Sensations rushed through her, making her muscles clench with awareness. If she wanted a man to introduce her to the ways of love, Cash would be a masterful teacher.
But it was the tenderness that got to her. With his experience, he might have pushed to deepen the kiss too fast, let his hands roam, especially since she wasn’t resisting at all. Instead, he kept it so very gentle. His hand came up to skim her cheek, just lightly, and then stroked her hair.
She was melting, right down to the bones.
He lifted his face from hers, barely. She could still feel his breath against her lips. “That’s the best kiss I ever had,” he half whispered, half growled.
She pulled back and sucked in a breath, and with it, reality. They were in the women’s center where anyone could walk in. In fact, Pearlie’s voice sounded from somewhere, an indistinct murmur.
And this was Cash O’Dwyer, who couldn’t possibly be telling the truth about this being the best kiss he’d had, because he must have had hundreds, thousands. He was lying, not in a horrible way, but in a fake, flattering way that meant he had something up his sleeve.
Even if he didn’t, she needed to get a grip on herself. Getting involved with Cash, even in the superficial way he’d undoubtedly want, would be a big mistake because of Penny. Not only the background—Tiff’s motives that he didn’t and shouldn’t ever know about—but also the fact that it looked like she and Cash would be dealing with each other while Penny grew up.
Making that dealing uncomfortable by adding a romantic history to it would be a big and damaging mistake.
She wasn’t just making an excuse because she was afraid of getting close to a man. She wasn’t.
She drew in another breath and scooted away as far as she could on the bench, regretting the chill that replaced that warm, close feeling. “Hey, uh, we shouldn’t.”
His face tilted a little, and his forehead wrinkled as if her words puzzled him. His blue eyes looked almost...vulnerable.
But that wasn’t possible, was it? Cash had been in similar situations with dozens, probably hundreds of women, and with his personality and looks and money, he’d surely been able to call the shots.
“Shouldn’t what? Kiss under the mistletoe?”
“There’s not...” She looked up. Sure enough, hung on the evergreen garland she’d strung above them was one of those mistletoe balls. Who had put it there? Cash? Pearlie? Or had it already been hooked to the garland, and she just hadn’t noticed it?
It changed things a little. Maybe this had just been a meaningless mistletoe kiss. She scooted farther away and forced out a chuckle. “Right. Well. Wow, look at the time.” She pulled out her phone as she said it and saw that, in fact, it was time to go.
Even though the picture of her and Cash that flashed on the screen somehow gutted her.
“I’ve got to get back to Penny,” she said, because he was oddly silent. “Can you run me home or...? I can get a ride with Pearlie, if you can’t.” She got off that horrible, treacherous love seat and started gathering her things, then slid into her coat.
He cleared his throat and stood. “Right. Sure. Let’s get you home.” He looked around. “I’ll run you there and then come back and straighten up, get the rest of this stuff back to Pudge.”
“Do you mind? Do you want me to help?” Oh, this was awkward. Which just went to show what a mistake it had been to kiss him.
Even though her lips still tingled from it, and her body yearned to press itself to his side.
“No, that’s okay. I don’t mind. You ready?” He was putting on his coat as he spoke, then started toward the door.
“Sure.” But she wasn’t. Wasn’t ready for the awkward car ride home. Wasn’t ready to dive back into her busy, lonely life.
She didn’t have a choice, though. She straightened her spine and scolded herself and headed out of that magical place as if walking away from Cash O’Dwyer’s embrace wasn’t the hardest thing she’d ever done.
* * *
THE NEXT DAY was Sunday. Cash felt a little strange dressing up in a suit and walking into the back of the small church in Safe Haven that most of his family attended. He wasn’t a regular churchgoer. Not that he had anything against it, but he didn’t often make the time to attend.
Time was, his brothers had been the same way. Like a lot of people, though, their views had changed when they’d become parents.
