by Vivian Gray
She covers her hands in hand sanitizer before walking right past me and towards her patient.
“Well, well. I couldn’t believe it when I saw that alert. All my other patients press that button a million times a day, but you were my one hold out. So, what can I do for you, Mr. Carter?” She looks over at him and then back at me, no doubt sensing the tension in the room between us.
I grab my purse at the foot of the bed as I whisper to the two of them, “I’ll let you guys be. As, er, Anthony, I’ll call you. Okay?”
“Don’t bother.” He says as he lifts his arms towards the nurse, indicating the bandages need to be rewrapped. “Go pass your firefighting test.”
I nod at him and then head backwards towards the door, almost walking right into the woman from the other side of the curtain as I step into the hallway. She’s clenching a mountain’s worth of tissues in her hands, her eyes swollen and raw. She sniffles a bit as we both apologize frantically. “I’m sorry about that,” she says softly, “My head just isn’t here with my husband in that hospital bed. It’s so hard to see them in there, totally helpless, isn’t it?”
I look down at the ground, counting the seconds that pass before I can bring myself to say, “Yeah, it really is.” A wave of anxiety and guilt wash over me as I peer back through the door she goes through. I should be here, with Ash. But he wouldn’t have me even if I insisted.
Slowly, I turn and walk right out the corridor, through the elevator, down another escalator and towards the parking lot. As soon as I’m outside, I’m surprised at just how sunny it is. Every bit of me was breaking into pieces, but the day is as bright as ever. Birds are singing, people are smiling, and in the distance is the sound of ocean cresting over the rocky shores. Everything but me can move on. I am stuck back in that hospital room trying to find a way to say “I love you” to the person I want nothing more than to have.
My phone vibrates from inside my purse and I stop outside my car to answer it. It’s, of course, Jamie. I should have known when he said we were taking our exams at the same time that he would be non-stop calling to check in on me. On the way back to the station after the fire at Thunder Cliff was put out, he was a record on repeat as he reminded me about the importance of not thinking about Ash and giving it my all on this damn test. Frankly, I wanted to punch him for even mentioning it then and there. But I kept that rage inside.
“What is it, Jamie?”
“Hey!” He answers so chipper, “I know this is a huge favor to ask of you, but if you haven’t left yet, could you come pick me up at my house on Lane and Fremont? My truck broke down and I’ve got no other way to get to Central to do the exams.”
A twenty-minute car ride with Jamie while he goes on and on about being a firefighter or, worse, about me being a firefighter? No way. My gut wants to hurl just considering it. But I have no reason to say no to him. I answer reluctantly, “Yeah, I can pick you up. Can you give me ten minutes or so? I gotta change and then head out.”
“Don’t forget to bring your--”
I hang up on him, cutting his reminder short. All he was going to say is to bring my helmet, but it’s been packed in my car since last night along with a gym bag full of my workout gear and sneakers. I had planned on changing in the hospital’s bathrooms after I had spoken to Ash, but I am running low on time now. I’d have to change in the car. Luckily, I parked in the back of the lot, far from where any other car can spot me.
I press the button to unlock the door, ignoring the silence. The music from the radio starts up, and I hear blaring over the speakers. I pull out my hand mirror from my purse and check my eyes. I don’t look too rough. No need to apply any makeup. The redness, I hope, will clear up before I have to pick up Jamie. I place the mirror down on my lap and gather my hair into a long ponytail at the top of my head.
Ready to get dressed, I peel the black dress up and over my head leaving me in just my padded bra and cotton panties. With one hand working on unfastening the bra, I reach the other behind me towards the backseat, feeling for the workout bag I threw in there last night. I hit my hand against something hard -- my helmet. But the bag isn’t anywhere to be found. With a frustrated groan, I give up looking for the bag and turn myself totally around in the seat for a better look.
Out of nowhere, a hand grabs me from around the seat, groping at my chest. I begin to scream, but another hand is tight at my throat causing my windpipe to cave in on itself. I struggle, squirming under his force, but there’s nothing I can do. I’m trapped.
“Calm down, Dani. I’m not here to hurt you…yet. I need you alive to get me what I want.” He lets go of my neck just enough so I can spin my head towards a pale, ghostly man with bony skin and those thick glasses nerds and hipsters wear -- except he’s very clearly neither. He smiles at me with yellowing teeth as he lifts a black handgun towards my head. “If you do what I say, I won’t have to use this. If you decide you want to play a hero or even so much as yell, I’ll make sure there’s a bullet with your name on it.”
“Who are you?” I rasp, finding my voice in my dry, aching throat. “What do you want from me?”
He licks his lips as he takes my nearly naked body in. “You may call me Remmy. And besides wanting a taste of you…my boss, Spark, and I want your boyfriend Ash Cooper dead. And you’re the one who’s going to get us what we want.” I hear the dim click of his finger unlatching the safety on his gun as he says darkly, “Now drive.”
Chapter 22
Since the explosion, my dreams have been of one single theme: fire. Red, orange, smoking hot fire, the kind that singes the hair right off your arm and blisters your skin in mere seconds. You can’t see through it. You can’t walk through it. You’re forced to stare straight into the flames and hope or pray an opening is revealed to you.
