by Lucy Quinn
Evie turned and met Dora’s eyes. At the same time they both blurted, “Raúl killed Gertie and Myrtle!”
Sunshine let out a loud bark and ran around in a circle, seeming to agree with their assessment of the situation.
19
“That slimy, sniveling, squirming snake!” Dora cried out.
“Nice use of alliteration, Dor. Poetry is a good look on you.” Evie said. “But I can do you one better.” Dora side-eyed her friend when Evie expressed a colorful description for the man that wasn’t nearly as child-friendly as Dora’s.
“What?” Evie asked. “I’m not sure why you’re giving me the look. I used words that all start with the same first letter, too.”
“They didn’t have the same flow,” Dora said sarcastically.
Evie chuckled. “You’re right. But my profanity was way more satisfying.”
“Oh boy.” Dora rolled her eyes. “We need to find out what was in Ri—Raúl’s duffle bag,” Dora said as she glanced around the room for it. “If he was stealing, then we’ve got motive.”
Evie spotted the big black bag in the corner first and went over to investigate. She inhaled sharply and pulled something out of the duffle. Dora saw a sterling silver tea pot in her friend’s hands. “Dora, do you remember this from Myrtle’s china cabinet?”
“It does look familiar.” Dora squatted down to help inspect the bag, too. She lifted up a silver knife that had been wrapped in navy blue flannel. “Oh goodness, this is heavy. I bet it’s solid silver.”
Evie squinted at the handle of a spoon and said, “The stamp on it says it is, and it’s worth a pretty penny if what I got from selling my grandmother’s silver is any indication.”
Dora reached in and pulled out a jewelry box and sat back to see what was inside. She spotted rings first and picked up a gorgeous art-deco style piece with a round blue stone she thought must be a sapphire. The platinum band was cool on her finger as she slipped it on and admired it. She held her hand up for Evie to see. “I bet this is too.”
“Gorgeous,” Evie winked at her. “It would make a lovely engagement ring.”
Dora smiled. She’d always been a traditional girl when it came to style, but something about the vintage ring appealed to her, and she supposed that, like her life, her tastes had become more interesting. When she lifted the velvet ring insert to see what was below it, she spied a drawer with bracelets and reached for one that sparkled with tiny stones channel set in gold. “Wow.” Dora placed the tennis bracelet on her wrist as if she were about to try it on, and it must have caught Sunshine’s eye, because the little dog seated herself before Dora and looked up at her with the sweet face she used to get a treat.
Dora laughed. “Nice try girl, but I’d like to get my diamonds first.”
Evie pulled out a black metal strongbox and set the heavy container down with a thud. She said, “C’mere, Sunshine and help me pick the lock on this. I bet this box contains something good.” Evie definitely had a knack for locks, and she had it open in less than a minute. When she saw what was inside, she let out a long, low whistle and lifted up a wad of hundred-dollar bills. “Talk about money under the mattress.”
Dora peered in the box to see it was stuffed full with stacks of hundreds. “There’s thousands in there.” She gazed at Evie with big eyes. “I think Myrtle was wealthier than she appeared to be in her Crocs and catalog clothing.”
“Well, she had to have had a decent retirement income to live in the building Gertie and she lived in. Real estate in the French Quarter isn’t cheap, and the digs we’ve been staying in are pretty nice.”
Dora thought about the top-of-line appliances and shiny hard wood floor in Gertie’s apartment and the fact Myrtle told them Gertie let a boyfriend steal from her for a while before she cut him loose. Money seemed to be something both older women had had plenty of. “I bet that’s exactly why Raúl decided to befriend the retirees in Gertie’s building.”
Evie gasped. “Dora! What if he has plans for someone else? We have to stop him.”
Dora’s stomach clenched. Evie was right. “Of course, we do. But how?” Dora took a moment to think. “We can’t go to the police or tip them off anonymously because the last thing we need is for them to start investigating Gertie’s murder before we get the Buddha.”
Evie’s brow knit with concern. “I know, but isn’t someone’s life the most important thing? I mean, how do we live with ourselves if not tipping off the police means another woman dies?”
