I groaned. “Now they're all going to think we really are snuggling.”
“Is that so bad?” he asked with a small smile as he came to stand at the foot of my bed.
I cringed. “It just seems . . . insensitive.”
Chase crossed his arms. “Jason and I already discussed it.”
I shot up in bed so fast it made me dizzy. “You what?”
Chase shrugged, then sat on the foot of the bed. He looked just as tired as I felt, and had dark circles under his gray eyes. “He doesn't want to date you right now, and I do.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Well that was blunt.”
“Do you want to date me?” he asked calmly.
I opened my mouth to answer, then closed it. “I, um-”
Chase looked at me steadily, waiting for an actual reply. When I didn't answer, he looked slightly hurt. “Well then . . . ” he trailed off.
I sighed, feeling silly. “Of course I do. You just caught me off guard.”
He smiled. “So then, what's the problem?”
I cringed, “I just feel like it's insensitive.”
“It's been nearly two months since you guys broke up, and the breakup was mutual.”
“It's still weird,” I sighed. “We're trying to figure out this whole friendship thing, and I'm not even sure we can be friends.”
“Is that the whole reason?” Chase asked. “If it is, then that's fine, take all of the time you need, but I get the feeling that there's something else.”
He waited for me to answer, but I wasn't sure how to put what I felt into words. “I'm scared,” I said finally.
His expression softened. He looked almost hurt again. “Of what?”
I shrugged and looked down at my lap, feeling embarrassed.
I felt the bed shift, then suddenly Chase was sitting right beside me. He put his hand over mine. “Please tell me.”
I let out a shaky breath. “I'm afraid of everything changing,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I'm afraid of you moving out of my dad's house, and things getting weird. I'm afraid of going to the only place I really feel at home and finding it empty. I'm afraid that if I screw things up between us, I won't belong anywhere at all.”
“You don't feel like you belong here, with your friends?” he asked softly.
I looked up at him as I fought against my tears. “How can I belong here? I'm part of a werewolf pack, but I'm not actually a werewolf. It's a danger for humans or witches to even be around me. My very existence seems to be driving my mom insane. When I'm in the underground, I don't have to worry about anything else. I know other demons can hold their own. If someone attacks me down there, I don't have to worry as much about collateral damage.”
Chase began gently rubbing my shoulder with his free hand. “Your friends and your mom want you here,” he assured. “You're an important part of their lives.”
“Am I?” I asked, feeling almost hysterical. “Because it seems like they've all been living their lives while I've been too busy just trying to stay alive. They're finishing high school, making plans for the future. Allison and Max started dating and I didn't even know it. I have no future. When I'm here, I feel like I'm just going through the motions until everyone moves on without me.”
Chase put his hand on my chin so I would meet his eyes. “No one wants to move on without you, Xoe.”
I shook my head and looked down again. “No one has to want to. That's just life. It happens. They're going to go to college, get careers, get married and have babies.”
“You can do all of those things,” Chase said, sounding somewhat perplexed.
I looked up and raised an eyebrow at him, though the effect was probably dampened by my tears. “Trust me, marriage and babies are not my immediate concern.”
“But college?” he suggested. “You can do that.”
I shrugged. “That's just the thing. I really can't see myself doing that. I can't see myself trying to live a normal life.”
Chase watched my expression carefully before saying, “You can live in the underground just as easily.”
“And if you're not there, what would I do?”
He scrunched his eyebrows, once again thrown off by my line of thinking. “Why wouldn't I be there?”
I sighed. “Because if you date me, I'll drive you away. I'll be stubborn, and I'll argue. I'll recklessly endanger myself without ever asking your permission. I'll continue to run a werewolf pack, even though it puts me in more danger than I'm already in. You'll end up hating me, then I'll just be living in the underground alone, without any connection to the life I had there with you and my dad.”
“Xoe,” Chase began patiently. “You already do all of those things, and I'm still here.”
I met his eyes. I tried to let what he'd said make me feel better, but it didn't. Tears began to stream down my face more steadily. “I can't lose anyone else, and I can't lose the last connection to my dad I have left.”
Chase smiled sadly. “I take it I'm that connection.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “You're much more than that, you idiot, and you know it.”
He laughed and hugged me. “That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.”
I pulled away and smiled at him, feeling better even though nothing had been fixed. “Haven't you heard? I'm quite the romantic.”
He kissed me, and all of my worries about things changing came rushing up in an attempt to ruin it. I shoved them back down, because there was no stopping change. Sometimes change came at you with a bouquet of roses, and sometimes it came with a baseball bat. It was good either way, because if change never comes for you at all, you're probably dead.
13
I woke up with a start. Chase was sleeping right beside me. I guess Sam had been right after all. I rubbed at my eyes, trying to recall the dream I'd had. A dream that I wasn't sure was actually a dream, yet it wasn't like my other premonitions.
Everything had been foggy and hard to see, but I could tell I was lying on my back in the dirt. Someone was shaking me and screaming my name, but I couldn't answer them, because I was somewhere else. Somewhere dark and cold. Then I woke up.
