As the eldest, Mia thinks she’d better set things straight. “We’re not Stowaways,” she says, “we’re—”
“Silence when I’m going to speak,” says the Captain.
“How would anyone know you were going to speak?” says Mia.
“I knew,” he says, “it can’t be that hard.” He turns his head to the Parrot on his shoulder. “How many times do I have to tell ya. The Cap’n does the talkin’.” He turns back to the kids. “Shiver me timbers, what have we got yer, Stowaways?”
“I already said that,” says the Parrot.
The Captain glares at it. “How long can a bird like you live without its feathers?”
“I’m hoping this is a quiz,” says the Parrot.
“I’m not saying,” says the Captain, contradicting himself. “But if somebody don’t shut ‘is beak, my pillow could be a lot softer tonight.”
“Anybody got a sweetie?” says Claudie in a world of her own.
Mia decides to take charge. “Like I said, we’re not Stowaways, we’re—”
“I can see what you be,” says the Captain. “Three girls and a boy. And girls are bad luck at sea.”
“That is so not true,” says Mia.
“And we’re not at sea either,” says Sami.
“Of course we ain’t,” says the Captain. “It’s ‘orrible stuff, the sea. All wet and wobbly and makes you sick.”
“How can you be Pirates, if you don’t go to sea?” says Freddie.
“How come you’re such a know-all?” says the Captain.
“I want to be a Pirate when I grow up,” says Freddie.
“Well, well, well,” says the Captain, “and here’s me needing a cabin boy.”
“You can’t have Freddie”, says Mia. “He’s got to be home for his tea.”
“Come yer, Jim lad,” says the Captain ignoring her, “let’s look at ‘ee.”
“I’m not Jim lad. My name’s Freddie.”
“No, no, Freddie don’t do it as a Pirate name. It’ll have to go. The stress is on the first syllable and the second one just disappears. Fredd-ie. But Jim lad’s got a ring to it. Same stress on each syllable. Jim lad. Don’t that sound better, boys?”
The crew mutter their agreement. If they don’t, they know the Captain could get angry and do something really horrible to them, like hang them up by their thumbs and tickle them under the arms.
“How about calling him Ferocious Fred?” says the Parrot.
“How about putting a bung in that beak of your’n!” says the Captain.
The Parrot keeps on as if he has heard nothing.
“Ferocious Fred is a name that could put fear into every man sailing the seven seas.”
“But you’re not even sailing one of them,” says Sami.
“I’m speaking metaphorically,” says the Parrot.
“You’ll be speaking with great difficulty if you don’t shut up,” says the Captain.
“Try that and you’ll end up without your you-know-what,” says the Parrot.
“You wouldn’t dare,” says the Captain.
“I would so,” says the Parrot and pecks at the Captain.
The scar disappears from the Captain’s face and flutters in the Parrot’s mouth.
“Everyone knows it’s a pretend scar,” says the Parrot out of the side of its beak. “It’s made of paper and you stick it on every morning.”
“I still won it in battle,” says the Captain.”
“That wasn’t a battle,” says the Parrot, “that was a pillow fight.”
“Have you ever had a pillow fight with Blackbeard? He plays rough. And let me say right here and now: he was lucky his whiskers was glued on proper or he’d have lost them, too.”
Parrots and Pirates may not be something they see every day, thinks Mia, but she has to get everyone home. Or she is for it. “Come on, Freddie, it’s time to go.”
The Captain turns to him. “What’s it to be, Jim Lad. You want to be a Pirate or what?”
“More than anything,” says Freddie. “Or play for Collingwood.”
“If ya wants to be a Pirate, you must first pass the loyalty test.” He tosses his cutlass to Freddie. “Make them girls walk the plank.” And he nods towards a board sticking out from the side of the ship.
Freddie’s not sure about this side of Pirating. It would be fun to make his big sisters jump over the side, but not Claudie. She’s just too little.
“We can’t walk the plank anyway, “says Sami. “There’s no water to fall in.”
“The sea’s full of it,” says the Captain.
“I don’t see much sea around here,” says Mia.
“You will,” says the Captain and turns to the crew. “Weigh Anchor!”
The crew jumps to it calling out, “No, no.” Which is Dumdumland for “Aye, aye!”
They tug at lines and the sails unravel. As they fill with the breeze, there’s a creaking of timber and the galleon lifts into the air. Up, up the side of the mountain it goes.
The kids give a collective, “Wow!” Except Mia, that is, who gasps out, “Oh Em Gee!”
“Yes,” says the Captain, “We sail the seven skies looking for ships to plunder.”
“Are there many other ships sailing the sky?” says Sami.
“None I’ve seen,” says the Captain. “It don’t make for an easy life.”
Mia and Sami look over the side of the ship and see it is now rising up the side of a steep cliff. At the top is the Giant’s cave.
“When we get over the sea, Jim lad, you make them girls walk the plank,” says the Captain.
“Do I have to?” says Freddie.
“Either that or you walk it with them.”
“You are such a Meanie,” says the Parrot.
“I am not a Meanie,” says the Captain.
“You are so.”
“Am not.
“Am.”
“Am not.”
“Am so.”
“Am not.”
And on and on it went. With all eyes on the Captain and the Parrot, Mia and Sami realise it’s their big chance. Mia grabs Claudie and Sami calls “Freddie”. He looks across and sees they are making their way to the end of the plank. He darts over and joins them, still clutching the cutlass.
“We all hold hands” says Mia. “And when we reach the Cave we step off together.”
“Wow!” says Freddie. This is a day to remember.
Claudie looks puzzled. “Are we going home now?” she says.
“Soon,” says Mia. “We’re pretending we’re getting out of a lift.”
“Only the lift won’t stop,” says Sammie.
“So mind the gap,” says Mia.
They are now almost opposite the Giant’s Cave. As it comes into view, Mia says: “Let’s go!” And they all step out on to a ledge at the top of the cliff. Safe. Except for Claudie who loses her balance and teeters on the edge. But Mia and Sami have her by the hands and pull her clear.
Above them the Pirate Ship keeps rising, two bickering voices fading into the distance.
“Am so.”
“Am not.”
“Am so.”
“Yer, where they gone?”
The kids look around them: behind is a long drop down the side of the cliff. In front is a huge cave in the rock where the Giant lives. A terrifying noise rumbles out: “Boom-boom! Bang-bang! Crash!”
The Giant is obviously home, in all his horribleness. And that’s where the kids want to be, too. Home with Mum and Dad, knowing they are safe and loved. But that’s not the way it is. It doesn’t matter how scared they are – and they all are – they’ve got to face the Giant.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: The Giant’s lair
4 Go to Dumdumland Page 10
