by D. K Lake
The thought of not seeing Mitchel again makes my stomach clench. But what choice do I have? Long distance relationships don't work, and it's not like I can catch the bus back to Radley Springs every weekend, it's too far, and we'd hardly have any time together.
We're doomed. Or maybe we were doomed from the beginning.
I don't care if I sound like a drama queen. This is drama!
I need more of him, more to hold onto, more to remember. No more waiting, I need him now.
His tongue caresses mine and I pull him closer and he presses his body flush against me. I reach up and slide my fingers over his jaw and he drops his hands and holds onto my hips. I can feel his stubble under my fingertips as I hold his face.
"I need you." I whisper.
"Now?" he chuckles.
"Yes. Now."
It's now or never.
I take his hand and look down the hallway at the other bedrooms. I'm sure one of them must be available. I pull him away from the wall and lead him down the hallway.
"Uh...Kelse?"
I open the first door I find and am surprised to see the room untouched. The four-poster bed is still made which means no one has been in here yet. I lead Mitchel into the room and close the door.
He looks at me with a playful smile and a curious look on his face.
"Blue, what are we doing in here?"
"Shh..." I close the distance between us and hook my arms around his neck and start to kiss him.
He kisses me back and my hands explore under his t-shirt, and I gently push him in the direction of the bed, not breaking the kiss. I push him onto the bed and climb on top of him and straddle him.
"Kelse, what are-"
I cut him off with my lips.
I want this. I want Mitchel.
I'm nervous and super excited, and sad all at the same time, but if I'm going to lose my virginity I want it to be with someone I'm crazy about. I don't want to end up doing it with some drunk guy at another party.
I sit up and start to unbutton the borrowed shirt. Mitchel sits up, holding onto my hips and looks up at me.
"What are we doing?" he asks.
"What does it look like we're doing?"
"You sure you want to mess around in here?"
"Why not?"
"Should we at least lock the door?" he suggests.
"Ok." I smile and climb off of him and quickly lock the door. I walk back to the bed and stand in front of him while I finish unbuttoning the shirt and toss it on the floor.
I'm not as shy around Mitchel anymore, he's seen me naked, I've seen him naked. And I think he likes me naked. I undo my bra and fling it away and Mitchel laughs. I kick my boots off and unzip my jeans, the whole time Mitchel has his eyes on me. I stand in front of him in only my purple boxer briefs that have a little smiley face on the front.
At this point, I don't really care though. If I had known we would end up in here together, possibly our last night together, I would have asked Nessie for something a little more sexier.
"Take yours off as well." I say, pulling at his shirt and tugging it up.
He smiles at me and stands up and lets me undress him. When he's down to his boxers I push him back onto the bed so he's sitting on the edge and I climb back onto his lap. I kiss him hungrily and he digs his fingers into my back.
"I want you." I breathe.
He's breathing as hard as me, his lips swollen from my hungry kisses.
"I want you too." he says, crushing his lips to mine for a quick kiss before moving down to my neck.
He kisses my neck and it does strange things to me. I throw my head back, moaning and tugging at his hair.
He fondles my breast with his free hand, his cast hand is around my back. He rubs his thumb over my nipple and it hardens under his touch. I want him so much right now. I grind my hips and rub myself against him, and am pleased to find he's just as excited as I am. It feels so naughty to be able to feel him underneath me but we've both still got a layer of underwear between us.
He picks me up and carries me over to the top of the bed and drops me on the feather pillows and I sink into the bed. He climbs on top of me and moves over to the right side of me, leaning up on his elbow, and I gasp when he slips his hand into my panties.
He slips a finger between my folds and touches me on my sensitive spot that I never knew existed until I met Mitchel.
I slip my arm under Mitchel's and move closer to him so I can kiss him while he touches me.
My breathing speeds up again as he gently rubs the spot in a circular motion. I fall back onto the pillow and close my eyes, loving this new feeling.
He kisses my jaw and neck and carries on whatever he's doing that is making me pant, gasp, and squirm around.
"That feels...so good." I say between breaths as he brings me closer.
"How good?" he whispers.
"Very good." I tell him.
I moan even louder when my orgasm hits me. I let go a little and go with it and don't care how much noise I make. I cling to him and dig my fingers into his arm and drag my nails down his back.
Amazing!
I fall back onto the pillow and smile at him. He kisses me and removes his hand from my panties.
"You sounded as though you enjoyed that?"
"Maybe."
"Spend the weekend with me and I'll do it for you however many times you want me to."
"I like the sound of that."
"You still grounded?"
"Of course."
"How did you get out tonight?"
"I snuck out."
"Bad girl. So are you coming home with me tonight?"
"If you want me to." I say.
How can I say no after what he just did to me? I want him to do it a hundred more times before I have to leave.
"If I had my way you would never leave my side." he says softly.
I smile and press my lips to his, still wanting more of him.
"Do you have one?" I ask, feeling confident.
"One what?"
"You know what." I smile and pull away to look at him properly.
"Yes but I'm not sure why you would want it?"
