust. I worry my bottom lip. Even my mental list feels a bit like a lie. I finally shift back enough that I can see Hook’s face.
For once, he isn’t offering me a single damn thing. He’s shut up tighter than the vault in Hades’s office. Only the faint tension in his body gives him away. I open my mouth, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I don’t comfort. Hell, I don’t even communicate that well unless it’s snark. Negotiating a scene is a whole hell of a lot different than navigating this emotional minefield.
“I know you’re nothing like him,” I finally manage. If I were a better person, I’d leave it there. An acknowledgement of our shared trauma, a nod to the fact that this thing is nothing like anything I’ve experienced. I’m not a better person. I’m a scarred creature who only knows how to strike out, again and again, until it’s left alone. Until there’s no one else. “But you’re no Prince Charming, either.”
I expect Hook to set me down and walk away. It’s the only rational response. He’s handled my aftercare. If I’m not fine now, I’m recovered enough to handle the rest myself. Only a masochist would want to keep spending time with me, and that’s not his kink.
He smooths back the few tendrils of my hair that have come free of the braid. “And you’re no pure princess locked in a tower. We’re alike, you and me. We’ll survive whatever life throws at us, no matter the cost. There’s no place for innocence in our world, and there’s sure as fuck no place for chivalry, either.” He presses a soft kiss to my forehead. “For better or worse, Tink. We have time to figure it out.”
But he’s wrong.
Time is the one thing we don’t have.
Chapter 18
Hook
Tink seeks me out in her sleep. It might amuse me that she’s a cuddler under different circumstances, but with the mountains currently left to scale, the taste of what we could have is almost painful. It doesn’t stop me from holding her close and breathing in the unique scent of her shampoo. It’s something floral I can’t place, a note of sweetness against the spikes she so carefully hones to keep the world at bay.
I don’t blame her for that. I also won’t allow her to maintain them against me.
I could spend hours going over where the scene took a turn, but in the end, no matter what she says, the truth is I pushed her too hard. Not in kink, exactly. Having her blindfolded and filled with cocks while I direct the action is a whole hell of a lot more intense than a few ropes and bound arms. Or it would be if I’m only looking at the surface. Things shifted for us last night. It started when she crawled to me. I should have fucked her then and there instead of demanding more.
But, fuck it, I want more.
I want everything.
My phone buzzes where I left it on the nightstand, and I have to stretch to reach it without disturbing Tink. Unknown Number. Only one person would be calling me at four in the morning from an unknown number. I take a slow breath and lock everything down. “Yeah?”
“Wide awake and up to no good.”
Peter.
Even anticipating that it would be him on the other end of the line, I go cold. “One could say the same for you. Normal business hours are between eight and five. Try calling back then.” I hang up. A calculated risk, just like everything I’ve done for the last month since Peter start
ed making moves. I can’t root him out. I have to force him to come to me, to meet me on my home turf, so to speak. Otherwise, it’s guerrilla warfare in my own territory; a conflict that can stretch on for years with my people paying the ultimate price. No fucking way.
The phone buzzes again. I count slowly to five and then answer. “Yeah?”
“Hang up on me again, and I’ll slit your whore throat.”
There you are. His public persona has never been quite as good as mine, but he’s adept at charm when he puts his mind to it. I don’t want him that controlled. I want him in a fucking freefall. “You’re interrupting my night, Peter. It’s rude.” I let amusement filter into my tone, knowing it will drive him up the fucking wall. “I’m entertaining.”
“Entertaining.” He sounds like he wants to crawl through the line and strangle me. Good. But when he speaks again, he sounds almost calm. “I knew you were a fucking rat, but I didn’t expect you to be so content with sloppy seconds. My territory. My men. Even my woman. It’s beneath you.”
“She was earlier, yes.”
Dangerous silence for a beat. Three. Five. “I hear you married her.”
“You heard right.” Now to drive it home. “She wasn’t even free a day before she had my ring on her finger. Practically begged me for it. Said she wanted a real man in her life instead of a pissant bully who can’t get it up.” Tink’s gone tense against me, awake and listening, but I can’t retract a single damn statement. Too much is at stake. “You say sloppy seconds, Peter. Tink and the rest of the fucking territory call me an upgrade.”
“Whatever you have to tell yourself, Hook. She might be fucking you right now, but she never stopped being mine.” He says it idly, and a thrill of true fear goes through me. Peter’s the most dangerous when he’s calm. “But it seems my darling Tatiana needs a firmer hand to correct her.”
This is what I wanted, but fuck if I can stand hearing him threaten her. I open my mouth, but Tink’s hand lands on my chest. I glance down, and she’s staring at me, her green eyes a little too wide. She shakes her head and mouths, Keep going.
I hold her gaze, trying to tell her that it will be okay. I’ll kill this fucker before I let him touch her again. I force mirth into my tone. “You can call her yours all you want, Peter. But it’s my name she’s screaming when she’s coming on my cock. See you around.” I hang up and turn the vibrate function off the phone before I toss it aside. It immediately lights up as he tries to call back, but I have eyes for only her. “I’m sorry.”
“Why? This is what we both wanted.”
I shake my head slowly. “This is what’s required. Want has nothing to do with it.”
She looks like she wants to argue with me, and I welcome it. Anything to chase the shaken look off her face. I’ve consoled myself over the years that I do what’s necessary, but I don’t hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. I can’t make that claim any more. Not with this woman in my bed, trying not to shake.
Not knowing what’s coming.
She must see something on my face, because she sits up. “I’m fine.”
“It’s okay if you’re not.”
“Even if I’m not, it isn’t your job to clean up the mess. I have it handled.” She starts to move away.