Dora’s heart stopped. “It is. But we have to be smart about how we stop Raúl.”
Dora tapped her chin with a finger as she pondered what to do. They needed a way to make sure nobody ate another one of Raúl’s meals. Her stomach clenched when she recalled how sick a few bites of his shrimp scampi had made her, and a thought came to her.
Evie must have been reliving the same horror she experienced with the étouffée because she grimaced as she held a hand on her stomach. But her expression quickly changed. “Dor, what’s the fastest way for a restaurant to get shut down for health code violations?”
Having been an accountant for a restaurant chain, Dora was familiar with what Evie was asking. “Well, you get a warning first for the usual minor infractions like shelving being pushed too close to a wall or a floor tile that’s cracked. But something like a communicable disease is a big deal. I remember we had a scare once when one of our cooks was seen not washing his hands after using the bathroom. Fortunately, our head chef was a stickler for gloves, but he was fired just the same.”
“Oh my god! That’s brilliant. You can get a staph infection from not washing your hands after going to the bathroom.”
“You can?” Dora asked wondering how the heck Evie would know and then wondered if she should have asked.
“Yes. I saw it on an ER rerun. They were known for being very factual on that show.”
Dora chuckled. “If it’s good enough for prime time…”
“My point is, I think we need to start a smear campaign against Raúl, and I know the exact krewe of women to get it done by the end of today.”
Dora smiled because her friend was definitely on to something. “I like how you think.” She glanced at her watch. “Today’s meeting starts in a little over an hour.”
The women began to return Myrtle’s items to the duffle bag so they wouldn’t tip off Raúl that they’d been there, but when Evie lifted up the strong box, Dora said, “We can’t leave that cash here for Raúl to spend. There’s no way we’ll ever get it back for Myrtle’s heirs.”
Evie nodded, opened up the box, and removed the contents so she could lock it up empty, while Dora found a used grocery bag under Raúl’s sink to carry the money. As Evie, with Sunshine in her arms, and Dora, holding the bag of money, approached the flame-covered convertible, Dora notice the two very large bags of donuts in the back seat and groaned. She really didn’t want to try to figure out how they were going to discretely leave them out in the hall of Gertie’s building for garbage day. “What are we going to do with all of those?”
“Return them to the Dumpster they came from on the way home?” Evie asked.
Dora considered it and chuckled about returning to the scene of the crime. “Sounds like a plan since I can’t think of anything better.” She climbed behind the wheel of the car and shoved the bag of money under her seat.
They continued to drive with the top down, and as they made their way through town, loud music drowned out the city noise. Evie pointed to the right at the street they were about to cross. “Look, a parade.”
Indeed, it was. New Orleans seemed to find any reason to have a parade, and Dora was about to slow down to let it pass when she glanced in her rearview mirror. A silver sedan had pulled up rather close, but it wasn’t the tailgating that bothered her; it was the driver. Her heart stopped. Peach filling was still smeared on the passenger side of his windshield, and she didn’t have to get a clear view of the driver to tell he was still mad. His blaring horn was
enough.
“Ah, Evie. We’ve got a problem.” Dora gunned the engine. “Hold on!” She swerved to the right to narrowly miss the leader of the parade coming from the left and eked her way across the street before leaving the angry driver stuck waiting for the parade pass. “Whew,” she said. “That was close.”
Evie turned around and let out a groan. “We’re not in the clear. That’s a really short parade.”
“What?” Dora glanced over her shoulder to see she didn’t have much time before the driver could follow her again. But when she turned her attention back to the road with the intention of speeding up and taking a few quick turns to lose him, she realized she was stuck. Another parade had begun to travel down the next side street, and there was no way they could cut it off in time. “Crap!”
“Stop the car, Dora. We’re going to join that parade.”
“What?” Dora slowed down, and Evie jumped out before she came to a complete stop. “Help me peel off the flames!”
