by Hinze, Vicki
Mason reached over and clasped her hand. “Do you forgive me now?”
“I understand why you did what you did and the way you did it.” He hadn’t refused to tell her, only delayed it. He had agreed to discuss Dr. Cramer later…
“That’s not an answer to my question.”
“I do forgive you.” She squeezed his fingers and then loosened her grip.
He held on, lifted their hands and pressed a kiss to the back of her wrist. “Thank you for understanding.”
“I do understand. That’s the problem.”
Mason smiled. “You definitely aren’t the woman I thought you were, Em.”
Exactly what he meant by that she wasn’t sure. But he didn’t sound disappointed. His eyes got a nice warm twinkle in them that left her breathless. “You’re not who I thought you were, either.” Even to her that assertion seemed absurd. She’d invested a great deal of time into studying him, thinking about him, watching him from a distance. At least, she had until the last couple of years. But her words were true.
He didn’t smile but his lip curved. “Am I better or worse?”
“Better.” It was true. She’d loved the young man, her girl’s vision of him. She’d loved the challenge of him staying distant. He’d always intrigued her. But the man… he was so much more. So much deeper. “It does worry me that you get into all these dangerous situations and you can’t shoot.”
“Maybe you should teach me.” He swallowed a sip of tea. “It’s not that I mind being under your protection, but a couple of times during all this, you could have used some help. That I couldn’t give it…that bothered me.”
“You want me to teach you to shoot?” He wanted to continue to see her. After the storm. How that would work with him in Colorado and her in Atlanta, she had no idea, but for Mason, she’d make it work. “I can do that.”
“Good.” He smiled.
David came into the kitchen, a bounce in his step. “Olivia wants some more juice.”
“How is she doing?” Emma asked.
“She’s weak and tired but, from all signs, she’s rebounding.”
Mason smiled. “Never underestimate the power of a Christmas miracle.”
“I won’t ever again. I can promise you that.” David poured juice into a glass then headed toward the door. “The storm is moving through. Finally.” He walked out of the kitchen.
“It’s good to see him not worried sick.” Mason said. “That ripped my heart out.”
“I don’t know them nearly as well, and it got to me, too.” Emma couldn’t agree more. Both David and Sophia had been scared half out of their minds. Who wouldn’t have been? The way they clung to each other in crisis… it was beautiful. “Are you done here?” Emma wagged a finger at their plates.
“Yes.” Mason started gathering jars and stowing them back in the fridge.
Before they’d finished cleaning up the kitchen, the power came back on.
“Thank you, auxiliary team!” Emma said aloud. In the background, she could hear David and Sophia and even Jacob celebrating. He barked like Bandit.
Mason turned on the television in the adjoining sitting area. Paused to hear the latest on the weather report.
Emma joined him. “Where is Holly headed?”
“Moving toward Tinley.”
“Which is where?”
“Nebraska.”
“Ah.” Emma turned, seeing Mason edge toward the hallway. “So where are you off to now?”
“I’ve got to run systems checks. Make sure the pathogens—”
“Go, go.” She waved him on. “But in a minute, I want to tell you something.”
He paused. “What?”
Eager, but she restrained herself. Duty first. “After the systems check.”
“Is it good or bad? I’ve honestly about maxed out on bad, Em.”
She had no idea how to answer that. He could consider her news either. “Will you go and make sure we’re not all being exposed?”
“Okay.” He grinned. “I’ll be back.”
Clearing her mind for a moment, Emma dropped down on the sofa and closed her eyes. She hadn’t slept since all this started and desperately needed a power nap. At least, to rest her burning eyes until the next crisis.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Tuesday, December 18th
1345 (1:45 PM)
The next crisis came swiftly—within twenty seconds of Emma closing her eyes. It was explosive, if not an explosion. No bullets flew and no hand-to-hand combat occurred, though it ignited plenty of internal turmoil. Her mind and emotions wrestled in a battle unlike any she had ever faced. A simple thought had run through her mind, and—boom—it wreaked havoc and rocked her to the core.
You’re still crazy about Gregory Mason Martin.
She didn’t even have time to resist the thought before tumbling headlong over the edge and into an abyss. She had always been crazy about him.
No man who had treated her with indifference ever had warranted more than a notice and a footnote in her mind. None she had thought had potential and turned out not to had, either. Except for Mason. His indifference, his distance had harped on her, nagged her, bruised her heart and left it wounded in a way it never healed. All these years, she’d known the wound was there, but she’d had no idea why. Now, heaven help her, she understood why—and that her not understanding before had been a blessing.
But what did she do now? How did she handle this?
She needed to talk through it.
While she was tempted to call her mother, she didn’t dare. Not with Mason still in close touch with her. Liz was the better choice.
Too agitated to sit, Emma stood and phoned Liz. As soon as she answered, Emma said, “You’ve got to help me.”
“What’s happened?”
