“This is our circle,” Orion insists, gesturing to the people around the table. “We only formed friendships in high school once you made it clear you didn’t want to be around us anymore.”
“You had those friends from middle school, where I didn’t go,” I reminded him, feeling a little defensive. “It’s my fault?”
“Of course it’s not,” Manny says. He crosses his arms on the table between us, drawing my eyes to the lean muscles of his upper arms. I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose, but it's still distracting.
Apollo grunts in agreement. “Manny’s right. Those people just latched onto us. We were never close to them like we were with you.”
Orion steps in. “We always planned to get our little group back together when we started high school, but you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with us.”
I don’t say anything, pressing my lips tightly. Yeah, I wasn’t very nice to them, but I didn’t want to be an add-on to their life. “It’s the same thing now as it was back then,” I try to explain. “You guys are popular, you’re a fucking genius,” I point accusingly at Manny, “and Aric was just busy all the time. I didn’t belong in your group. I didn’t want to feel like a tag-along. It was easier to just go my own way.”
“You mean it was safer,” Manny says softly. Anger pricks in my chest. He always said the truth, the blunt truth, whether it hurt or not.
I shrug. “Maybe I needed safe.”
“It doesn’t really matter what happened back then,” Aric points out. “I’m not your friend out of some misguided guilt, Senya.”
The other three offer the same reassurances, but I can’t help but be suspicious. They still don’t know what happened to me or what I did. How will they feel when they find out? Will it be more pity, disgust, or something else?
Chapter 17
Aric
Senya used to be so strong. She still has the same stubborn streak and bold, independent attitude, but something has affected her self-esteem. It makes me angry, and not much rouses my temper. Can’t she see that every man in this room would gladly lay down their lives for a smile? Okay, maybe that’s slightly dramatic, but the way we hang on her words is more than a crush. I thought I wasn’t as enamored of her, but that changes the more time I spend with her.
There’s also something amazing about our group as a whole. We have a family together, something I long for after my childhood. Something magical happens when we’re all together – even when the air is filled with sexual tension and unspoken promises.
“We have a little time before we have to talk about our project. Let’s do something we used to do.” The idea comes to me suddenly. Everyone looks at me.
“Like what? Go climb a tree or create a secret mission?” Orion jokes.
“I was thinking more about the games we used to play when we spent the night together. Remember how we used to go around in a circle and play truth or dare or two truths and a lie? Maybe it will help us get to know each other again.”
“The three of them have an advantage. They’ve been friends this whole time,” Senya points out. She doesn’t hide the slight bitterness in her voice.
“Same rules we had as a kid,” Orion says, catching my excitement. I knew I could count on him to back me. “Siblings can’t answer each other’s questions. That’s just my brother and me. You and Manny aren’t siblings anymore. And there’s probably a lot about Manny that we don’t know. Still waters run deep.”
Manny smirks and Senya cocks an eyebrow at Orion. “What movie did you pick that up from?”
“Not a movie,” Orion says, puffing out his chest. “It’s a Latin proverb from Aesop’s fables.”
Sen squints at Orion like maybe everything she thought about him was wrong. She nods. “Okay. I’ll play. But Aric has to go first since he suggested it, and we go that way around the circle.” She points to Apollo. The order makes her last.
I shrug I’m fine with that. “Okay. Two truths and a lie. Pick the lie. One: the first thing I bought with my job money was a record player. Two: I can cook really well. Three: I don’t want to go to college.”
“Two,” Orion immediately guesses. “You grew up on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”
“Three,” Sen argues. “You want to go to college, you just don’t know if you’ll be able to.”
“Do we all have to guess?” Manny asks.
“I guess not.” I shrug. “Sen’s right. I want to go to college, but I don’t think I’ll be able to. And I’m a really good cook now. I think it was because my mom was so bad, and I did grow up on hot dogs and PB and J. When Mom left, I spent a lot of time burning things and trying out new recipes. I wanted Daisy to eat better than I had.” My dad wasn’t happy about my attempts when he was drinking. He didn’t like the mess I made out of the kitchen, but I endured his yelling and anger because I felt like it was something I had to do – for Daisy more than for me.
