"I would've taken you anyways," Cal says.
"Yeah, right. You didn't even ask me."
"Okay, you two," my mom says. "Let's not start fighting before you even leave."
Like everyone else, my mom knows how much Cal and I fight. She's been witnessing it for years. Once when we were kids, she even had to physically break us apart when I started punching Cal for taking my toy truck. It was my favorite one. A bright green monster truck that looked just like the one at the monster truck show I'd gone to for my birthday. Cal took the truck to play with it and I tackled him to the ground, punching him until he gave it back. I was only nine so I didn't do much damage but I was still punished for a week because of that. No TV and my parents took my truck away.
"We should get going," I tell Cal.
"Have a good time!" My mom heads back to the kitchen. "C'mon, Max. I'll fix you a snack."
He remains in front of Cal and me, staring at us with his big brown eyes. "Are you guys on a date?"
I laugh. "No. We're just going to the party together."
He looks at Cal. "Are you gonna kiss her?"
"No!" I answer before Cal can. "Gross! Why would you even ask him that?"
"Kids at school said boys kiss girls on dates."
"This isn't a date," I tell him. "Cal's like my brother. You don't date your brother. That's gross."
"Cal's your brother?" Max asks, sounding confused.
"No, I said he's like a brother." I sigh. "Never mind. We need to go." I turn to leave. "C'mon Cal."
"See ya, buddy," he says to Max.
"Yooooo like my sisss-terr," he sings in an annoying voice.
"Shut-up, Max," I say as I open the door.
"I bet you kiss her!" he yells as we leave.
"He's so annoying," I say as we're driving off.
"It's because he's eight. Kids tend to be annoying at that age."
"I wish he could make some friends so he'd stop hanging around me so much."
"Maybe he should try a different school."
"It's not about the school. It's because he doesn't know how to relate to other kids. He doesn't like sports and that's all the other boys want to do. They want to play football, or baseball, and Max just wants to take pictures."
"Has he ever tried sports?"
"Yeah, but he didn't like it. He likes being outside. Looking at bugs. Birds. Taking pictures of them."
Cal turns down the street, passing a house that's being torn down. I live in an older neighborhood with some really run-down houses. My parents keep ours looking nice but the one next to it is abandoned and falling apart. The roof's caving in and the lawn is nothing but weeds. It's a huge contrast from Cal's neighborhood with its mansions and manicured lawns. Even the apartment he lives in is in a fancy neighborhood.
"He'll make friends as he gets older," Cal says. "He's just at an awkward stage right now."
"Yeah, I guess."
Cal stops at a light and looks over at me. "So you really think it's gross?"
"What?" I look at him.
"Dating me. You acted like just the idea of it made you want to throw up."
I laugh. "I didn't mean it like that. I was just trying to get Max to understand that this wasn't a date."
"So it's not as disgusting as you made it sound?"
"What are we talking about here? You dating other girls? Or you dating me?"
"Us. You and me."
I laugh again, but this time it's a nervous laugh because I don't know what he's asking. Is he trying to see if I'd go out with him?
"You really need to think that hard about it?" he asks when I don't answer.
"I'm just trying to figure out why you're asking. Is this just a random question like 'Would you ever eat a live bug?' or 'Would you ever pet a shark?'"
"Would you stop analyzing it and just answer the question?" he asks, sounding frustrated.
"Would I ever go out with you? That's the question?"
He pauses, then says, "It's more about what you said when he asked. About seeing me like a brother." He glances at me. "Is that really what you think? You see me like a brother?"
I shrug. "Kind of. I mean, I've been around you since we were kids. I went on trips with your family. You and Taylor and me camped in your back yard. You gave me chicken pox."
"You gave ME chicken pox."
"Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry about that."
"So the answer is yes. I'm like your brother."
"Like Max? No, not at all. Even you're not as obnoxious as him."
"You know what I mean. You consider me like a brother."