I never sleep long enough to see if I get out of there alive. Even with the pain medications the doctors are pumping in me along with the oxygen fix that’s making my lungs more weighted down with each breath, I still manage to come to quickly without any chance of a good night’s sleep.
Since Dani left, the no-sleep situation has gotten even worse. Now, when I dream of flames and smoke, she’s there with me, just a step behind me. I call out her name over and over again to be sure it’s really her, but she doesn’t answer. She just waits in silence. I can feel her presence, her desire to escape, but she doesn’t move unless I move. Dani’s waiting for me to rescue her again, and unlike the real fire in her apartment building, I don’t have a pathway out of this.
I woke up screaming the last time I had this dream. The man in the bed next to me reached over and threw open his curtain, checking to be sure I wasn’t being strangled. I could see the terror in his eyes as mine flew open from the sounds he was making. A nurse walked in moments later. My heart rate had managed to jump so high from just an hour’s worth of sleep that they had thought I was going into some cardiac distress.
I told them to lower my medication and take the pain medication drip out of me. If that was the cause of these dreams, I didn’t want a damn thing to do with them. I’d fight through the pain by myself like a real man. The nurse gave me a look as if to say I was a complete nut job, but she didn’t argue. She just nodded her head and say diplomatically, “Let me check with your doctor, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”
Damn right it won’t be. I’ve been cooped up in this hospital bed for over twenty-four hours now, and there isn’t any sign I’ll be getting out of here soon. Any longer and I’ll have to take matters into my own burnt up hands. I hate feeling like a prisoner in my own body, a slave to what those docs and nurses feel is best for me. What is best for me is getting my revenge on the man who put me here, the man who took me out of the game.
A terrible thought strikes me as soon as my mind flashes to Spark. I’ve never been much of a chess player, but a couple guys in the Devil’s Crucifix play to pass some time. They taught me some street strategies they use to hustle some cash on weekends. An older member named Jeno us
ed to say to me, “Your queen is the most important thing you can have in this game. You put her into play too soon, and you risk exposing yourself. Hold the girl back. Don’t let her stray too far or the whole game will fall.”
Even with all the nerve endings in my body screaming at me, I force myself to sit completely straight up. It allows me to reach over with my better arm and grab the one thing that survived the blast relatively untouched -- my old cellphone. It doesn’t have much battery power left, and it’s still open to the text message I sent Dani about where I was going to be at Thunder Cliff. But it would do.
I scroll through my contacts until I find Marco’s name. He answers on the first ring, his voice completely surprised and even a bit elated. It is good to hear that someone close to me is happy I am still alive. “Hey, boss! What the hell are you doing calling me? Aren’t you supposed to be screwing a nurse or scoring some oxy for us?”
“Ahh, shut up, kid,” I tease him. “Listen. I need you to go back to tailing Dani. I know I told you to stop, but she needs to be watched 24/7 by someone I trust. I want hourly reports via text. My phone is about to die, so I need you to have a runner, someone in civilian clothes, drop off my charger to me. You got me?”
“Yeah, man. I got you. I can leave now. You want me to have backup, or do you think this is going to be just a straight watch job?”
It takes me a long while to answer, but the sinking feeling in my gut tells me Dani is going to need protection now more than ever. “I want you to take backup. Maybe grab Vin, too, and pull him on the day watch, too, since he knows Dani. She’s supposed to be taking her fire department exam in a few hours, so I would start looking for her there. I think she mentioned to me it’s at the Central station. You know where that is?”
He mumbles a quick reply, from which I gather he needs to spend a moment taking it all in. I’m throwing a ton of instructions at him, but I’ve got one more important one for him. “After you and Vin ride out, I need you to do me a bigger favor. Are you alone? Because I need you to keep this to yourself. If I find that it gets out to anyone before…”
“Boss,” he says reassuringly, “you can trust me.”
He’s laying it on just a little thick, but, frankly, it wouldn’t matter what he did. After Remmy’s betrayal, I’m suspicious of just about everybody. Even still, I have to consider the source. A young guy like Marco -- this guy who worships the damn ground I walk upon -- isn’t gonna fuck with the top dog. He seems like my best bet to get a message back to the rest of the club.
I give him my orders slowly, deliberately taking my time so he can get it completely right, “I need you to call Duane, the club’s accountant. Tell him I sent you his way. He’s to call a general meeting in an hour. Everyone’s to be there. No exceptions except for you and Vin. Anyone who doesn’t show gets their patched removed. He’s going to brief the entire club on Spark. Tell him I confirmed it -- it’s him, and he’s on the run. Do you understand?”
“Call Duane,” Marco repeats back to me, “Tell him it’s confirmed and Spark’s on the run. He needs to brief the entire club.”
“Good. Now don’t forget about sending a runner with the charger and giving me updates on Dani. I should hear back from you within an hour.”
“Got it, boss. Go get some rest or something.”