"Why do you think?"
"Kelse, we talked about this. I don't want to rush things with you." he says, leaning up on his elbow again.
"What difference does it make if we do it now or next week?"
"'Cause you've had a lot to drink."
"So? I want you inside of me." I sort of whimper and pout at him.
"Ok...don't say things like that to me." he warns.
"Why not?" I reply with a playful smile. I know us not having sex is driving him crazy too.
"Because it does things to me and makes me want to do things to you."
"Well good, 'cause I want you to do things to me. Lots of things. I don't want to wait anymore. I want this. With you."
He looks at me for a second as my hand finds its way to his waistband.
"No." He sits up on the bed and I kneel up behind him and wrap my arms around his neck.
"Why not?"
"'Cause we only just made up again. And you've been drinking, Kelse."
I roll my eyes. "I'm not drunk."
"The answer's still no. Not tonight. Not like this."
Seriously? The only time a boy wants to be chivalrous and I'm on a time frame and don't have much longer left.
"Please, Mitchel. I want this. I really do." I say and sit on the bed next to him.
"I want to as well, so bad. But I think we should wait. I don't think your first time should be at a party with people shouting in the hallway and music vibrating through the floorboards."
I hadn't even noticed all of those things until now. Maybe I am a little drunk. But not much.
"So that's a no, then?"
"Yes, that's a no. I want it to be right, and I want you to be sober for our first time so you can remember it."
"Fine....I'll just go and find someone else to service me." I say and climb off the bed, fe
eling rejected.
"Service you? And you say you're not drunk." He laughs and climbs off the bed and walks over to me.
"Whatever. If you're just going to make fun of me, then I'm leaving." I quickly grab my clothes.
"No you're not, come here."
He takes my clothes from me and drops them on the floor and pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me.
"Why did you let me take your clothes off if you didn't want to go any further?"
"Because I want you to feel comfortable around me, and the more time we spend together like this the more comfortable you'll be, that way things won't be as awkward when we have sex for the first time. I don't want you to worry about how you look, or you trying to cover up your body the first time we're together. You're beautiful and I can't wait to do things to you but not tonight, ok? We've got forever, don't rush this."
Forever? What is this boy doing to me? He's so right for me and so wrong for me at the same time...but I'm leaving.
He kisses the top of my head. I may be a little drunk but it still takes me by surprise when he uses the word 'forever'.
"We don't have forever....we have until Monday." I blurt.
"What?" He half-laughs but his blue eyes look worried. "What's happening on Monday?"
I take a step back and pick up my jeans and start getting dressed.
"Kelse, what's happening on Monday?"
"Nothing."
I quickly find my bra and put it on. Mitchel sees me getting dressed in a hurry and he quickly does the same, yanking on his t-shirt and pulling on his jeans.
"You going to answer me?" he sounds annoyed.
"No."
I button up my shirt and search the floor for my boots but they're gone. I look up to find them in Mitchel's hands. I try to grab them but he moves them away.
"Tell me what you mean by we only have until Monday."
"It's nothing. Now give me my damn boots!"
"Nothing? Then why are you getting so upset?"
"I'm not." I lie, my eyes glazing with tears. "I can't...I didn't want to tell you tonight."
"Tell me what?" his tone changes.
"I...I'm uh..."
"Kelse, what is it?"
"Moving." I blurt.
"What?"
I manage to pry my boots out of his hands while he's distracted by my 'moving' bombshell. He watches me while I put on my boots.
"I'm moving." I say again.
"When?"
"Monday."
"This coming Monday?"
"Yeah...that Monday."
"When did you find out?" he asks but he sounds annoyed with me.
"Today."
"Today?" he says like he doesn't believe me.
"Yes, today. When I got home after school Mom told me we are moving and there were boxes everywhere. It's the first time I found out."
He sits on the bed and slips on his own shoes.
"Ok...where?" he asks when he's fully dressed.
He stands in front of me, staring at me.
"Oh, uh...Nebraska."
"What the fuck? Are you being serious?" He runs a hand through his hair.
"Yes, I'm being serious. Why would I joke about something like this?"
"Ne-braska." he pronounces it like he's never heard of it.
"Yes. Nebraska."
"That's like...hours away."
"I know. I already Googled it."
He places his hands on my shoulders. "You're not seriously thinking about going, are you?"
"Mitchel, I'm still in school! I don't really have a choice. It's either this or I go and live with my dad, which is out of the question."
"Where does he live?"
"In Radley Springs. He's renting a house about five blocks from where I live."
"I thought your dad lived miles away? You always made it sound like he was somewhere else."
"No, he never left Radley, but it makes no difference where he lives 'cause I will never go and live with him or that tramp."
"You can't leave." he says, taking my face in his hands.
"I can't stay. Where would I live? I can't exactly move in with Nessie, her parents like me but I don't think they want me living with them, and my mom would cause problems." I say, looking away from his eyes and staring at a random picture on the wall.
"Then stay with me."
I meet his eyes and realize he's dead serious. Stay with him? Move in with Mitchel?