We all look expectantly at Apollo. He’s running a hand through his dark hair, his face drawn into concentration. “I pick truth. Someone ask me a question.”
The rest of them look at Senya and me. I suppose it makes sense that one of us asks since he spends the most time with his brother and Manny. I gesture to Sen, wanting her to ask. “Um, okay.” She thinks for a minute, drawing her lip between her teeth. “Do you still take pictures?”
Apollo grins, true happiness lighting his features.
Sen sits back a little, her eyes wide – probably surprised by how handsome it makes him. He and his brother are both model perfect. It’s really unfair for a teenager to look that good. Can’t they at least have acne like the rest of us? Her back rests against my propped arm. She tenses for just a second before relaxing. I like feeling her against me, even if it’s only that small touch. Holding her at lunch had felt right, like she was meant to be there.
“I still take photos,” Apollo replies. “I’ll go to college on a football scholarship, but I’m majoring in photography. It’s still the only thing I love doing more than anything else.”
“Do you still take a lot of candid photos?” Sen’s interest is so genuine, no one mentions that she’s asking two questions.
“Yes,” Apollo answers, but I can see his tell. Underneath the table, his fingers play with the hem of his t-shirt. He’s hiding something, and I wonder if he has as many photos of Sen as I do sketches of her. The thought makes me feel a little better. Sometimes, I feel like my obsession with drawing her borders on stalker-ish, but she’s so pretty and animated. She makes a perfect subject for my art.
“My turn,” Manny says, and I wonder if he’s changing the subject on purpose. “Two truths and a lie. One: my stepmom forces me to go to anger management classes. Two: I listen to classical music to calm down. Three: I still have every case file we ever created for our fake spy and adventure missions.”
Sen and I glance at each other. The light in her eyes tells me she’s enjoying this, and I’m glad I suggested it. She might not enjoy sharing her own information, but it’s silly and a great way to get reacquainted. “One is the lie,” I guess. “Wouldn’t being forced into therapy just make you angrier?”
Sen shakes her head. “Three is the lie. How could you possibly keep all that stuff through two moves? There must have been like ten notebooks full of loose paper because you insisted on putting all our duties on separate pages like mission briefs.”
“We know the lie so we’re not guessing,” Orion says.
Manny grins at us, pushing up his glasses. “You’re both wrong. Yes, going to therapy just makes me angrier, but my stepmom is an idiot. I think she likes me mad. It makes my dad upset with me and puts him on her side. I still have every single paper and notebook, all of them. My stepmom tried to throw them out. I yelled at her and slammed the door in her face. They grounded me for a week, but it was worth it. Two is the lie.”
“So what do you listen to while you’re trying to calm down?”
“Heavy metal.”
Sen’s
eyes widen. “Like the growling, yelling guys that you can’t even understand?”
Manny nods. “Yeah. It makes me feel like I’m not the only angry one. It speaks to me with that double bass kick and the fast pace. Makes me feel alive.”
Vulnerability hides under his words, and Sen squirms uncomfortably. She resettles herself, leaning more fully against my arm and stretching her legs under the table. Manny looks at her cute, stockinged feet lying next to him, and I imagine that he’s debating whether it’s all right to touch her. It’s not as easy for him as it is for us. He has to get over people thinking it’s wrong because their parents used to be married. They’re not blood and their parents are no longer married. I don’t think it’s wrong, but society can be weird. Her position puts her legs closer to Apollo, and he rests a large hand on her calf. I shift so I’m supporting her with part of my chest instead of just my arm. The smell of her hair makes me want to bury my nose in her curls.
“My turn!” Orion speaks exuberantly, his playfulness making his eyes sparkle. “One: I love playing football. Two: I still have nightmares and can’t watch any scary movies. Three: I have a tattoo.”