I looked at the clock on my bed. It was already noon. We'd slept a good portion of the day away. I poked Chase in the arm. He swatted at me, but didn't fully wake up, so I poked him again. Finally he opened his eye a sliver and looked at me with the other half of his face still mushed into the pillow.
“Time to leave the dreamworld,” I said with a smile, “to go back to the dreamworld.”
He sat up and rubbed his eyes, spilling the blankets around his lap. “Speaking of dreams, I just had a strange one.”
That caught my interest. “Go on.”
He gazed off, as if trying to remember. “Everything was really foggy, and the fog intermingled with Sam's ghosts, who were flocking around us. You were on the ground, and you wouldn't wake up. I kept screaming your name, but you wouldn't move.” He visibly shivered at the memory.
My jaw dropped, leaving me without words.
He looked at me, confused. “What is it, Xoe?”
I cringed. “What does it mean when two people have the same premonition?”
He drew back in surprise. “I don't get premonitions, Xoe. That's your forte.”
I shook my head with worry. “If you don't get premonitions, then why did you have the exact same dream as me?”
His eyes widened. “The exact same?”
I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, feeling suddenly cold. “Everything except the ghosts. I didn't see the ghosts, but I was lying on the ground in the fog. I could feel someone shaking me, and hear them calling my name, but I couldn't wake up.”
Worry saturated his dark gray eyes. “Maybe it's a sign that going into the dreamworld is a bad plan.”
I shook my head, making my messy hair fall forward into my face. “There's no way to know the circumstances that lead to something happening. It might happen if we don't go.”
He j
ust stared at me, frowning.
“What?” I prompted.
“Xoe,” he began hesitantly, “you wouldn't wake up. I can't go through that in real life. We have to figure out what the premonition means, and why we both had it.”
I drew my eyebrows together in consternation. “Any suggestions on how we might do that?”
He sighed in frustration. “No, but-”
I held up a hand to cut him off, already knowing that he was once again going to argue our trip to the dreamworld. “Premonitions usually aren't literal, so I don't think we should worry too much yet. Right before my powers first manifested, I dreamed of fire, but in reality the first thing I did was burn Brian. Around that same time Lucy got scratched by a werewolf, but I didn't dream of her becoming a werewolf, there were just wolves howling in my dreams.”
Chase looked at me like he didn't quite believe me. “And what could you lying in the dirt, completely unresponsive and perhaps dead or dying symbolize?”
“That I need to get more sleep?”
He didn't smile. “Don't joke, Xoe.”
I sighed and dropped my head forward to rest against my palm. “I don't know what to tell you,” I groaned. “We just have to do what we must, and hope for the best.”
“How are we going to eliminate your grandmother?” he asked abruptly. “We made plans to get there, but nothing after that.”
I shrugged. “I'm hoping Sam can help us find her, and maybe use his ghosts to help us get rid of her. My fire was able to stop her attacks, so maybe it can hurt her.”
“About that wall of fire,” he began, “I take it you've never done that before?”
I smirked. “You know for a fact that I haven't.”
“Just checking,” he confirmed. “I think it means that your abilities are progressing.”
“Come again?” I asked, not liking where his train of thought was going.
“Demons progress over time,” he explained. “It's why older demons are much more frightening than younger ones. They've had time to acquire their full range of powers. You've progressed a little more quickly than the norm.”
I narrowed my eyes, confused. “I really can't do that much.”
He looked at me like I was being silly. “First, you acquired the ability to dream, as you stated with your premonitions. Then you burned someone on contact, and soon enough you could create and control your own fire. You can touch hot objects without getting burned yourself, you can create portals, and you can travel like your father did. Now you create entire walls of fire, something I never saw your dad do. I'd say that's a lot.”
“And what about your progression?” I asked, feeling embarrassed and wanting to take the subject off me.
He shrugged. “I've had a poisonous bite since birth, and when I was sixteen, I discovered I could breathe under water.”
I held up my hand. “Hold the phone. You can breathe under water? How did I not know this?”
He had the grace to look abashed. “You didn't ask. I found out in a situation where I would have otherwise drowned. The story that goes along with it doesn't paint a very pretty picture of me.”
“Oh?” I prompted, knowing that he probably wouldn't tell me. Chase was never forthcoming about his past.
“It doesn't matter,” he replied quickly. “You've gotten us completely off topic.”
“What else can you do?” I prodded playfully, not wanting to go back to discussing our shared dream.
He crossed his arms and gave me one of those patient, but really not so patient looks. “Nothing. It seems I'm all tapped out.”
“Well maybe more will still come,” I suggested. “In Hinduism, Nagas were said to have carried the elixir of life and immortality, and in Buddhism they could shift between human and serpent form. In most traditions, they're also viewed as protectors.”
Chase raised his eyebrows in surprise. “How on earth do you know all of that?”
Realizing I had given myself away, I blushed. “I did some research when you first told me your mother was a Naga.”
“A lot of research,” he corrected.
There was a knock on the door, which at some point had gotten closed. “Are you guys just going to hang out in there all day!” Max called out.
