by Vivian Gray
“Hey, Dani. Um, look. I didn’t want to call you or anything, but it’s the department…” He sounds distant, nervous. It’s as if he thinks he’s dipping his foot into the rivers of hell.
But I’m not keyed into him or whatever he is mumbling. I ask almost too eagerly, “The department? What’s going on? Do they need me to start my shift early?” Any distraction would be more welcome than spending the rest of the evening here alone in my hotel room listening for make believe sounds and letting Ash’s threats about the unidentified boogeyman haunt me into madness.
“Yeah, actually. The crew was called into this massive fire down in Jamesville, and they’re looking for reserves. I told them I’d call the volunteers. I know you’ve got your fireman’s test tomorrow, so I understand if you don’t want to spend all night at the house, but it wou--”
“No! Jamie!” I shout over him, cutting him off before he could get to his apologetic, puppy dog routine. “I’ll come in. I’m dying of, um, boredom here, and I need something to do. Plus, I wouldn’t mind hanging out at the gym for a few extra hours before tomorrow.” I’m already running back to the makeup remover, dabbing it all over my face. I would hate to go back to the department looking like a drowned, depressed rat.
“Oh great! Thank God. I thought the Captain was going to force me to make the call up to Portland and see if they could spare a few guys. Hell if I want to deal with those assholes tonight.”
“Is the fire in Jamesville that bad? I mean, it’s not exactly windy or anything out there. Was it a gas explosion or something over at the fields?” My mind wanders back for a brief second to Ash’s family farm just outside Jamesville and the moments we spent on that dusty blanket. My pulse picks up and my throat goes completely dry as I shake my head back to reality.
“No. Some house fire. They’re saying over the radio that it looks like the same guy who’s been starting all the fires in town. Started on the roof, real professional-looking job.” He pauses as he thinks, “Man, wouldn’t it be awesome if that guy had moved on out of here? Make it some other department’s problem than us up at all hours every night…”
“Yeah,” I mutter reluctantly, “that would be great…” I am trying to tread carefully. By the few details Ash gave and how he talked like this guy was such a major threat, it doesn’t sound like the same guy running out of town or expanding his territory. If he is going after Ash and his motorcycle gang, why some small, hick town almost thirty miles north of here?
“Thanks again for helping out, Dani. I really appreciate it. I mean, I didn’t really want to call you after the shit that went down back at the station, but I knew that if anyone would jump in, it would be you. You’re a real --”
I don’t want to hear all the flattering remarks he is going to throw out at me. This is his regular routine to get back in with me -- lay on the compliments until it would be rude of me to continue to give him the cold shoulder or ignore him. As much as I am thankful for him giving me the opportunity to get the hell out of this hotel, I am not about to treat him any differently. “Yeah. It’s fine.” I reply shortly. “I’ll be at the station in about ten minutes.” I look down at my dress as I add, “I just need to get dressed and grab my bag.”
We hang up as I grab all of my workout gear and a t-shirt and jeans in case the gym is too crowded. I briefly contemplate changing out of the dress and bra and panty set, but I hate to admit that I actually feel sexy in something like this. I could change at the station before hitting the gym. I want to keep this going for just a little bit longer. After all, there’s got to be something good going on in my life today.
With my bag packed, I grab my keys and lock up behind me. It’s just beginning to get dark, that kind of dusk where everything looks like it’s been painted an eerie summer blue. You can still see the lights and cars on the road before you, but it feels different than daytime. It’s dreamy, really, like everything is as it is supposed to be.
Despite that, I can’t get this feeling out of my chest. It’s the feeling of something coming around the corner -- the same vibes I had back in the hotel room where there was some unseen danger lurking after me in places I couldn’t see. My hands practically make imprints in my steering wheel as I try not to let it eat at me. I turn up the radio even louder to sing along with some old rock song I remember my dad playing when I was kid.
It manages to keep my nerves at bay until I get to the fire department, and then all those feelings, the anger, the anxiety, the fear come flooding back. I’m blaming it on my nerves for my test tomorrow. It’s a huge deal. No do-overs. And seeing that red brick building with the enormous doors and windows, I feel as if I’m walking into my own execution.
“Hey!” Jamie pounds the glass of my car as he snaps me out of my own mind. “I am so glad to see you. The boys got a call. We’re just about to head out. They need you to suit up and ride with the seconds. Are you good to go?”
I roll down the window as he repeats the instructions to me. In the background, I watch as the second to last fire truck begins to flash its lights while the crew jumps out to guide it onto the Main treet. Something changes in me when I see those red and white flashes. I’m not Dani the girl who just dumped her somewhat-boyfriend or Dani the girl who may be in danger from a deranged arsonist. I am Dani the firefighter.
I open the door of my car, leaving behind my bag and cellphone in the front seat of the car. I almost stop and grab it as I hear it buzz up against the leather interior, but I ignore it for now and head straight out to the staging area of the station. As I watch Jamie throw on his bucket pants and jacket, I suddenly, I realize I’m not exactly ready for this. Usually, I’m always wearing workout gear or a pair of long pants. But I’m still in this damn hunter green dress with the lace-and-frills panties.
