by Cate Corvin
I was suddenly exhausted, the lingering thrum of pleasure from my time with Gio a distant memory. I collapsed onto the couch, which brought the gargoyle back into my line of vision. He’d been silent since we walked in but now he moved to stand beside the couch.
“I’m sorry, too, Tin. I know what that job meant to you.”
Did he? The fact that he thought it was just a job said he wasn’t aware that it was part of who I was, a piece that had been torn out and shattered beyond repair.
“Thanks, Gio, I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure? I can kill someone for you.”
I gave him a half-hearted smile that only lasted a millisecond before it was too much of an effort to maintain. “I don’t think that sends the message that I’m not a liability on the force.”
“Well, they’re idiots. With what you can do now, you’re worth ten cops.”
“Fuck that. She was worth ten cops before she had a stoneheart.” Sawyer was still practically vibrating with fury. “It has to be illegal, some form of discrimination to keep her off the job like this. I just have to find a lawyer—”
“Please, Sawyer, just… just don’t. You know as well as I do that there’s no fighting the Accords.” I needed to get away from all of them, it was too much to handle in the moment and I had to process in private. I knew I was going to break down sooner or later when it really hit me, and I didn’t want that to happen in front of them.
The door swung open and Angelique fucking Clarté waltzed in.
And definitely not in front of her.
I’d be damned before I let her see me cry. Exposing weakness like that to someone who already looked down on me was the worst possible move I could make if I wanted to maintain equal footing with her.
She drew to a halt when she took in the serious expressions and the somber mood. “I’m almost afraid to ask who died.”
“No one died,” Sawyer growled, and I got the impression he was no fonder of the pretty blonde gargoyle than I was. I had to admit, I couldn’t have blamed him if he’d been drawn in by her flawless features and sparkling diamond horns that only seemed to make her hair shine brighter. “Zara was relieved of duty.”
“I thought she was already off work.”
“She was terminated, Angelique.” Gio was gentler with her, but still seemed annoyed by her presence. That actually cheered me up a micro fraction.
“Oh.” She met my eye and I stared right back at her, chin raised in a hint of a challenge. I wasn’t about to let her see my pain. “Well, I can’t say that I see the problem.”
Against my will, my jaw dropped. Was she… she couldn’t… there was no way she was serious, right?
“Angelique!” Gio snapped. “Have some damn compassion. Can’t you see she’s upset right now?”
“I wasn’t trying to offend her, I just don’t see why losing a job would be the worst thing in the world. Find a new one. Or don’t. I’m sure Damien would love an excuse to keep you close.” The disapproval in her tone was thinly veiled at best.
“That’s enough, Angelique.” Damien strode into the living room from the double doors of his suite like he owned the place. Well, like he owned everything. “You wouldn’t know what it’s like to lose something you’ve worked for because you’ve never had to work for anything in your life. But I know damn well that you can understand having something that means everything to you ripped away.”
Angelique stiffened and her face went hard. “That’s different, Damien.”
“It is, but the point remains. So stop acting like a spoiled debutante and keep your snide remarks to yourself. If you can’t, you’re free to go and I’ll come to you later to discuss our business.”
And don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. Or do. Whichever.
“My apologies, Zara.” Angelique pointedly ignored me as she issued her shitty apology and took a seat in one of the armchairs.
“Zara, I’ve reached out to the commissioner on your behalf explaining my role in your situation. The mayor and I—”
“No, Damien. I told Sawyer and I’m telling you, too. It’s done. They’ve made their decision and I’ll abide by it. I don’t have to like it, but I respect it.” Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I did respect it, but that was for me to come to grips with in my own time. I didn’t need them stirring the pot and making everything worse.
“I will not allow them to—”
“Enough!” My shout seemed to reverberate through the silent penthouse. “I’m done with this. I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to hear about it, and so help me god, the next one of you to bring it up will walk away missing a body part.”
“But not my dick, right?” Gio’s eyes were wide and he cupped himself protectively.
“Dealer’s choice. Test me and find out.” I turned on my heel and stormed down the hall to my bedroom. I only barely had the presence of mind not to slam the door with all my might, since that could very well rip the damn thing off its hinges.
The moment I was alone in the room, I realized my mistake. The walls seemed to close in on me and I immediately began to pace like a caged animal.
“...saying, she’s not about to rip anything off of me. You guys might treat her like glass, but since I’m not screwing her, I don’t have—”
“Do you ever stop and listen to yourself? You couldn’t possibly sound more condescending, judgmental—”
“And jealous!” When the blood stopped rushing in my ears, I grimaced as Damien laid into Angelique, with Gio chiming in for good measure. “Are you hurting for attention? We’ve got a couple of extra gargoyles lying around, do you need me to grab Roland and Jules for you?”
“I would rather French kiss a vagrant.”
“I’m sure we can arrange that, too.”
I was so caught up listening to the gargoyles bicker—and thinking that Roland and Angelique absolutely deserved one another—that the soft knock on my door made me jump a mile.