Dora wasn’t quite sure what Evie had in mind, but since her friend had already begun to peel off the flame-patterned vinyl on the passenger side of the car that camouflaged the purple convertible, she jumped out to help. Even Sunshine managed to latch on to the slick that covered the hood and tore it away.
When the car’s disguise was all gone, Evie ran up to the parade and inserted herself in the middle to hold up her hands in a stop motion. She cried out, “Hold on! We brought the donuts!”
Dora laughed when she realized what Evie had in mind, and she inched the now completely purple convertible into the parade line. Evie and Sunshine hopped in the car just as Dora reached back and grabbed a donut to toss to the crowd. She turned to Evie. “I do love a parade.”
Evie smiled back as she tossed a chocolate glazed donut behind her shoulder. “So do I.”
Sunshine yipped in agreement, too.
20
When Dora and Evie walked into the Crescent City Speakeasy for the Krewe de Quills meeting, they were greeted by the krewe like old friends. Even Flora smiled at them, and Evie felt a pang of sadness, wishing they could stay in New Orleans for much longer. Not only was this place her kind of crazy, but she’d enjoyed getting to know Gertie and Myrtle’s friends and imagined she could build lasting friendships with them.
But she shook off her regret because Dora and she had an important mission to complete. They had managed to slip out of the parade line when they were almost out of donuts, Evie insisting they save a few of their favorites for their road trip out of town, and they returned to Gertie’s to stash the bag of money in a pile of 1980s leg warmers nobody would ever wear again much less steal. And now they had to make sure that not only would no woman in the bar ever taste Raúl’s food again, but also that the news hit the grapevine so fast the man’s business would be destroyed before dinner time.
Evie walked over to the bar to pour iced tea for Dora and herself and said loudly. “I’m not sure I’m ever going to get that vision out of my head, Dora.”
Dora replied loudly too, “I know.” She shuddered dramatically. “Some things just cannot be unseen.”
Even Sunshine joined in the ruse as she put her tiny paws over her eyes as if she’d been scarred, too.
“Goodness, dears. Was Alfred out in his trench coat again?” asked a small woman named Ruthie.
“Oh, eww,” Alice said. “Someone should really tell that man he’s got nothing to be proud of and to keep that coat shut.”
“Right?” Ruthie asked as others laughed.
Evie tried not to snort out her drink before she gulped the mouthful down quickly. She could see the plan to ruin Raúl’s business was heading south fast, and she jumped in before the women took the conversation further down their winding path. “No. We saw Raúl. He was—” She let out a small noise of disgust as if it was too hard to go on.
Dora continued for her as they walked over to the comfortable couches to sit. “The man was in the restroom at the Holey Donut this morning, and we heard a flush seconds before he opened the door to leave.”
“What?” Flora asked in confusion.
“Without washing his hands,” Evie said to clear things up. When nobody gasped, she could tell the women weren’t sufficiently horrified yet. “You know that’s how staph infections are spread.”
“Oh lordy,” Ruthie agreed, scooting to the edge of her seat. “That’s a horrible condition.”
“Worse than an STD?” Mary asked. Her bangle bracelets jingled on her arm as she propped her elbows on the arm of her chair and leaned her chin into her hands, likely hoping for some good gossip.
Ruthie nodded solemnly. “Remember Electric Evette?” She looked at Dora and Evie. “She used to ride around town on her bike wrapped up in holiday lights, wearing nothing but her bikini. Well, until that unfortunate horse incident.”
“That’s right!” Flora cried. “Didn’t a stallion that was pulling a carriage think she was a mare?”
“Something like that,” Ruthie said waving her hand as if it wasn’t significant. “Anyway, Evette got a staph infection and it changed her forever. She threw out all her lights—”
“Even the tiny penis strand,” Mary said with an air of confidence. “They were so cute!”
Ruthie glared at her. “Is this my story or yours?”
“Go on, go on,” Mary said by way of an apology.
Ruthie took a moment to compose herself and glanced around as if she was warning everyone else to refrain from interrupting. “Evette sold her bike, too. Now she stays home, binging Family Feud.”