I have no choice. I turn my back towards Jamie as I peel off the dress, letting it slide quickly down the length of my body until it falls in a heap on the cement floor. I can feel Jamie’s eyes on me as he goes quiet. I squat down, certainly giving him quite the show in the thong panties to pick up the suspenders of my pants and throw them over the thin material of my bra.
I quickly turn to face Jamie, my hand slightly covering my exposed nipples. “Can you, uh, hand me my…”
He swallows hard as he struggles to keep his eyes at my nose level before turning towards the storage closet and pulling out my helmet. “Here. Here you go.” But, of course, it’s Jamie, and he has to say something more. He can’t just let it be. “Were you on a date or something? I’ve never seen you in a dress or…or…”
Panties, Jamie, I think to myself. You haven’t seen me in my panties before. And you’d better not get used to it, either. These tits and ass belong to no man.”
But I bite my tongue and answer passively. “Yeah. I’m a girl. I occasionally get dressed up. This time, it was for a date.”
“Well, you look--”
I throw the jacket over my shoulders and turn back to the waiting fire truck starting to ring its siren. “Yeah, I get it, Jamie. But we have to go.” I don’t wait for him to follow. I’m already a fast jog ahead of him, jumping into the back section of the truck. He follows slowly behind to the irritation of everyone working and slips in right next to me, our arms just barely touching. I suddenly feel that spark of anger I did earlier with Ash with him and his “move in with me” assault.
However, when the truck starts pulling out towards the destination and Captain Quinn runs down the calls, my head is far, far away from both Jamie and Ash. With one day until my department test, this could be my chance to prove to the Captain I can be an invaluable part of his team. There are only so many full-time spots open that can go to rookies, and besides Jamie and I, the rest of the crew are still at home getting ready for bed. I need to harness all of my talents, skills, and focus to get the job done as best as possible.
“Moundsville volunteers are already at the scene. We’re headed to an abandoned house just outside Thunder Cliff. The bridge is still intact but
the fire’s getting within distance. One person down at the scene, male in his early 30s, with second or third degree burns to the back of hands and arms. They’re saying it was a gas fire or something. It blew the shoes right off the guy. Luckily for him, he wasn’t inside and he managed to be just outside the perimeter of the blast zone.”
“Jesus…” Jamie utters to himself as the Chief gives a rundown on positions.
“Dani, I want you on the red line, front position. Jamie, you’re backing her up. I know you two haven’t worked the hoses yet on the field, but we need the more experienced guys inside for a body check to confirm.”
“Yes, sir,” I reply confidently. While he’s right that I haven’t been in charge of a hose before during a real fire, I have pretty much aced all my hose tests in practice runs. And being in charge of the nozzle gives me even a better shot of showing my skills off.
When we arrive on scene minutes later, Jamie and I drop the whole act and get to work. He runs for the red hose bundle and begins hooking it to the truck’s water valve. I wait for him at the nozzle of the coil until we’re both in position. Jamie gives me a nod as we both turn and face the blazing home for the first time.
I don’t know if you can call it a home anymore. There are the outlines of black foundation posts among the orange and red flames. A cement step is still visible, but the black smoke masks almost everything else. The Moundsville volunteers are running around the sides of the house, making notes but we all know this is a basement save, a complete burn down.
I put down the visor of my mask as I raise my arm and scream, “Charge it!” Within seconds, the long red hose grows with water. I start the pattern I’ve been told. Fog spray first, careful to turn too far to the right. All that training and the drills are clicking together in perfect harmony as I stare up and over the flame to where the hose is pointed.
I could sing, I’m so damn happy with myself. This is my zone, my little place of peace. In all this chaos, this is just as natural as it can be. But then I hear Jamie behind me shout my name over the blast of the hose. “Dani! Holy shit -- look!”
I glance over my shoulder for just a brief second to see what he’s hollering about when it catches my eye. A man on a stretcher with curly brown hair. He’s lying face up in the stretcher, his eyelids blackened with both ash and dirt. The paramedics have wrapped his hands in light bandages, and one is cutting frantically away at the man’s leather jacket still covered in black and white patches.
When it’s free, I see the familiar tattoos inching up the man’s muscular arm towards the sleeve of his black leather jacket. One of the EMTs exclaims to the other, “This jacket saved this guy. It’s practically melted into his skin. He’ll still need the burn ward, though. Get them on the line. We’re going to Oregon Rose!”
“Jamie…I have to…” My voice trails off as my head flips frantically back and forth from helpless, injured Ash to the fire burning before me. Two lives converging, but still so far apart. I am completely stunned in my place between the choices I have to make.
“Listen to me, Dani. He’s going to be all right. He’s in good hands. They wouldn’t let you go with him if they could. You get your head straight and focus on getting this fire out. I’m not letting you jeopardize your career for him. You got me?”
