by Jim Colucci
EPISODE 142
SISTERS OF THE BRIDE
Written by: MARC CHERRY & JAMIE WOOTEN Directed by: MATTHEW DIAMOND Original airdate: JANUARY 12, 1991
Blanche’s brother Clayton (Monte Markham) arrives from Atlanta with a big surprise: his fiancé, Doug (Michael Ayr). Although Blanche claims to have accepted her brother’s sexual orientation, seeing him with his male lover takes her aback. When Clay overhears her obsessing about what people might say, he assures her that his and Doug’s commitment to each other is all that matters, and reveals that to celebrate, they plan to marry.
The other ladies invite the men to the Volunteer Vanguard Awards banquet that they are producing, but in Blanche’s eyes the event becomes their “coming-out” party. She attends anyway, in support of her friends, but annoyingly tries to interrupt Clay from introducing his fiancé around. When it becomes obvious that Blanche has yet to truly accept her brother’s life, Clay gives her an ultimatum: come to terms with it, or stay out of it. Ultimately, wise Sophia counsels Blanche that everyone wants someone to be with as they grow older, with Clayton being no exception. And so, after Doug assures her that he loves her brother, Blanche finally welcomes her future brother-in-law to the family.
COMMENTARY: Like earlier episode “Valentine’s Day,” “Sisters of the Bride” matter-of-factly presents a gay marriage more than two decades before it became a nationwide legal reality in 2015. While this episode treads some of the same ground as did Clayton’s first episode, “Scared Straight,” the reappearance of the character ups the ante for Blanche, illustrating how complex the act of “acceptance” can be. Blanche ended that first episode accepting the fact that her brother was different; yet old habits and fears resurface when now she is presented with an actual flesh-and-blood man who sleeps with her brother.
MARC SOTKIN: When Marc Cherry and Jamie Wooten first came in to pitch freelance stories to us, every show they pitched ended with “. . . and he’s gay.” Blanche meets a man and falls in love with him “. . . and he’s gay.” Dorothy’s old teacher comes to visit “. . . and he’s gay.” But when they started working full-time on staff, they were so funny and always came up with good stories. They proved they actually could come up with other concepts. So this ended up being the first gay-themed show that they did get the okay to write. After all, they were good at coming up with gay stories, and if you can’t do them on The Golden Girls then you can’t do them.
MATTHEW DIAMOND: In the conversation where Clayton announces he’s marrying Doug, Dorothy has to clarify for Rose that it’s the two men who are going to wed. And literally, the way the line is written in the script for Rose, it’s just: “Oh. Oh. Oh.” That may look like it’s written badly, but it’s actually written brilliantly, because the writers knew exactly what they were doing giving that line to Betty. She said “oh” three different ways, suggesting three different meanings. And each one of those “oh”s makes you laugh out loud. Betty always hit things like that out of the park.
The ballroom site of the Volunteer Vanguard Awards.
Photo courtesy of the EDWARD S. STEPHENSON ARCHIVE at the ART DIRECTORS GUILD.
MARC CHERRY: This episode had just two sentences that could be seen as political, and the line is mine when Sophia says, “Everyone just wants someone to grow old with. Doesn’t Clayton deserve that, too?” To me, that was as thought provoking as I wanted to go, and as much as the episode needed.
We were so happy to write something with a gay character, because at the time it was still pretty rare to write gay stuff on TV. After it aired, a magnificent thing happened. We got a call from a gay couple who had gotten married who had said the episode’s jokes had made them smile. Jamie [Wooten] and I went to their home, and they showed us a photo album of their wedding. We found out after that that one of the men was HIV-positive, and it was only about three or four years later that he passed away. I like to remember all the joy that the episode brought to them, because now they had something to relate to, like so many straight couples can when they watch TV.
JAMIE WOOTEN: The show used to get tons of letters and fan mail, and they would bring some of the interesting ones into the writers’ room. After this episode aired, I was surprised we got so much hate mail. Boy, I needed to grow up fast with that stuff; I was so naïve. I saved one letter in my scrapbook, because I wanted to remember that what you do on TV can affect people, and you never know how people are going to react.