I pause. "I don't know. I guess I do. But you feel the same way about me. You think of me like a sister." I look at him. "Don't you?"
He keeps his eyes on the road. "I guess so."
"What do you mean? Are you saying you sometimes don't see me that way?"
"We probably shouldn't talk about this."
"Why?"
"Because there's no reason to. It doesn't matter."
"Then why'd you ask?"
"I just wanted to know if I really disgusted you as much as you made it sound to Max."
"I was exaggerating. You don't disgust me. Well, not usually."
"It's just the kissing part that disgusts you."
I'm looking at him but his eyes are still on the road.
"I don't know. I've never thought about it."
He nods, then says, "So about the party tonight. I'll introduce you around but then I have to go help with the cookout. It shouldn't take long. You'll be okay on your own?"
"Yeah, of course. You know I'm not afraid to go up and talk to people."
"Well, if you don't like it and want to leave, just let me know."
"I will."
We're quiet the rest of the way there. I don't know what's going on with Cal. Why did he ask me all those questions about how I felt about him? He already knows the answer. We're friends. Friends who fight all the time and get on each others nerves and know exactly what buttons to push when we want to make the other person angry. Given that description, we sound more like siblings than friends, so yeah, he's like a brother.
So why do I keep having these feelings for him? Feelings that are definitely not feelings I have for my brother.
Chapter Six
Cal
"Brix!" I yell when I see him getting out of his truck.
"Tuckerman!" He smiles as I meet up with him. "You on grill duty tonight?"
"Only the prep part. Horton's on the grill."
Birdie comes up beside me. "His name's Horton?"
"Last name," I tell her. "We tend to go by last names around here. Horton is actually Dave."
"And I'm Jason," Brix says to her.
"Jason Brixhouser, but we call him Brix. Sometimes we shorten the last name."
"Or sometimes we add something to the first name. Like Cal. He was The Calster all last year."
"Yeah, I'm kind of sick of that," I say. "I'm hoping it changes this year."
"Why not just use your actual names?" Birdie says.
Brix and I look at each other.
"Beats me," we say at the same time.
"I'm Birdie," she says to Brix. "And yes, that's my actual name. With no additions or subtractions. Just Birdie."
"I like it," he says, smiling at her. It's a smile that says he's interested in her. Why wouldn't he be? She looks even hotter than normal tonight. That dress is freaking gorgeous on her. Her breasts are practically bursting out of the top, which is fitted from the waist up. The skirt part flows over her curves, the fabric lifting every time the breeze blows, making me remember what's under it. That beautiful ass. The one that was rubbing against me earlier in the pool.
I can't think about that. I've been trying to wipe that memory from my brain all afternoon. Not just her ass rubbing against me but all of it. The image of her in that bikini. The feel of my hands on her as I held her in the water. The feel of her body pressed against mine when she latched onto me after I
slipped. And that look. The look in her eyes when she realized our bodies were touching in such an intimate way. I swear she liked it. Maybe not as much as I did but I know she felt something, and it sure as hell wasn't disgust. That's why I asked her those questions on the drive over here. She said I was like a brother but I'm not sure I believe her. Not after what happened in the pool today.
"You here with Cal?" Brix asks Birdie.
"No. I mean, he gave me a ride but we're not together. Like, not on a date or anything. I've known Cal forever. I'm best friends with his sister, Taylor."
"I know Taylor," Brix says, that smile showing up again. "How's she doing?"
"Fine,” I say. “And she has a boyfriend so don't even think about it. Even if she didn't have a boyfriend, I wouldn't let you near her."
"Is he like this with you too?" Brix asks Birdie. "Acting all protective big brother and shit?"
"If he did, I'd kick his ass." She smiles at me. "Isn't that right, big brother?"
Why is she calling me that? There's no way she really sees me like a brother. I used to think she did but ever since I've been giving her swimming lessons, I've been doubting the whole big brother thing. I think it's all an act. I do the same with her but it's getting harder to pretend when I'm this attracted to her.
