Ruggles of Red Gap

by Harry Leon Wilson

  CHAPTER SIX

  There are times when all Nature seems to smile, yet when to thesensitive mind it will be faintly brought that the possibilities arequite tremendously otherwise if one will consider them pro and con. Imean to say, one often suspects things may happen when it doesn't lookso.

  The succeeding three days passed with so ordered a calm that littlewould any but a profound thinker have fancied tragedy to lurk so neartheir placid surface. Mrs. Effie and Mrs. Belknap-Jackson continued toplan the approaching social campaign at Red Gap. Cousin Egbert and theMixer continued their card game for the trifling stake of a shilling agame, or "two bits," as it is known in the American monetary system.And our host continued his recreation.

  Each morning I turned him out in the smartest of fishing costumes andeach evening I assisted him to change. It is true I was now compelledto observe at these times a certain lofty irritability in hischaracter, yet I more than half fancied this to be queerly assumed inorder to inform me that he was not unaccustomed to services such as Irendered him. There was that about him. I mean to say, when he sharplyrebuked me for clumsiness or cried out "Stupid!" it had a perfunctorylanguor, as if meant to show me he could address a servant in what hebelieved to be the grand manner. In this, to be sure, he was so oddlywrong that the pathos of it quite drowned what I might otherwise havefelt of resentment.

  But I next observed that he was sharp in the same manner with thehairy backwoods person who took him to fish each day, using words tohim which I, for one, would have employed, had I thought them merited,only after the gravest hesitation. I have before remarked that I didnot like the gleam in this person's eyes: he was very apparently a notquite nice person. Also I more than once observed him to wink atCousin Egbert in an evil manner.

  As I have so truly said, how close may tragedy be to us when lifeseems most correct! It was Belknap-Jackson's custom to raise a viewhalloo each evening when he returned down the lake, so that we mightgather at the dock to oversee his landing. I must admit that hedisembarked with somewhat the manner of a visiting royalty, demandingmuch attention and assistance with his impedimenta. Undoubtedly heliked to be looked at. This was what one rather felt. And I can fancythat this very human trait of his had in a manner worn upon theprobably undisciplined nerves of the backwoods josser--had, in fact,deprived him of his "goat," as the native people have it.

  Be this as it may, we gathered at the dock on the afternoon of thethird day of our stay to assist at the return. As the native log craftneared the dock our host daringly arose to a graceful kneeling posturein the bow and saluted us charmingly, the woods person in the sternwielding his single oar in gloomy silence. At the moment a most poeticimage occurred to me--that he was like a dull grim figure of Fate thatfetches us low at the moment of our highest seeming. I mean to say, itwas a silly thought, perhaps, yet I afterward recalled it mostvividly.

  Holding his creel aloft our host hailed us:

  "Full to-day, thanks to going where I wished and paying no attentionto silly guides' talk." He beamed upon us in an unquestionablysuperior manner, and again from the moody figure at the stern Iintercepted the flash of a wink to Cousin Egbert. Then as the frailcraft had all but touched the dock and our host had half risen, therewas a sharp dipping of the thing and he was ejected into the chillingwaters, where he almost instantly sank. There were loud cries of alarmfrom all, including the woodsman himself, who had kept the craftupright, and in these Mr. Belknap-Jackson heartily joined the momenthis head appeared above the surface, calling "Help!" in the quiteloudest of tones, which was thoughtless enough, as we were close athand and could easily have heard his ordinary speaking voice.

  The woods person now stepped to the dock, and firmly grasping thecollar of the drowning man hauled him out with but little effort, atthe same time becoming voluble with apologies and sympathy. Therescued man, however, was quite off his head with rage and bluntlyberated the fellow for having tried to assassinate him. Indeed he putforth rather a torrent of execration, but to all of this the fellowmerely repeated his crude protestations of regret and astonishment,seeming to be sincerely grieved that his intentions should have beendoubted.

  From his friends about him the unfortunate man was receiving the mosturgent advice to seek dry garments lest he perish of chill, whereuponhe turned abruptly to me and cried: "Well, Stupid, don't you see thestate that fellow has put me in? What are you doing? Have you lostyour wits?"

  Now I had suffered a very proper alarm and solicitude for him, but theinjustice of this got a bit on me. I mean to say, I suddenly felt abit of temper myself, though to be sure retaining my control.