Here’s the letter. On the front, it says: “The Worst Show Faggots.”
“Golden girls will never be watched in our home again. It made us truly believe in abortion. Faggots are embarssemt [sic] to the world. What’s funny about 2 males acting like Queers. Queers should be gassed and no one should suffer their shame. Those actors should be out of work. Loinest [sic] garbage yet. Faggots disease the world. So do you.”
My favorite part of the whole postcard? The “America the Beautiful” stamp.
But to put it in perspective, we got far more letters about Bea’s hair than any other topic, episode or controversy ever. In general, they hated it. And they would give us very specific ways how to fix it, which I thought was hilarious—and touching that they really cared. I don’t think they ever let Bea know.
EPISODE 143 & 144
THERE GOES THE BRIDE
(PARTS 1 & 2)
Part 1: Teleplay by: MITCHELL HURWITZ Part 1: Story by: GAIL PARENT, JIM VALLELY, & MITCHELL HURWTZ Part 2: Written by: GAIL PARENT & JIM VALLELY Directed by: MATTHEW DIAMOND Original airdates: FEBRUARY 2 & 9, 1991
In the first half of this two-part episode, Dorothy begins dating her ex-husband, Stan (Herb Edelman), finding that he’s a changed man, a caring friend and solicitous lover. Sophia doesn’t take well to the news that Dorothy might be in love with the yutz again, faking chest pains; but that doesn’t stop Dorothy from going to dinner with him, where the newly wealthy Stan has a surprise hidden in her baked potato: a scalding hot engagement ring.
After Dorothy accepts, Blanche throws her a bridal shower out on the lanai—but Sophia announces her intention not to attend. Assessing the problem, Blanche urges Dorothy to set up an old-fashioned sit-down between Stan and Sophia, where he can formally ask for her daughter’s hand in marriage. But the plan backfires when Sophia not only refuses her blessing, but also tells Dorothy that if she makes the mistake of remarrying a man neither of them can trust, she’ll be cut out of her mother’s life forever.
Meanwhile, with Miles away in Europe, Rose innocently asks his friend Ray to be her escort to the Children’s Hospital fundraiser, but the man’s jealous ex-wife Myra tracks them to a seafood restaurant and attacks Rose with a lobster. When Myra starts calling the house with threats, Rose reports the situation to the police—only for the responding officer to be confused for the stripper at Dorothy’s shower.
In part two, Rose is truly scared after her brakes mysteriously fail, and installs a new doorbell with the sounds of angry dogs barking. Eventually, Myra (Meg Wyllie) does indeed come to the door, but only to tell Rose she’s giving up fighting for Ray, and is instead checking in to a lovely retirement home called Shady Pines.
Meanwhile, Dorothy’s nuptials are three days away, and Blanche begins the process of interviewing new roommates. After turning down a dozen applicants whom she deems too threateningly young and pretty, Blanche is relieved to meet Truby Steele (Debbie Reynolds), a spitfire who just buried her third rich, elderly husband.
The day before the wedding, as Dorothy and her wedding planner (Raye Birk) rehearse her march down the aisle, a confused Sophia enters and accidentally tips her hand about her plan to object during the ceremony. And so the next morning, as workers tie flowers to chairs on the lanai, Blanche and Rose intervene with the old lady, convincing her that Dorothy is a grown woman who should be allowed to make her own decisions.
Truby moves in, just in time to join Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose in a gab session about marriage as the bride puts on her makeup. Even Sophia comes around, entering th
e bedroom in her best blue suit, ready to offer her blessing. Dorothy is good to go, veil on her head, when Stan introduces her to his best man, real-life attorney Marvin Mitchelson (1928–2004)—who asks Dorothy to sign a prenuptial agreement. Infuriated that Stan doesn’t trust her after their original thirty-eight years together, Dorothy throws out her groom, and announces to her guests that there won’t be a wedding.
That night in the kitchen, the now five Golden Girls realize there’s no longer any room for Truby on Richmond Street. But luckily, she’ll be able to stay a few more days; because rather than letting two plane tickets to Aruba go to waste, Dorothy has resigned herself to her worst nightmare: taking her mother on her honeymoon.