“Zar? Can I come in?” The hesitance in Sawyer’s question tugged at my chest. He had never had to worry about my being furious with him before. Well, except for once, but that was a time we’d both put out of our heads for months now. Hearing the worry filled me with guilt.
He hadn’t done anything wrong. They’d made him the messenger because they were too cowardly to call me down to the precinct to deliver the news in person, and all he’d tried to do was fight for me. I couldn’t remember a time when that hadn’t been his first instinct, even when I wanted him to stand down and let me wage my own battles.
“Come in, Sawyer.”
The door opened slowly, his tousled head peeking in like he was worried I was going to lob something at him as soon as he was visible. When there were no projectiles forthcoming, he stepped in and closed the door gently behind him, muffling the still raised voices coming from the living room.
“They’re just trying to help,” he said, leaning back against the door that he’d just shut. “We all are. You don’t deserve this, Zara, and we only want to make sure they don’t take your dream from you.”
I sighed and crossed to my bed, dropping down on the plush mattress. “I know that. But in truth, it just hurts worse to pretend there’s anything I can do about it. Deep down, I think I always knew they were going to can me. How could they have a stoneheart on the force? The community would riot.”
“Let them. You think they didn’t complain about the first gay officer? The first officer of color? People are always gonna find a reason to be upset, but we can’t cater to bigots just to stop them from complaining.”
“Being gay or non-white doesn’t make anyone more or less dangerous, but having a stoneheart means I’m far stronger than the perps I’d be arresting. I could try to cuff someone and injure them if they tried to resist.” I knew all of this, and the logic of it was the only thing stopping me from feeling personally persecuted.
Sawyer looked like he wanted to continue to argue, to assure me that it wasn’t over and we�
��d find a way to get my job back. I understood the impulse, if the situation had been reversed, I’d have been doing the same. But for now, I just needed him to be here with me. Damien and Gio couldn’t possibly understand how I felt. It was different than losing a family member, which was awful, but… different.
“Can we just sit here for a while?”
Sawyer was off the door and sitting beside me with a speed that would have made any fullblood jealous. “Of course. Whatever you need, par—” He snapped his jaw shut and I could swear he flushed a bit. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’ll always be my pardner, badge or not.”
His shoulders dropped and he slung an arm around my back. I leaned my head against him and just breathed in his comforting aura.
“What will you do?” His question was quiet, but it was like a shotgun blast to my emotions. I may have accepted that it was over mentally, but emotionally, I hadn’t been quite ready to consider what that meant.
“I don’t actually know. I was never supposed to need a backup plan, so I don’t have one.”
“What about the private sector?”
“It’s possible, but they’re always so shady. What are the chances I’d find the one clean contractor and land a job with them?”
“Not great,” he admitted.
“Abysmal is more like it.” I shook my head, trying to gather my thoughts and get a handle on my feelings. “It’s like I lost something real.”
“What do you mean? Your career was a real thing, Zar.”
“I know, but… I don’t really know how to explain it.” I frowned, trying to figure out how to best express myself to Sawyer. “It's like they took my future from me. The one I’d planned and worked for all these years. They didn’t just take how I earn my money, they took my plans, my schedule, my expectations. All of that is done now.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Sawyer, I already said—”
“No, I know. No fighting. I wasn’t going to say that. Now that you’re a gargoyle, you have to abide by their rules, right? Their laws?”
“Yeah, which means I have to actually read the Accords in their entirety now.” The mental image of that hefty stack of rules and regulations was enough to make me shudder.
“Well, surely there’s something in there about enforcement. They can’t have this special set of rules that they just expect people to blindly obey. Who’s in charge of that?”
My heart was thumping in my chest, the stone seeming to respond to Sawyer’s words of its own volition. “I don’t know, but it has to be someone. Gargoyles are way too hard-headed to just follow those rules without questioning or bucking authority.”
“Let’s ask Damien and see what he knows.”
“Later.” The voices had quieted to the point that I couldn’t make out what was being said, but the conversation was still underway in the living room. “I don’t want to deal with everyone right now, I still need time to figure out what I want to do.” Not untrue, but I also just couldn’t deal with all the pity they would be exuding. Except for Angelique. I doubted her “it’s not even important” attitude had changed, or that it would.
“We can stay here as long as you need, love.”
Warmth flooded my chest at his word, and I was immediately back in my pre-grenade apartment.
When Sawyer had told me he loved me.
He hadn’t said a word about it since, which surprised me. He’d been so adamant that he wasn’t going to hold back from going after what he wanted, but isn’t that what he’d been doing? He’d seen me with Damien and Gio, knew what was happening between us, yet his silence had continued.
I guess there was one instance in which he wouldn’t fight for me.
I couldn’t blame him, but the irrational, selfish part of my mind wanted him to declare his love again, stake his claim in front of the others. It was so stupid, I had way more to worry about than what my partner felt for me, but I couldn’t banish the thought despite my efforts.
“Nothing has changed, Zara.”
I lifted my face to meet his gaze. “What?”
“I know you. I know how your mind works and why you stiffened when I said that.”