  "Yes, sir; quite so, sir," I replied smoothly. "I'll have you right asrain in no time at all, sir," and started to conduct him off the dock.But now, having gone a little distance, he began to utter the mostviolent threats against the woods person, declaring, in fact, he wouldpull the fellow's nose. However, I restrained him from rushing back,as I subtly felt I was wished to do, and he at length consented againto be led toward his hut.

  But now the woods person called out: "You're forgetting all yourpretties!" By which I saw him to mean the fishing impedimenta he hadplaced on the dock. And most unreasonably at this Mr. Belknap-Jacksonagain turned upon me, wishing anew to be told if I had lost my witsand directing me to fetch the stuff. Again I was conscious of thatwithin me which no gentleman's man should confess to. I mean to say, Ifelt like shaking him. But I hastened back to fetch the rod, thecreel, the luncheon hamper, the midge ointment, the camera, and otherarticles which the woods fellow handed me.

  With these somewhat awkwardly carried, I returned to our stillturbulent host. More like a volcano he was than a man who has had anarrow squeak from drowning, and before we had gone a dozen feet morehe again turned and declared he would "go back and thrash theunspeakable cad within an inch of his life." Their relative sizesrendering an attempt of this sort quite too unwise, I was conscious ofrenewed irritation toward him; indeed, the vulgar words, "Oh, stowthat piffle!" swiftly formed in the back of my mind, but again Icontrolled myself, as the chap was now sneezing violently.

  "Best hurry on, sir," I said with exemplary tact. "One might contracta severe head-cold from such a wetting," and further endeavoured tosooth him while I started ahead to lead him away from the fellow. Thenthere happened that which fulfilled my direst premonitions. Lookingback from a moment of calm, the psychology of the crisis is of arudimentary simplicity.

  Enraged beyond measure at the woods person, Mr. Belknap-Jackson yetretained a fine native caution which counselled him to attempt noviolence upon that offender; but his mental tension was such that itcould be relieved only by his attacking some one; preferably some oneforbidden to retaliate. I walked there temptingly but a pace ahead ofhim, after my well-meant word of advice.

  I make no defence of my own course. I am aware there can be none. Ican only plead that I had already been vexed not a little by hisunjust accusations of stupidity, and dismiss with as few words aspossible an incident that will ever seem to me quite too indecentlycriminal. Briefly, then, with my well-intended "Best not loweryourself, sir," Mr. Belknap-Jackson forgot himself and I forgotmyself. It will be recalled that I was in front of him, but I turnedrather quickly. (His belongings I had carried were widelydisseminated.)

  Instantly there were wild outcries from the others, who had startedtoward the main, or living house.

  "He's killed Charles!" I heard Mrs. Belknap-Jackson scream; then camethe deep-chested rumble of the Mixer, "Jackson kicked him first!" Theyran for us. They had reached us while our host was down, even while myfist was still clenched. Now again the unfortunate man cried "Help!"as his wife assisted him to his feet.

  "Send for an officer!" cried she.

  "The man's an anarchist!" shouted her husband.

  "Nonsense!" boomed the Mixer. "Jackson got what he was looking for. Doit myself if he kicked me!"

  "Oh, Maw! Oh, Mater!" cried her daughter tearfully.

  "Gee! He done it in one punch!" I heard Cousin Egbert
say with what Iwas aghast to suspect was admiration.

  Mrs. Effie, trembling, could but glare at me and gasp. Mercifully shewas beyond speech for the moment.

  Mr. Belknap-Jackson was now painfully rubbing his right eye, which wasnot what he should have done, and I said as much.

  "Beg pardon, sir, but one does better with a bit of raw beef."

  "How dare you, you great hulking brute!" cried his wife, and made asif to shield her husband from another attack from me, which I submitwas unjust.

  "Bill's right," said Cousin Egbert casually. "Put a piece of raw steakon it. Gee! with one wallop!" And then, quite strangely, for a momentwe all amiably discussed whether cold compresses might not be better.Presently our host was led off by his wife. Mrs. Effie followed them,moaning: "Oh, oh, oh!" in the keenest distress.

  At this I took to my own room in dire confusion, making no doubt Iwould presently be given in charge and left to languish in gaol,perhaps given six months' hard.

  Cousin Egbert came to me in a little while and laughed heartily at myfear that anything legal would be done. He also made some ill-timedcompliments on the neatness of the blow I had dealt Mr.Belknap-Jackson, but these I found in wretched taste and was begginghim to desist, when the Mixer entered and began to speak much in thesame strain.

