by Lacuna Reid
“Mira,” he whispers into my neck, reaching his hands around my waist, his fingers brush against the base of my breasts and I sigh. Gino rolls towards me, his hand traces up my thigh, his eyes are curious.
Oh, my gods… how can this be happening…
I’ve never had a threesome before, in this life, anyway. Hell, I hardly had any sex at all over the last couple of years… and now look at me – I’ve been with two guys in the past week and I’m now sandwiched in between sexy guys while the heat is being turned all the way up to smoking hot.
“Do you like this, Mira?” Elias asks, his hot breath against my neck.
“Do you want this?” Gino adds, stroking his hand up, to rest against my hip.
“Yes!” I say.
Just then, there’s a knock at the door. Who the hell is that? I don’t respond in time and three people, wearing the grey El Cielo uniform, walk into my room. It’s Victor, the manager of El Cielo, and he’s flanked by two younger men.
Crap!
I pull the sheet around me, just as Gino and Elias scramble to cover themselves with the blanket.
“Excuse me?” I say.
“Oh, sorry,” Victor says, with a sneer that doesn’t sound sorry at all. “I didn’t realize you were… busy.”
He shields his eyes, as do the two men behind him.
“What are you doing here?” Gino demands.
“We’re under strict instructions to move Mira to the apartment under Theo’s,” Victor says.
“Umm… what?” I know Theo mentioned it last night, but I didn’t realize I didn’t have any say in the matter of if, when, or how I moved.
“Mr Brodeur told us to come to the room, straight away, and to move Mira’s belongings.”
“I can just move my own things. Thanks,” I say.
“Thank you, Victor,” Gino says. “You may leave now.”
“But…”
“Thank you,” Gino says firmly.
The three intruders leave. Gino looks at Elias and they both crack up laughing.
“That wasn’t exactly funny,” I say, “for me, anyway. Why are you laughing?”
“Theo,” says Elias.
“This is exactly the kind of stunt he would pull,” Gino says.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Theo would expect us to all be in bed together and would want to interrupt,” Elias says.
“What?!”
“Like I said, he has some controlling behaviors, Mira,” Gino says. “We give him a hard time about it, but we know he struggles with letting things go.”
“Like this is some kind of revenge?” I ask.
“It’s more like jealousy,” Elias says.
“It’s petty,” Gino adds.
“It’s horrible,” I say. “I don’t know how you can stand it. It’s like he was trying to embarrass us in front of those people…”
“We know him well,” Elias says. “Theo would have been stewing all night about you, jealous that you didn’t choose to spend another night with him. He knows he has no claim over you, but he’s struggled with that in other lives too… you might not remember.”
“I don’t… not really.” It bothers me that I don’t remember as much as the guys seem to.
“So… he would have been thinking about it all night,” Gino says, “tossing and turning, and then at four in the morning, he would have made a stupid decision to send people down, first thing in the morning, to make sure we weren’t having too much fun without him. He would have justified it to himself that he’s only looking out for you – trying to move you as soon as possible.”
I can see what Gino is saying, but there’s a lead weight in my stomach. I’ve been running from controlling men my whole life… how could I have just run right into the arms of another one?
I try to confront Theo, before starting work in the kitchen, but he’s not in his office, and I’m kind of relieved. I usually run away from confrontation. I usually run away from controlling men, but how can I run away from all this? Each one of these men draws me in, in a way I’ve never experienced before. I can’t imagine leaving any of them. I guess it’s time to stop running from everything.
Chapter Thirteen
Mira
Unsurprisingly, Theo is proving hard to track down. I want to confront him about his “controlling” behavior – as the guys put it – and how he’s insisting on me moving apartments, and how he sent grumpy Victor in to interrupt what could have been a particularly pleasurable time!
I’m on my way to bed one night, tired from cooking all day, when I finally bump into Theo on the stairs.
“Oh,” he says. “You’ve finished in the kitchen.”
There’s something strange about his expression.
“Theo, what’s going on? Why are you even paying attention to my work schedule?”
Theo splutters and tries to push past me, but I block his path.
“We need to talk,” I say. “Now.”
Theo relents and I follow him up to his room.
As soon as we enter Theo’s room, I feel his magnetism. I’m so drawn to him that I want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him again, but I hold back.
“Mira, I…”
“You’ve been acting really strangely,” I tell him, “It’s like you’re trying to keep me away from you – and from the other guys. They say you’re controlling. Is that it?”
It feels good to confront him, even though I want to run away and avoid conflict. I feel… powerful.
“I owe you an apology, Mira,” Theo says, lowering his eyes and his velvety voice. “I have been struggling with this… with you.”
He looks at me with those deep brown eyes and a jolt of desire spikes inside me.
“The feelings are so strong,” he says, “and so confusing. There is so much… so much past… so much regret.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Mira, you know this is not the first time we’ve been together… and in those other lives… well, this isn’t the first time I’ve struggled… with jealousy, with rage…”
I look at him, thinking over my dreams of Ancient Greece… Amedes in the temple, there were intimate times with the others… but Amedes and I were always alone… my priest.