COMMENTARY: When it looks like Dorothy is about to remarry Stan, the Girls bring in new roommate Truby, played by Debbie Reynolds. Which presents the viewer with a problem: we don’t want Dorothy to leave, but why can’t Princess Leia’s mom stay a while?
Guest star Debbie Reynolds is a Hollywood legend who starred in the classic musical Singin’ in the Rain when she was just nineteen and went on to perform in MGM musicals over the next dozen years. Among her many film roles, she’s known for 1957’s Tammy and the Bachelor—for which her recording of the title song, “Tammy” hit number one on the Billboard charts—and 1964’s The Unsinkable Molly Brown, for which she was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress. Her later high-profile roles include the title character in Albert Brooks’s film Mother in 1996, the mother of Kevin Kline in 1997’s In and Out, and the recurring role of Bobbi Adler, the mother of Debra Messing on NBC’s landmark sitcom Will and Grace.
MARC SOTKIN: As we were writing the sixth season, we knew it was possible that Bea might decide to leave the show. So we debated: do we start bringing aboard a “guest star of the week” to see if anybody else might be a good fit to replace her? Debbie Reynolds was the first test of that idea—and really the last test of it too. Because although Debbie was great, we knew that it really wouldn’t matter who would come in to replace Bea. The chemistry just would never be as good.
Blanche finds out she has a lot in common with ill-fated housemate Truby (Debbie Reynolds).
Photo by ABC PHOTO ARCHIVES/ABC via GETTY IMAGES.
DEBBIE REYNOLDS: The producers had said at the time that because Bea Arthur was looking to leave the show to go do some theater there was a possibility my character, Truby, might stay. I told them yes, I’d be interested in that. I think the other actresses were a little confused and concerned that I was coming on: what was I coming on for? I wasn’t involved in any of the conversations about Bea possibly leaving, and I don’t know what that was about. I do think they might have brought me on partly to make the actresses mind the bosses.
Doing the show with those brilliant ladies was a great joy. I was happy to get to work with them for the time I did. I would have worked with them anytime, anywhere. But in the end, Bea must have changed her mind, and she stayed with the show.
Even today, I have people come up to me and ask, “Why didn’t you stay?” I tell them that the show was so wonderful and funny without me that although I would have loved to have stayed I wasn’t needed.
EPISODE 145
MILES TO GO
Written by: DON SEIGEL & JERRY PERZIGIAN Directed by: MATTHEW DIAMOND Original airdate: JANUARY 19, 1991
As dinner winds down at Miles’s place, Sophia turns on the news just in time to catch a report about the demise of mobster Mickey “the Cheeseman” Moran. Shortly afterward, Miles is brimming with exciting yet confusing news. The man heretofore known as Miles Webber, college professor, is actually Chicago accountant Nicholas Carbone; the Cheeseman was his biggest client—that is, until Carbone agreed to turn state’s evidence against the mafia kingpin. Later, when the Cheeseman escaped police custody, the informant had no choice but to enter the Witness Protection Program, bringing him to Miami and to Rose’s life.
The naïve Minnesotan is understandably overwhelmed. But the next night, as she sees that Miles / Nick is still the same guy as ever, Rose agrees to accompany him on a three-month trip back to Chicago. Before she can pack her bags, a radio report reveals that the Cheeseman has actually faked his death. Now, a frantic Miles explains, in order for them to remain together, Rose will have to join him in witness protection, assuming a new identity. When she realizes that would mean severing ties with her family, and of course the Girls, Rose has to make the tough choice to part ways with her beloved for the foreseeable future.
Meanwhile, Sophia is ecstatic when Gladys Goldfine invites her to a Tony Bennett concert—but is then infuriated when Gladys rescinds the ticket in order to bring a date. As angry Sicilians are wont to do, Sophia puts a curse on her former friend, but relents when Gladys (Mary Gillis) comes over with an apology and the two tickets—to see Tony Martin.