Manny and Apollo smirk again. They already know the answer. Sen notices the same thing. “That’s not really fair. You guys do know each other.”
Apollo shrugs. “When we were kids, you and Manny always knew everything about each other.”
“I suppose…” Her eyes rove over Orion’s body like she’s looking for the tattoo he claims to have. “Three is the lie,” she finally guesses. “I can’t see your parents signing off on something like that.”
“One is the lie,” I say. I’ve seen him play football. He acts like he’s taking out the garbage, just going through the motions.
“Aric’s right.” Orion laughs. “Although Pixie is a little right too. My parents didn’t sign off on it. They know I have it now, but I forged their signature at the same time. Apollo and I both did. I can’t believe you both think it’s perfectly normal for me to still have nightmares.” He fake pouts. “That’s not really nice.”
Sen snickers. “You always used to hide in the bathroom whenever we watched something scary. Do you still do that?”
“No. I just don’t watch scary stuff anymore.”
“Okay,” she says. “Let’s see it.”
“See what?” Orion asks innocently.
“Your tattoo. I want to see it.”
Orion stands up slowly, his eyes suggestive as he stares at Sen. His fingers dip to the button of his pants. Apollo snorts, my eyes widen, and Sen squeaks in surprise and covers her eyes. “Wait, wait! Where is it? Maybe I don’t want to see it!” Her voice sounds strangled. Her eyes are still covered, so she doesn’t see Orion’s silent laughter.
“He’s playing with you,” I tell her. I think.
Orion waits until she uncovers her eyes to raise his shirt instead of unbuttoning his pants. He strips off the dark t-shirt, and I can’t help but be impressed by his muscles. They lift weights, and it’s obvious. Right above his heart is an intricate tattoo of the Chinese coin he got from the fortune teller. I finger my necklace absently. I’d thought I was overly sentimental for never taking it off, but he’d had it tattooed on him. His was copper, and the artist somehow made the tattoo seem metallic.
Sen is quiet. Her body is shaking a little, but I’m not sure whether it’s the tattoo or Orion’s bare chest that’s affecting her. She licks her lips and turns her attention to Apollo. “You have one too?”
Apollo doesn’t stand up and give a show. He just raises his shirt to the same spot, revealing a tattoo identical to his brother’s except for the golden tone. His chest is even more defined than his brother’s, but only a little. Orion sits back down, and silence fills the room as Senya digests what she just learned.
“You still think we’re just here because we feel guilty?” Orion asks into the silence. He’s not joking this time.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Sen argues. I can see the shadow fall over her face, the one she uses when she shuts everyone out. “It was a good memory. I still have my coin too.”
“And I wear mine all the time, but to me, it means more than just a good memory,” I confess. I take a deep breath. Teenagers usually aren’t gooey about their emotions and don’t communicate well, but I’ve always felt safe with this group. No one here will laugh at me for being honest. I pull the coin on its leather tie from under my shirt so that it rests on top. “When I was going through the worst part with my dad, it reminded me I wasn’t alone. It stands for all the good memories and the bond we used to have.”
Orion nods. “What he said and so much more.”
Orion confessed that he wanted to kiss Sen shortly after that visit to the fortune teller. When Apollo and I said the same thing and Manny looked like he wanted to punch his fist through a wall, we decided it was best if we just stayed friends.
Manny shifts to the side and pulls out his wallet. He opens it slowly and reveals the zippered compartment that has a worn shape of the circle coin with the square in the middle. The outline is burned into the leather as if it’s been there for years. He pulls out the coin. His is rose gold, a color that the fortune teller told him was rare. Mine is silver.
Sen sticks her hand in the little pocket of her skirt. “I don’t always carry it with me,” she confesses. “For a while, I couldn’t even look at it. But this morning, I wanted it with me for some reason.” Her coin is different than ours. It’s separated into quarters, and each quarter matches our colors. Silver, gold, rose gold, and copper fills the quadrants. When she was twelve, she was upset she didn’t get a color all her own, but the fortune teller told her that she was special. Her coin connected us. We’d thought it was perfect, but she’d still felt a little put out.