  "Don't you ever dare do a thing like that again," she warned me,"unless I got a ringside seat," to which I remained severely silent,for I felt my offence should not be made light of.

  "Three rousing cheers!" exclaimed Cousin Egbert, whereat the two mostunfeelingly went through a vivid pantomime of cheering.

  Our host, I understood, had his dinner in bed that night, andthroughout the evening, as I sat solitary in remorse, came the mockingstrains of another of their American folksongs with the refrain:

  "You made me what I am to-day, I hope you're satisfied!"

  I conceived it to be the Mixer and Cousin Egbert who did this and,considering the plight of our host, I thought it in the worst possibletaste. I had raised my hand against the one American I had met who wasat all times vogue. And not only this: For I now recalled a certainphrase I had flung out as I stood over him, ranting indeed no betterthan an anarchist, a phrase which showed my poor culture to be theflimsiest veneer.

  Late in the night, as I lay looking back on the frightful scene, Irecalled with wonder a swift picture of Cousin Egbert caught as I oncelooked back to the dock. He had most amazingly shaken the woods personby the hand, quickly but with marked cordiality. And yet I am quitecertain he had never been presented to the fellow.

  Promptly the next morning came the dreaded summons to meet Mrs. Effie.I was of course prepared to accept instant dismissal without acharacter, if indeed I were not to be given in charge. I found herwearing an expression of the utmost sternness, erect and formidable bythe now silent phonograph. Cousin Egbert, who was present, also worean expression of sternness, though I perceived him to wink at me.

  "I really don't know what we're to do with you, Ruggles," began thestricken woman, and so done out she plainly was that I at once feltthe warmest sympathy for her as she continued: "First you lead poorCousin Egbert into a drunken debauch----"

  Cousin Egbert here coughed nervously and eyed me with strongcondemnation.

  "--then you behave like a murderer. What have you to say foryourself?"

  At this I saw there was little I could say, except that I had coarselygiven way to the brute in me, and yet I knew I should try to explain.

  "I dare say, Madam, it may have been because Mr. Belknap-Jackson wasquite sober at the unfortunate moment."

  "Of course Charles was sober. The idea! What of it?"

  "I was remembering an occasion at Chaynes-Wotten when Lord IvorCradleigh behaved toward me somewhat as Mr. Belknap-Jackson did lastnight and when my own deportment was quite all that could be wished.It occurs to me now that it was because his lordship was, how shall Isay?--quite far gone in liquor at the time, so that I could withoutloss of dignity pass it off as a mere prank. Indeed, he regarded it assuch himself, performing the act with a good nature that I found quiteirresistible, and I am certain that neither his lordship nor I haveever thought the less of each other because of it. I revert to thismerely to show that I have not always acted in a ruffianly mannerunder these circumstances. It seems rather to depend upon how thething is done--the mood of the performer--his mental state. Had Mr.Belknap-Jackson been--pardon me--quite drunk, I feel that the outcomewould have been happier for us all. So far as I have thought alongthese lines, it seems to me that if one is to be kicked at all, onemust be kicked good-naturedly. I mean to say, with a certaincamaraderie, a lightness, a gayety, a genuine good-will that for themoment expresses itself uncouthly--an element, I regret to say, thatwas conspicuously lacking from the brief activities of Mr.Belknap-Jackson."

  "I never heard such crazy talk," responded Mrs. Effie, "and really Inever saw such a man as you are for wanting people to becomedisgustingly drunk. You made poor Cousin Egbert and Jeff Tuttle actlike beasts, and now nothing will satisfy you but that Charles shouldroll in the gutter. Such dissipated talk I never did hear, and poorCharles rarely taking anything but a single glass of wine, it upsetshim so; even our reception punch he finds too stimulating!"

  I mean to say, the woman had cleanly missed my point, for never have Iadvocated the use of fermented liquors to excess; but I saw it was nogood trying to tell her this.

  "And the worst of it," she went rapidly on, "Cousin Egbert here isacting stranger than I ever knew him to act. He swears if he can'tkeep you he'll never have another man, and you know yourself what thatmeans in his case--and Mrs. Pettengill saying she means to employ youherself if we let you go. Heaven knows what the poor woman can bethinking of! Oh, it's awful--and everything was going so beautifully.Of course Charles would simply never be brought to accept anapology----"

  "I am only too anxious to make one," I submitted.