“I did not.” I totally had, but I wasn’t about to admit it.
He squeezed his arm tighter around me and pressed a kiss to my hair. “I loved you at the apartment, and I love you now. I loved you in the storage closet, too, but you weren’t ready to hear that. You still might not be, but I told you, I’m done holding back.”
My heart skipped like a stone across water as I stared into his eyes. The dedication I saw there stole my breath.
I love you, too.
The words were right there in my lips, and only biting down on the inside of my cheek kept them from spilling over. The temptation to let them spill over was almost unbearable, but while he may not be holding back anymore, apparently I still was.
I couldn’t speak the words aloud just yet, but I did love him. Had for a long time, even though I couldn’t pinpoint when it had turned from carving and loving a partner into something more. Something deeper that made me think that if I ever lost him, I might not recover.
No matter my silence, Sawyer knew. He’d always been able to read me, so when his lips kicked up in a blinding grin, I suddenly wished I’d said the words aloud. But the moment had passed and declarations would have to wait for another day. A day when I hadn’t had a huge part of my life ripped away because of prejudice and fear.
A day when I finally figured out what I was feeling for the gargoyles in the other room.
It wasn’t love, I knew that for sure. It was too soon for something so intense. But whatever it was, it was strong, it was real, and it was undeniable.
Could I truly love Sawyer and admit it aloud to him when I was also deeply in “like” with not one, but two other males? Would he be able to handle something like that?
Hell, could I?
The very idea was overwhelming, and yet when I thought about finally figuring out who was so desperate to cut out my Ruby and putting an end to them, a ball of dread formed in my gut. I wouldn’t see Gio and Damien every day, they’d just be other gargoyles that I saw when necessity dictated. No more soul-searing looks from Damien that set my entire body on fire. No more naked parading and silly flirting from Gio.
They were such small things—well, Gio’s definitely wasn’t small—but I’d already become accustomed to them, even begun to look forward to my daily dose.
Would being with Sawyer mean an end to all that?
I couldn’t see a path where it didn’t, and it made my lungs constrict. My head dropped back onto Sawyer’s shoulder and I closed my eyes, envisioning a life with him that might be possible once all this mess was over.
But no matter how many ways I saw us together, there were always two gargoyle-shaped holes in my heart.
The Day of the Shooting
“Keep the wound clean and it should heal in a few weeks.” The EMT bandaged my shoulder where the bullet had grazed me in the split second before Sawyer had knocked me to the ground.
Who knows what would have happened if he hadn’t hurled himself in front of me, sending us both tumbling to the floor.
What wouldn’t have happened was Sawyer taking a bullet to the chest.
The first shot went wide by a mile, but the shooter corrected after that and the second one was coming for my center mass. Sawyer saw when I did and before I could blink, he was in front of me. He forced me out of the way, but the bullet still managed to dig a furrow into my shoulder. The last bullet had terrified me more than any small piece of metal had a right to.
I felt the impact of the bullet when it hit Sawyer, the hard jolt of his body against mine, and my world came to a halt. The seconds after we collapsed to the floor were endless, lacking all meaning and sense of time. He was so still, too still.
“Hawkins?” It was a croak thanks to the combination of my fear for him and the crushing weight of his body on t
op of mine. It was only made heavier by his Kevlar.
Kevlar! Please, let it have hit his vest.
Sawyer’s groan brought tears to my eyes, but there was no time to process my relief. Everything had moved so fast, backup rushing in and taking down the shooter, securing his weapon and the hostages.
Through the haze of adrenaline, I stared as an EMT removed the Kevlar and his uniform to reveal Sawyer’s chest. It was already blooming with color from the impact of the bullet, the force blunted and dispersed by the life-saving vest. He was alive, thank fuck, but he was going to be hurting for a while.
It made me see red.
He shouldn’t have done that, goddammit. He knew I had my vest on, I would have been fine. Sure, I’d be bruised like he was now, but better me than him. I couldn’t take losing another partner, especially not Sawyer.
By the time they let us go, I was fuming. My partner had refused any further medical care on-site, promising to go to his doctor for a follow-up in the coming weeks. As I maneuvered our squad car through traffic and back to the precinct, I kept my eyes straight ahead. If I looked at him, I’d lose it, and he was dealing with enough at the moment.
Thanks to his own dumbass behavior.
“I know I didn’t have to, but I’d do it again.”
The break in the silence was unexpected, and I whipped my head to face him before quickly turning back to the road. “Excuse me?”
“You’re thinking pretty damn loudly, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face this red. You’re pissed I took the hit for you.”
“Hell yes I’m pissed!” My grip on the wheel tightened so much that my knuckles went white and at least two of them cracked. “He was aiming right for my vest. I’d have been fine, but you getting in the way could have thrown his aim. What would have been bruises for me could have been a headshot for you. Do you know how scared I was when you fell on top of me and didn’t move? I thought—” The words wouldn’t come. Saying them made it real, and as angry as I was, there was still an element of surrealism to the entire situation.