"I'm gonna head inside," Brix says. "You coming?"
"I'll be there in a minute," I tell him.
He walks off and Birdie follows.
"Birdie, wait."
She turns back. "Why?"
I walk up to her. "Before we go in there, I just want to warn you that a lot of those guys are just looking to get laid tonight."
She gasps. "Really? Drunk frat boys want sex? That's shocking."
"I'm serious."
"So am I. You really think I'm that stupid? Like I don't know what guys want? And just so you know, a lot of girls want that too." She walks off.
"I'm just trying to look out for you," I say, catching up to her.
"You don't need to. I know frat guys are assholes. I dated one."
"You did? When?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Why? What happened?"
She stops suddenly. "He forgot to tell me he was dating three other girls."
"No shit? Three? Damn, that's impressive."
"Impressive?" She shoves my shoulder. "You better be kidding."
"I was." I rub my shoulder. "Shit, that hurt."
Her eyes widen. "Oh my God, was that your bad shoulder?"
"Yeah, but it's fine."
"Cal, I'm so sorry. I wasn't even thinking. Are you okay? Can I get you some ice or something?"
"It's fine. Don't worry about it."
She stares at my shoulder. "What if I did more damage? I could've just ruined your golf career!"
"There IS no golf career. It's over," I mutter. "Let's go." I turn and walk toward the house.
"Cal, hold on." Her hand wraps around mine, stopping me. She lets go of my hand and steps in front of me. "Why do you keep saying that?"
"Saying what?"
"Stuff that makes it sound like you're quitting golf."
"Birdie, this isn't the time. Let's go."
"Not until you tell me."
This topic came up the other day when I saw her on campus but she let it go. She didn't ask me about it. Part of me was hoping she would because I really need to talk about this with someone and I can't talk to my dad. Or Luke. They'd both tell me to keep trying. To not give up. But it feels like it's already over. I made it to the pros and sucked. I couldn't do it. I let my dad down. I let myself down.
"Cal, what's going on?" Birdie asks.
"I don't want to talk about it."
This time I really don't. The other day I was ready to open up to her but today I'm not. I don't know why. Maybe because we're here at the frat house parking lot with people walking past us. This isn't the right time, or the right place.
"You're an amazing golfer, Cal. You know that. Everyone does. Why would you even consider giving it up?"
I look her in the eye. "Birdie, I don't want to talk about this. I'm serious. Just let it go."
She pauses, her eyes on mine. "I know I'm not great at handing out compliments, especially to you, but when it comes to golf, you're one of the best players out there."
I let out a laugh. "Yeah, that's why I got kicked off the tour."
"The Calster!" a guy yells, and when I look over I see Donovan walking by, a beer in his hand.
"Hey, man!"
He walks over to me. "I hear you got grill duty."
"Just the prep part." I check the time on my phone. "Shit, I gotta get in there."
Donovan waves at someone. "Babe, over here!"
It's his girlfriend. She just pulled into the parking lot. He goes over to see her.
"I need to get in there and set up," I say to Birdie. "I'll introduce you to people when I'm done."
"That's fine," she says as we walk to the house.
"I wasn't kidding about that warning. If a guy's flirting with you, be careful, especially if he's drunk."
"Maybe I was hoping to get lucky tonight," she says, smiling at me.
My jaw tightens and I suddenly feel like I want to punch someone. Why does the thought of her with some other guy make me so angry? I've been like this for years. Just hearing her talk about going out with a guy irritates me. And if a guy shows interest in her I try to shut it down before he can ask her out. I don't know why I do this. I yell at myself later for it and yet I keep doing it.