  "Here's the poor fellow now," said Cousin Egbert almost gleefully, andour host entered. He carried a patch over his right eye and was notattired for sport on the lake, but in a dark morning suit of quietlybeautiful lines that I thought showed a fine sense of the situation.He shot me one superior glance from his left eye and turned to Mrs.Effie.

  "I see you still harbour the ruffian?"

  "I've just given him a call-down," said Mrs. Effie, plainly ill atease, "and he says it was all because you were sober; that if you'dbeen in the state Lord Ivor Cradleigh was the time it happened atChaynes-Wotten he wouldn't have done anything to you, probably."

  "What's this, what's this? Lord Ivor Cradleigh--Chaynes-Wotten?" Theman seemed to be curiously interested by the mere names, in spite ofhimself. "His lordship was at Chaynes-Wotten for the shooting, Isuppose?" This, most amazingly, to me.

  "A house party at Whitsuntide, sir," I explained.

  "Ah! And you say his lordship was----"

  "Oh, quite, quite in his cups, sir. If I might explain, it was that,sir--its being done under circumstances and in a certain entirelygenial spirit of irritation to which I could take no offence, sir. Hislordship is a very decent sort, sir. I've known him intimately foryears."

  "Dear, dear!" he replied. "Too bad, too bad! And I dare say youthought me out of temper last night? Nothing of the sort. You shouldhave taken it in quite the same spirit as you did from Lord IvorCradleigh."

  "It seemed different, sir," I said firmly. "If I may take the libertyof putting it so, I felt quite offended by your manner. I missed fromit at the most critical moment, as one might say, a certain urbanitythat I found in his lordship, sir."

  "Well, well, well! It's too bad, really. I'm quite aware that I show asort of brusqueness at times, but mind you, it's all on the surface.Had you known me as long as you've known his lordship, I dare sayyou'd have noticed the same rough urbanity in me as well. I ratherfancy some of us over here don't do those things so very differently.A few of us, at least."

  "I'm glad, indeed, to hear it, sir. It's only necessary to understandthat there is a certain
mood in which one really cannot permit one'sself to be--you perceive, I trust."

  "Perfectly, perfectly," said he, "and I can only express my regretthat you should have mistaken my own mood, which, I am confident, wasexactly the thing his lordship might have felt."

  "I gladly accept your apology, sir," I returned quickly, "as I shouldhave accepted his lordship's had his manner permitted anymisapprehension on my part. And in return I wish to apologize mostcontritely for the phrase I applied to you just after it happened,sir. I rarely use strong language, but----"

  "I remember hearing none," said he.

  "I regret to say, sir, that I called you a blighted little mug----"

  "You needn't have mentioned it," he replied with just a trace ofsharpness, "and I trust that in future----"

  "I am sure, sir, that in future you will give me no occasion tomisunderstand your intentions--no more than would his lordship," Iadded as he raised his brows.

  Thus in a manner wholly unexpected was a frightful situation easedoff.

  "I'm so glad it's settled!" cried Mrs. Effie, who had listened almostbreathlessly to our exchange.

  "I fancy I settled it as Cradleigh would have--eh, Ruggles?" And theman actually smiled at me.

  "Entirely so, sir," said I.

  "If only it doesn't get out," said Mrs. Effie now. "We shouldn't wantit known in Red Gap. Think of the talk!"

  "Certainly," rejoined Mr. Belknap-Jackson jauntily, "we are all hereabove gossip about an affair of that sort. I am sure--" He broke offand looked uneasily at Cousin Egbert, who coughed into his hand andlooked out over the lake before he spoke.

  "What would I want to tell a thing like that for?" he demandedindignantly, as if an accusation had been made against him. But I sawhis eyes glitter with an evil light.

  An hour later I chanced to be with him in our detached hut, when theMixer entered.

  "What happened?" she demanded.

  "What do you reckon happened?" returned Cousin Egbert. "They get totalking about Lord Ivy Craddles, or some guy, and before we know itMr. Belknap Hyphen Jackson is apologizing to Bill here."

  "No?" bellowed the Mixer.

  "Sure did he!" affirmed Cousin Egbert.

  Here they grasped each other's arms and did a rude native dance aboutthe room, nor did they desist when I sought to explain that the namewas not at all Ivy Craddles.