With that, he clicks off the phone and I lean my head back into the bed, hitting it softly against the lumpy hospital pillows in frustration. I should be there up on that platform telling the Devil’s Crucifix about the dangers lurking. I should be the one tailing Dani and ensuring she is safe. Instead I am tethered to the bed by a million wires and tubes as my heart rate continues to climb with anxiety and anger.
I hear a long beep, an alert I’ve long since grown accustomed to. My IV machine lights up beside me as I throw my phone onto the small side table and lean back. There is no fighting it. In minutes I’ll be in another drugged up stupor, half asleep and half fighting the flames I can’t get out of my head.
***
“Boss? Boss?”
“What’s wrong with him? What kind of shit they give him? It would take an elephant tranquilizer to get this guy down, and they managed to do it with whatever the fuck is in that tiny tube?”
“Maybe we should market and sell it. I know some guys who’d be dying for a fix like this.”
“Shut the fuck up, you two. We gotta wake him up.”
“Shake him, Johnny. He’ll kill us if we don’t get him going ASAP.”
“He’ll kill me if I shake him. Aaron, you’re his Second, you do it.”
I feel two large hands upon my shoulders rocking me harshly back and forth into my pillows. I’ve been in and out for what seems like forever now, trying to resist those flames. But the hands upon me are cold, rough, damaged. They spring me back into the real world with an uncomfortable thrust. My eyes shoot open as I look at the three men standing around my bedside. Their faces look as if they have seen ghosts -- white, vacant, destroyed.
They all watch me -- Johnny, my enforcer, Aaron, my second-in-command, and Duane -- none wanting to be the first to speak. I break the silence while I try to come out of it. “What…the…fuck is going on?” I say, gathering my marbles. “I asked Marco to bring me a charger, not the goddamn cavalry!”
I remember my orders to Marco about the check-ins. The clock on the wall is still dead and useless, but by the way the shadows on the floor of the room have become longer, more pronounced, I can guess I’ve been out of it for at least another two or three hours. I reach over for my phone, needing to hear if Dani is okay. In my dreams, she is never okay.
But Duane reaches out and grabs my arm before I can even touch the phone. His grip stings through the bandages, hitting at the still sensitive skin. “What the fuck, man!” I shout. “That’s my phone, you asshole!”
“There’s no updates, Ash” he replies with a lowered voice as he lets go of my wrist.
I back away slowly, letting his words sink in. “What the hell are you talking about?” Even though Duane has been with me since I first suspected Spark to be behind this, I can’t bring myself to just outwardly trust anyone, even if they are part of my club’s inner circle.
“I’m talking about Danielle, remember?” he whispers more resolutely, “the girl you had me tracking -- me, and Marco, and Vin.” He pulls that brown folding chair across the floor, causing it to squeak and scrape. He sits beside me as he whispers lowly, “We’re here because Marco told us your message. But when he got to the place where they were giving the fire department exams, a guy on the scene flagged him down. He said his name was Jamie.”
That name rings alarm bells as I remember a tiny little dude trying to protect Dani from me in the hospital parking lot the first time we officially met. He is a sniveling little twerp of a dude who anyone can tell has a hard-on for my girl. My mind burns as I ask, “What the fuck did he do to her? Is she part of Spark’s plan?”
“No. The exact opposite, actually. When he found Marco, he was completely panicked. Dani was supposed to pick him up at his house almost an hour earlier, but she never showed. He thought maybe she was pissed at him so he went down to Sterling’s central fire house to see if she was there. But she hadn’t showed. She missed her exam completely.”
My heart races. Millions of loud beeps explode out of the machine as I start to visibly panic. I sit myself up and grab at the wires attached to my chest and the pulse monitor on my finger, tossing them to the ground. The heart monitor goes insane with whirls and whistles, red lights and flashing signals. I can’t stand it anymore as I reach my arm over and knock it to the floor next to where Duane sits. The men stare at me with wide, mystified eyes as the machine continues to break apart into useless pieces on the tiled floor.
I know I don’t have much time. The nurses will be in here any minute with alarms like that going. I grab the pile of clothing sitting in a bag next to my bed. It’s donated stuff. Mine were taken to evidence and cut off me. The nurse who brought it in apologiz
ed as if she knew a powder blue v-neck t-shirt and a pair of oversized khakis aren’t exactly my style, but they didn’t get many donations for men my size.
I quickly throw it on, not caring about stripping in front of my guys. Through it all, Aaron talks quickly, noticing how hurried I am to get the hell out of here, “Boss, we don’t know where she is, but we’ve got all our men out there looking for her and about ten at the headquarters pulling guard duty. They’re all looking for Spark. We’ve even got our guys at the station on alert for her car. The last anyone spotted it was with hospital security. They got her plates leaving the back entrance of the main lot. Dani was driving.”
A wave of quick relief rushes over me as I think She’s alive. She’s driving. They haven’t killed her yet.
But there is something else, something that hasn’t been said. Aaron stops short, turning his head back to Johnny and Duane as if he needs their approval.
I put my feet through the god-awful beat up boat shoes the hospital provided as I look back up at them. “What the fuck aren’t you telling me?”