“Don’t panic. It’s personal.” Emma tried but failed to keep her own panic out of her voice.
“Wait one second.” Liz soon came back on the line. “Okay, I’ve stopped the recording. Go ahead.”
“I’m beyond tired. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling this way.”
“What way?”
“Or maybe it’s the adrenaline rush from everything that’s happened. Or the pressure changes from this stupid storm.”
“What way are you feeling, Emma? I’m good, but you’ve got to give me at least a hint of what we’re talking about here.”
Pacing, Emma halted, stared through a spot on the wall. “I am still crazy about him.”
“That’s not necessarily a crisis,” Liz said. “There’s a reason you date and drop men, and you get engaged but never get married.”
“But that’s just it.”
“What is it?”
“I wanted him. He never wanted me.” She squeezed her eyes shut against the pain that reality shafted through her heart.
“Have you wondered why not?”
Emma’s eyes shot open. “Only for most of my adult life.”
“What have you figured out?”
Emma thought about it. “Honestly, I haven’t figured it out. But I didn’t know before that he saw the way I go through men as me thinking of men as items on a buffet.”
“Did you say items on a buffet?”
“His words, not mine.” Emma’s face burned. She really hated admitting this, but she was all in or none on disclosure now. “I dated a lot. Nice guys mostly. But it never worked out.”
“With your looks, I can see why they’d be attracted to you—and I’m getting a grip on why Mason hung back.”
“Ignored. He didn’t hang back. He ignored me.” Emma sighed at all the nights she’d worried about what she’d done that was so wrong he couldn’t stand to be around her. “He spent more time with my mother than with me. Still does apparently, the last few days aside.”
“That was then. What about now?” Liz asked. Before Emma could answer, Liz went on. “He’s different now, right?”
“He’s said he sees me differently a couple of times.”
“A
re you telling me, the deep freeze has thawed?”
“Maybe. He used to think I was flighty, now he knows I’m not.” Emma resumed pacing the short path between the sofa and television. “He kissed me, but that could be just a reaction to the intensity of Olivia surviving, you know?”
“That does happen. Intense emotions arise in intense situations.”
“They do.” Emma searched her mind, relived their interactions. And she kept coming back to that warm twinkle in his eyes. “Maybe that’s all it is. I don’t know, Liz. I’m not sure.”
“That’s okay.”
“No. No, it is not okay.”
“It is okay so long as you do something to find out,” Liz countered. “So, Emma, what are you going to do to find out?”
“I don’t know.” Emma raised her voice. “How would I know? I don’t have a clue if he’s not being distant because of the circumstances here, or because he feels differently about me. It could be he’s emotionally overwhelmed, too. And exhausted.”
Silence.
“Liz?”
Still no answer.
Emma frowned. “Liz, are you still there?”
“I’m here. I’m trying to reconcile the woman I know you to be with the woman you’re acting like right now.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The woman I know takes on inserting into a foreign country to rescue an ambassador being held hostage. She handles a car exploding fifteen feet from her and never misses a step. She’s smart, resourceful, competent. Pretty amazing, really. But this woman who is indecisive and confused and fears her feelings so much she denies them—that woman is a coward. She is not you, Emma.”
Fury burned in Emma’s stomach. “I am not a coward. Not professionally nor personally. Not in war or in peace.”
Liz didn’t seem at all affected by the bite in Emma’s tone. “If you don’t talk straight to Dr. Hunk, you are a coward.”
“What?”
“Ask yourself this, Emma. All these guys with potential you’ve dated and been engaged to . . . What exactly did they end up lacking? Why didn’t they make the cut?”
“Because they didn’t. I don’t know why. Relationships either work or they don’t.”
“You think about that. There is a reason.”
“If you know it, tell me. I’ve been trying to figure this out forever.”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Because, Emma. Some things you need to learn firsthand. Some things you just can’t tell other people. Especially about matters of the heart.”
“Do you seriously think I’m a coward?”
“Not in your work, no. But personally, if you don’t talk through this with him? Definitely, I do. A coward and a fool.”
Emma opened her mouth to fire off a stinging retort, but the line went dead.
She couldn’t believe it. Her jaw fell loose. Liz had hung up on her.
Maybe Emma should have called her mom…
But she hadn’t, and she wasn’t going to now. She could figure this out. As much as it galled her, Liz could be right. There had to be a reason. She wasn’t a kid anymore. She was a grown woman with a good head on her shoulders. She just needed to think. As objectively as possible, she just needed to think.
Coffee. She needed coffee.
In the kitchen, she put on a fresh pot and watched it run through and fill the glass carafe. She sifted through old memories, new memories. Sifted through one relationship after another. The hope with which each of them had started. The disappointment in each of them when they had ended. Mason aside, getting a man had never been a problem. Keeping any of them had been impossible. Why?
Emma poured herself a mug of hot coffee. Smelling the steam rising off of her mug, she sat down at the bar and tried to answer that question.