It first happened when I was 16 at a summer golf camp. Birdie came with my family to drop me off. She was only 14 but even then, she had no fear when it came to asking a guy out. She exchanged numbers with this guy, Steve, and when she told us all later, I told her there weren't any guys named Steve at the camp. She thought he gave her a fake name and blocked his number from her phone. Turns out, there really was a guy named Steve there. His name on the camp roster was Salvatore but he went by Steve. When I found out, I could've told Birdie but I didn't, because I didn't want her dating him. I didn't think he was good enough for her.
"I didn't think you did that shit," I say, trying to hide my anger.
"Have sex? You really think I'm that innocent?"
I shrug. "No, but I didn't think you're a slut either."
"I'm not a slut! Just because a girl likes sex doesn't make her a slut!"
"I didn't mean it that way. I just didn't think you had one-night stands."
"I don't. But if I did, it wouldn't make me a slut. I'm so sick of guys and their double standards. It's perfectly fine for guys to sleep around but a girl sleeps with more than a couple guys and she's labeled a slut."
We're at the door now and people are trying to get past us to go in the house.
"Let's just forget it, okay?" I say, lowering my voice as I step away from the door to let some girls go by.
"I can't believe you'd say that about me!" Birdie says, getting louder.
"I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it."
"Then why'd you say it?" she asks, glaring at me.
"I don't know. Because I'm a guy and I say stupid things. You happy now? Can we go inside?"
"That's not the reason you said it. You wouldn't just say something like that unless there was meaning behind it."
"Goddammit, Birdie, there was no meaning behind it!" I say, raising my voice. "I said it because I was pissed. Just let it go."
"Pissed about what?" she says, her hands on her hips. "Me dating someone you know?"
"What part of 'let it go' do you not get?"
"When someone calls me a slut I don't just let it go."
"I didn't call you a slut."
"You implied it."
"I didn't mean to!" I take a deep breath. "Birdie, I have to get in there or they're gonna make me scrub toilets for not showing up on time for kitchen duty."
"Fine." She rolls her eyes. "Go." She steps aside. "And don't worry about driving me home. I'll
find someone else."
"You're not finding someone else. I'm taking you home."
"Did you not hear me? I said I'll find someone else."
"Everyone here will be wasted. I'm purposely not drinking tonight so I make sure you get home safely."
"Go ahead and drink." She swings open the door. "Because you're not taking me home." She goes inside, the door slamming behind her.
She makes me so freaking mad. I don't have much of a temper. I rarely get angry. Except when I'm around Birdie. There's just something about her. She knows how to rile me up. And I do the same to her. I don't know why we keep doing this to each other but we do and we can't stop.
"Hey, babe," I hear her voice, then feel her fingers snaking down my chest from behind.
"Alecia," I say, turning around. "How's it going?"
She smiles. "Better now that I found you." She puts her arm around my waist and pulls herself against me. "Do you miss me?"
"We're not dating." I try to step away from her but she holds on.
"You could still miss me." She bites her lip as she looks up at me with that look that says I could have sex if I want it. I don't. Not with her. I'm not even turned on right now. She's pressing into my crotch, even grinding a little, but nothing's happening. It's not even moving. It shot straight up earlier today from just a quick glance at Birdie in that bikini, but it has no interest in Alecia. I'm so over her. We did the on-again, off-again thing for months, but I'm done. I'm not doing it again.
"Alecia, I have to go. I have to get the burgers ready." I pry her off me and go inside before she grabs me again.
"There you are," Stone says as I walk in the kitchen. "What the hell took you so long? I was about ready to give you toilet duty."
"I had to pick up Birdie."
"The chick from stats?"
"Yeah. I brought her along so she could meet some people. She transferred here so she doesn't have many friends yet."
"Here." He drops five big tubes of ground beef on the kitchen counter. "Make that into a hundred patties."
I go to the sink to wash my hands. I probably shouldn't have worn a white shirt knowing I had kitchen duty tonight.
"Want a beer?" Stone asks as he opens the fridge.
"Not drinking tonight." I rip open the first package of meat.
Kinda Hate You: An Enemies to Lovers College Romance Page 6