COMMENTARY: This episode adds a twist to the ongoing love story of Rose and Miles, setting up an obstacle that the couple would overcome just a few weeks later, in the episode “Witness.” And although we find out here that “Miles” is not a real English professor, the man has definitely done his homework, as he decides to cook dinner in commemoration of the 117th anniversary of the birth of the American poet Robert Frost. (And although this episode aired in January 1991, the setting on Frost’s birthday means that the action therein begins on March 26 of that year.)
In keeping with this literary theme, Miles punctuates his sad parting with Rose by suggesting she read the poem on page seventy-three of his poetry book. It’s one of the rare times that The Golden Girls ends not with a comic “button,” or final joke, but a bittersweet emotional moment. Miles must be reading an abridged text, however, because when Rose recites the final stanza of Frost’s 1913 “Reluctance,” she leaves out the middle two lines:
Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?
In other noteworthy news, in this episode we finally meet Sophia’s much-talked-about friend Gladys Goldfine, a woman in her eighties even though the actress Mary Gillis was at the time only fifty years old. A longtime character actress on TV and in film, Mary boasts a long resume that includes a regular role on Susan Harris’s short-lived 1991 soap opera spoof Good and Evil, and a recent recurring run in 2011–12 as Glee teacher Mrs. Hagberg.
HAROLD GOULD: I thought the witness protection storyline was a little extreme, but at the same time I was okay with it, because I was doing a lot of other things. Every year, I would try to do a play in addition to any TV work, and I had to always try to mix in theater and film work at the same time. I always thought the Miles character could come to an end someday, so when I heard about the witness protection program, I thought, “Oh well, bye-bye!”
DON SEIGEL: Sometimes, a writer will just say something offhandedly funny in the writers’ room. And if everybody laughs, it’s in. So the witness protection program thing became a storyline, even though it’s way over the top. The Golden Girls writers’ room in those later years was really a political place, and there were factions: one faction liked harder and more surreal jokes, and I think that’s what prevailed here.
RICHARD VACZY: [My former writing partner] Tracy Gamble is such a good writer—but I have to say the whole witness protection program thing was his idea. Afterward, I took him behind closed doors and said, “What have you done! Do you know what these crazy bastards are going to do with that!” If you think Bea Arthur reacts well, you should have seen my reaction when many of the other writers in the room had responded, “Hey, yeah, that’s great!” Are you kidding me! The one good thing was that late in the series we were looking for stories, and doing this gave us a chance to bring Harold Gould back a few more times. But I still felt bad that we gave Harold all this ridiculous witness protection stuff to do.
TRACY GAMBLE: I certainly was “pro” on the subject
matter, and the story arc was great, culminating in a hilarious episode [season six, “Witness”] written by a young Mitchell Hurwitz, wherein Miles is “hiding out” à la Harrison Ford in Witness, in an Amish community.
BETTY WHITE: Actually, I found this story fascinating because—dumb me—I hadn’t known there was such a thing as witness protection, where the person took on a whole other identity!
Rose with Samuel Plankmaker, a.k.a. Miles Webber, a.k.a. Nicholas Carbone (Harold Gould) in “Witness.”
Photo by ABC PHOTO ARCHIVES/ABC via GETTY IMAGES.
EPISODE 147
MELODRAMA
Written by: ROBERT SPINA Directed by: MATTHEW DIAMOND Original airdate: FEBRUARY 16, 1991
After Blanche’s date cancels, she rings up her steady backup, Mel Bushman (Alan King, 1927–2004), but becomes concerned when she can’t reach him. Scared that the Zipper King may have met his maker, Blanche brings the Girls to his apartment, where weeks’ worth of newspapers are piled on the doorstep. Fortunately, it turns out Mel has merely been away on a long vacation. But, realizing she’s taken him for granted for years, Blanche rushes into Mel’s arms and declares her love.
However, it turns out now that commitment is on the table, the couple’s magic is gone. Mel longs for the days when he was merely Blanche’s standby, ready with takeout, a shoulder to cry on, and the rallying call of “Bushman awaits!” As Blanche agrees that she rushed their relationship, the two agree to revert to being what would one day come to be called “friends with benefits.”