I touch her wrist, stopping her. “We’re married.”
“It’s hardly worth the paper they printed the certificate on. We both know what this is.” She still won’t look at me. “It’ll last as long as we need it to, and then it’s over.”
No.
I have to concentrate to keep my body relaxed, my expression even. Bundling her up and telling her that I’ll never let her go is the surest way to get her to bolt. “What if it’s never over?”
Finally, finally, she turns back to me. She’s stopped shaking, but her eyes are still too wide. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Come now, you have to know. All I needed for this plan was you as my wife. The rest isn’t required.” I smile a little at the way her jaw drops.
“You mean the rest like me screaming your name while I come on your cock?” She arches her brows, though something vulnerable still lingers on her face. “Pretty sure you just told Peter that.”
I snort. “Beautiful girl, it’s only a bonus that it’s true. I’m not so pure that I am incapable of lying when it suits my purposes.” I can actually see her shutting down and rush on. “Not to you.”
“Please.” She yanks her wrist out from under my hand. “Don’t act like I’m someone special. I used to be his, and now I’m your willing pussy. That’s all.”
I sit up straight. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
“Don’t I dare what?” She shoves off the edge of the bed and spins to face me. “Don’t speak the truth? You just got done telling me how you lie to suit your purposes. But apparently not with me?” She laughs bitterly. “You already fucked me, Hook. You don’t have to play the sweet card now.”
I drag my hands through my hair and strive for calm. It’s a lost cause. It’s always a lost cause where this woman is concerned. “How about this for some truth? I love you, you infuriating, amazing woman.”
She freezes. “That’s not funny.”
“Who’s laughing?”
“You can’t just …” She’s blinking too rapidly. “You just said… What the fuck, Jameson?”
It hasn’t slipped my notice that she only uses my first name when she’s completely undone. I’m not sure that it’s a good sign she’s using it now, but at least she’s listening. I move to the edge of the bed but don’t try to touch her. “I love you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Tink.” I wait for her to meet my gaze. “You are mighty and fierce enough to get your way at anything you set your mind to, but even you can’t change the way I feel just by telling me not to feel that way.”
She points a shaking finger at me. “I don’t know what game you’re playing—”
“Yes, you do. You’ve known it from the start.” It takes effort to hold still, to maintain my position instead of launching to my feet and pacing like I want to. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”
She looks like she wants to strangle me. “You don’t even like me.”
“Wrong again.”
“What kind of sick fuck gets off on fighting all the damn time?”
I give her the look that statement deserves. “There are two of them in this room right now.”
She makes an angry teakettle noise. “I don’t love you.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t.”
“That’s fine.”
She practically vibrates with rage. “Stop being so calm.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, beautiful girl.” I’m provoking her, and I don’t care. She’s not thinking about Peter right now. She’s right here in this room with me. Nothing I’ve said is anything but the truth. I don’t particularly like this truth any more than she does, but I’m not one who will shy away from it. She’s mine. I love her. I don’t know what the future can even look like with the two of us, but we’ll figure it out. One way or another.
Tink takes a menacing step forward. “You … You …”
I smirk. “I’m right here. No reason to mince words. Tell me what you really think.” I love it when she’s like this. A warrior woman who will take down anyone in her path with a few choice words. I must have a bit of a masochistic streak when it comes to Tink, because the meaner she is, the more I love it. The more I love her.
I am so fucked.
She marches up to me and presses her hands against my bare chest. “I cannot believe your cock is hard right now. What the hell is wrong with you, Jameson?”
I cover her hands with my own, careful not to press down so she doesn’t feel like I’m trapping her. “You’re the only one who makes me like this.”
“Lies,” she hisses. Tink places one knee on the bed next to my hip. “You’ve been lying to me from the very beginning. You didn’t need to f
uck me. You just needed to marry me.”
“Yes.”
She straddles me, using her hands on my chest to push me back onto the bed. I allow it, though all I want in this moment is to touch her. To trace the pink flush of anger across her skin with my mouth. To hear her whispered threats as I plunge into her. I truly am twisted for this woman.
Tink presses her hips down against mine, and I barely stifle a curse at how wet she is. I catch her thighs. Not trying to still her. Just enjoying whatever the fuck she’s up to. “Someone likes fighting just as much as I do.”
“It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Whatever you say, beautiful girl.”
Her nails prick my chest. “Stop being so fucking agreeable, Jameson!”
I shift my grip to her hips and catch her gaze. I let all the charm and bullshit fall away, leaving only me. My voice gains a growl. “Stop teasing me, and get on my cock, Tink.”
She reaches between us and fists my cock. “I’m only doing this because I want to, not because you told me to.”
“Bullshit. You get off on obeying my commands as much I get off on giving them to you.” I lean up and kiss her. A hot, brief tangling of tongues. I set my teeth against her bottom lip, and she shivers against me. “Ride my cock, beautiful girl. Fuck me like you’re mad at me.”
“I am mad at you.”
“Then do as you’re told.”
She slams down on me, and we both freeze. She’s hot and tight, and it’s everything I can do to hold still and not drive up into her. Tink doesn’t take long to find her footing, though. She grinds down on me and then begins to move, rolling her hips in a way that damn near makes my eyes cross. “Yeah, just like that.”
Tink bares her teeth at me. “Shut up.”
“Make me.”
She curses long and hard and snags the back of my neck to pull me up to her breasts. I don’t need a single fucking word of encouragement. I palm her, pressing her breasts together so I can suck one nipple and then the other. I use the flat of my tongue to touch her in a way that has her hips jerking against mine. So I do it again.