Hours later, she still sat there trying to answer it, when Mason returned from the lab. The difference was all she’d reconciled in the interim. Finally, she had her answers. And though the thought of facing him with them terrified her, Emma was dead set on doing it.
“I thought you’d be sleeping.” He walked over to the coffee pot. Poured himself a cup. “You okay?”
She was terrified. “I’m fine.”
“Something’s on your mind. Otherwise you’d be stretched out on the sofa, probably snoring.”
“I don’t snore,” she said. “I was there. I couldn’t sleep.”
“Too tired?”
“Too much on my mind.”
“You’re okay, though, right?” His expression changed to concern.
“I’m okay. How did things go in the lab?” She wasn’t avoiding the inevitable or a coward. It was just a little delay. Courage and exhaustion didn’t blend well. She’d get there on it. She really would, she promised herself.
“The systems checked out okay and the temperature in the HC lab is back down to where it should be, but that doesn’t mean…” He stopped then shifted subjects. “Are you getting sick, Em?”
“No, Mason.”
Relief washed across his face. “Good.” He slid onto the stool beside her. “There’s no reason you have to stay awake. The rear wall is covered and packed, everything is okay in here, and I just talked with John Taylor. Things are all right above. Janette is in her glory, feeding all the passengers, dealing with their concerns. Well, she’s getting Sam and the other vendors to feed all the passengers. The important thing is the food supply is meeting the demand.”
“I know. I checked on everything about an hour ago,” Emma said.
“Then what’s keeping you awake?”
It was now or never. Emma glanced over at him. “You.”
“What’d I do?”
“Nothing.”
“Emma, you’re not making a lot of sense. You really should sleep.”
She frowned at him. “I want to tell you something.”
“Okay.” His hand curved around the mug, tightened. He clearly had no idea what was coming.
And she had no idea how he would react. “You’ll probably think I’m crazy, but frankly I don’t care. I’m used to you not thinking well of me.”
“I’ve always thought well of you.”
“Buffet, Mason. Did you forget that? Because I sure haven’t. You know what? Never mind. It was good that you told me. It made me think.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just trying to explain—”
“I don’t want to go there, okay?” Emma turned on the stool to face him.
“Where do you want to go?” He didn’t look upset or impatient, or as if he’d rather be anywhere else in the world instead of sitting here talking with her, their knees brushing.
“I fell in love with you in seventh grade,” she said. “Did you know that?”
“No, I didn’t.” He wasn’t just surprised. He was stunned.
“Well, I did. I knew it then, but later, when we were in college, I convinced myself I hadn’t. It’d been a trick of the mind. But deep inside, in places I didn't think about because I didn’t know they even existed, I knew I was in love with you. And in college, I still felt that way. Nothing ever changed that feeling, Mason.” She swallowed hard. “That’s why I went through men like they were items on a buffet. I kept looking and looking for the one man who would or could love me back because obviously you couldn’t.” The surprise on his face struck her as priceless. She managed a liquid smile. “That’s what went wrong with the other men. They weren’t you.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” She shrugged. “I couldn’t expect you to understand it. I’ve only just come to understand it myself. But as soon as I did, I knew it was true. That is exactly what I have been doing since seventh grade, which makes me a fool.” Liz had been right. “The one man I wanted was the one man who would never give me the time of day.”
To say Mason looked shocked was like saying kids are alert on Christmas morning. Gob-smacked was more accurate.
Her phone rang.
She stepped away and answered it. “Miller.”
“Hey,” Liz said. “Wanted you to know, authorities arrested the four. They’re all identified, and all part of CAR.”
“That’s good news.”
“They were half-buried in a snow bank about midway to Denver.”
“Well, we can thank Holly for that much.”
“Yeah. Power is coming back online. Tell Dr. Hunk you’ll be off auxiliary within an hour.”
“I will.” Emma cast a sidelong glance in Mason’s direction. Sober. Silent. Still. Not sure what to make of that, Emma told Liz, “The lab is secure and all systems are in the normal zone. When the roads are cleared, Mason will begin the full decontamination process.”
“And what about the five thousand travelers upstairs?”
“They were never exposed,” Emma said. “Airport management hasn’t yet completed a full damage assessment on the facility, but they’ll get the airport reopened as soon as is humanly possible.”
“An advisory,” Liz said. “The pathogens are being moved to a HC lab at the CDC in Atlanta.”
Center for Disease Control. “Is that the right place for them?”
“Actually, it is. It’s a new special access wing so that’ll give added protection.”
Emma’s heart squeezed. “What about—”
“Don’t worry about Mason,” Liz said. “He’s being transferred with them.”
“To Atlanta?” Emma smiled. “Seriously?”
“The director thought you’d be more focused if the two of you were in the same location—when you aren’t on assignment.”
Now her heart thudded so hard Emma feared it’d rupture. “Are you saying my probationary period is over?” She wasn’t being booted from the program!