“You wouldn’t have permitted it,” I say, remembering. “At the temple, there was only sacred sex and I had to hide my relationship with the others.”
Theo nods.
“There is much you don’t remember and that is probably best for now,” he says. “Just know that this… this situation with you and them… it’s hard for me to deal with. It always has been.”
“Okay,” I say, stepping towards him, “but this conversation isn’t finished. When you’re ready, you’re telling me everything.” I grab his shirt collars and pull him towards me, into a passionate kiss.
Theo pulls away and there is guilt in his eyes.
“Mira… I betrayed you.”
* * *
“What?” I let go of Theo’s collar and step back.
“I betrayed you… all of you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I discovered you, with the others. I saw you…”
Something uncomfortable is churning inside me that I can’t name.
“I know I was arrogant,” Theo continues. “Amedes thought he knew better than anyone else. I was the priest, after all. A new general had come to town…”
“Pellis…” I say.
“Yes, and I told him about your… your sacrilegious behavior. He seemed very interested in you. I told him it wasn’t you – it was the others. They had corrupted you, but he had this gleam in his eyes. He and his soldiers came. They sacked the temple. Everything was destroyed… we were… we were all slaughtered.”
Theo has tears in his eyes and I realized I do, too.
“That’s… that’s awful.”
“I understand if you want nothing more to do with me,” Theo says. His expression is desolate.
> I look up into his eyes, into all that pain and guilt.
“It was a long time ago, Theo,” I smile because it really was a loooong long time ago. Theo catches my smile and we both laugh through our tears.
I let out a long slow exhale.
“So, have you learnt your lesson?”
“You mean, am I going to report your erotic activity to the authorities?” Theo smiles again, sadly, ironically. “Mira, I’m trying. I’m trying to hold myself together. I’m trying to accept that this connection we share; that pulls me towards you like gravity; that constantly occupies my mind… I’m trying to accept that you have a connection with Elias and Gino and Helio… just as you are connected with me.”
Theo rests his head in his hands.
“It’s okay. You need time,” I say, stepping away.
“I’ve had time,” Theo says, pulling me closer. “We’ve known about you for fifteen years, since the others were students, since we first came here and shared our dreams and realized that it all must be real… that you must be real.”
“I was only fourteen then,” I say. That was when my dreams started too… was it something to do with the guys sharing their dreams that started mine?
“We knew about you in theory – we knew Mya and Émilie…”
“Émilie?”
“The medieval life…”
“It bothers me that I don’t remember it and that you guys do.”
“We only know fragments. Some come from Gino’s experience of past life regressions.”
I need to get me one of those… figure out the whole story here… but right now, Theo smells like coffee and caramel, and he is pulling me closer, and it’s hard to think of anything else but ripping his clothes off.
“But, Mira, even in that life, I was the one who couldn’t swallow my pride and accept that the woman I loved also loved my oldest friends.”
“That sounds like a totally normal thing, Theo,” I say. Theo raises his eyebrows. “Not snitching on us to the military and getting us all killed,” I continue. Theo stiffens and I realize I’m being too flippant. “But, the other part… I mean how many guys do you know that would actually be comfortable with that kind of… relationship?”
It’s the first time I’ve said the ‘R’ word and it feels strange on my tongue, but I know deep down that this is what we have… these four men and me… it’s not just sex, it’s something much deeper; it’s an ancient connection that spans many lives for fuck’s sake… Why is it awkward to call it a relationship?
“I’ve had so many chances,” Theo says. “I’ve had so many years to learn this lesson and yet still, I struggle with it so much…”
I pull him closer. I can sense the chaotic, churning, emotion inside him, like a volcano about to erupt, and all I want is for him to pour all that tension into me.
“Maybe it’s time for you to confront this properly,” I say, burying my face in Theo’s chest and inhaling his musky coffee aroma.
And maybe it’s time for me to learn to confront my problems, instead of running from them.
Theo presses his hands against the tops of my arms, “Oh, Mira, don’t make this any harder than it already is. I need to stay away from you…” Theo’s velvety voice is like music. Sexy as fuck music.
“You’re trying too hard to be in control,” I say, reaching my hands up to rest against his chest. There’s so much tension building between us it sends sparks shooting up from my clit.
I look into Theo’s deep brown eyes. I need him now… “Instead of trying to control everything out there,” I say. “How about you exercise some control over me now… in bed.”
Theo pulls me into him, a fire courses through me as we kiss. He pulls back for a moment, looking into my eyes. “Do you trust me?”
I’ve only known this man for a matter of days… and a matter of lifetimes. I know he can be broody, surly, aloof… I know he has betrayed me in the past… but I also know I trust him now, and I need this as much as he does. I need to face my fears and let go, and he needs to learn to take control in a safe way.
“Yes.”
“Stay there,” he says in a hoarse whisper. “Don’t move a muscle.”