I gave Chase a conspiratorial smile, then climbed out of bed. “Yes!” I lied, as I started searching my closet for fresh clothes. A shower would have been nice, but we'd already tarried long enough.
“Well then you're not getting any pizza!” Max called back. The sound of his retreat down the stairs followed.
I looked at Chase, who still sat on the bed. He shrugged. “He's got us there.”
“That he does,” I said playfully as I grabbed a dark green sweater and faded charcoal jeans from my closet. Without another word, I headed into the bathroom to get changed. Once I was alone, I let out a shaky breath. I would never admit it to Chase, but our shared premonition had me worried too.
I hadn't lied when I said that my premonitions usually weren't literal, but I normally only had them when something bad was coming. They were a warning. It did not bode well.
I brushed my teeth and washed my face quickly, trying to ignore my thoughts, then pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I'd been spending enough time in the underground the past few months that the lack of sun had made my hair slightly less white, and more of a honey blonde. It had also grown well past my shoulders, and could now be pulled into a ponytail without any strands coming loose.
I got dressed, then hiked the sleeves of the sweater up to the elbows, revealing my rapidly healing burns.
With a huff and a final look in the mirror, I left the bathroom so Chase could take his turn. His spare toothbrush was in my little toothbrush holder where he'd left it.
Chase was still sitting on my bed, waiting patiently. He caught my hand as I tried to walk past him to go downstairs.
I looked down at him in question, but he was looking at the burns on my arms. “They seem to be healing like a normal injury,” he observed distantly.
His words didn't explain the worry on his face, but I knew what it was about. I felt almost guilty not outwardly sharing in his concerns, but it wouldn't help things if I did. I lived most days with death being a real possibility, so it wasn't like anything had changed.
I forced a smile. “They should be gone all together in a few days.” The unsaid thought hung heavy in the air, if we even survived a few days.
I pulled my hand away from him and patted his shoulder in reassurance. “I'll see you downstairs.”
He nodded but made no move to stand. I left him that way, sitting on my bed like a forlorn puppy, as I let myself out into the hall.
The smell of pizza and sounds of conversation filtered up the stairs as I prepared to descend. I went down as quietly as possible, in hopes of sneaking by and heading straight to the coffee pot.
My hopes were soon dashed. Max spotted me from where he sat on the couch. “Finally,” he said, mouth half full of pizza.
I glared at him, then hurried toward the kitchen. Everyone was present and accounted for, including Jason and Sam, who sat in the dining room away from the others, discussing something in hushed tones. I was surprised to even see Allison and Lela, though I supposed it made sense at least for Lela to be there. Allison had probably weaseled information out of Max so that she could include herself in the action. I still wanted to inquire about Lela and Siobhan's past, but they seemed to be playing nice, so it could wait until things had settled down.
I made my way into the kitchen without further interruptions, only to find a completely empty coffee pot. I sighed, then grabbed the carafe to fill in the sink. At some point I had lost my fear of going near water, probably somewhere between getting slashed open by Nix, and almost getting crushed by a boulder in the dreamworld. Having someone try to drown me seemed almost pleasant in comparison.
Lucy and Allison met me in the kitchen as I poured fresh beans into the grinder. They both waited to speak until the grinder wa
s finished and I had the coffee brewing.
Lucy, as usual, got right down to business. “We tried a small spell while you slept,” she explained, “and it worked. Cynthia can draw from any of us just like she did with you and Chase.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “I really hope you slept at some point as well.”
She nodded. “Most of us went and stayed at Allison's, while Sam, Devin, and Jason stayed here. We got back an hour or two ago to test things out.”
I turned a tolerating smile to Allison. Her shoulder-length, honey blonde hair was held back from her face by a sparkly silver headband. The headband matched the clear crystal jewelry she wore, standing out in stark contrast against the magenta top that hugged her curves.
“And what are you doing here?” I asked, suddenly feeling like a fashionless bumpkin next to her.
She smiled right back. “The witches are going to need to draw from Siobhan, Max, and Devin. Devin wanted an extra person to keep watch with Lucy and Emma.”
I tried to be mad, but the smell of coffee was wafting up my nostrils, easing the tension in my shoulders, and making me feel more at home. I realized at some point that I'd given up on keeping Alison safe from paranormal politics. She was intent on being a part of things, and really, who was I to stop her?
“So we're all set then?” I asked.
Lucy nodded. “We figure we'll give you a set amount of time, and if you don't return, we'll start pulling you out one by one.”
I nodded in reply as I opened the fridge to grab the creamer. “Make sure you pull me out last. I don't want anyone getting stuck when I can travel on my own.”
Lucy sighed. I looked at her in question. “Even Sam? I think we should pull you out before him.”
“I thought you said he was cute,” I teased as I poured my coffee. I gestured toward her and Allison with the coffee pot. They both nodded, so I put it down and grabbed two more mugs out of the cabinet.
“He is cute,” Lucy defended. “He's also insufferable.”
I smiled. “I'm glad to hear we share that opinion, at least.”
Allison gave me a mischievous grin. “I seem to recall Xoe, that you initially found Chase insufferable as well.”
Gone Ghost Page 12