This morning, his nieces were in the Christmas pageant. Hope was, appropriately, an angel, while Hayley was the Virgin Mary. He’d agreed long ago to come, wouldn’t miss it.
He’d intended to ask Holly to come and bring Penny. But after that disastrous kiss yesterday, he hadn’t done so.
He blew out a breath and slumped back into the seat of the Tesla. Looking at the church, he really didn’t want to go, not anymore. He wasn’t like his brothers. He wasn’t a family man looking to raise his kids in the church, giving them a port in life’s storms.
He was just a guy who’d accidentally fathered a child. A sperm donor with a wallet.
Around him, cars were pulling in and doors were slamming, people greeting each other with extra good cheer. Yeah. Christmas, church, community, family—all of it was what people wanted, what he wanted when it came down to it.
But nobody got everything they wanted.
The church bells rang out and he got out of his car and headed toward the door. He would go in the back, sit where he could escape easily. Somehow, he just didn’t feel like talking to anybody.
He walked in the door and there she was.
Holly stood talking to some guy. She was wearing a short skirt, holding Penny.
His blood boiled.
He started forward.
“Easy, bro, that’s the pastor,” Liam said from behind him. He had Yasmin on one arm and was holding little Gino in the other. “Come sit with us, unless you have a better offer.”
“I don’t.” Why hadn’t Holly let him know she was coming? Why hadn’t she called him to help her with Penny?
“Hurry up, it’s crowded.” Yasmin shifted out from under Liam’s arm and walked ahead. When she found half a pew, she gestured to them to hurry up.
As soon as they’d sidled into the pew, the music started and then Norma was there, whispering for them to scoot down. Right behind her was Rita.
And then came Holly and Penny.
There was a little argument in the aisle. Rita and Norma tried to go back out so Holly and Penny could sit beside Cash.
She shook her head and smiled and waited until the older ladies had gone in, then she sat on the end.
Cash sat looking at his knees. Rejection stung. Rejection in front of his family and friends stung worse.
The children’s skit wasn’t the whole church service, just the opening act, and Cash wondered how hard it would be to slip out after watching his nieces steal the show.
Then the pastor started making announcements, and the first hymn was “Angels We Have Heard on High.” On the long “Glo-o-o-oria” refrain, Liam looked over at him and grinned, and Cash remembered they’d hammed up that song pretty well when their foster parents had arranged for them to all meet up at Christmas-Eve services. On the second verse’s chorus, Sean turned around and gave them a thumbs-up, his mouth formed into a round, laughing O, and Anna elbowed him in the side.
As soon as the song was over, the children marched in, a ragtag parade of shepherds, angels and a couple of mysterious-looking beings draped in sheets, with four human legs each and papier-mâché donkey heads on top. Giggles emitted from the donkeys, and “shhh” from a very irritated angel.
Cash’s insides settled as tradition and the Christmas story made him rise above his own hurt feelings. This church would always have kids, and they’d always behave mischievously, and hopefully, they’d grow up to bring their own kids. Like Sean was doing; like Liam was.
Even, Cash realized with some sense of shock, like he was.
First time he’d been to a kids’ church pageant as an adult, of course. He remembered his dad avoiding any school shows or events he and his brothers were involved in. “That garbage is for women,” he’d said once when their mother had told him it would mean a lot if he’d come to the boys’ talent show.
In his head he knew that was wrong. His brothers, new to fatherhood, enthusiastically attended everything their kids did.
But somewhere inside, Cash had always figured that, because he was like his dad in some ways, he’d end up sharing all his attitudes and he would have no interest in kids’ activities or shows.
But that wasn’t true. It had taken Hope and Hayley thirty seconds, max, to persuade him to come.