His command sends a wave of delicious anticipation through me as he disappears behind me. The next thing I know, he’s back, draping something silky down the backs of my arms, giving me goosebumps.
“Would you like me to blindfold you, Mira?” he whispers against my neck.
“Yes.”
He wraps the black silk scarf over my face, blocking out my sight. Then he lifts me up, carrying me across the room. I feel the softness of the bed beneath me.
“Now, I’m going to tie you up, Mira. Would you like that?”
My entire body tingles at his words.
“Yes!”
Theo takes my left arm and ties my wrist, pulling it to the side of the bed with what feels like another silk scarf, and then does the same to my right wrist, on the other side. He runs his fingertips town my arm, pausing to untie my wrap dress. I’d only just got it back from the laundry service and now it seems I’m getting it filthy again.
Theo strokes, down my body, from my neck, right down to my toes. I’m so wet, I can feel it soaking through my panties. He reaches around my chest, unhooking my bra, then he gently stroke’s my breasts.
“You have a birthmark…” Theo sounds mildly surprised. His fingers brush over the spot beneath my breast.
“Yes,”
“I didn’t notice that before,” he says.
I can feel his hot breath against my skin and his teeth as they drag against the soft skin of my breast.
“Theo… I want you inside me right now,” I say.
“I’m the one in control here, Mira. You must wait.”
“You’re driving me crazy.”
“That’s my intention.”
I sigh, pulling against the silk of my bindings.
“Please…”
I feel Theo’s hands at my hips, slipping off my panties, kissing all the way down my legs as he removes them. I’m almost completely naked except for the straps at the top of my undone dress and the blindfold.
Theo takes my left foot, kissing my toes and then sliding them into his mouth, scraping them with his teeth. Well, there’s something I never knew I liked… The sensation is intense, sending thousands of little shivers through me.
While he does this, he slides his hand, so, so, slowly, up my thigh, edging closer and closer towards my dripping pussy. I want to grab him and pull him into me, but all I can do is grab hold of my silk bindings and wriggle slightly closer to him.
“Patience, Mira.”
His voice is so deep and delicious and commanding that I instantly relax.
“I’d like nothing more than to enter you right now and fuck you senseless… but I want to make the most of this…” He sweeps his hands up over my body, then I feel his palms press the bed on both sides of my head. “…opportunity” he whispers into my ear, before taking my earlobe into his mouth and biting down gently, sending another shiver of desire through me.
I can feel the pressure of Theo’s knees on the bed, either side of my head. He hovers over my mouth and then kisses me, deeply, upside-down.
“You have no idea how good it feels to have you under my command.”
Theo grabs hold of me, pulling me towards him, but he’s kneeling on the straps of my dress, still clinging to my shoulders, and the motion yanks me back.
“Ouch,” I say, as one of the straps snap.
There is a moment of confusion. My dress is broken, my favorite dress. I have hardly any clothing anyway, and my shoulders are sore, and I can’t see… and Theo is on top of me; his weight is heavy on my chest, and I’m powerless.
I’m no longer in a sexy place in my mind. I’m overwhelmed and that takes me back to my childhood – to the dark places my father would lock me when he was trying to teach me a lesson – my wardrobe, the cupboard in the hall, the empty room with no windows
that he called the cellar.
I’ve been told it’s called dissociation – when someone feels like they leave their body. It happens to me sometimes when the traumas of my childhood surface. Everything is vague and foggy. I can’t see… but I couldn’t see anyway. It takes me a while to realize where I am, and that Theo has stopped.
“Mira,” he says gently. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. I can feel the tears on my cheeks and I wish I could wipe them away but I still can’t move.
Theo hesitates for a moment and then removes the blindfold and fumbles to untie me.
“I’m so sorry, Mira,” he says. “Your dress… did I hurt you?”
“A bit,” I say. “But that’s not what made me cry. It was just… some stuff came up.”
Theo nods. “I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”
“No…” I say. “It was just a bit too much. I was really enjoying it up until a minute ago. Thank you for stopping.”
“Of course,” Theo says. “I didn’t mean to cause you any distress, Mira. Only pleasure. This won’t happen again.”
“What if I want it to happen again?” I counter, having regained my composure as I wrap my broken dress around myself.
“Then… we do it properly, with a safe word and everything,” Theo says solemnly. “I want you to feel good… safe. I never want to be the cause of your tears.”
I reach out for Theo and he comes towards me, wrapping his arms around me, holding me. This is enough… for now.
Chapter Fourteen
Mira
As I leave Theo’s office, I’m struck again by the feeling of being watched.
“Go away,” I say to the empty hallway. “Either show yourself or leave me the fuck alone.”
That night, I fall asleep quickly and find myself in a very different kind of dream.
I’m walking through the El Cielo buildings, except they are rougher somehow… it feels like a construction site.
I go out the back. The sky is dark. The grounds look different, barer… not the forest that I’m used to.
A girl appears from nowhere. She stands in front of me in a grey dress, her wavy long brown hair covers part of her face, but I can tell she’s young… maybe fifteen... her eyes are closed.