Evie suspected the unfortunate horse incident might have had something to do with that, but she wasn’t going to point out the logic and ruin the story.
Alice said, “A staph infection can be even worse than that.” Everyone turned their attention to the woman. “My second cousin Freddie on Lorna’s side had one that turned into gangrene. They chopped off almost all his body parts before he finally died.”
Now there was a collective gasp. Evie was sure Alice’s story couldn’t be true, but it didn’t matter because the other women seemed willing to take what Alice said as fact. Flora even pulled out her phone and said, “I’m calling Jeanie to get the word out.” She grimaced. “What a disgusting, slimy man.”
“Bet you wish you’d have run into Alfred instead,” Mary said to Dora with a wink.
Dora blinked in confusion, and Evie chuckled before she said, “Bet he doesn’t wash his hands after waving his willy either.”
Mary cackled at Evie’s joke, but it was clear the women did not find Raúl’s situation funny at all. And when they all got on their phones to spread the news, Evie exchanged a satisfied smirk with Dora. Their job ruining Raúl’s business was done.
Unfortunately, the job of being on the krewe wasn’t, and it was a long hour of discussing who was allowed to throw beads from their float. Apparently, Alice had managed to get them caught in the wheels of their float one year, causing the whole thing to jerk to a stop and send those riding it tumbling into the street. Edith and Flora had both fallen off the float when it was their turn to toss the plastic necklaces, and Ruthie’s arthritis was acting up. It was only after they’d exhausted all the possibilities and let Dora speak that they agreed Evie, she and Rhett could throw them. Finally, they were free to leave.
When they got back to Gertie’s, Dora made them both a tuna fish sandwich to counteract the sugary breakfast of donuts they’d had earlier. The tuna can clattered on the floor as Sunshine licked the inside, and Evie sat down with Gertie’s computer to spend time trying to crack her login code. She glanced over at the extensive list of options she and Dora had recorded. It boggled her mind as well as Dora’s that Gertie hadn’t kept a record of her passwords. Nobody’s login info was so simple they could remember it. Unless…
Evie recalled when Dora and she had been held captive back in Pensacola at the dry cleaning place she had worked at. The new girl had been given a combination for the safe that was supposed to be easy to rem
ember, and they’d overheard her trying. One, two, three should have been simple enough, but the girl’s mind was even more so. Her intelligence wasn’t what was important, though. What if Gertie had chosen passwords so easy she couldn’t forget them?
“Dora. What if we’ve been making Gertie’s password too hard?”
Her friend shrugged. “It’s possible. Try one, two, three, four, five.”
Evie typed that in with no luck. The keys clicked when she tried the first few letters of the alphabet next.
Dora said. “Wait. Maybe it’s as easy as one, two, three. Try computer123.”
Evie did as she asked. It didn’t work. But when she typed in laptop123, that did. She let out a whoop. “Finally!”
Dora jumped up from her seat and leaned over Evie’s shoulder. There were so many folders on Gertie’s desktop, Evie knew it made Dora’s head spin. But not hers because Evie understood organized chaos when she saw it. She clicked on the folder labeled Disco and pulled up a gallery of vintage 1970s clothing images. Evie saw something she understood. Clothing, shoes, and accessories had been shot from a variety of angles. “She’s definitely selling all this stuff online.”
“Click on her bookmarks.” When Evie did, Dora said, “Click the Ebay one.”
Evie brought up a screen for logging in and was about to try Ebay123, but it autofilled and in no time, they had access to Gertie’s account. She found completed auctions and scrolled up through the list. When the Buddha piggy bank’s image appeared, she inhaled sharply and gazed up at Dora. “Someone bought the Buddha with a buy-it-now the first hour it was listed. Who knew something that seemed like a simple novelty was such a hot commodity?”
Dora sank down in the chair beside Evie before she said, “We have to find out who the Buddha’s new owner is and where they live.” As Evie pulled up the invoice, Dora added, “What if the flash drive inside has already been discovered? The first thing I’d do if I got that bank would be to open it up and see what’s inside.”