The pageant started with bible readings, read aloud and acted out. Cash was proud that both Hope and Hayley got to read verses and barely stumbled; he had to restrain his impulse to clap after each one. Things got a little dicey when the kid cast as Joseph tripped over a shepherd’s crook and fell into the manger, knocking the baby doll representing Jesus onto the floor. Most of the adults in his aisle—Rita, Norma, Liam—shook with repressed laughter. Yasmin bent next to little Gino, who was frowning with concern.
Again he was proud when Hayley helped Joseph get up and go back to his place—scolding him a little on the way—while Hope picked up the baby doll and placed it tenderly back in the manger. The Sunday-school teacher who was in charge gestured to the pianist and then led the kids in a vigorous rendition of “Away in a Manger,” and then it was over and everyone did applaud. Cash even let out a “bravo” and then looked around sheepishly, but he saw only pride and joy in the people around him, no posturing or judgment.
Man, did he love his adopted hometown.
He glanced down the aisle at Holly and Penny as the service went on. Holly listened to the bible readings and then the sermon with rapt attention. Cash’s jealousy surged again, until the minister mentioned his wife in a loving way. After that, he was glad Holly was getting a moment to sit quietly and reflect. It couldn’t be a common occurrence in her life, not these days with the responsibility she’d assumed for Penny.
He probably should help her out more, at least while he was here in town.
When Penny got fussy, he slipped past Norma and Rita, then scooped Penny out of a surprised Holly’s lap. “You stay here. We’ll be in the nursery downstairs. Or somewhere close by.”
She opened her mouth as if she wanted to protest and then closed it again. When he started to head down the aisle, she called quietly after him, and he figured she’d changed her mind. But she was just holding out the diaper bag. He grabbed it, feeling sheepish to have forgotten it, and went down the aisle.
He found the nursery but didn’t want to put Penny in it. She was settling down now, but there was no telling how she’d react to an unknown caregiver. Besides, he felt proud to be able to calm her, loved the sweet weight of her in his arms, the way she cuddled into him.
He found an empty classroom full of bright toys and with a comfortable-looking rug on the floor. He was just sitting down with Penny when Sean came in with HoHo, looking harassed. “Can you watch him for a few? Apparently Hayley spilled punch on her dress and is all upset, and I don’t want to bother Anna. She needs a break.”
“Sure, no problem,” Cash said, and Sean plunked down the baby and his diaper bag and disappeared.
So here he was, Cash O’Dwyer, CEO of a multimillion-dollar investment group, up to his ears in childcare.
And he didn’t even mind. He dug around in the diaper bags and found both babies some little crackers, and when the need became obvious, he changed Penny’s diaper. He found a couple of toys the two babies could bang at and suck on, and kept them busy and entertained that way.
Then HoHo flipped over into an expert crawl, sped over to a chair and pulled himself up. Cash found him a push toy and he toddled merrily after it, laughing at the bells and blinking lights.
Penny just sat there.
Cash tried to entice her to move, but she seemed uninterested, even with the example of HoHo’s rapid movement.
HoHo rammed his push toy into a wall, crashed down onto his rear end and began to wail. Cash hurried over, picked him up and joggled him on his hip until he settled.
A deep sense of peace came over him. He was managing kids and particularly his own kid, and doing an okay job of it. So maybe he wasn’t such a horrible person after all.
He turned back to set HoHo beside Penny. Halfway there, he stopped and stared.
Penny was crawling, all right...backward. In fact, she was backing herself right under a table and chair set, pushing herself with her arms as if her legs didn’t even work.
Cash put down HoHo and then swooped over to pick up Penny before she got stuck. Once he’d gotten her out and handed her a binky to keep the imminent meltdown from happening, he studied her legs. They were so small and thin, especially compared to chubby HoHo’s. Was there something wrong with her physically, in addition to the delays they’d discussed with the pediatrician? They’d had a preliminary assessment from the early-intervention team, who’d been reassuring. But the way Penny had been crawling was downright weird.
He couldn’t help it; he texted Holly. Come to room next to nursery.