"What?" I take a step back and his hands fall from my face.
"Come and stay with me."
"Stay with you?"
"Yes, come live with me. You can't go to Nebraska." he half laughs.
"I can't move in with you either. That's just crazy." I want to though. "And what about your mom? Wouldn't she mind?"
"No, why would she mind?"
Am I the only one that thinks this is a little odd? Any normal parent would have a problem with some teenage girl suddenly moving in.
"Because we've only known each other a month! I don't even have a job, I can't pay for anything."
"I never asked you to. JT pays for most of the rent and bills and Mom buys the groceries and spends the rest of her money on handbags. And JT won't ask you for anything."
I can't process what he's telling me. I mean, the idea of living with Mitchel and his family would be amazing, and never having to deal with my mom. Amazing. I know I can legally do what I want now being eighteen but what if things don't work out? I'd be screwed, homeless, no money. A nightmare.
"How does JT pay for everything?" I ask.
"He did a few jobs back where we used to live and made enough money to live off of for a while, and now he's selling again so money isn't a problem."
I rub my forehead trying to rub some sense into my head. I'm a mess right now, half drunk, and on the verge of tears because I know that can't happen. I can't move in with Mitchel, the idea is insane, right? Mom will think I've gone mad. Not to mention they are drug dealers. This is insane!
Mitchel pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly and I hug him around the waist.
"Come home with me tonight, and we'll pick your stuff up tomorrow."
I hug him a little tighter, knowing that what I'm about to say will make me break down in tears and I'm not sure how Mitchel will react.
"I can't." I tell him, and take a deep breath and pull away from him.
"You can't what?" Mitchel's blue eyes darken and he watches me with a deep frown.
"I can't do that. I might hate my mom and hate living with her, but it's still my home, at least I still have a home to go back to."
"What are you talking about?"
"I mean, if anything went wrong then I wouldn't have a home to go back to. If I stay here with you, Mom will never let me go home again."
"Nothing is going to go wrong. Kelse, you can't leave me."
I think my heart breaks a little when he says that. I lean against the wall for support. My legs feel like they might give out. I'm not sure if it's the drink or the fact that I'm in love with Mitchel and the idea of leaving him hurts like hell.
He stalks over to me and cages me in with his arms on either side of me.
"Don't do this. Don't leave me like this. I only just found you."
"I have to. I can't move in with you. Be realistic, Mitchel. We're eighteen and we don't really know each other." I look up at him, his blue eyes searching my face in a frantic way.
"So? What does it matter how old we are? I know what I want, Kelse. I want you. And I don't want you to leave. Everything is right when you're with me. Everything was dark and pointless before you and then you came along and everything changed. You're my light in the dark, you make me happy and I feel safe with you like I can tell you anything. I feel as though we've known each other forever. You give me this warm, fuzzy feeling, my very own sunshine." I try to look away from him but he takes my face in his hand and makes me look at him. "If I lose you everything will be dark again, and nothing can survive without the sun."
/>
The tears start to fall and I cling to his shirt. Why did he have to say all those things? It only makes this harder. I had no idea he needed me as much as I need him.
"I have to go. I can't live with you. I'm sorry." I sob.
"You can't? Or you won't?"
"Both."
"No, you're scared."
"I'm not scared. I'm trying to be grown up about this. It wouldn't be right. Come next week we could fall out over, over...over who sleeps on which side of the bed."
"That's not likely to happen, I already told you I sleep on the right side 'cause I like to be close to the door."
"Well, what if I want to sleep on the right side?"
"Are we really doing this?" he deadpans.
I push him away.
"We can't live together, we're too young. Young people make stupid decisions. And mistakes."
"You think I'm a mistake?"
"No, that's not what I meant..."
"Then what did you mean?"
"I think moving in would be a mistake."
"No, you're just scared of this."
"I am not scared!"
"Yes you are! You're scared of the way you feel about me, it scares you. You want to be with me but you want to do the right thing as well, and you know you can't do both. You're crazy about me and I'm crazy about you and it scares you because you want to be with me but you're scared things will go wrong in a few weeks and turn to shit. Well, guess what, Kelse...if you leave things will turn to shit."
A knock on the door causes me to jump.
"Hey! You guys finished in there?" some guy shouts.
"Yeah." I call back.
"No." Mitchel growls.
I make a move to get to the door and reach for the door handle but Mitchel grabs the handle first and stops me.
"Do you love me?" he asks quickly.
"Why does it matter? I'm leaving on Monday. This...us, we can't be together anymore."
"Is that why you wanted to sleep with me so bad?"
I shake my head and try to pry his hand off the door handle.
"So what? I fuck you and you can tick losing your virginity off your list of things to do before Monday. Is that what this is?"
"Ohmigosh...no, that is not...Yes, I want to sleep with you, so I can remember you as being the first boy I kissed, the first boy I fell for, and the first boy I slept with."
"Guys, if you're not using the bed can you please leave the room?" the guy says on the other side of the door and I hear a girl giggling.