She shrugs and puts the coin back in her pocket. “We do have some good memories,” she admits.
“Your turn.” Orion nudges her leg, leaning against her shoulder on her opposite side.
Her back expands against me as she takes a deep breath. She stares at the table while she talks, not looking at any of us. “Okay. Two truths and a lie. One: I still climb trees. Two: I’m still a virgin. Three: I stabbed someone.”
Shock settles heavily inside me. Stabbed someone? I can’t imagine the Senya I grew up with doing anything that drastic. “Three is the lie,” Orion says. Apollo nods in agreement, and I echo him. I don’t really care whether she’s a virgin or not. Few people our age are. Manny doesn’t answer as he stares intently at her.
“Two is the lie,” he says finally. “But I’m sure you had a very good reason.”
Her body shivers against me. “Manny’s right. I stabbed someone in self-defense.”
My jaw hardens as I imagine what could have possibly driven her to stab someone for her safety. I wrap my free arm around her, even though her body is frozen against mine. Orion presses harder against her and grabs her hand like she’s drowning and he’s trying to save her. I can’t see her face, but her chest is rising and falling rapidly. Manny finally surrenders and wraps his hand around the calf Apollo isn't holding.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask softly. My lips brush against the top of her head. I need to touch her; I need to know she feels safe now, here.
Chapter 18
Senya
I struggle with the urge to run, hating how they’re making me feel: like I’m not a monster, like they don’t care that I almost ended someone’s life, like I still matter. My breath catches in my chest. Orion and Aric are warm on either side of me, Manny’s hand is light and soothing while Apollo’s is heavier and curls almost all the way around my calf.
I gently shake them off. “I’ll be right back,” I mumble and rush out of the room. Hiding in the bathroom, I wash my hands and stare at myself in the mirror. I look scared. I shouldn’t look scared. But my eyes are wide and haunted. My face is pale. I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. I wanted them to know that I’m no longer the innocent girl they used to know.
I only exit the room when I have my breathing under control. I’m considering just leaving. I know this area and the location of the bus stop. Manny leans against the wall outside the bathroom, probably because he knows I might try to run. I’m glad it’s him. Out of everyone, he might understand the rage that can urge someone to do something so terrible. He holds out his arms and waits for me, giving me a choice.
I carefully and slowly step up to him. His lean arms wrap around me. He’s not as tall, and I tentatively rest my head against his collarbone. It takes several seconds before I feel safe enough to wind my arms around his narrow waist. We stand like that for several minutes, and I remember all the times I came to him when I was scared as a kid. He always knew how to make me feel better.
“Is he dead?” His question surprises me so much that I jump. His arms hold me firm, and I note the tension in his body. He’s mad. Why? I shake my head, my cheek swinging against his upper chest. He releases a heavy sigh. “That’s too bad.”
“Should I have killed him?” I ask incredulously, trying to look at his face. He loosens his hold so I can see his face, but his arms stay around me.
“Whatever he did that made you stab him, I’m sure he deserved death.” His voice is cold and factual like he’s stating a universal truth. Thankfully, he doesn’t ask what Loser did, but the fact that he knows it’s a male and that it was bad tells me he assumes what happened. His dark eyes spark with a low-burning fire, and I’m suddenly aware of his body pressed against mine. His hard chest flattens my breasts, and his thighs are pressed against mine. It’s far too intimate, but he doesn’t let me go.
“He didn’t rape me,” I whisper.
Although he looks slightly relieved, his anger doesn’t decrease. “It doesn’t matter, Sen. Just because it didn’t go that far doesn’t mean that it wasn’t bad.” His words echo the counselor that I was required to see for a while. I have a hard time believing them. I almost killed a man. He deserved it, but sometimes I feel like I’m the evil one – not him. “Can he hurt you again?”
Lost & Found: Contemporary Reverse Harem Page 13