Then he set down Penny a few feet away from HoHo, facing him. “Come on, sweetie, this way.” Hadn’t she crawled forward before?
But although she pushed up with her arms and rocked back and forth, in the end she scooted backward again. She was staring at HoHo as if she wanted to come toward him but couldn’t.
Her face screwed up in a cry just as Holly burst through the door. “What’s wrong?” she asked, hurrying toward Penny and picking her up. “Is everything okay, sweetie?” She sat on the edge of a chair to study her.
Dog that he was, Cash couldn’t help but notice her great legs, clad in tights and boots, her short denim skirt and sweater further revealing her sweet figure. He tore his focus away from her looks and refocused on his daughter. “Did you know she crawls backward, not forward?”
“Yeah, I’ve been noticing that.”
He stared at her. “You noticed, and didn’t tell me? Aren’t you worried?”
“Yeah, I noticed, but...I don’t know, I think it’s kind of common for babies to crawl in weird ways. Usually when they’re younger, but Penny has those delays.”
He went over and knelt beside the two of them, holding out Penny’s leg for Holly to look at. “Look how skinny she is. She needs more exercise for her legs.”
“I guess that’s what her backward crawling is doing, right?” She rolled a bouncy ball past Penny, who stared at it with rapt attention.
She didn’t seem in the least bit upset or worried, and that made Cash mad.
“I don’t want you hauling her around in a carrier anymore. Her legs are atrophying!”
Holly dipped her chin, raised her eyebrows and stared at him. “Are you accusing me of causing her physical delays?”
“No, but having her immobilized for most of the day isn’t helping her.” He’d identified a problem and he wanted to solve it. That was what he did; that was how he’d survived and thrived in the business world. “You need to quit walking dogs and get her more stimulation. Maybe we could start her in one of those classes for babies, where they do gymnastics or—”
“Cash, she’s a year old! We can’t start her in gymnastics!”
Penny stared at Holly, and she rubbed the baby’s back and lowered her voice. “And we asked the developmentalist about her coming along when I was walking dogs, remember? She said it’s good for Penny to have the stimulation.”
“It’s obviously not, though.” He swung up HoHo for her to compare. “Look at his size compared to Penny’s, and he’s only a month older.”
She drew in a breath and let
it out slowly, as if she was struggling to find patience. “That’s normal. She’s a girl, and Tiff was petite. And don’t forget, we’re going to have therapists visiting a few times a week once the paperwork goes through.”
He shook his head, still in problem-solving mode. Penny was his daughter, and she wasn’t going to suffer from lack of parental knowledge and support. He hadn’t intended to become a parent, but it had happened, and despite his flaws, he was going to do his best to raise her right. “She needs more. Better food and more exercise.”
“I’m doing the best I can!” Holly’s eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t say anything more as they packed up the babies and headed out into the throng of people just released from church.
Oh, well. Women cried. He’d make it right as soon as he handed off HoHo.
Once they reached the parking lot, though, Cash got caught up talking to Sean. Then Hope and Hayley came running up to him, and he had to congratulate them on a job well-done, commiserate about the clumsy Joseph and commend them for how they’d handled the glitch in the show.
When he turned to look for Penny and Holly, they were gone.
Oh. So he’d made Holly more upset than he’d realized.
“What’s wrong, Cash?” Sean’s wife, Anna, laid a hand on his arm. “You okay?”
He turned to her. Anna had raised her twins to age five basically on her own, defending them from an abusive father. If anyone knew how to parent in trying circumstances, it was her. “I’m worried about Penny,” he said. “She’s crawling backward, and she’s way skinnier than HoHo. But Holly doesn’t seem to take it seriously.”
“Lots of babies crawl backward. No big deal.” She glanced over at HoHo, wiggling in Sean’s arms. “And the pediatrician wants us to watch what HoHo eats. He’s almost too chubby.”
“Really? I think he’s cute. Perfect.”
Low Country Christmas Page 16