For once, Jamie is right. There is nothing I can do for Ash even if I want to. I’m not his wife or his family. Those paramedics won’t even give me his name if I ask. My place may be here fighting this fire. But my heart is with Ash as the ambulance bursts into life, the sirens echoing over the sound of the ocean and the noisy crackling of the fire as it devours the building inch by inch. I let go of the hose for one brief second, just enough time to wipe away the tear that has fallen onto my cheek.
Chapter 20
Beep. Beep. Beep. All these damn beeping machines! I’m going absolutely fucking nuts right now with the wires, the beeps, the alerts, the nurses. What does a guy have to do to get the hell out of here without drawing attention to himself?
When you’re the head of a notorious motorcycle club and wanted by the police for questioning, going to a place like the hospital where you’re branded and processed like a cow on a beef farm isn’t exactly an easy experience. But I’ve refused to give them my real name. I tell them it’s Anthony Carter, and I don’t have an ID on me. I forgot it at home before I went on my late night walk through my new neighborhood. I don’t have an address. I don’t have a profession either. I’m just a wanderer who got caught up in a helluva fire.
Inside me, however, is a man stark raving mad, practically glowing nuclear with rage. While I can’t say exactly what is going on to the endless line of police detectives who have come to pay me their respects, I know exactly what has happened to me. Spark -- he did this. He had to have done it. It has his name written all over it. And even worse, he didn’t act alone. What I had thought he was -- that lone wolf man wandering town with an itchy lighter – isn’t exactly true. He somehow managed to recruit Remmy to his side. Or, perhaps, Remmy has been with him from the very start, and that is an even scarier situation. The Devil’s Crucifix had yet to be infiltrated, but now, it has happened -- and on my watch.
But I can’t do a damn thing about it here in this hospital bed. Every part of me just wants to pull out the IV line dripping the sweet pain medications into my system and grab the next taxi back to headquarters. Yet I know booking out of here before my treatment is done will mean drawing some unwanted attention to myself. That’s the last thing I need when I am trying to orchestrate a massive revenge plot from the comforts of my very uncomfortable hospital bed.
Beep. Beep. Beep. I just want some goddamn quiet. I’ve only been here for about a day, but it sure as shit feels like it’s been an eternity. Since the clock on the wall hasn’t moved a line since I got in, I’ve been estimating the time of day by the few trickles of visitors who have stopped by to see my roommate on the other side of the partition.
There’s been a few kids, maybe a younger sister or brother. All of them come in looking like they’d pay to be anywhere else but at Oregon Rose, but as soon as they slide past my bed and into their father’s section, everything changes. It’s like the monster they had imagined him to be as a sick person in a burn ward isn’t as bad as their minds make them expect. “Daddy!” They say, as if he’d just gotten off of a plane, “How are you doing? Are they giving you the good stuff in here?” Every three sentences was a joke about the hospital, the nurses, the crappy television channels.
Each person who passes through is an identical conversation with the exception of an older woman who has only left three or four times to go to the bathroom or to grab a nurse. She never changes her voice around him. It is always firm and resolute. You can tell she is used to being the strong one in their relationship, but there are cracks there where her fear shines through.
Before visiting hours ended last night, I lowered the volume of my television as I listened to her say softly to him, “It’s been twenty-two years, Jim. And now I have to go to sleep alone. Twenty-two years. How in God’s name am I ever gonna sleep again?”
I could hear the man pat his bed and her creep over to him, putting her small weight onto the single hospital bed. Together they sighed heavily, and sat in silence for a long time before the nurse’s knock caused her to quickly scrambled out of the bed and out towards my side of the room. As she pulled the screen shut, I watched her close her eyes and purse her lips as if leaving her husband behind was one of the hardest things she would ever have to do.
Between the beeps, I can’t get that woman’s face out of my mind, the way they sighed in unison, her voice struggling to stay composed when she obviously had so much more she wanted to express. All my life, I never knew a woman could be like that. And more so, I never knew I wanted a woman like that by my bedside, refusing to leave until the last possible minute.
Being alone in a hospital room can do crazy things to a man’s mind. I feel my mind float back to Dani each and ever
y time it manages to get a break. I don’t just want her here for my pleasure. I want her here clicking her tongue at me every time I argue with a nurse or insist on cutting off the pain meds. I want her to tell the children it will be okay, and that they should act normally around me. I want her to hate leaving me as much I as hate to see her go.
Her smell, the taste of her breath, the way her hair curls on the ends when she hasn’t had time to straighten it…it’s all so real to me. I imagine her in twenty years, thirty years, forty years, getting older but still looking fantastic. It’s not just an image; it seems like it’s real. It’s so real that I don’t even notice when the real thing walks through my door, her face pained and tired.
“Ash?” she whispers from the doorway, her head just peeking in. My eyes widen as hers grab hold of mine. She takes a few urgent steps forward nearing the side of my bed, but then she remembers herself and steps backwards so she’s at least two arm’s distances away from me. There’s a long hesitation, her arms sweeping around the back of her black skater dress as she says meekly, “I didn’t know where you were. The nurses said they didn’t have you, so I checked with my EMT friend and he found your record. Why did you tell them your name was Anthony?”
